Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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"S1pb~K n pnprr dflran~ trim ,,jf has hen svrrkln~ far or, rr$lnu ue wanl
mother'# low, tcrrvrfms an qdflnrpd
'_"O~Y!I!!Y That's nrl the wry It Ir," Lee
, chllddrorm~, orla killcd In an ~cchrnt umpD'u ' . '. '
: !- nnd the nnrjpnpm do Idmryy . Oslrnclrrd hy aoclcly dllrln~ a llme nl
them nr(nntrd - ". ............... ,. unn.fm -..............
*U hlnnoll - on unplanned nrcmancy - lhey
*. 0 my ch~d~ii;-- '. - n hlrthpnrml Iwve ic~t larccd io supprisa a bnsic part OI
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IUc: pnrml.chlld llcs. and the mntlnully
thrsc can pmvldc. "ncqlrlrlng blrlhpnrcnls
ID
1 . ri)j70R') NO,E: A rerenl orlld,
nkn away nil rlfila lo hnvc any infarma.
on ,his
Uon almrll lhrlr chlldrcn rclcRntcs us lo the
pogo loid Ihe o1 JDd~ DeCaro, On , alsllrc nf baby rnochlncr." Im adds.
I odopls. who searched for years i?r,hls Bnby machlncs, lncubalors, sludn. Thew
birlhmolher before he lound hfr.
nrc IIIC phrases nome blrlhparcnls use la
do,enl of calls for, ' dcwrll~c ihr sclt.lnra~c aoclely has hondal
,he olllcl~ ralulleb
lhrm. Thc "psycholnElcal nmpulallon" lhry
help ~nlorrnOtion, and din brought a ctndrrm can cause lhrm untold anaulsh . lor
nsponse horn sever01 btrthporenls wlth yrars~llerulrdr, thry ray.
thalr own slov !a tell. , . End the "tinc~~n.~~~s".ln ihc adnptlw
amc~durc. lhrv armc. anlnllna lo dlllcrcnt
By RUE SCAEIRLC . bathods klngirlrdln~llrorniamd 11awa11,
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roh~mt ~taew ran
ullcrc blrthparcnb an In some cascr bclnu
.
~nlcd vlnllaUon rl~hla wlth lhclr chlldrcn
plad In ndopllon. Bmay sound unorlhodox,
but Lcc Campbell observes: "Thcy hold (ha
hump cPrda .:;
the'chlldrcn who m sur.
many d us havc bccn :rhnrled fnr
years. We arc Jusl sllrtlng mmeou!."says
I @~~mpacll. . : -'.. .; .'. 1 ' .
Ire la a birlh~amn(: a woman non In hcr
SOs, who slam li becamc pnp;nlnl wllcn dha
ups no1 marrlcd md stlll in high school Int
Ncw Ilamrahlr?. "Scbt away" la a homc for
tmd mGhei-8. aha rnve hLr baby. a srm..uo,
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br adopllon.
LA nie pltmt of adoplcd chlldrcn, wwn to
ganlr Innage ynn or beyond md drlven by
I m ' lnncr . n d td search lor lhclr
I bltihparmb, has been wcll-publlalzd In re.
ml ycam
- Llllle has lwn hcrrd, howcver, Imm the:
Mhparcnla. the women and mcn who rclln.
: qulsh thclr bablcs lor 'adopllon and Yen
rilrcat lnlo allcncc. ' ' '
"Thcy lcll you to go home. taplckui your
rcndcrcd lor adopuon. Theredhould be mom.
~lcrnallres!' . .. ,
Hcrs(alcmcni refltcb a gmwlniaelivlsrn,
Id lhe new.Iound unlty ol those blrlhparcnld
who hnvc "mme nul." Thls ycar. Ihcy\illcd
Icglsldon at lhe Shle lloua In and open
up the adopllon pmetdum.
'. Ulncern lot the chlldm, whlch parlly
moUvrIcd lhclr oridnal deelsion lor adop
Uon, mnllnuea lo pnvcnt the blrlhwrcnla
horn actually making mnlact.Thcy wanl the
sddnl agcnclu lo hgln to act as m !n-
@nncdlary."I
know.whrn he la, bul I won't
try lo mnlPcl hlm;' a birlhpnrenl =Id. "1
hap? somcdap he will cum8 lo find me. My
maln mnccm Is not Lo have a bad eUcd on
llfc, to lorficl It. Thcy my jusl lo rcmc~nbcr him or hls Iamlly."
lhal ynu arc making two ~oplc VCN happy1 Thcn, she added, "11 he docan'l mme by
. nnd lhnl bnmcday 11 will all sccm llke a lhc IImc he Is 25, thouch. l don'l know what I
drrnm." snys Susan Darkc nl Pcabndy, who wlll do. It wlll be awlul hard not lo reach out
alw nave ur, a baby boy lorndot~llon a1 o~c 17. Ihbtl." . .' * .
I'or moic lhan-10 yean, ~uian prctrndrd Many hlrlhparcnla wonder I1 there Isn'L a
ml In rcmcmkr. "Synthcllc dmncsla."nha bctlcr way of hapdllng !he narlon'a adopUon
cnllsll nnw. Shc hnd lold hcr hrahand, IIoRcr, . syslcnt. Thry want mnn cholcc. opUonr A
nllh whom she hall four daughlen. But ah,
seldom spokc 01 IL
Thcn, one. L%rldmas, she was out shop
ping, nnd suddenly, mcmnrlnmeflmdln~
hk. "It dawned on me that l had molhcr
Mid, no matter how mucb I put It out of my.
mind. Tho fact lhat I had never boclgbl a loy adoplton pmcedures. .
lor hlm or spnt 8 CMaF*. wlth him ,,
. brought It lnlo foeus." . '
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"Rarefy, If~.wr, dw~ one flnd.thoi :
o Is &Ice up IJI. Jtarrn(l!l mle .
%Rout p n t rsluctnnm of ,511' or
chat mls u&hout o mad ma to'thsm-
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Birtl~parents . Seek . ,%w
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'Illc mmmlltrc hmrlng hid already brrn ' lUrlhpnrcnts lnnlsl th~y havn no wlsh lo
leld lhln ycar when adopllve pnrcnls got i Hvnl or lhrcalen lhe rclallonshll) wllh the
uind 01, Ir@slallon, lllcd by hlrlbparrnln, adoptkc parcnL7. "It !a well.hownlhatadnp.
uhlch would oprn Up adnpllon proccdurrr. : Uve PIrcnIs arc the rePlor truepnrcnls In lhe
llouae Bill 5100 wnuld rcqulre adopllon . nlosl mcanlnulul rensc." Susan Uarkc, bath
, eprnclrs In accrpl updalcd lnlnrmallnn lrots M adnplcc and a blrlhpar~nl~ says. "In more
blrlhparrnls and to acl as lnlermcdlrrlcs In than 1% rcllnluns. I havc ncvcr yet men an
8.
, r .acd conlacla wllh adapllvc parcnls. The adoplcc nhUl nllccllons," rhe pdds.
.. i. rlcs would have In nollfy (he a~lopltvc Flnc. Ihcadoptlvepamnla say, but whrtd
) parrnla U lhc blrlhpatcntnolongcr wantcd lo tho hlnlrparcnt hasn't lmn able, llke Susrn
,'nrraln anonynlous, and was wllllns ,110 has, to carve out a new 1110 tor hcr~lf, with a
I mnthclcd hy the rdnptlvc pamnla.
hap11y tnnrlly sltuallon? Would she be so
'the adopllvo patrnla muld rilusc the nonlhrcalclllnelhcn7 Tluy mnlrnii lhcy have
,
! mnfad, but lhry would have lo be made olhrr lcnm whlch arc alno rcallsllc.
j aware IC oiicr ertstcd. "Tho vcw lhln~ wh~ch al~owa adopt~v;
, The amounl of op lllod lmrn adoptlvo parrnla lo vlcw the chlld as Utrlr nwn and lo
: wrrnta was "lncrcdiK< aeeomtlng lo one pmvldc thc banding and Itre srrudiy ja the
, mrnnrlllce ahlr. pmnllac 01 nnn.lnlcrmpled prrmllng," one
uw barn, ahc ws wllhout a Jell. the baby'r
lather hod dlsappntrd and she had lrrrlnd
hc had 1 wlle and lhrcc chlldrcn In another
#late. She watllvlng sl home wllh her molhcr
and bmther, and told Oral she could return lo
llvc lhcrc, bul that she muldn'l brlng tho
baby honlc.
" Icll (ha1 I had nowhcrc lo m, no one lo
lm lo." shcrecallsloday. I2 gcam latcr.Tha
urUarc olllcc nlaccd her baby In IcmnanrY . ~
loslcr care.
Six rnonlhs lalrr, ohc says, a cascwnrker
vlsllcd her on n Frldsy. an11 ln!d hrr shc hnd
until (he lollowlnn Wcdncsdry lo "mako up
my mind shclhcr I wanlcd lo lake the chlld
or rcllngulsh hlm."
"I dldn'l know nnylhln~ clsc I muld rlo, so
I nlfincd thc paprr." she sap. "Whcn 1
ycar ano, Lee Campbell lormcd C.U.O., COP slgncd. I wun'l cvcn awon 01 whnl I was
mmcd Unllcd Blrlhwrcnla, Inc. Bascd at sfmtng. Thcy lold me lhcy uould tlnd no
Bm 573 In Mlllord, lilass., C.U.B. haa 1W adoptlvc home lor hlm. On hls flnl blrlhdw
.,tncmbcn nallonallv. Only two an mcn, but lcaIlcd,and askcd U I muld we hlrn; but ihw
1fe 66)a them an many more birlhlalhrn mid no, he was 1uil aboul Lo be placed Ln hls
"out them" who hevc ken harmcd by pad adoptlw homc!'
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Jlmnlly, Barbara mnlnclcd lhe wcUan
'"Oarbur" La- membcr. . .:. I-'' . . .
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dllcc and lcomcd lhnl hcr chlld had ncvcr
.Barbara is not hci real nimc. She can7
ten placed in adopllon. Ilc rcmains In Iwtcr
ore. 'that lroublcs her. "I wanted lo gel In
ldcnllly hcrselt.hceauic she hw a chlld
"llvlng jusl a icw mllcs away," In an o n
touch wlth (he molhcr. nnd ace I1 she would
mmmunlty, wilh the spme lul name, who
speak lo me, but lile agency sald lhey
muldn'l mnlacl hcr!'
hn't know shc is hl* blrlhmolhcr.
Dsrbara la dlllcrrnt imm lhc stercolgpe "I asked if I ceuld have r pldure 11 hlm.
of lhc woman who aurrendcrn azhl!.' lor .s h Irckl tjday, but lhry dlda'l arni lo do.
ndopllon. When she hccame pregnanl, she Ihrt. I dUI have Ule dl1 I bouthl hr hi* llrrt
u?sno117, bulin hercrrlyMs,dlvoreed, wltb . blttbdry In nly trunk. When I lhlnt I have 1
n ledllaalc n~nc-ycar.n~d #on. 1 hb. md chlld a lcw mlles awry. and lhrl I dmn'lws!
nunwho spokc niplans lo maw-her. haw what he lr~ks Ilkellcl*..,."
pine mpnb IW, when he, scmod me'' lIrr velce brerh.
- Policies . ,
, Susnn Dnrkc lmadnrs mriUng her oall
mn slm~edoy:
"I'd want lo know II he undcnlnnd why I
mvc hlm up. I wan1 hlm lo know that hc aas
Hnnlcd. ll~nl hc u,os laved. I wns sllll as
pmud, as Ilappy lo hnvc lrlm - I'd jusl filvcti
Urlh. I'd wan1 10 know lhat I madc the right
dcclslun. 1 tccl wnrn~ly Iouards my sunla
ndopllvc porcnln, that wc've hlh done some.
Wng lheoll~cr mhltl~'I, and lhal wc'vomnde
a fwd lllc wsslbls"
Adopllvc parcnls conlend thillflrcy slflsrd
a mnlracl ~irl~lcr onc sgslcm, and Ihnl Il Is
untalr In cha~~gc 11 mlro~c1kcIy. Ine
Carnplxll rcpllcs: "lrrve Isn't $nand hy
mclrly'a rrrle8. A plccc of papqr doesn't
oblllcrslc lccllnpa. Glvc balh parcnllr 111s
Inllslrlon' phones wen "rlnfiln~ oll the
dunncls for mrt~rnunlcallon, md the lcsn
ldopllvc taolller mid.
q hrx~k," and tbc inlrnsc iccllnp thc ndopllve
wlll dlsnpvcar.
lls whole Issue is brlnp handlcd loo
parcnh 1rII were cllccllvcly con~munlcn!rd, qulckly. and nccds more aludy, ah0 adcicd. "I lhlnk llrry have Jusl never mnsldcrrd
A tavnrabla Judldary Conlrnlttre rcporl wa# \Yhnl do blrlhparrnla wan17
enolher dlcrnatkr, T%ry have ncvcr l~rcn
sld~*lrackrd. The blll I8 klnu held lndellnlle- PA wenlmran'l cn~nary,'Thla wlll cnuso mcoumpd to mnshlcr lhrl the rlrll4 ham
I b lor "changes."
nu lain arid I'd Ilk8 r lrtlcr oncn 1 year. ennlllrr M-1 01 pnrmla. nlry can learn ti
lllrlhparrnln kllcvr lllal ht-hlnd (ha op (rlllil~ rne lrow tha chlld I# dulng:.' Ira Inli~graloUanIhry ~lhmu~hll~clrHvca, orrJ'
, palllnrr lie8 an untnundrd lcrr that lhcy on Camplm nays. 'Tho adopllnn syJ(crn k a Lhen It is no hlg dmd:' aha l ~uea I .
,I hying lo "snnlch" the chlldrm back, @"g& clarcl door Inlcll~clually, an olwn door e~rlb
, . TlnoncLh~~lmlh~~lrth~orml~nodndn)~~
Uiclr lml In lhc donr:' . . Uonnlly. and It Ieavra tla blrlhparrnta wltl~ lh~parcnlsrrtn to nwnn ln H~olnd~~pll~b
Adeptlvo rutrnls say It h mom wrt. IM aour~~llng board. and a #re11 nccd la blow pJrrnLl nccd lrlurc tlrfurmsllan rl Ula tllilecl
) ,4lcWl lam UlaL .law lhe child lr dulirg!'