The Finest - Rackspace Hosting

a homemade arrow pierce the seatback bulkhead of a 109”,
can an early Range Rover, driven by a sportscaster and his
cameraman, follow an elephant and a scantily-clad woman
riding a zebra through the jungle and can a 109” driven by a
heroic television sports reporter smash into and flip over
another 109” driven by former NFL placekicker-now evil
prince of an African country? The answer in each case is, “yes.”
I also learned that the excellent forward vision of the
Range Rover enables the driver and passenger to have a spectacular
view of a lioness and a scantily-clad woman when they
jump on the hood of the car. We all know that the twin-SU carb
3.5 could be hard to start when hot; this was accurately portrayed
when the mercenaries attacked the scantily-clad woman
and the sportscaster. As they ran off through the forest the cameraman
drove away on his mission, I’m pleased to report that
the Range Rover withstood machine gun fire as well as a
grenade – but you knew that already.
As befits a movie shot in Kenya there are lots of Land
Rovers, African wildlife and stunning scenery in the movie,
which help make up for the lame dialogue. Scroll through the
credits and you’ll find that Lorenzo Semple, Jr. (of Batman and
Carlton the Doorman fame) helped write the screenplay. That
would explain the scene in which the television sports reporter,
riding bareback on the zebra with Sheena, says to her “Your
hair smells fantastic. What do you use for a shampoo?”
Joe Bob Briggs, the preeminent arbiter of drive-in and ultimate
B movies, gave Sheena 4 out of 5 stars. If you’re tired of
The Gods Must Be Crazy, I recommend it.
The high winds this season have assured vultures like me a
good supply of firewood, as long as I take my Land Rover into
the woods to cut up the blown down trees.
Not long ago, I backed the II-A down a slope off a dirt lane
to pile newly cut wood into the car. The forest floor was soft
and the Rover’s nose stuck up at a 30 degree angle. I started to
load up the wood I had cut when a neighbor drove down the
lane in his Chevy 4x4 pickup. He looked at the Rover and
asked if I needed a tow. I asked him, “Why?” “You mean you
drove the Rover down there.” he asked? “I wouldn’t take my
truck there;” this from a man who owns three GM pickups, all
used for snowplowing. Too bad he doesn’t own a Land Rover.
Meanwhile, this February much of England, Scotland and
Wales seemed paralyzed for a few days under the sudden
onslaught of 10-20 inches of snow. Boris Johnson, the Lord
Mayor of London, had to admit the city owns no snowplows
and cancelled out all double-decker bus service because of
slippery roads. Tube and train service was seriously curtailed.
Graciously he agreed to lift the “congestion tax,” a fee on
vehicular traffic in central London aimed largely at Land
Rovers and similar SUV’s. He actually applauded those drivers
“who decided to come into work this day despite the weather.”
It’s good to acknowledge Land Rovers, isn’t it? As Land Rover
enthusiasts here know, owning a Land Rover eliminates
weather as an excuse for not getting to work during a storm.
Nationally the UK government must pay attention to Land Rover,
too. From 2004-2007, Land Rover set records including their
first-ever sale of over 200,000 vehicles in a single year. In 2008
Land Rover saw sales tumble by 18% to 185,000 vehicles.
Land Rover is projecting fewer sales in 2009.
Like US-based auto companies, Land Rover has reduced
its workforce, shut down factories for longer periods than
usual and instituted reduced work weeks. Together Land Rover
and Jaguar employ over 15,000 people in the UK. In November
2008, Land Rover officials called for their government to assist
the auto industry with loans totaling just under $3 billion. After
some grumbling, that wealthy and Indian parent Tata should
pay more for their adopted children Land Rover and Jaguar,
Britain did extend credit to Land Rover.
The UK kept only about 38,000 Land Rovers of all models
in 2008. Land Rover still exports 78% of all its vehicles to 169
countries, an astounding feat for such a small automobile
company. Let’s hope this success keeps the Defender around
and produced in Great Britain, and eventually, back in the USA.
For all the genuine economic challenges we confront, the good
news your - Land Rover, Range Rover, Discovery, LR 3 or
Freelander - is in your garage. Be thankful you didn’t choose a
Toyota Land Cruiser. The New York Times called the 2009 Land
Cruiser an “old friend who seems to have ballooned to almost
unrecognizable dimensions... a temple of tumescence.”
The reviewer asks “Why did Toyota reduce the new
model’s ground clearance, and the approach, departure and
break-over angles that are so crucial in hard-core off-roading?
A height-adjustable suspension might have compensated for
those losses, but one is not offered. Another head-scratcher:
Why is the housing of the rear differential made of lightweight
(and relatively fragile) aluminum?” Good questions, all.
Instead, anyone fancy a 2007 Range Rover? It seems that
Bernard Madoff, the financier whose $50 billion Ponzi scheme
collapsed this winter, needs to reduce expenses. Each year he
shelled out $117,329 for leases on: the Range Rover, a 2009
Mercedes S550 [leased in October, 2008, no less], a 2008
Cadillac DTS, a 2007 Mercedes S550, a 2008 Mercedes GL450
sport-utility vehicle and a 2006 Lexus. When you’re under
24-hour house arrest, the need for multiple vehicles
diminishes somewhat.
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