Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

But you don't forgot. You novor forgot. And you novor forgot
tho poin. Yos, lifo goo8 on, and if you oro lucky you build o iioppy,
fulfilling lifo for yoursoif. But timo is your friond only in its growing
longth botwoon ottocks of poin, loss, griof, end guilt. Tho guilt, if
you ore lucky, obotos. But tho poin ond loss romoin.
Adoption moy hovo boon 'right' for my doughtor. I connot
doboto wliothor or not sho hos e good homo, loving fomily. But.
for mo, it will novor bo right. Adoption as it exists today - ond
existed then - is inhumoni
Imogino tho engor whon, yoors lotor, you roolizo whot might
hovo boon. lmoglno tho frustrotion whon you roalizo tho oitornotivos
ond rosourcos which woro ovoiloblo, but hlddon from you.
After seven years of struggling wlth tho poin ond unobio to
forgot, I returned to tho Now Englond Homo for Littlo Wonderers
who hod orrengod Llso's adoption. They proved to bo far more
oympothotic ond undorstonding tiion I hod hopod ond woro willing
to accept my Relooso of Protoction/Consont to inform. My birthdoughtor's
fomiiy sccoptod this communlcotion grotofully ond
hovo said they would support her soarch for me if ond when
she wonts to.
Now I must wait for them or for her to como to terms wlth my
oxistonco, dotermino whet piece I shall fill In their lives end soek
ma out. This waiting is o now kind of pain."
PATHOLOGICAL GRIEF
"Pathological griof moy result from situations in which
the loss Is not socially deiinod as such. This may occur
'foliowing an abortion whore the expectation is either that
the person wlll keop tho ovent a secret or that tho women
should be greteful that the procedure is complerad. The
sltuetlon may be lurthor complicated by tho anger toword
the women ior baing 'careless' and inconveniancing
others. .
Slmilor dynamics occur when a woman givos up en lnlant
for adoption. With both abortion and adoption, there Is a
task of grieving to be done, but the social support nacess8ry
tor tho process is often Inodequato."
-Boston Collogo, BRIDGE MAGAZINE, Foll 1976
FAMILY INVOLVEMENT