Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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~~~ ~ ~ ~~ - ~ -~ lEmRS. On the "new" father,the politics of punk, and a w a n not to be trifled with . . . I cracked open my lortunc cookie at other countrles are bcglnnlng lo tell a dlf- lrom one's peers and rclotlvcs. a loco1 Chlnesc restaurant to nnd the fol- lerenl story. iowlng message: Work hnrd, save There also Isn't any very good cvl- Miclioel Roblnson Blwmllcld, NJ. money, wife will spend." You might soy dencethatthe tiundrcdsolotlicrcultures tlils brand of sexism Is comparatively In the world-many of wlilch arc rcpre- "In my fcrvor to become horrnless, but it is the moss.produccd scnted In the North Amerlcon populo. 'the father I wish I'd had,' klnd. And I'm sure fortune cookies aren't lion--hove hod tlie kinds ol parental artlic only examples. Bubblc gum probably rongcmcnls we are struggllng tochange. I started to lose perspective my mass.produccs 1k1 share of sexlst Margaret Mead alreudy demonstrated res~onsibi'i~ as a husband" moxlms too. It's more than just sugar some of this diverslty 50 years ago. that's bad for you. The myth of universality Is a trap. Someone once told me ll~at 'The Catherine L Wliile By glvlng bad soclol arrangemenls best thing you can do lor your children as New York. N.Y. the power ol a unlversal past, we are a lather Is to be a lovlng husband lo their maklng It harder lor ourselves to change mother." Thls adage has tiad o pondcr- Thank you for the timely and well- them. If we stop lmaglnlng that thlngs lng relevance to me. written artlcles on lhe new fatherhood have been thls way lorever, we may be In my fervor to become 'the father I (February, 1982). Letty CotUn Pogrcbin's able lo see more clearly what It is about wish I'd hod," I unknowingly started lo conclusions In her artkle, "Big Changes our speclflc Umc and place that supports lose perspective of my rcsponslbllity as a in Parenting," arc corroborated by my the porentlng patterns we want lo see husband. Il the present slate ol mothcrown research on what iiappens to chll- changed. hood had deterlorated lo becoming a dren who arc raised by men alone. Inves- Hanna Papanek burdensome flight for mothers to jourtlgatlon of50 lomilies showed that those Center lor Asinn Development Sludlcs ney alone, due In part to latherhood's Idle headed by a father provided as rnuch Boston Unlverslty negligence, illen there I was to the resnurturancc and warmth as those headed Boslon,Moss. cue. The coped crusader In surgical by a mother. The men Uiemselvcs de- greens ready, from the moment ol our , ;cribed how fathering had transformed I am, by choke, a full-tlmc parent. daughter's blrtti, to attempt to tackle her '- them lrom unleellng "Cone-head" types My son Matthew is 21 months old, and I every need. lntercedlng wlth diapering, into carlng, gMng adults. have been at home since he was two comlortlng, mldnlglil fcedings, and so I belleve, moreover, as psychologist months. Matthew's mother, Kathy, works on. little did I know that what I tlioughl Dorothy Oinnerstcln does, that ctiangtng fuil.tlme. I have rend much (If not most) wos a sharing sltuaUon was vlewed inthe pradlce of lemale-dominated chlld of the current literature on parenllng and stead by my wife as an overzealous lmcare not only will enhance Individual men's family role(s) and found Letty Cot- position, deprlvlng her of the joys and , lives, but wlll also attenuate the fact of (In Pogrebln's artlclc to be among the challenges she so much wanted to be a unlversal rnlsogyny by removing woman most nonpatronlzlng of them all. I have part or. ResentmcnLs started festering on as the unlque object ol infantile rage and found tlme and tlmeagalnthatln my role both our parts: she was feellng as though dependency. of primary care-glver I om treated just as she was losing her husband and clilld- Deborah Anna Luepntfr, Ph.D., author (perhaps more?) stcreotyplcolly, patron- and galnlng a nanny, while I was becom- Chlld Cusldy. Lexington Books izingty, arid cruelly by women and men, ing ovenvhelmed by tlie enormous emo- Pliilodciptila, Pa. as many women were---and ore-when tlonal and physical Involvcmcnt, espcthey pursue compctltive careers In the clally since I hod a full-tlmc schedule at Your February fatherhood issue per- marketplace. work. petuates some hoary myths that we Ned O'Maiia's artlclc ("Charlie's Once our leelings had an opporluought I@ be exarnlnlny more carclully. Showec CelcbroUng the Expecbnt nityto surface, our only alternative was to Fa instance, LcRy ColUn Pogrebln Fatl~er") brought back to me all tlic fears. sit down and set up guldellnes to help writes that "after centurle4--even mtl- anticlpoted joys, and unanswerable balance our respective involvement. lenla-af neglect, chlidren are discover- questions U~at becomlng a flrut.llme par. wlilch to tiiis day needs contlnual reasing their 'other parent.' " ent creates. I sat here with tears in my sesslrig. Wl~ilc some spontaneity may be llierc reully isn't any good evldence eyes as I read. Someolltie tcors wercdue forsaken. tlie goln In the "self-dlscovcry" lor the idea the! the entire post ol the to a sense ol jealousy at not hovlng Ule Inherent In lathering Is tremendous. human race resembles the lamlly ar- klnd ol male supports that Ctiarllc had. Steven H. McCormack rangemenls ol nineteenth- arid early Fattiering Is dllflcult in and oll~CIf.AcUve twentieth-century Europe and North fallicrlng is more dilncult, in large part. Newton, Mass. America. Fernlnlst hlstorlans here and in ticcause of the lack of support networks Witli regard to the Issue on iather- 19112R I'ur.ldbllInE*r.rm.mICnwnunlr*~b,L~(.M~bM~~~vrrrd Il~l~cdarlmnlulIn~r~l~rknl*U~~ll~~~(uhU~l Ms ny~r*rllSSflw7 A~IO~I~IIB~~~~~&I~III~M~ Farn 'MhlaCkdmnd~narhr.. 119Wru4D5l~~.Nr~Ynh,nrrYa~ IOIIIIUSA O*.hSlr)nnll,he%~n.r##*iaCa~.r.v*e Re~dn,lCswct.~ wmxl.~l.~~~~lyypa!d.( c Vnk. NV., md .I rLl1kmd -l.q~ r*lr.t r4lr.(lon mnrlr, 9218Tn. kNtrrs rh.mjr*lg rcsr~ryvrlc~rr lu M*. Magar-. 119 w r 40 ~ 51rt-I. Nrr vah ny. 11~18 ll,~dr*rd #a*lu. UIV* -4rrX k lmllnd uC~.rrm*wnCd!7jlUu!n#mIq*.. Ilahl.%tr ropCs l21m SsAtutlpmr I VI~I I2UO.Zv~rr It2 u).>Ytms IYlm hlllrun#rdYnlq*.q*.#tII mshrv~. .hll l.l~rhrrc.ddlJN~ptyrxlapat~.~~~~~~~rwr%lloOrorttyunknnl~~H~ M.rlum.Sr*sr*ryunLkputmn. I2JOudrr!Sl.h~,~~~lJM?.R~u!nrnn Flrav ~md rot" 1979 mu. H~UMW. 12) 0-h Y .n*molo4>~02 RWC~ h ,I,. II,,,,~IY~~., w ~~~ ~
. . , EDITINO Jane Bosvckl. Palrlcla Cnrblrre Jonrrnc Edgnr, Nlr~a Flnkclalcln Surannc Brnun Levfnc Sumn Mcticnry, Mar(ha Nelaon . Lclly Coltlrr l'o(lrcblir Gloria Stclrrern. Ruth Sullivan Ellcn Swccl. Mary Thom EDITORIAL RESMRCtI Slarce Crufle. Darcy GlI~,ltr Octsy lsrnel. Rllodn Kalc~lnsky Dclla Rowfond DESIaN Dlane Lattrpl~ron.~R~hbln Sclrlll :, I Desl(lrr consuilanl: Slcve Phllllpr . - . - - . Lnlrrle H1l5man. Barbara Kraus , COWAND PRODUCTION ' .. Mnrgarc"llcks(Advenlslng' ' ' Nancy Maldn. Calherlne O'linlre . ,., ,i Arlene Packles. Joan Ptrllpolt , PROMOTION Ell~ahclh M. Lang. Cathy L sypal . ADVERTISIN0 . . Jane Dcrnsteln. Courtncy Dlllcn , Elltahlh Grilnn Janlcc Orosrmon, Wayne Hcflln Anne Ilollon. Rlla Malaleala Ka~ROrc.LauraSchro~ . Eslhcr Wilson ICInsalfled) Reglonal O(llces Mldmst Fellcc Arden tladassah Lev1 West: Lanah Jones. Tars Slrnpaon PUBUSlIINa Patrlcla Carblnc. Susan Hollman Georgia Roulals, Arthur Torlow CIRCUIATION Jane Fox, Elizabeth Jacobren Audrcy Wilson ' COMMUNICATIONS Faye Harvlrr Jan'csMi'chc~~~Janc'St'apiro CONTRIBUTINa lngclmrg Day, Sumn Dworkln Barbara Ehrenrelch , Marcla Ann Glllesplc Cmol Kleltnan. Hohln Morgan MaryPcacock.Phylll~Rosscr . Claudc Sewan-Schreiber Llndsy Van Geldcr. Alkc Walker Llsa Cronln Wohl. Yvonne . . ' ADVISORY IlOAllO ON RFSFARCIt. SCIIOIARSIIIP AND EDUCATION C1II1.tlnc R, 8llmpson. Chrlr. Doug1.s~ Colle"c D~nhlbIlntk.~I~~ir~~l~.~rltx~~I,~~~,r~t,riorml . Ifru~,lrcll,~fal irillttl~t!ll8lrrlll1l~(u lllc- Ad~k~f~wft~c~,tI 01 \V.Cl~nr.s~r CoiIq)e ' 1 .- - -- - - - - Ing-It seerns a slionie llint we give men sclf.cngcndcred helplessness 01 a Jarils 1 so mucti credit for jusl being overage. Joplln is lnflnitcly preferable lo llic Pl~llip A. Wenk numerous all.fcniale bands ilial have Portland,Oreg. flowered under tlie loose banner c' "punk rock." Tlic loci llial bands llke Ili~ Is llic "new" Ms. a father? If so.*hen Au Pairs, the Modcllcs, llie Slils, llic Belle dld Uiis sex-cliarige opcratlon lake Stars, llic B.Glrls, and ttle (lo-Go's are place? not merely cull bonds (Ilic Go.Go's ore 'Equal opportunity 1alliers"--In a the nrst lernule rock bond In Iilsloly lo plg's eyel'rhcday tliey lakcoff from work break lnlo the U.S. top 20) Is a source and take on the complele runnlng of ll~e 01 great prldc lo "punk" fcrninlsls llke household so that ri~ollicffi con have myself. tlmc to "be Involved in the lives 01 tlrelr It rnigli\ be uschll lo polnl out that children" al play.. . Illat's !lie day I'll con. I1 was "punk rockers" who started llie cede equal opportunlly lalhcrlng. Unlll Rock-Agalnsl-Raclsni arid Rockthen, the "discovery" 01 fatlicrhood Is Agalnsl-Scxlsm organlzatlons in Brllnln. only another grab for the goodlcs ... llie It is punk rockers who ore rcvlving a "joys." N. Sliorpc strong interest In forrns 01 black musk Castlelon, N.Y. lrom rliy(lim and blues llirougli soul, funk and disco, aRer llic ugly (and racist) I read with sadness "Is There Anylhlng a 28-Year-Old Can Teach Her anti-dlsco backlash 01 heavy rnelal fans In the lare'scvenllcs. And It Is "punk rock- Teenage Slsler?" by Calliy Cevoll (Feb- ers" who have produced llic rnost effecruory. 1982). llwe who are In our lwenlles llve prolesl agalnsl violence lo women. In and thirties have nolliing totell our sisters Rhoda Dakar and the Speclal A.KA.'s that lheydon'talready know. thenour lib- haunting plece about rape etitltled 'The eration has cost us dearly indeed. To Bollcr." equole sexunllly solely wilh genital actlv- When I see a young wortion like Ily Is as allenaung as llic denlal or repres- Cevoll's slsler who is so wltlioul an Idellslon of female sexuality. No wonder we lily Uial she must ernulale a long-dead speak of the full physlcol expression of counterc~rllurc, I feel sorry lor her. She sekuality in negative terms (the loss 01 ccrtolnly can't expect the young men her vlrginlty). age who emulate the same counlerc~l In the ellort to combat centuries of Lure lo bcany different fromllielr predc repression of women as human beings cessors. (In my ~~perlen~e.lh~y're just as and as sexual belngs we have unlortu- scxlsL) nalely managed lo deliumanlze sex. Isn't As long as "punk" femlnlsts like my- It time ttial we renllze lhdtyoung men and self ore universally Ignored or conwomen need more than birth-control ln- demned by second-wave feminists, there formation? Isn't It Ume that we tell them can be no third wave of femlnlsm. It's o that sexuality Is a cruclal part of the total shame, because as a ihlrd.generallon personality, tile means Ulrougli whlcli we femlnlst (my grondrnolher, was a sufenter Into loving relotlonshlps that are froglst) I know how much I owe my preself.enhancing not self-destructive? Are decessors. We could learn from each we not yet liberaled enough to rccognlze olher, but not unlll we pul our prejudlccs tliat lndlscrimlnate sexual actlvlly is not behlnd us. synonymous wllli autonomy, and are we Deborah K. Lnzarolf not secure enough in our own sexualily Orinda. Calif. to tell that to our sisters and lo our brothers? "I wanted to keep my child, Mary Jo Nolin but was never offered Bellicsdn. Md. resources to do so" "As long as 'punk' feminists like I was vcry pleased lo see 11ie senslmyself ate ignored by second- uve, I ~OU~~I~UI letters from two ~dopt~vc wave feminists, there can be no mollicrs in the February issue. If more third wave ..." adoptlve parents lell as lhcy do, birth 'I' mothers would not have lo slrlfer as I've nollccd . Uiat feminisls are much. In answer lo sonic Issues tliey quick lo jump on Ule bandwagon rolsed: the reason Illat many blrtli of support for any lrodlllonai female molhers. Including myself, ore so bltler. folkslngcr/songwritcr, and are even is because we were used, because vlr qulcker lo condemn all "punk rock." were llcd to, and because we hod no re. Apparenlly, ticcording to Calliy cholcc. We syrnpnllilze wilh IIlc pain 01 Ccvoli and her ilk, the sell-dcslruclivc, women who ore lnletllle, arid know tlial 1 i G'MaJJunr 1982 A' 39b L
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I;!N,iFm E,#r Long cloaked In #hame
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A woman of sixty, nrloptcd in IIIIR
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~ -.~ ~ ~ ~- . - SPORTf ' \COMI~- 1
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I nly AI)UI*I.I;I> I)AUC:II~~I;I~ c
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\Noman f i g h t s w i rig By MELES
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1. MIKE WINERIP / Ilrro!6slc11 lrrr
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I., .* .', ~oh-sea& . , . j ' ::.,.
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~.. the muntry trying lo 1Ind Iulur
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' stances of his hlrth, ,anp.would
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, 8 Scctlonr L) . ,, . Aromplkmld s
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. 1. i '. tion. . "The rdoption age
Page 36 and 37: Typed by me on my typewriter at hom
Page 38: T Iris case is based on irrfor- for
Page 42 and 43: 80-Rocky Mwnlain SaL, fhy 3, 1980,
Page 44 and 45: 1 P ) , @ .- - >.' AFTERWORDS They
Page 48 and 49: - ~-~ ~ ~ ~, SUPPORT FOR THE 0 RELI
Page 50 and 51: w h for ady I , lhlr om Several gro
Page 52 and 53: 7 . , I ,I0" : THE - ANCHOR-Dlocate
Page 56: - 1 it :A ! . The Dalv Califmian I~
Page 59 and 60: U~"11~1* - L:110c11c %ltc9irrf c ~
Page 61 and 62: ~~ ~. ~~ .... ~ . -One of the lhlnn
Page 63 and 64: ~~ - there In sapprt of opcn record
Page 65: .-, (-ILL I . . , I . ,, ,.., ~. :
Page 68 and 69: I am an adopui. h t r w&. ld. hu tr
Page 70 and 71: "I wanled to keep my chlld, but was
Page 72: - - .. # . c!gn?, rto\~ in >:lopl:i
Page 76 and 77: tivc victory. Hcady with a ncwl~lul
Page 78 and 79: ~ ~ ~ ., .~~~~ ~ .~ ~ - ~ i~tractal
Page 80 and 81: 1 THE PROGRESSIVE May 1981 Volumo 4
Page 82 and 83: ; Changes in the ecor~o~ny I have a
Page 84 and 85: L ----- ., yr:~r\ :IS i111li1tio11
Page 86: , ... . ... -.. - .--.- . I c. sala
Page 92: p r o m to by Lo conlael her until
Page 98 and 99: - ,C.-^'-".) ............... ". . .
Page 102 and 103: 'IGAW UP MY BABY..! they gave up fo
Page 104 and 105: ... -...... ........ "----*,",- .--
Page 106 and 107: consideration even thouoh he was an
Page 108 and 109: tlio whole liold in a rather naive
Page 110 and 111: conslderod within tho framework of
Page 112 and 113: f7R1 nrr crtoiril rrioro I rrnrir a
Page 114: niucli ol what slie soid to nio exc
Page 117 and 118: longor young (she was in hor mid-si
Page 119 and 120: did mo niucli good, nor much iiorm.
Page 122 and 123: You know tlio doctors at tlio liosp
Page 125 and 126: Wliari I nskod ~iiy sociol work~r I
Page 127: difforont docisions, or porliops bo
Page 132 and 133: wonicn's Wcws Society Stylc Family
Page 134: I - Itb Not c'rlllllrlllcrl Easy 1I
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Continud "We had one CUB member irr
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- . . .. ' I was quoted In a ~ a~sl
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"A NATURAL MOTHER SPEAKS OUT ON ADO
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"I'll Come Back for You" Sometimes
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THE READER5 DIGEST itmi~ht Ixbcttcr
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. -..-- - 1 fi Mother, baby reunite
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. . . . M-twian_nc M~an . , a,:. '
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~~.~ h r . she had brr o m mdlsm* "
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............. L , ., ..............
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~ -~ . . K.C. ,STAR May 14, ~ontact
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VOLUME B / NUMBER 6
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- . . . . .. , . .. . . .... , . .
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VOLUME Q/ NUMBER 6
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VOLUME B/NUMBER 5
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VOLUME D/NUMBER 6
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somo of tho poisoning incurred by t
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9 VOLUME O/NUMBER 5
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Tho ogoncy which hod boon so 'conco
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In en unpublished peper by Sorosky,
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hod to ask permission for me to pic
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VOLUME B/NUMBEII ti
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! i'. : t . ' f.. ..' r.. f?,;:;:;
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. .. f -- --------C,."'". -3. .. .-
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~ ' l ~ ~ , ,;, l t ,4//~ll$7~ 1 Gr
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Boston Herald Amriean 5/18/76 SIKNL
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' , . 6 ,, , .z:1 3,:, !,I ,!, * .
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,: 18 - The Boston ~ilobe r'rlday,,
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. . Pogo 20-COLUMBIA (M~.)MISSOURIA
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,. . . . *S~III~U~~ hlctr~11 7; 9i6
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Tlrc Ll iil)c t. I,lnll, ELIZABETH
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. , . , , . . . hoildks. But 1 remc
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I . ! I D 12 The Ssotlle Timar ' Su
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~ ~ 1 Co~ttroller Greene < , . , .
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- .. . - y , Urn ahdl hadlb m6llaa,
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On 'The puiclful clluic '~clo~jtio~
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- D Posslble damage to chlld cited
Page 232 and 233:
lmdnl lrmlly, Ilks ~undparrnl. WI 8
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up lor a&pfim. hill. VILLtGkS rtrta
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- . ..--. . . '..,.&"::I , I ' ' 1
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pnrcr~ts nrc nlwnys under prcasuro
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Page4A-COLUMBIA MiSSOURIAN.Thursday
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~ ~~ ~- ~ ~ . ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ --. ~ .
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Letter 1 ' expresses one view . - .
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~. ~ ~ ~~ Lrllrrs lo Dpcn Column nt
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!' ~ ~~ ~. ' "S1pb~K n pnprr dflran
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-. . ..- . c,-,i .. - r- - >-., ...
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, . , . .. .. . - .. .n-rj.." C," T
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Guilt 'Can Become Habit r , . . , I
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h pame Dl able to find her U-year-o
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Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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