Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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- ~-~ ~ ~ ~, SUPPORT FOR THE 0 RELINQUISHING MOTHER Tho csscrlco of tho rollnqulslllng oxporlonco Is lhol I1 Is a cllolco. a major lllo doclslon lo surrcndor all pnronlnl rlghls loono's chlld. Tlro cnnlplcxlly of lhls dcclslon may vnry lrorn womnn lo woirmri. Sonlo womon know Iron1 tho llrsl ronllzallon ol lliolr bolng prow rianl lhnl llloy will plnco lllolr boblos lor adopllon; llicy so0 no olll. cr allornnllvos as roa11s11c cholcos; Inlolloclually, surrondorlng Ill0 baby sooms tho mosl reasonable. Somo woman's Ill0 slluallons dolormlno tho cholco lor Illom; lhoy woirld ralso lholr chlldron I1 Ihoy could, but lhoy lack lho lamlly supporl or llnanclal Indopoiid. ence or tho soclal ncceplanco of lllolr bablos whlch lhoy soo ns lmporlanl lo laklng on the lash ol paronling. Somo wnnlon wnnl so much lo hoop lholr bablos, lravc such lovlng and lender loollngs lor them, but moro than lholr loollngs. Ilioy aro concarnod lor tho opporlunlllos lholr bablos wlll hnvo. Tho con~ploxlly ol a declslon lo surrondor or rnlso tho child Is lnlenslllcd by lho lac1 that It is ollcn mado undor tho normal psy. chology slross ol prognancy or poslparlum. It Is ollon undor tho slross ol havlng ondod a lovlng rolallonshlp wllh a man. II Is ollon mado by molllors who aro yo1 children Illomsolves - who lor tho limo must slrugglo wllh tho roallznllon that somo lllo doclslons cannot be rovorsed. II le occaslonally mado by a woman who Is so lraumallrod by her pregnancy lhal llloro is 1101 the lnlelloclual or emollonal slronglh lo mnko any doclslon; sho lets olhore lnlluonco her doclslon almosl tolally. Rogardloss ol whelhor a woman makos bar doclslon wllh oaso or only nllor a lo1 of personal slrugglo. tho surrondor ol hor baby lor adopllon needs lo be rocognlzod as a grlol produclng oxporl. enco. Tho wqrnnn who surrondcrs her baby has molhorod llor clllld Ihroughoul prognancy; she has grown allached lo her baby In tho sanrc ways as tho mollior who wlll parent her chlld lor a lllo llmo; she has crealod a lllo lo whlch sllo glvos blrlh wllh all of Ibo power ol lhal oxporionce, and when sho says goorlbyo lo her baby, sho may loo1 all ol the ovorpoworlng omolionn ol tho molhor whoso neeborn has died. Tho lac1 lhal she has losl hor baby by cholco docs no1 mako I1 an easlor sapnrallon. In lacl, I1 moy mako lheoxporlence morodll. licull lo rosolvo. Her baby lsgono lo hor In tho same physlcnl way, bul lor many rollnqulslllng molhors, 1110 dolacllmonl can never bo complolo. Tlroto Is always llro wondorlng: Is my baby happy? Woll? Loved by hls adoplivo paronls? In any work wllh rolinqulshlng molhers, ospoclolly loon molhors, you wlll IInd the1 you aro ollen doallng wllh on onllro lamlly's ro. sponso lo lllo prognancy. Thoroloro, supporl oxlondcd should bo oxlondcd lo the onllro lamlly. Famlly membors, especially parents, ollon look lo llie prolesslonal lo guldo and counsel thelr daughlor lhrough lhls lllo crisls, or assumpllons aro madons lo whal la host wllhoul dlscusr.lng allO1nallvos. Al a llmo wllan lamlly commu. nhallon is ossor~llal. (hero may bo none. Theta Is ollon tho leer Illol If anyllllng Is snld. I1 wlll n~ako 1110 oxporlonco nloro dllllcull so II is best lo say nolhlng. Tills can result In parents belng unawaro 01 tho dlllicully Ihelr dnughlor tacos and her unsuronoss about any dcclslon. Al the sumo llnle, a young molhcr may bo unawaro ol hor lamlly'e true leollngs. lholr loollngs ol sadness In lolllng go ol a graridclllld, a nolco or nopllow. Thls, ol courso. no1 onlv has an lmoacl on lllo doclslon mndo Any work wllh rollnqulsl~lny pnronle and lliolr larnllloa should no1 bo bosod on 1110 assumpllon ll~al all wlll "Slnrl a now lllo", but llrnl 011s oxpcrlanco wlll bo lnla(lral@d 11110 llro lulur0. Wlrollro1 lllo oxporlonco can bo rccallcd wllh somo dcgroo ol colnl~ll or orlly wllll a lronloridous sonso ol pulnand sodness wlll dcpond lo norno oxlonl on tho lypos ol supporl nnd nsslslonco glvon ol tho llmo. Whnl nro tho noods ol 1110 loonogo moll~or who plnns lo ourrondor hor lnlnnl lor adopllon? Llko any oxpoclanl nlolhor, she noods lo llavo pooplo nround her who con rclnlo lo her prcnnnncy evporlenco. Llka olhor 1110lllClS lnlcrosled lrr undcrslsndlng Itlo procossos 01 pregnancy nrrd cl~~ld. blrlh, sllo wants lo learn molhods 01 "laking those salo nnd cam. lorloblo exporloncos lor horsoll and hor babo. Sho mny nccd on courngomonl lo oxprosr poslllvo loollngs aboul hor prognnncy, lo havo somwno who mawcls ol hor body chsngos wllh her, who lakes pleasure In soolng tho movomonl ol her baby wllh her, wllo can slraro somo sonso 01 joy wllh hor III tho lllo lhal grows wllhln. On ll~oolhor hand, sho may nood polmlsslon loexpross nonnllvo fool. lngs aboul hor prognailcy or her fcors ol chlldblrlli. Somo relln. qulshlng molhcre fool lhal lhoy desorvoony dlscomlorls lnvolvod In lhoso oxpetloncos and havo no righl lo try lo malto lhom bollor. Speclllc lo 1101 pronnlal caro, tho rellnqulshlng molhor noods conllnully ol coro. If she Is golng lo a cllnlc where ooch vlsll sho Boos a now rosldonl. a dllloronl doclor, or anoll~or mlrlwllo, llloro wlll bo lllllo opporlunlly lor her lo dovolop a rclallonshop wliero sho can shnro hor roal loollnge. Ollon, a cllnlc nurso can lnko on tho rosponslblllly ol sporldlng some llmo slmply ns a supporl por. son wllh an lndlvldual molhor durlng each prenalal vlsll. 1 l WISH I coirld bo rosponslblo wlll~oul pooplo lolllrig mo how lrrosponslblo Ianr. Ann Caro provldars should be colrcornod wllh: a) her soclal and psycl~ologlcal supporl syslcms and rolor hor lo spproprlalo groups or agonclos 11 sho Is no1 yo1 lnvolvod wllh some program. b) Iho lmmonslly ol tho dcclslon she locos, maklng corlnln lhal sho has tho bcsl posslblo opporlunlly lo docldo whsl will bo bcsl lor hor baby and horsoll, rolcrrlng llor lo npproprlalo coun. soling II noodod. c) holplng her plan hor labor, birth and poslpnrlurn oxporlencc. In. volvlng hor In dcclslons aboul those, spoclllcally dlscusslr~g hor loollngs about rolallng lo her bshy durlng tho poslparlum porlod, holplng her lo bocomoawnro ol llio options sho has and preparing her lor tho poworlul locllngs sho may oxpcrlcnco In proparing lo say good.byo lo hor baby. Childblrlh cducnllon should bo an npllon lo molhcrs who plan lo surrondor lllolr lnlanls. Somoaaonclos andcnro ~rovldcrs host. and 111; comlorl wllh llial doclslon, II his an lmpncl on the way tho lalo lo rolor molhcrs lo clllldblrlh ~lossoo, loarlng 1l;al llio clossos erocrlonco .-- is dcall wllh In tho luluro. Slnco II Is no1 ooonlv shared wlll ln~10nso I110 dllllcullv 01 lhc cxnerlonco. Thls Is unlorlur~olo ~ - ~ - ~~ ~ , - .- al tho llnic. It will bo dllllcull lo sllnro In 1110 luluro. Pcrllnps lhls slnco sonslllvoly slruclurid chlldhlrlil classas can ollor rollnqulsh. le who1 rnakos rellnqulsl~lng an lnlanl lor adopllon such a lorrlbly lng nrolhors a aonso ol communlly. Involvomenl In classes can lraurr~allc or~crlonco. Tho rollnoulshlno molllcr and all orour~d hor ptovldo noollod reossuranco ll~rounl~ shallno con~mon ex~cllanccs are oxPoclod lo lor go^. ~ ~ ll~o'adopl~n k o rocords thomsolvos, I ~ O lacod by 811 prognanl women. ~11oiae1 111at tiyoung womon WIII sup subjrcl Is sealed once II Is over. Tho sndnoss, llin gulll. tho sonso ol rolldol her Inla111 docs no1 suporsodo lho raallly lllnl sho 13 nlolllcr. inadequacy. tho grlevlng, tho long.torm paln are prlva~o, hlddon, Ino 1101 clilld In pregnancy and has ncods common lo all oxpoclanl proleclod..nll looollon loll as on unlionlod wound. moll~ors. cant, on rioxl pago
[ I I I I SUPPORT FOR THE RELlNQUlSlllNG MOTHER conl. lronr provlous pngo Nnlurolly, rollnquislllng molhors brlng spoclol noods lo child. blrlh clossos. Ouosllons concorning body honllng, body lmogo, pormanonl changos lhal propnoncy cousos aro ollon nloro moonlnp lul lhon whon worklng wllh olhor womon. Ollon ihoy aro nn allompl lo dollno opporlunltlos for slgnlllconl rolellonshlps In tho luluro. For oramplo, tho loonngo molhorwt~o plans lo surrondor hor lnlonl.. ond who osks whelhor slrolch marks ovor go awny, may bo sooklng rnoro than cosmellc Informallon. Sllo moy bo asklno wholhor olh. or8 wlll have lo know sho hos boon pregnant. Ouosllons nskod aboul tho baby, gonollc faclors, 1110 baby's posslblo appoarnnco, tho lhlnpa a ncwborn scnsos end lools aro 0180 quosllons lhnl moy havo nloro moonlnp than wo would normolly ollrlbulo lo lhom . or lhoy may nol. Acllvo llsloillng bocomos an lmporlnnl sklll. I1 Is ono lhlno lo work wllh o vouna molllor 0s sho proparas lor bltlh, 11 is ollogeillor anolhor lhl& lo lilluonco tho hospllai 0nvlr0n. monl In whlch sho wlll olvo blrlh, lo hob sea lo Il lhnt sho wlll on. countor In whlch sho $11 glvo bl.1111, lo help BOO lo I1 Ihol sho wlll oncounlor o snooorllvo end sonslllvo onvlronmonl. It Is usually unronll~llc loe~~ocl tho loonago molhor lo boa slrong consumor, wholhor kceolno or olaclno her bobv. For tho youno rollnq~rlshlng molhor thori~s ~IIO~' IO ~mo~~onn~ono~~y lo iil~onip~ lo lnlluonco hor hoallh care; lor many, It Is almply a mallor of gotllng I1 ovor. Nonolheloss, a young molhor who plans lo surrondor hor baby lor adopllon soon aller tho blrih brlngs unlquo noods lo tho labor, blrth and poalperlurn experlence. I) Young molhors aro ollon oxtremoly dlsadvanlogod by hospllal pollclos which reslrlcl companions to ono parson. Faced wllh so many olhor cholcos. a rollnqulshlng mother should no1 havo lo choosa bolwoen tho companlonshlp ol hor pnrenls, hor baby's fa. Ihcr onda lralnod "conch" lrorna local chlldblrlh group. 2) Assumplions should no1 be mode about tho rollnquislllnp lnolh. crs car0 or hm lnlanls coro. Sho should bc ollered tho smo opllons as olhor molhcrs. Hopolully, "pulling tho molhor lo sloop" ]us1 nood asslslonco In ogoln worklng lhrough her reasons lor her do. prior lo or lmmedlaloly aller blrlh Is o lhlng 01 lho past. Upon ad. clslons oboul hor bnby. Hor oronlosl ncod Is lo hovo olllcrs around mlsslon lo lhomalornlty unll, asonslllvo stnlf mcmbor should dls l~or who wlll glvo hcr an opporlunlly to folk aboul her lcnllngs .. to CUSS wllh tho young molher hor wlshos In rcgards to lnl0racllon hoar hor thoughts so conlpleloly Ihal sho go\s o cl~arrco lo know wllh hor baby aller blrlh, keeplng In mlnd lhnl hor loolln~s may how she /eels and lo docldo whal wlll bo bosl. Thls Is, of coursc, chango 01 lllal llmo. Her doslros lor poslpadum room mn~omonls tho hnrdosl thing of nll. It Is such a Iomplollon lo advlso or lo non. should also be dlscussod. vorbnlly glvo o nod 01 approval lo ono doclslon or Rnolllcr or lo en. 3) HOSPIIRI slnll noed to bo ospoclally awaro of tho lmpocf lhelr courngo moro dlscusalon ol lho bonellls ol ono doclslon ovor nn. words and ocllons durlng labor and blrltl may havo. Unkind or In. olhor. sonslllvo conlmonls, wholllor lnlonllonal or nol, wlll llngor In tho 7) Tho baby's lall~or and grnndpnronls ora oflon sullorlng o grcnl mcmoly ol tho molhor .. end Ihoso ihlngs wlll no1 bo soolhod by dool durln~ tho lnbor ond poslparlurn oxpcrlonco. Tlloy ncod OxllO long lorn1 rolallonshlp wllh hor chlld. srtpporl rind 1110 knowlodgo lllol oltlorsoroavollnblc lo llrrlll. 4) Rollrrqulshlng rnoll~ors, Ilk0 oll mollinrs, ncod (irnlso lor llrolr 8)Slnll noall lol~n sonslllvo lo Itlo roncllons ol olllrrs lowords tho work 111 glvlng birlh ond an opporlunlly lo shnro bolh lholr poslllvo rollnqulslllng molllor. If sho Is slaylng In a rcgulor poslparlum rwln. nr~d ncgnllvo leclin~s aboul tho oxporlonco. If a young molhor loovcs llra sanslllvlly ol roommnloa cnrlnol olwoys bo dopondad upon. Ill@ hospllnl wllhoul havlng hod an opporlunlly lo slloro hor tool. Woll.monnl~~~ frlorlds or lnrr~lly tnombcrs rnay rllnkn ~rpsolllrlg Corll. lngs oboul tho oxporlonco, sho may novor hovo an opporlunlly lo monls. Among Itlo loon poor group lhcro Is gonernlly lllllo support do so. lor plnclng n baby lor adopllon. Bolh yourig n~olhors ond young 51 Wl~olllor a rnolhor sccs 11or baby or nol, sho Is lnlonsoly lnloroslod lolhors may nood nsslslonco 111 doollng wllli olhoro. In her Inlnnl. Sho notrds pcoploaround hor who wlll rocognlzo 1101 9) Rollnqulshlr~g molhors ollon won1 lo hnvo a nlornonlo 01 lllolr mntornnl foollnos. Sho noeds tho opporlunlly lo shnro hor prldo In boblos; o plcluro, a smnll cllpplr~g ol hnlr, o copy of 1110 trond or lonl har infonl ond 16 hoar hor chlld pralsod. She needs olllors who wlll nrlnl. Thoso doolros sllould bo rccoanlzod n3 norlnal nr~d hoolll~y .. sllnrc hot sodncss in savlno oood.by0 10 her baby and who con IlolP nnd lf IIIO~ aro no1 roquoslod, cot1 ho OIICIO~. Irr oddlllon, nlnny tlcr cop0 Wllh her loellnos 01 limo. Plnllludos about "lhls bolno nrolhors wish lo sand somolhlng 01 \Ironlsolvos wllh lhclr bobles. lor lho bcsl". "havlng olhor cl~lldron", "Illo happlnoss lllol a couplo 0 lollor, on nrllclo ol clollllng, o hondrnado qulll. Sl~eclol arrongo wlll llavo In rocelvlng her chlld", aro gonorolly lnopproprlnlo and monls cnn bo rnodo lor lhoss lo bo nlvon lo lI~e ndonllvc onrortts. usuolly closo oll o~orlunllos lor tho young molhor lo oxprosa In 1110 1970's 1110 noods 01 1110 ndoillon lrlnd, blrlh~oronls, ndop. whal she Is lcollnn end lhlnklng. IIvo pnrorlls adoplod chlldron, havo corn0 lnlo illo open. Whal ha3 8) Tho populor theory that It Is boat 11 o rollnqulslllng molhor doos boon rcvonlod Is 1110 cornploxlly 01 1110 noods 01 1111s lrlod, ncods 1101 soo her baby Is conlrodlclory lo ovorylhlr~~ lhal Is know nboul whlcll nio ollon In dlrocl opposlllor~ lo ono nnolllor. A mullllrrdo .Ira malcrlral lasks 01 pregnancy and llro procoss of grlevlng. TI10 ol ononclos llnvo boon lorrnod .. cnch roprosor~tlr~fl 1tlo';o opposlno concorn 111ol a young molhor wlll chongo hor mind nbolrl plo~lng noods. Wllcll~or or 1101 ll~oso ngonclc3 wlll hnvo nn lr~lluonco or1 her baby nloy bo roollsllc In sonlo cosos, bul II la nlorn llkcly Illel cuironl otlopllorr piocllccs Is yo1 lo ho socn. Wllnl Is ccrlnlrl Is lhnl lnlorncllon wlll lead llor to quosllon hor doclslon rolllor thnn chnngo llloro or@ no easy nnswcrs nnd llrul ll~oro wlll ba no p3i111038 SOIU. her mlnd. In any ovonl. 11 Is lho young fnolhor's cl~olco. Sho moy Il01lS.
Page 2 and 3: .. . . ., . . . . , . . . . . . C_
Page 4: I;!N,iFm E,#r Long cloaked In #hame
Page 9 and 10: -- -.--- S 9 -A4- -- - - -- . . --
Page 11 and 12: A woman of sixty, nrloptcd in IIIIR
Page 13 and 14: ~ -.~ ~ ~ ~- . - SPORTf ' \COMI~- 1
Page 15 and 16: I nly AI)UI*I.I;I> I)AUC:II~~I;I~ c
Page 18 and 19: \Noman f i g h t s w i rig By MELES
Page 22 and 23: 1. MIKE WINERIP / Ilrro!6slc11 lrrr
Page 24 and 25: I., .* .', ~oh-sea& . , . j ' ::.,.
Page 26 and 27: ~.. the muntry trying lo 1Ind Iulur
Page 28: ' stances of his hlrth, ,anp.would
Page 32 and 33: , 8 Scctlonr L) . ,, . Aromplkmld s
Page 34 and 35: . 1. i '. tion. . "The rdoption age
Page 36 and 37: Typed by me on my typewriter at hom
Page 38: T Iris case is based on irrfor- for
Page 42 and 43: 80-Rocky Mwnlain SaL, fhy 3, 1980,
Page 44 and 45: 1 P ) , @ .- - >.' AFTERWORDS They
Page 50 and 51: w h for ady I , lhlr om Several gro
Page 52 and 53: 7 . , I ,I0" : THE - ANCHOR-Dlocate
Page 56: - 1 it :A ! . The Dalv Califmian I~
Page 59 and 60: U~"11~1* - L:110c11c %ltc9irrf c ~
Page 61 and 62: ~~ ~. ~~ .... ~ . -One of the lhlnn
Page 63 and 64: ~~ - there In sapprt of opcn record
Page 65: .-, (-ILL I . . , I . ,, ,.., ~. :
Page 68 and 69: I am an adopui. h t r w&. ld. hu tr
Page 70 and 71: "I wanled to keep my chlld, but was
Page 72: - - .. # . c!gn?, rto\~ in >:lopl:i
Page 76 and 77: tivc victory. Hcady with a ncwl~lul
Page 78 and 79: ~ ~ ~ ., .~~~~ ~ .~ ~ - ~ i~tractal
Page 80 and 81: 1 THE PROGRESSIVE May 1981 Volumo 4
Page 82 and 83: ; Changes in the ecor~o~ny I have a
Page 84 and 85: L ----- ., yr:~r\ :IS i111li1tio11
Page 86: , ... . ... -.. - .--.- . I c. sala
Page 89 and 90: . . , EDITINO Jane Bosvckl. Palrlcl
Page 92: p r o m to by Lo conlael her until
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'IGAW UP MY BABY..! they gave up fo
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... -...... ........ "----*,",- .--
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consideration even thouoh he was an
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tlio whole liold in a rather naive
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conslderod within tho framework of
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f7R1 nrr crtoiril rrioro I rrnrir a
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niucli ol what slie soid to nio exc
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longor young (she was in hor mid-si
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did mo niucli good, nor much iiorm.
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You know tlio doctors at tlio liosp
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Wliari I nskod ~iiy sociol work~r I
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difforont docisions, or porliops bo
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wonicn's Wcws Society Stylc Family
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I - Itb Not c'rlllllrlllcrl Easy 1I
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Continud "We had one CUB member irr
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- . . .. ' I was quoted In a ~ a~sl
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--.- .--.. -.- ........... - -- . .
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"A NATURAL MOTHER SPEAKS OUT ON ADO
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"I'll Come Back for You" Sometimes
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THE READER5 DIGEST itmi~ht Ixbcttcr
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. -..-- - 1 fi Mother, baby reunite
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. . . . M-twian_nc M~an . , a,:. '
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~~.~ h r . she had brr o m mdlsm* "
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~ -~ . . K.C. ,STAR May 14, ~ontact
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VOLUME B / NUMBER 6
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VOLUME Q/ NUMBER 6
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VOLUME B/NUMBER 5
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VOLUME D/NUMBER 6
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somo of tho poisoning incurred by t
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9 VOLUME O/NUMBER 5
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Tho ogoncy which hod boon so 'conco
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In en unpublished peper by Sorosky,
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hod to ask permission for me to pic
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VOLUME B/NUMBEII ti
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! i'. : t . ' f.. ..' r.. f?,;:;:;
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Boston Herald Amriean 5/18/76 SIKNL
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' , . 6 ,, , .z:1 3,:, !,I ,!, * .
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,: 18 - The Boston ~ilobe r'rlday,,
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. . Pogo 20-COLUMBIA (M~.)MISSOURIA
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,. . . . *S~III~U~~ hlctr~11 7; 9i6
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Tlrc Ll iil)c t. I,lnll, ELIZABETH
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. , . , , . . . hoildks. But 1 remc
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I . ! I D 12 The Ssotlle Timar ' Su
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~ ~ 1 Co~ttroller Greene < , . , .
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- .. . - y , Urn ahdl hadlb m6llaa,
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On 'The puiclful clluic '~clo~jtio~
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- D Posslble damage to chlld cited
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lmdnl lrmlly, Ilks ~undparrnl. WI 8
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up lor a&pfim. hill. VILLtGkS rtrta
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- . ..--. . . '..,.&"::I , I ' ' 1
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pnrcr~ts nrc nlwnys under prcasuro
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Page4A-COLUMBIA MiSSOURIAN.Thursday
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~ ~~ ~- ~ ~ . ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ --. ~ .
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Letter 1 ' expresses one view . - .
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~. ~ ~ ~~ Lrllrrs lo Dpcn Column nt
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!' ~ ~~ ~. ' "S1pb~K n pnprr dflran
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, . , . .. .. . - .. .n-rj.." C," T
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Guilt 'Can Become Habit r , . . , I
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h pame Dl able to find her U-year-o
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Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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