Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

"Your dnughlcr didn't wnnt to
nlcct lhcml" lViN tnv daughter 8av
no-
"We didn't nsk her. Shc's never
oncc cxprcsscd nny interent in
mccting her nnl~rrnl pnrcnln. and
if she hnd just once nnid she
wnntcd to mcct them . . ."
I think of nll the ndopkcs I've
met at AI,UA mcctinga who hnvc
told ihcir pnrcnln thcy ware nhopping
lhnt nftcrnoon or visiting an
nrl gnllery. 1 think of thc ddopkcs
who sny Lhcy don't ynnt to hurt
their pnrcnla or hnvc them think
thcy arc being rcjcctcd. I wondcr .
if I've cvcr mct his dnughter.
*'~ut your dnughtcr La nn ndult,"
I rcspond whcn my voicc cnkhcs up
with my brnin. "Cnn you think of
any othcr cnnc whcrc you \VOU~~
prenumc lo apcnk for 11cr7. She
could mnrry n bum,. nnd YOU
couliln't do nnythlni? nhout it. And
'you won't lose her-not if you'vc
got n good reintionship lo bcain '
with. All t11c rcscnrch' indicntcs
lhnt whcn ndoplcca find their nnt
urn1 pnrcnts, thcy often fecl closer
to the pnrcnts thcy hnvc known nil
ihcir lives, bccnuae now thcy. don't.
hnvc a nct of perfect. fnntnny
pnrcnts. And hcsldca, shc In n grown
wonlnn, an ndult.No onc owns nny- .
hody elsc. Whnt ~lvcs you the right
to apcnk for your dnughhrl"
And thcn I come to lcnrn thnt
ndoptivc pnrcnts nrc cnu~ht in
thcir own woli of fnntnny this mecreey
hrecdn.
It Is a Snturdny morning two ,
n~ccks lnkr. The phonc rings. I
hcar the background noinc which I
usually signincn long dlntnnce.
"Is this Lorr.inc'Dusky7" ; (
"Yes. Who in thls?"
"I cnn't tcll you. But I hnvcn't
bccn nblc to alccp sincc 1 snw your
picture in the pnpcr. My dnughter
looke so much like you-tho cycs,
lhc mouth, the color of hair. Only,
your checks nrc fullcr. Evcn my
hunbnnd snw the rcnc~~~lrlnncc. I
kecp thinking the neighbors did too.
Thc nrticlc snid your cln~~gblcr wns
ten. Did you mcnn thnt litorally?
'
'
Did you mcnn nbotcl Len?"
In Lhin (ha tnnlhcr of rnll child!
My hcnrt Is pouniifng. there la n
film of sweat on my forchcncl nnd
tcmplcs. "Ho\v old is your clnughtcr?"
We nrc plnying with ench
othcr, to scc who will flrst rcvcni
the 1nl6sing informntion.
"She's clcvcn."
No1 ?nine. "My dnughkr is ten."
But thc cnllcr wnnla to know
. the cxnct birth cintc, since shc in
not convinced yet hccnune - 1 look
. so much iikc hcr ilnufihter who hnn
a million frienda, her dnughtcr who
is giftcd In every wny ponslhle,
moro thnn nny dnughtcr ahc nnd
her hunhnnd could hnvc cvcr hnd.
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1:- Town tE Country,,
u . octoJer, 1078: I :
: ...
The dny rind nlonth (lo nnt tnntrh
either. Thc ntrnnfrcr on the phone
slgha. 1 rial not sore trl~cll~cr the
misnlntch brings rclicf or not. Bllc
nnys she \ms goi111: to hnng up If
the inforn~nlio~~ rorrcrs)~on~lc~l. Shr
snyn she knnws thnt it trnul~l~rcnk
hcr iinoghtcr's l~cnrt if onc clny nhr
hnd lo give a rlrllrl nwny. The 0nl~
thi~~g I nm sure of is thnl 1 dnn't
knowwhnt 1 fecl, thnt the cnrotions
nrc tl~mhling out, wniting to 110
told vrhich Ecnr to nhift into.
She won't tell IIIC \r.bcrc shc in
cnllinfi from.
She any8 thnt she kno~rn I 111llRt
love my dnufihlcr, nl111 nhc 1s surc
lhnt son~cdny tvc'il nr~d cncll other.
Then $vc ro over rolllc of the snnlc
ror~vcrantion bccnllsc-for aonlc
rcneon-we nrc looking for n rcnson
to continue t11c conl~cclion.
Ench of ua \visbcs Lllnt thc otllcr
were thc inissing person, but I
recol:nizc ti~nt wc nrc nlso nfrnicl
of thnt rcnlity. We KO on for
nnolhcr minutc or two in this
linlbo, nnd 1 rcnlizc thnt illst nn I
fnnlnsizc nbout the "profcssionnl
pcoplcW who l~nve my little girl.
nhc fnntnaizcs nboc~t 11cr little girl's
pnrcnta, n'c l~nnt! I I nn11 ~ I SllCnd
the rent of thc dny III n clnrc.
1 phonc nly dnugl~ter's fnll~cr n
fcw dnys lntcr nnd tcll bin1 nhout
the coevcrsntion. Although Ire
rarely spcnk, wc kecp in touch. Our
dnughlcr sccnla Lo be n connrelir~lr
: link thnt hinds 11s still. Ilc nndcrstnnds
my nccd, nly tlrivc to hc involved.
And non~cdny, he snyn, he
nlso hopes to nlcct our dnufihkr.
We don't inlk lonc thia clny. Thcrc'n
' nbt nluch you cnn sny nlrout n phonc
. all from n alrneger.