Articles Book III - Pg 300-560 (Birthparents) - triadoption

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there In sapprt of opcn records. Thd womnn'a relollonshlp wlth her i
Womm . -. .-.. whma
~
chlldrcn hnd . been hmbnnd nnd othcr chlldrcn, hcr nbll. '
adopted o p rl the ~ bill, not brcnuse , Ity to trust and to lwe nnd hcr ncll-
It wcnt too nr but becnllse It dld no1 00 lmnge hnve all bccn ncgntlvcly nl.
far enough. For exnmple, nn Inter- i fccted by loslng her chlld, tlsrlnlly hcr
; mcdloty w m! d have bccn ulrcd for . nrsl-born, to adopllon nnd by lhc
a parent senrchlng lor hls "R or cr adult I ."w~wcllng" she war glvm before,
nonordsughler.) .' '
'durlngnnd nttcr the ndoptlon
I
Unfortunately, only d thlrd 01 thme She now lcels mom open In tnlklng
'nchdulcd lo s~eak wcre able lo do so . about hcr expcrlcncc. Sho reads a&. '
lnthc tlmepm'vlded, and U wns finnlll ,I :clcs nnd sces tclcvlsla shows about
dcddcd thnt the blU would not move ; , reunlom bctwcm ndoplm nnd their
out of wmmltlm. Also, slncc 1I.g span- ' nrolhcn nnd prn 8 thnl one day she,
.sore
Albert Burstcln of' loo, wlll bcq'founJ" nlthough s h mny ~
Tennfly,dldnol run for rcelccuonlnst ,, 'not feel she Is rcndy to scar& for her
' ycnr, the mcasure wlll nnd a new . sonor dnughler;
swnsor before .. any . a~tlon pn be ( Olhcr womcn nctlvcly s6nrch lor
, liken. : . 8
. I thclr chlldrcn, no1 to seek cuslody but,
thou h mmy pcopie can empa-, mlher, to lenrn If thclr chlldrcn nre :
(him wlJ an adoptcsls rlght to know, . nllve and well nnd tobenvnllnble to*
chcv ...-...~
hnve - dllfl~ltv comnmhcrdlnr lcvlnte the adoptpe's lnevllable fear of
why a parrnt, nknioften he ~ t ': d jrejccllon: '. ..
mother, fmls a aimtlar need nnd har I : Mnny womcn feel ;ompel;& to
1'
slmllnr rirrht. The molhcrs' pllght IS : scnrch after hcartng trua horror s b
only now hglnnlng to becomc known, . ' rlaof edopllon abuse, such ns thesuras
wns tho adopt?' pllght 10 yap; ' ! rendernlchlldahowarbomwllhasb
MQO. ..--. . '
vcrehnndlcnpnotcvidcnl at blr(h.The .
Thc stemtyped myih is thnt the :'child was ncvcrndoplednnd wns InsUmothcr
dld not wnnl to kecp her chlld ','
, tutionnll~rd; howcvcr, hcr moU~cr wns
and wns hnppy to glve her bnby to a ncver notlflcd, nllhoudi the nBcncy
marrlcd couple to mlsc. She wns abls . kncw that sheffanlcd her chlld bock.
,
lo get on wllh her Ilfe nnd, 'fxccpt for Other adoplca have bccn.rejccted
some longing on hlrlhdnya and holl. ' by Utclr ndopUve lnmlllc?,and thrown
days, never looked bnckon n sorry cpl- back Inlo lhc foslcr-cnre i)r;tem wlIh
'sodcthot she wnntcd to forget. ,
' - ' 'out the morher'fi over bclng notifled, "
The womnn lnlcr mnrricd nnd hod evcn lhough she mlght now be nble to
other chlldrcn, who mnde up for the
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pmvldc n home forhcr chlld.
loss of her first chlld. No one kncw Untll agcnclu am mndc nicounlabulthcchlld's
cxlslence; It was kept able for U~clr nctions and rmllclu. any I
a dccp secret Muse
lhe mothcr dld .
not want nnyonc to know thnt she had
hngullty of such an lndlscrclloh
' Even If she wondcrcd how her son or .
dnukhter war farlng, the womnn h ew '
lhal she had entered Into a wnlract
nnd could no1 wmo. bqck into her
chlld's llfa
'Ihe truth - tho rcnllty - 1% qulie
dlllcrcnt. A lyplcal molhcr wanled
dcspcratcly to keep her chlld, but war .
prasurcd and coerced b fnmlly, '
frlcnds, clergymen, 6 0 ~ wbrkem' 1 ~
nnd soclcty's mores to feel thnt, If she ..
, rcnlly loved hcrchlld, she hod no nllernatlvc
tondoptlon.
She was numbed by the cxnericni i
of hnvlne to surrcndir lrarentkl rl~hlr wl1hlnn;hort tlmeof h6rbaby's birth. I
l\s the yam go on, her nngulsh and 8
~rlevlni
- bccome more, not less, h ':
icnse. ' .I
The womnn is ncvcr nble to get on i
wllh hcr llfc bccnusc n big pnrt of her I
Is rnlsslng. She mny ncvcr hnve hod ..
othcr chlldrcn bccnusc tho trnumn of
loslng hcr cldld w ~ so s grcnt; rvcn I1 .
she hos othcr chlldren, lhcy can ncvcr
1111 Iht rnld thnt thc surrendered chlld
left behlnd. .. 1
i
womnn who'needs lo know lhe imh
about her cldld wlll be l o w losenrch :
onherown.. ( .' . ..
Women llke myself. who have curl- ,
tlnucd to love and hnve wnccrn for our .
lost chlldren. are tlrcd ofbclnr orebcnted
as women llvlng In shidbhbas r
,who dcslrcpmtcctlon nnd anonymity. ;
We ncver mkcd for or wnntcd the con.
ndenllallly. whlch Is a basic tenet 01 1
. Mothers who sakh nn molhcrs
who cnrc, add WI! recnt bclng pre-
scnled as sclflsh threnu lo our chll- :
dren and thclr fnmllles If we wlsh to
findthem. . I
We donot regard our chlldkn ar .
"pmperty" to be slolcn, 111uglrl over or
'owncd. Nothlng would be mom lrnelc :than hnvlngpaicnls nn$ndopllvc pnr. I
cnls nt ivnr wllh one nnolher n*hrn, In.
fact, we shnrcthc mostpreclous band:
lovcnndconcern for U~csnme chlld.
Adoptca Ip New Jcrscy nrctold thnt
thclr records are scaled to pmlcct,Ule
rlghis of ihc mother. It should be evldcnt
by now thnt most mothcrs do not
wmt pmlcctlon end cnnfidcntlnllly
from thelr own chlldrcn. Llke It or not,
lscnrches will contln~~e wlthln or out-
',$ldeogcncy dm~cls. . ,
f , Mnny of tho Issocs Iouctrcd upn In
New Jersey ndopllrm n!form nre
mornl, no1 Icgnl, 1?!;11%.nt(:rc Is o Chl.
ncse prwcrb: "A mnn fnlls b:lck on
lcgnlltla when hc hns no moral
groundson whlch toslnnd."
. I 1 mom opcn nr~d humnne adopllon
.Is a legal Issue, It Is becnusc wo, iu a
soclely, hnve codlflcd our blnsa nnd
I
lgnornnm. Our laws h Ncw Jency
m~utbcrhnnged tb ncknowlcdge thnl
It is pcrfr?Uy nnlurd for Inembers of
th@ ndolitlon trlnttglc to wnnl to know
one nnothcr. It Is Imposslblc to ernse
th'cbondsof molher nnd chlld from the
rnlnds nnd souls of ndoplccs nnd thclr
motllcrs.
In thls ln~pcrlcct world, there wlll
nlwnys bcn nccd ond a plncc for ndop.
tlon. .
Lct IU work to~ethcr to reform our '
stnte's ndopUon prnclll.r*. nnd lnws 1
nlth the end lhol, In UI. Il~turc, ndop. '
t~swould reconnlrc thrl~~-~l~~n-r~ol \
wllhascnscof belngrcjcctcd, but wlrh
the knowlcdgc oL who they tmly ore:
People with ndoptlvcpnrcnlr who love
thcmdccply, but who wcrenlsoborn lo
n mothcr whose, lovo wns so grcnt (hat
she mndc the ulllmutc st(crlfl6e . .. for
thclrwclfnre.
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Bmk, scorrlt~d/ur, nnd rvus rc~rrlltcd
wllh, the dorrghlershc lost loodoptlon.,
Slte is o c~~oundcr of Otieinr and a
ri~embero/C.U.B. s