Issue 1247 - The Courier

www.thecourieronline.co.uk
Tuesday March 6 2012
Issue 1247
Free
STUDENT UNION ELECTIONS 2012
Combined
honours
students face
Five-time
Stan Calvert
Champions
mistreatment Exclusive
pull-out
•
Diminished access to marks, modules
and choice of dissertation topics
inside
By Wills Robinson
News Editor
Combined Honours students are enduring
unjustified discrimination
within their course, as schools choose
to prioritise single honours students.
During the last academic year many
students who have chosen to study
combined degrees have faced problems
of unfair treatment due to their
lack of direct association with a single
school.
This has included being unable to
register on certain modules, reduced
opportunities to attend course related
workshops, failing to be included
within distribution lists and not having
access to relevant Blackboard information.
Other students studying joint courses
have received their assessment
marks later than those doing single
honours, with some exam scripts going
missing altogether; causing much
distress to those involved.
One third-year, studying History
and English Literature, who chose
Newcastle specifically for the strength
of the School of Historical Studies
modules looking into American Civil
Rights, was told that single honours
students took priority over combined
students.
The email from a senior lecturer
read: “I am sorry to hear about your
disappointment in not being able to
study your first choice module, but as
you must appreciate, students studying
History as a single honours must
have first claim on the available options”.
This particular student was then
cautioned against pursing a dissertation
on a topic in which they had
already shown a vested interest, with
the email reading: “It is not the case
that you will be debarred from working
on Civil Rights. If anything we
tend to caution against work across
two modules”.
This was not the first time the student
was left disappointed, having
missed out on a first choice module
the previous year, even though the
application was made only two minutes
after the module choice selection
opened.
Problems of module selection has
also arisen in the past, with combined
students receiving emails regarding a
module briefing just fifteen minutes
before it was scheduled to start.
There has also been a problem between
two different schools when
exam papers were misplaced.
Five students studying English and
Classics received an email with the
rest of the students, informing them
that they had feedback to collect.
However, when they arrived to pick
up the marks at both the Historical
Studies Office and the English Office,
they were unaware as to where the papers
where.
They were told how they had been
lost in the internal postage system. As
a result, the students were sent photocopies
a week after the rest of the students
had received their results, with
still no sign of the original transcripts.
continued on page 4
Photography: Moises Bedrossian
Union Pres
held under
spotlight
By Helen Lam
Online News Editor
Elections “hampered” by decision to rerun
The attendance of NUS President
Liam Burns to Student Council last
week was overshadowed by the heated
interrogation of current President
Laura Perry over an explanation for
the poor promotion of elections.
The March student election, which
covers both full-time Sabbatical Officers
and part-time Officers, originally
had the date for when voting
was to take place as this week, had the
original deadline for nominations set
as 10am on Monday 20 February.
However, after the first meeting of
Elections Committee it was decided
that the deadline would be extended
until 10am on the following Wednesday.
No official reason has been given,
but it is believed to be due to the low
number of nominations.
continued on page 7

2
News News
thecourieronline.co.uk/news
NEWS
HAPPY FEET
Newcastle Dancers
bring home glory
after Edinburgh
competition
39 PROBLEMS
New Baltic gallery
finally opens after
seven years of turmoil
Is the coalition’s
work experience
scheme good?
7
9
COMMENT
EXPERIENCE POINTS
SUPER TUESDAY
Perspectives on
the upcoming US
11
elections
SPORT
STAN CALVERT
Twelve-page pullout special
covering all the action - head
to the centre of the paper!
JOLLY AMBITIOUS
10
The Marine Bio
39
student applying
to swim in
the Olympics
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Editors: Wills Robinson and George Sandeman
Online News Editor: Helen Lam
courier.news@ncl.ac.uk
Minimum alcohol price “unlikely to have
substantial effect” say university researchers
By Helen Lam
Online News Editor
Researchers at the University have revealed
that placing a ban on the minimum
price of alcohol is unlikely to
have a noticeable impact on the price
of alcohol in Newcastle.
The research comes following David
Cameron’s recent visit to the North
East and his labelling of the level of
drunkenness in the UK as a “scandal.”
Indicating that the low cost of alcohol
was a major factor in binge drinking,
Cameron has since stated his aims
to tackle excessive drinking and its
harmful effects.
Photography: Flickr
An NUS leader has stepped down
from his position, following the release
of a controversial picture in
which a woman simulates perforing
oral sex on him.
Until his resignation on March 28,
21 year old Ben Meakin held the position
of Guild of Students President at
Aberystwyth University in Wales.
Allegations were made of misconduct
towards Meakin, acting with a
female student at a pub in the University
town, which were later revealed
to be have been photographed. The
photograph shows a woman crouched
down in front of him, imitating an act
of oral sex, whilst he downs a beer.
The study, conducted by Dr Jean Adams,
centred on Newcastle city centre
and focused on all price promotions,
representing the cheapest end of the
alcohol market. Researchers targeted
29 outlets selling alcohol and found
over 2000 promotions available to the
public. Despite this, however, only
two percent of promotions lead to alcohol
being sold at below cost price.
Researchers also found that many of
the promotions required customers to
purchase large quantities of alcohol to
receive the discounted promotions.
Dr Adams said: “Our results indicate
that the current government proposal
to ban sales of alcohol at below
The former Guild of Students President
later posted on his Facebook
page: “I go out on a night for a few
drinks, it’s the worlds [sic] biggest
scandal and they are content in doing
their utmost to drag my name
through the mud. Priorities kids, sort
it out.”
However, after stepping down on
Tuesday, the next day he issued a full
apology: “I sincerely regret my participation
in the social event held outside
the Guild after our superteams
day. I compromised my role as Guild
president. This morning, I resigned as
a member of the NUS Wales national
executive committee.
“My actions go against the fantastic
work of the women’s liberation
movement, which I fully support.
Personally, I am a strong advocate for
‘cost’ price is likely to affect very few
products and so would be unlikely to
have a substantial effect on purchasing
and consumption.
In contrast, a minimum price of
£0.50 per unit would impact on more
than one quarter of the price discounts
we identified.”
Colin Shevills, Director of Balance,
the North East alcohol office, said:
“We welcome this research, which
further demonstrates the real need
for a minimum price per unit of alcohol
if we are serious about tackling
the problems caused by its misuse.
“Alcohol continues to be sold for
pocket money prices across the North
Meakin steps down over indecent images
By Clare Atkinson
the women’s movement. This is clear
through my work banning the event
Carnage coming to the Guild this
year.
“I have learned from this experience
and plan to carry on my work here at
Aberystwyth University.”
The superteams event is an annual
women’s sporting competition within
Aberystwyth University. Due to the
nature of the photograph and it being
taken shortly after the superteams
event, there have been cries of sexism
from some parties. However, during
his apology Meakin was keen to reiterate
his long-standing support for
women’s rights.
The seat in the NUS will now remain
empty until the next election,
with the next member taking up the
post in July.
East, where we have the highest rate
of alcohol-related hospital admissions
and male deaths in England.
Research we published last year revealed
that alcohol was available for
as little as 12p a unit, meaning a man
can drink at his recommended daily
limit (3-4 units) for just 48p. This
can’t be right when we know that consumption
is driven by price.”
Shevills also highlighted that support
across the North East for a minimum
price per unit of alcohol is continually
growing; with more than half
of the people they questioned supporting
the measure.
Noise still a
problem in
Jesmond
By Wills Robinson
News Editor
Local residents in Jesmond are continuing
to tackle the constant problem
noise, nuisance and antisocial behavior
in the area.
The Jesmond Residents Association
(JRA) in its February newsletter,
which is distributed to the majority of
households in the Newcastle suburb,
stated that anti-social behavior in the
area is having a detrimental impact to
the quality of life.
The association’s Committee has
met with both Newcastle and Northumbria
universities, as well as Northumbria
Police, to discuss the on-going
matter and continuing concerns of the
residents.
The JRA have been running a campaign
to encourage residents to report
all incidences to each of the multiple
organisations involved. As residents
are made increasingly aware of the
problem, the local community is reporting
more anti-social based disturbances.
There has been extra policing in Jesmond
for three nights a week during
University time under the alias Operation
Oak. Newcastle University staff
have been increasingly concerned
with the continued problems experienced
by residents and students alike.
NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940
The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced
by students, for students. It’s never too late
to get involved in the paper, whether you’re
a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit
thecourieronline.co.uk/getinvolved for more
information.
Editor Kat Bannon Deputy Editor Elliot Bentley News Editors Wills Robinson and George Sandeman
Online News Editor Helen Lam Politics Correspondent Bethany Staunton Comment Editors Sophie
McCoid and Susie May Beever Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson
Lifestyle Editors Olivia Mason and Ben Parkin Online Lifestyle Editor Emma Balter Fashion Editor
Victoria Mole Online Fashion Editor Rosanna Sopp Arts Editors Sally Priddle Online Arts Editor Lisa
Bernhardt Film Editor Chris Binding Online Film Editor Hayley Hamilton Music Editors Ben Travis,
Chris Scott Online Music Editor Graham Matthews Science Editor Mark Atwill Online Science Editor
Shaun Butcher TV Editors Sophia Fairhead and Nicole Stevenson Sports Editors Colin Henrys, Harry
Slavin and Rory Brigstock-Baron Online Sports Editors Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott Design Editors
Gabe Mason and Tom O’Boyle Copy Editors Sarah Collings, Rachael Day, Dave Dodds, Grace Marconi,
Rebecca Markham, Charley Monteith, Adam Rummens, Alice Sewell, Marleen van Os, Emily Wheeler
The Courier is printed by: Harmsworth Printing Limited,
Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2DW. Tel:
01332 253013.
Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent
student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle
University. The Courier is published weekly during term time,
and is free of charge.
The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of
The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this
newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission
of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion
pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The
Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
news.3
You light up my world like nobody else
THE LOOK
OF LOVE
Third year Medical student
Lisette Moten not only had
a surprise visit from her
boyfriend last week, but
an unexpected proposal at
St. Mary’s Lighthouse in
Whitley Bay.
Photography: NORTH NEWS
The circle of strife:
Rory’s safe return
Kidnapped mascot home in lion’s den
By Wills Robinson
News Editor
A surprisingly romantic proposal was
waiting for a Newcastle student at one
of the North East’s most iconic landmarks.
Last week third-year Lisette Moren
was popped the question by boyfriend
Niels van Norel at St Mary’s Lighthouse
in Whitley Bay. Surrounded by
champagne and flowers, 22-year-old
Lisette had only one answer on her
mind– yes.
Surrounded by
champagne and
flowers, 22-year-old
Lisette had only
one answer on her
mind - yes.
The medical student was already in
shock after her boyfriend’s unexpected
arrival in the North East on Thursday,
from where he lives in Holland.
“I thought that Niels’ sister was coming
over because she said she wanted
to see Newcastle and we had planned
what we were going to do,” she said.
“But when I went to the Airport
to pick her up Niels came walking
through the terminal.
“I just couldn’t believe it, it was such
a surprise”.
However, Niels had everything
planned out, suggesting that, on the
way back from Newcastle Airport,
they made a detour by Metro to see
the coast on the way back to the flat.
He had already contacted the Port of
Tyne, which manages the lighthouse
to discuss his plan. The lighthouse
normally only opens to the public a
few days a year.
Niels, 24 said: “Lisette and I are
both big sailing fans so I wanted to do
something special close to the sea.
“Because she was studying in Newcastle,
I started looking at places on
the Internet where I could propose.
“I thought a castle would be a bit
clichéd, but the lighthouse caught my
eye.
“The Port of Tyne was absolutely
fantastic.
“They even had champagne and
flowers waiting for us when we got
there. I couldn’t have imagined a
more perfect setting.
Niels, in traditional fashion, had already
spoken to Lisettes’ father to ask
for permission: “That was probably
more nerve-wracking than proposing
to Lisette”.
“We have been together for nearly
five years now, and have known each
other even longer than that.
Lisette was thrilled with how Niels
managed to keep the proposal a secret.
“It was a lovely a surprise when he
asked and I had no hesitation in saying
‘yes’.”
The day was rounded off with the
breaking of a champagne glass, which
in Holland means seven years of good
luck.
“I certainly hope we are together
much longer than seven years,” joked
the medical student.
Mike Nicholson: Port of Tyne’s harbour
master said: “The lighthouse is
normally open to the public during
heritage open days in September but
we couldn’t help but make and exception
and do our best to make it a
memorable experience.”
By Helen Lam
Online News Editor
Rory the Lion, Team Newcastle’s valuable
mascot, was returned safe and
sound to his home in the Student’s
Union with only days to spare before
the Stan Calvert Cup commences.
Following a fortnight of uncertainty
as to Rory’s whereabouts, the release
of a ransom note and even a kidnap
video on Team Newcastle’s Facebook
page, Rory was back to cheer
Rory the Lion was first introduced
by the 2007/08 Athletic Officer, Lydia
Oxenham and has since supported
Team Newcastle through 4 consecutive
triumphs over rivals Northumbria
University.
On his return, Rory told The Courier:
“It was a horrible experience. I
wish I knew where they had taken me
but they had me blind-folded.
“I’m glad I’m back for my favourite
day of the year,”.
Alice Holloway, current Athletics
Officer told The Courier: “I am over
the moon that Rory is back where he
belongs! The AU Office was in absolute
disbelief when we saw he had
been stolen. It was so great to have
him back for Sunday, he’s our lucky
charm - we’ve now won Stan Calvert
for the fifth consecutive year with
him now! I don’t know what I would
have done if he hadn’t turned up.”
It was initially suspected that another
Sabbatical Officer was to blame for
Rory’s abduction, in playing a practical
joke, however that idea was soon
dismissed.
Wilfred Wildcat, Newcastle University’s
Ice Hockey club mascot,
expressed his delight at being reunited
with Rory saying: “I’m so happy
Rory’s back, we were a whisker away
from calling the police. He made sure
Stan Calvert was purrrr-fect!”
THE CAT
IS BACK
Rory Lion returned back to his
rightful habitat ready to cheer
Newcastle on as they took on
Northumbria over the weekend
Photography: Alice Holloway

4.news
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
“It’s not that Combined Honours students aren’t as
valued, it’s just that priority is given to single honours.”
Continued from front page
Furthermore, some Combined Honours
students studying Psychology
were only able to access their exam
results three days after the rest of the
students sitting the same exam.
Daniel Ashall, Chair of the Combined
Honours Student Staff Committee
(SSC) said: “There should be
simple solutions around the issues.
Students should simply be able to be
attached to mailing lists.
“Its not that Combined Honours
students aren’t important, it’s just that
priority is given to single honours students.
“Departments are making a conscious
effort to amend things. But
menial things such as adding people
to mailing lists and Blackboard
communities should come naturally,
along with the fact that some Combined
Honours students are receiving
correspondence that they shouldn’t.
“When students are left off from
resources such as Blackboard it becomes
problematic. For example, different
schools have different methods
of referencing, so when it comes to
essays, combined students who don’t
have access to the community are at a
disadvantage.
“There are some technical problems
that are out of the hands of some
schools hands, and we are always
working on these issues to try and
remedy them.
“I believe the problems of some
our students sometimes seemed to
be overlooked. Even though there is
cooperation from departments, we
continually face issues on both a large
and small scale”.
Colin Bryson, Director of the Combined
Honours Centre said: “Studying
Combined Honours offers many
advantages to students, particularly
flexibility and considerable autonomy
in navigating through the degree
choosing preferred subjects and modules.
“However this flexibility raises inevitable
issues as students will not
be studying all their modules within
one subject. Any disadvantages arising
are not the intention of staff, and
the Combined Honours SSC and myself
are working hard to alleviate any
negative impact of such issues”.
Newcastle Students’ Union Education
Officer, Liam Dale said: “Studying
Combined Honours can be so
valuable, giving students a greater
opportunity for choice of modules
and subject areas. This should be celebrated
rather than students being
‘punished’ for choosing this option.
“The fact that these students are still
being treated unfavourably compared
to single honours students is completely
unacceptable. These problems
appear to be based locally in different
schools and appear quite minor yet
would have significant impacts on the
affected students. Due to the nature of
these issues, it seems that they can be
resolved easily by the relevant schools
and they should be seeking to do so
immediately.”
Another third-year Combined Honours
student said: “The Combined
Honours school itself is brilliant, and
they always do all they can for you.
“However, on most courses you
are counted as not as important as
their full time students. Particularly
in English, where you aren’t offered
enough support or help anyway.
“it would be ten times easier, and fairer, if schools could tighten up
on their communication with combined honours students and
treat them like they do any single or joint honours student.”
“But mostly, I love the variety that
my course offers me and the choice of
my modules means I have got to do a
course that is perfect for me.”
Another third year Combined Honours
student said: “Combined honours
students take on a lot of responsibility
when they start their degrees
such as managing their own timetables
and anticipating clashing deadlines,
and they are fully aware of this
when they start first year.
“However, it would be ten times easier,
and fairer, if schools could tighten
up their communication with combined
students and treat them like
they do any single or joint honours
student.
“It would be interesting to find out
of joint honours students suffer this
discrimination from any schools too.”
Newcastle University’s equality policy
suggests that: “all students and all
employees are treated on the basis or
their relevant merits and abilities and
are given equal opportunities within
the University.
Being treated in the
same way is optimistic
JENNIFER
CANNON
COMMENT
The past couple of weeks have
seen the release of January
exam results, a process
that generates anticipation
and dread in equal measures across
campus.
However, for many Combined
Honours students the wait was more
frustrating than most. Although
students took the same exams at the
same time, single honours results
were released up to a week earlier
than their combined counterparts,
causing confusion and worry.
No explanation was given as to
why the two groups of students were
treated differently, and so combined
students simply had to remain in
suspense until their transcripts were
finally released.
This singling out of Combined
students is not restricted to exam results.
It’s reasonably common knowledge
across the Combined Honours
community that it’s optimistic to
expect to be regarded in exactly
the same way as other students on
your modules, or even included in
everything your subject has to offer.
Although it is by no means true
that all schools fail to be inclusive,
it’s not uncommon to find yourself
left out of Blackboard communities
and mailing lists (I’m looking at
you, English!), uninformed about
“No prospective student or student,
job applicant or employee, should
reieve less favourable treatment on
any grounds which are not relevant
to academic ability and attainment
for students or to good employment
practice for employees”.
Combined Honours students have
always been faced with more problems
than many other students. Two
years ago, the University tried to remove
the opportunity to undertake a
Combined Honours degree at Newcastle
University.
However, a student-led petition
quashed the proposal, and new undergraduate
students are still able to
opt into a degree which allows more
variety than many others.
Despite this, communication problems
are still prevalent, even though
the issue is trying to be continually
resolved.
This has brought into question
whether certain schools see Combined
Honours students as being outside
their subjects by prioritising their
single honours students.
If any other students are experiencing
similar issues, or any other problems
relating to courses, they should
contact Education Officer Liam Dale
at education.union@ncl.ac.uk.
additional workshops or module
fairs, or losing out on module signup
because other students are given
priority.
As a Combined student, I find
this baffling to say the least. There
is no difference in the workload or
assessment of students who take a
particular module; we all attend the
same lectures, do the same assignments
and take the same exams.
Perhaps some
Treating
Students
differently
depending on
their degree
programme
undermines
the entire
point of giving
students the
right to choose
which modules
they take
schools believe
that by taking
more than one
subject you are
somehow less
committed to
each individually.
However,
surely it is
obvious that an
interest in Psychology
has no
bearing on how
much you can
enjoy English
Literature, and
the assumption
that someone
who studies
more than one subject area will be
less likely to want to further their
learning in any of them is absurd.
Treating students differently depending
on their degree programme
undermines the entire point of
giving students the right to choose
which modules they take: if you are
interested in a certain topic you take
it, if not, you don’t. To choose to give
time to a subject and then be told
you’re not committed enough to be
‘fully included’ must be as frustrating
as it is ridiculous.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
news.5
Cars hit by mindless damage in Jesmond
SCRATCH
AND RUN
Perpetrators targeted first
one side, then the other of
Larkspur Terrace to mindlessly
damage residents’
cars parked outside their
homes.
Photography: Katie
Leitch
By Kat Bannon
Editor
A number of cars in Jesmond have
been repeatedly hit by vandalism.
Police are currently investigating the
repeated scratching of parked cars on
Larkspur Terrace, and other nearby
roads, that has taken place over the
last couple of weeks.
Overnight between Wednesday 22
February and Thursday 23 February,
12 vehicles were reported as damaged.
Following this, between Friday 24
February and Monday 27 February, a
further 11 incidents were reported in
the same street, with numerous panels
on each vehicle damaged.
Perpetrators have focused on the
end of the road connecting Larkspur
Terrace to Mistletoe Road, seemingly
trying to avoid CCTV situated at Coral
betting shop on the corner.
They first targeted cars parked on
one side of the road, and then the other,
stopping halfway down the street.
As part of their investigation plain
clothed as well as uniformed officers
have been on duty around the area.
Also, one resident of Larkspur Terrace,
who also happens to be a professor
at the University, was asked by
police for access to an attic room in
his house overnight in order to have
the best viewing vantage point of the
whole street.
A third-year History student said
her car was one of those hit on the
first evening.
“It doesn’t seem like they’re personally
attacking students - they go for
any car on the street. Then just odd
cars are missed out.
“It’s a pointless, random act of vandalism
and it’s completely unfair.
“It’s so disheartening that people
think they can get away with this.
They aren’t gaining anything either.
I’ve been hit with a completely unnecessary
expenditure.”
The case is currently being dealt
with by the area’s Neighbourhood Policing
Team.
PC Mike Fawcett, of the Newcastle
East Neighbourhood Policing Team,
said: “The panels have been scratched
to the bare metal meaning the vehicles
will need to be re-sprayed costing
the victims large amounts of money.
“This is absolutely mindless damage
causing anger and frustration
amongst those people affected. Criminal
damage not only impacts on the
individual but also the wider community.
“We’re carrying out enquiries to
trace the person or people responsible
for this spate of damage and there will
be additional patrols in the area. Officers
are also checking CCTV footage.
“People are urged to pass any information
they have - they can do this
anonymously - about who is responsible.
It’s important these people are
identified so they can be dealt with
appropriately for causing such an extensive
amount of damage.”
Anyone with information can
contact police on 101 ext 69191, or
Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800
555 111. Callers to Crimestoppers
could be eligible for a cash reward.
400 students warned for improper use of ISS
By Wills Robinson
News Editor
A number of Newcastle students have
been warned for improper use of the
universities computer services.
Last year, 411 students received
warnings via email for visiting sites
with indecent, obscene or abusive
content, with 98 students receiving
second warnings about their failure to
comply with the Universities’ policy
on internet usage.
35 students were then interviewed
for continuing to misuse servers with
23 students having their accounts suspended
by Information Systems and
Services (ISS).
As of yet, however, there have been
no referrals to the police for severe
breaches of the ISS policies.
Misuse of the computer services can
result in extreme circumstances for
students, such as suspension or exclusion
from the University, as well as
the potential of criminal proceedings.
A first-year student living in Richardson
Road, who preferred to remain
anonymous said: “I received a
warning email during my first semester.
It was a genuine surprise as I had
no idea that the sites we visited were
being closely monitored.
“Then I found out we could be
thrown out of university, which really
35 students were then interviewed for
continuing to misuse servers with 23
students having their accounts suspended.
did give me a shock.
“Now, its safe to say, I try and stick
to Facebook and Twitter”.
Internet use is monitored on all
computers with are connected to the
Universities’ server, including those
in computer clusters, libraries and
halls of residence, both on and off site.
Newcastle follows the requirements
of JANET (Joint Academic Network)
AUP (Acceptable Use Policy), which
details the types of internet activity
that are deemed unacceptable. This
can vary anywhere from pornographic
material to extremist or terrorist
based sites.
ISS staff do not perform random
checks on internet activity, with manual
detection being used to spot habitual
breaches of the system’s policy.
When a student is alleged to have
breached the policy, he will be asked
through email to stop immediately.
Then, if unacceptable usage persists,
the students will be constantly sent
emails threatening them with account
suspension.
In their Statement on Internet use,
the University stresses the role of the
Internet on campus for undertaking
their academic coursework or research.
However, the university does
concede that students can also use the
system for personal use, as long as it is
in line with ISS usage policies.
CHECK
WHERE YOU
CLICK
Students risk their academic
future if they misuse
the Universities’ internet
systems.
Photography: Rachel
Wilson

6.news
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Dance Society takes
Tyneside by storm
By Emily Richardson
Countless hours of planning, rehearsing
and practicing paid off for Newcastle
University Dance Society last
weekend after they reaped the awards
at the second annual Inter-University
Dance Competition in Newcastle.
On Saturday 25 February competitors
from universities all over
the country such as Leeds, Sheffield,
York, Manchester, Hull, Imperial College,
Nottingham Trent and Sunderland
gathered together to compete
in multiple dancing categories, with
Newcastle claiming the top spots in
several.
One of the greatest successes of
the day was when third-year Biology
student and competition coordinator,
Lauren Anderson, securing third
place in the Solo category- a highly
prestigious triumph, especially given
the standard of the opposition.
The Beginners categories also had
many winning claims. Second-year
students Amy Wilcock and Laura
Nicholson won first place for their
choreographed Beginners Ballet
piece, Beginners Jazz, choreographed
by Niki Holgate-Smith and Claire
Geoghegan, stole second place, and
Beginners Tap saw Emma Wakefield
take home the third place trophy for
the category.
Entries into the Advanced categories
also secured wins. Advanced Ballet
and Advanced Contemporary,
both choreographed by talented committee
members Hannah Houghton
and Sophie Bennison, took third
place and second place, respectively.
Advanced Jazz gave Inga Chen and
Frankie Willis a solid third place win,
one that was extremely deserving and
long awaited.
One of the biggest accomplishments
for Newcastle was securing a
first place win in the Advanced Street
category- the competition was fierce
but Bethany Bresnen and Sadie Riley
came out swinging, and the dancers
earned their ‘street cred’ by securing
the first place finish.
The competition proved a great day
for all involved with feedback from
competitors saying that it was the
most organized and well-run competition
of the year and so confirming
that the Newcastle Dance Society
came away with more than trophies.
It was also a solid result after their
triumph in the Edinburgh Competition
two weeks ago saw them claim
a number of trophies, including
‘Best Dancer’ for president Bethany
Bresnen.
However, although she was unfortunately
unable to collect it due to her
winning the position last year, it was
obvious it was meant for her!
This Saturday the dance society
headed South to take part in the
Loughborough University Competition.
See next week’s issue to see how
they got on.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
news.7
Union Pres interrogated
over poor election turnout
Visit of NUS President Liam Burns overshadowed
REACH FOR
THE STARS
Newcastle’s Dance Society
were highly successful in
Newcastle, with third year
Lauren Anderson securing
second place in the prestigious
solo category.
Photography: Newcastle
Dance Society
continued from front page
However, this decision was overturned
the next day by the Returning
Officer.
He deemed it unfair on the candidates
that had already put their nominations
forward, and ruled that only
ballots without candidates were to
remain open.
Colin Henrys, running for Editor of
The Courier, said “It felt unfair as I’d
worked to meet the deadline; however,
in order to make the Student Union
run effectively it needs the right
candidates for the role, and so a two
day extension shouldn’t really have
been a problem to anyone.”
However, during ‘President Question
Time’ at Union Council last week
there was the predominant feeling
that Perry’s decision to rerun may
have affected the smooth running of
Elections Committee, as well as having
potentially hampered the number
of candidates that came forward.
Until handing in her nominations
form on the Monday morning of the
nominations deadline Perry stood as
Chair of Elections Committee.
Students commented that this could
be seen as unfair on other candidates,
as she would have received manifestos
prior to the nominations deadline,
giving her an advantage as well as
During the ‘President Question Time’ at Union Council last week
there was the predominant feeling that Perry’s decision to rerun
may have affected the smooth running of Elections Committee
LIAM BURNS
The NUS President’s
address to students
was overshadowed by
the intense scrutiny
NUSU President Perry
was subjected to
awareness of who was running.
Criticism also fell on the marketing
of the positions available. However,
Perry was adamant that all publicity
was adequate.
Burn’s speech to those in attendance
centred on the current Coalition
Government’s policies surrounding
Higher Education in the UK.
He spoke about the fight against
such reforms “goes on” and condemned
the Conservative-led Government’s
reforms as pricing students
out of a university education.
The former leader of NUS Scotland
also revealed a national campaign
to be launched by the NUS entitled
“Come Clean” which seeks to tackle
the perceived lack of bursaries available
to students and the manner in
which they are awarded.
He asserted that 30% of students will
never actually pay back their tuition
fees and that, therefore, the policy of
fee waivers was pointless and instead
greater access to bursaries should be
prioritized.
A motion was also passed at council
to support the main aims of the National
Week of Action but not to actively
build for a walkout.
Photography: NUS Scotland (Flickr)
PhD student to join
UN leaders in Brazil
Competition winner to petition conference on global environment
By Jennifer Evans
The winner of a competition to attend
the Rio +20 conference on sustainable
development has been announced.
Civil Engineering PhD student and
focus geared towards making each
area more environmentally sound.
According to the Guardian newspaper’s
website, attendants at the conference
will also be asked to “negotiate
a new agreement to protect oceans,
approve an annual state of the planet
Henrietta Smylie (BSc Marketing)
took fourth place with Luke Barnwell
(MEng Civil Engineering and
Geosciences) taking fifth and Martin
Findlay (MEng Civil Engineering and
Geosciences) taking sixth respecitvely.
The conference aims to examine seven critical international development
issues; jobs, energy, cities, food, water, oceans and disasters
Culture Lab employee Ed Byers will
attend the Earth Summit, which runs
from June 20 to 22.
The prize, sponsored by Northumbrian
Water and in association with
the Newcastle Institute for Research
on Sustainability (NIRS), will see Ed
travel to Rio de Janeiro to rub shoulders
with the UN’s leading experts
on sustainable development and UN
leaders.
Throughout the conference Ed will
also produce a blog reporting on the
debates and discussions he will be attending.
The conference aims to examine
seven critical international development
issuest; jobs, energy, cities, food,
water, oceans and disasters, with the
report, set up a major world agency
for the environment and appoint a
global ombudsperson, or high commissioner,
for future generations.”
Ed won the competition by submitting
a discussion piece focussing on
one of these key areas.
This followed a huge publicity campaign,
which saw the number of applicants
rise from single figures to
around the 200 mark.
There were five runners up selected
by the judging panel, supported by
the Port of Tyne and Planet Earth Institute.
Second place went to James Robinson
(MEng Civil Engineering and
Geosciences), third place was Claire
Chisholm (BA Combined Honours).
In addition a further three enteries
were also seleted to be featured on
their blog site, as the standard of entries
was so high.
An announcement on February 28
by NIRS also confirmed that thanks
to Northumbrian Water, the Planet
Earth Institute and NIRS, two runners
up in the competition, James
Robinson and Claire Chisholm would
also be attending the conference.
Furthermore it was also announced
on March 1 that fourth place winner,
Henriette Smylie, will be travelling to
Sao Paulo over the summer to spend
time with one of Brazil’s leading PR
firms and will be visiting some of
their clients, including the Planet
Earth Institute.
ED’S THE
RIO DEAL
The PhD student will rub
shoulders with some of the
world’s top leaders as he
reports on the development
conference Photography:
Ed Byers

8.news
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Eighth Student Pride weekend takes over Brighton
By Sophie McCoid
An estimated 1000 students attended
the eighth Student Pride event in
Brighton over the weekend.
The National Union of Students
LGBT campaign marks its 30th anniversary
this year with politicians such
as Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband voicing
their support for the event. Prime
Minister David Cameron proclaimed
it as an important landmark in the
LGBT student calendar.
The weekend included a Question
Time style debate staged in association
with Attitude magazine.
The panel included prolific personalities
such as Attitude Editor Matthew
Todd, BBC newscaster Jane Hill
and Dan Gillespie Sells , lead singer
of The Feeling, to
name but a few.
People may
see Gay Pride
as ‘in your face’
or aggressive
but they
are simply a
chance to be
who we are
and a bit of fun
Other events
included an
LGBT jobs fair
and various social
events, concluding
in a massive
night at the
Brighton Dome
complex.
A spokesman
for the LGBT
society at Newcastle
said: “Student
pride is a great opportunity for
LGBT students to get together and be
happy in who they are and celebrate
how positive it is being LGBT in the
twenty-first century.
Although people may see Gay Pride
events as ‘in your face’ or aggressive,
these events are simply a chance to
be who we are, have a bit of fun, and
are generally really fun events for all
who go along, including heterosexual
people.
It’s also a chance to highlight and
publicise some of the key issues at the
moment like gay marriage and homophobia”.
Danica Histed, Chair of National
Student Pride expressed her excitement
for this years event: “The move
to the Brighton Dome enables the
event to get much bigger and much
better, including allowing the Under
18s in to the daytime event for the
first time.”
Job Title: Sales Assistant
Employer: G-Star Raw
Closing date: 05.03.12
Salary: Competitive
Basic job description: A Sales Assistant is
required to work 8 hours per week at the
store in the Metrocentre. Duties include liaising
with customers to create sales and meet
targets, cash handling and other general
store duties as requested.
Person requirements: Applicants must have
previous retail and sales experience, possess
excellent customer service skills and be
able to work within a team. A knowledge of
the brand and interest in fashion beneficial.
Location: Gateshead.
Job Title: Food Associate
Employer: BHS
Closing date: 07.03.12
Salary: National Minimum Wage
Basic job description: Food Associates are
required to work 4+ hours per week within
the BHS coffee lounge and restaurant in
Gateshead. Duties include advising customers
on menu choices, serving customers
hot/cold food, keeping the restaurant clean
and tidy, clearing tables and other general
duties.
Person requirements: Experience preferred
but not essential as full training and
development provided. Applicants must be
dedicated to excellent customer service,
have excellent communication skills, the
ability to work within a team and be able to
follow instructions.
Location: Gateshead.
Job Title: Waiting staff
Employer: Charlie and Evelyn’s Table
Closing date: 10.03.12
Salary: £6.08 per hour
Basic job description: Personable, energetic
waiting staff are required to work with a
young catering company to help out at a
Wedding taking place on Saturday 31st
March (all day, exact timings TBC) in
Northumberland. Main duties will include:
Room set up, waiting table, serving food and
drinks, attending to guests’ needs, clearing
table and general clear up.
Person requirements: We are looking for
reliable team players who love meeting new
people and working to high standards. Waiting
experience preferred. Clear communication
and attention to detail advantageous.
Although not mandatory but a passion for
food (cooking and eating) useful.
Location: Northumberland.
Job Title: Male Personal Assistant
Employer: Disability North
Closing date: 16.03.12
Salary: £8.00 per hour
Basic job description: A Gentleman recovering
from a stroke who lives in the Slatyford
area of Newcastle is looking to employ a
Male Personal Assistant (Support Worker)
to work 15 hours per week helping him with
personal care such as showering and meal
preparation at a weekend and to drive him
to destinations of his choice on a Wednesday
and a Sunday. It would be ideal if the
applicant was also able to provide cover on
a Friday.
Person requirements: Other than a driving
licence (which is an absolute requirement),
no specific qualifications are required; just
need a reliable, friendly individual who is
physically fit enough to assist with getting
into and out of bed and the shower and who
will be happy to do whatever other basic
tasks, such as tidying up, shopping etc that
are needed on any given day.
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.
Job Title: Waiting & Bar Staff
Employer: Frankie and Bennies
Closing date: 15.03.12
Salary: Competitive
Basic job description: We are looking for
part time Front of House Team Members at
Frankie & Benny’s in Sunderland. Positions
available include Waiters, Waitresses, Door
Hosts, Bartenders, Bussers, Food Runners -
we’re looking for great personalities with a
great passion for hospitality.
Person requirements: If you have relevant
experience and a genuine passion for
hospitality and providing excellent service
we would love to hear from you.
Location: Sunderland
Job Title: Domestic Assistant
Employer: NHS
Closing date: 07.03.12
Salary: £13,903 to £14,614 pro rata
Basic job description: A Domestic Assistant
is required to work 20 hours per week at
North Tyneside General Hospital, North
Shields. Your main responsibility will be
to maintain the standard of cleanliness
as specified throughout the designated
work area by means of approved cleaning
methods.
Person requirements: If you are a friendly,
conscientious and highly motivated individual
with good organisational and communication
skills and enjoy working as part
of a team we would like to hear from you.
The successful candidate should have previous
experience preferably in a care setting
and be able to maintain excellent standards
of cleanliness and hygiene in the ward and
surrounding areas.
Location: North Shields.
Job Title: Lunchtime Supervisory Assistant
Employer: Gateshead Council
Closing date: 08.03.12
Salary: £12,787 - £13,589 per annum, pro
rata
Basic job description: A Lunchtime Supervisory
Assistant is required to work 5 hours
per week at Highfield Community Primary
School. The key roles of this post will include:
Helping pupils to select lunchtime options
with due regard to health and hygiene requirements;
ensuring table used for packed
lunches is cleared and cleaned after use and
assisting in the delivering of age appropriate
activities over the lunchtime period.
Person requirements: N/A
Location: Gateshead.
Job Title: Food & Beverage Team Member
(casual)
Employer: Close House Hotel
Closing date: 31.12.12
Salary: £5.05 - £6.08 per hour
Basic job description: Working as part of the
Restaurant, Bar, Clubhouse and Banqueting
Teams, this position is on a 0 hour/casual
basis. The purpose of this role is to provide
guests with a speedy, efficient service that
is of the highest standard, ensuring food
and drink service standards are maintained,
under the supervision of the department
manager. Close House Hotel is based in
Heddon on the Wall which is approximately
8 miles west of Newcastle upon Tyne.
Person requirements: You should be able
to work as part of a team and have a “can
do” attitude. Previous experience preferred
however training will be given.
Location: Heddon on the Wall.
NUS to find ‘true’
cost of going to uni
By Harriet Sale
With university fees and funding being
very much at the forefront of peoples’
minds recently, it is unsurprising
that studies are underway to find out
how much it actually costs to be a student.
Both Warwick University and the
National Union of Students (NUS)
have introduced the ‘Pound In Your
Pocket’ campaign to expose the true
cost of university life.
The main focus of Warwick Students’
Union’s investigation is to find
out how students spend their maintenance
loans, and the cost of courses
compulsory ‘extras,’ such as textbooks
and field trips.
The study will also illustrate the
amount of debt graduates expect to
face having left university.
National Book Tokens deduced that
PRIDE
PERSONIFIED
The NUS LGBT community
celebrated its 30th anniversary
in Brighton with marches commonplace
amongst such communities
throughout the world
Photography: philipe leroyer
(Flickr)
over half of all first year students do
not anticipate or accommodate for
the cost of requisite books.
Warwick
University and
the NUS have
introduced
the ‘Pound In
Your Pocket’
campaign to
expose the true
cost of uni life
Warwick SU
hope to introduce
several initiatives
such as
bursaries, books
tokens and
printer credits to
help compensate
unrecognised
course costs.
The NUS survey
aims to evaluate
the financial
support systems
set in place for
students, as they do not believe that
enough attention has been paid to this
issue.
They will look to similar systems
internationally, whilst testing the current
support system.

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
nationalnews.9
Baltic 39 finally opens after
seven long years of turmoil
By Elliot Bentley
Deputy Editor
The Baltic gallery is set to expand over
the river into Newcastle after seven
years of scandal and controversy.
The first exhibition in Baltic 39, as
the new space is to be known, will
open on 6 April and will be curated
by Phyllida Barlow, a Newcastle-born
sculptor. Situated around the corner
from the Royal Theatre, Baltic 39 will
also house studios for 32 artists and
serve as a new home for Northumbria
University fine art students.
A statement released by the Baltic
Centre said that the new studio is
hoped to “act as a magnet to draw artists
from across the world for teaching,
residencies and exhibitions”.
The road to opening an art gallery
in the unoccupied Grade II listed
buildings on High Bridge has not
The new studio is hoped to “act as a magnet
to draw artists from across the world for
teaching, residencies and exhibitions”
been a smooth one. Plans to convert
the site to an art gallery have been in
place since 2005, and were originally
to be overseen by an arts organisation
called Waygood.
However, by February 2010 the project
was £6m over its £4.7m budget.
After an independent review described
Waygood as having “been in
crisis for five years”, the Arts Council
withdrew support for the project - just
three months before The Waygood, as
it was then known, was set to open.
Th e J o u r n a lreported that Arts
Council England justified the decision
over “concerns about the organisation’s
governance, business planning
ability and capacity to work in
partnership”. These accusations were
at the time rebuked by Waygood’s
chairman Ivor Stolliday, who accused
the council of “panicking” over a £1m
project deficit.
However, despite Waygood’s protests
– including a Tumblr website for
members of the public to post messages
of support on – the project was
taken over by Newcastle City Council.
Some of the complex has already been
renovated into a new comedy venue,
The Stand, and another art gallery,
High Bridge Studios.
Waygood, which was originally
founded in 1995 by Newcastle University
graduate Helen Smith, was
also embroiled in scandal over two
tribunals. In the 2009 tribunal, a
judge described Smith’s behaviour
as “not normal and unpredictable”,
and though the second tribunal was
dismissed it served as a bittersweet
finale.
Stolliday, who had only served as
chairman for six months, said that
“with the case out of the way, we can
go ahead and close the company”.
Councillor Henri Murison, Newcastle’s
cabinet member for quality of life,
told Th e J o u r n a last l week: “I think
the council has learned a lesson and
what we now have is of fantastic benefit
to the city. I think we need to talk
about what this project has become
rather than how it got here.”
Leeds stand up
to slow Virgin
broadband speed
By Emily Osmond and
Helen Lam
University of Leeds
It seems Newcastle University students
aren’t the only ones having
problems with their Virgin internet
connection.
Hundreds of students
in Leeds have complained
to Leeds
Student Union,
OFCOM,
even their local
politicians
about Virgin’s
and
terrible service
in an attempt
to get
their voices
heard.
Despite Virgin’s
promise
of fast and cheap
broadband, the average
house in a student
area of Leeds is getting only
one tenth of its promised bandwidth,
meaning even simple pages such as
Google won’t load; and to add insult
to injury, Virgin are putting their
prices up on 1 April.
Local Councillor Jamie Matthews is
now involved, demanding an apology
and financial compensation for all
those affected, and failing this, Virgin
are set to be banned from advertising
at any of Leeds University’s Freshers’
Fairs.
Welsh pitch tent
for recovering
uni drunkards
University of Cardiff
Plans for a new recovery centre in
Cardiff for drunken students were revealed
this week.
Serving as a space for patients to
be taken to sleep off their alcohol induced
lethargy, the centre will take
pressure off doctors and nurses in
A&E who will be able to focus more
heavily on patients with more serious
conditions.
The decision came after representatives
from Cardiff Students’
Union, the local A&E,
police, and the Cardiff
health board came
together to discuss
the issues of
excessive student
drinking
with a main
problem arising
from the
shortage of
much needed
beds taken up
by drunk students
in A&E
every evening.
The scheme has already
been provisionally
used in London’s Soho,
over Christmas, to so much acclaim
that the trial has been extended
to March.
Photography:
kelp and jovike (Flickr)
Expulsion threat
for St. Paddy’s
Day shenanigans
University of Ulster
Students at the University of Ulster
have been warned that if they get into
trouble on St Patrick’s Day they will
face expulsion.
In the past, rioting and drunken
street parties have become accustom
to ‘Paddy’s Day’ celebrations, and in
the prerecorded video warning,
Vice Chancellor professor
Richard Barnett
tells students: “If any
of you are involved
in anti-social behaviour
this year
I will ensure that
the University’s
disciplinary
procedures are
brought in swiftly
and severely.
So let it be clear
- within one week
of St Patrick’s Day
you could be expelled
from this University.”
Infamous Oxford
thief finally jailed
University of Oxford
A 47 year old man has been jailed
for two and a half years after stealing
thousands of pounds worth of items
from a student property in Oxford,
including a laptop containing a student’s
whole dissertation.
Martin James has 27 previous convictions,
and committed this crime
within weeks of release from his last
stint in prison, something which the
judge described as “utter folly”.
The student whose items were taken
had not saved his dissertation anywhere
else, and so lost hundreds of
hours of effort.
Atlantic Records
give 35 humanities
scholarships
University of Oxford
Oxford University has been given a
£26 million donation from Atlantic
Records label, which released
music from Soul
legends such as Aretha
franklin and Ray
Charles.
Mica Ertegun
donated the money,
which is to go
towards 35 fully
funded student
scholarships in
the humanities
department. It
will also pay for
the refurbishment
of a building, which
will become a base for
these scholars.
John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin
attended the announcement
of the donation in London, which
is Oxford’s biggest ever donation in
humanities and remarked that: “the
money couldn’t have come from a
better place.”

Comment
Comment
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Editors Sophie McCoid and
Susie May Beever
Online Comment Editor Jack Torrance
No money
for nothing:
Innovation or
exploitation?
SLAVE
LABOUR?
Fast food chain Burger
King is one of the corporations
to drop out of the
scheme. Photography:
miskan (Flickr)
Is The Government’s youth WE scheme beneficial?
YES
JOE
WOOD
Experience is often considered
the most valuable asset a person
can have when they are
looking for employment.
However, providing work experience
for people on Job Seeker’s Allowance
has been severely criticised
in the past days and weeks, being
compared to a form of modern “slave
labour.” In my opinion this is a completely
unfounded view, when it is
considered from a wider perspective.
In reality, it is a highly innovative
scheme. It provides young people
with very little to no qualifications an
opportunity to immerse themselves
in a working environment and gain
skills and recommendations they can
use for future references. Yet, despite
the benefits this scheme and schemes
that follow it could bring, large businesses
have begun flocking away in
droves and as such it may well cease
to exist while still in its infancy.
Under these work placement
schemes, people have a much greater
opportunity of escaping Job Seeker’s
Allowance and finding employment,
especially as employers are often reluctant
to take on people with no
experience in the workplace. Consequently,
the scheme encourages social
mobility by offering unemployed
young people opportunities that
would, in any other instance, be unavailable
to them.
It is a great shame that large businesses,
such as Burger King, have recently
pulled out of the scheme, due
to mounting public and political pressure.
Yet, this scheme is one of the few
ways in which young people can find
work experience, and there is now a
great possibility that it will be eliminated
while still in its early stages.
The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson,
expressed the predicament of
the jobless youth, in a column in the
Daily Telegraph: “They are told they
can’t get a job unless they have some
work experience; and they can’t get
any work experience unless someone
is willing to give them a job.”
Considering how British youth unemployment
is at an all-time high, it
is unfathomable that there are such
strong criticisms against the scheme.
It is, of course, not the only way that
unemployment can be lowered; however,
it is a massive opening into some
of the largest private companies in
Britain and is a powerful means to
strengthening our weakened economy.
As a nation, we are suffering from
increasing ‘measures of austerity’ and
it is not possible for Britain to function
without a working populace in
these times. Therefore, helping people,
who would otherwise remain
idle, become part of a work force is a
reasonable approach to take. In light
of this, one of the great detriments to
reducing unemployment in Britain
could be seen as those who have so
severely criticised this scheme without
truly considering what it actually
provides for unemployed young people
and for the country as a whole.
NO
JOE
MATHERS
In principle, the government’s
flagship work experience scheme
seems like a great idea for getting
the young and jobless into work.
However, there has been intense public
criticism of the scheme, accusing it
of using job seekers as “slave labour”.
While I don’t take the view that
the government’s work experience
scheme amounts to “slave labour”.
I would argue that there are a number
of fundamental issues with the
scheme both morally and practically.
Participants in these schemes can
have their Jobseeker’s Allowance cut
if they drop out after the first week. It
is argued by the government that this
rule protects small businesses using
the scheme.
However, if we look at the 100 or so
businesses and charities taking part in
the scheme, only a tiny proportion is
small businesses. Additionally, many
of these businesses already run their
own work experience schemes, where
there is no threat of benefit cuts.
So there seems little point to this
new government scheme, unless it is a
government cost cutting exercise.
If we look at the statistics of who receives
employment after the scheme
has finished, the figures are very illuminating.
Only 25% of the participants
on the scheme receive full time
employment and the government’s
own figures suggest that these participants
would have found employment
swiftly anyway.
Another 25% receive part time employment
that often doesn’t amount
to more money than job seekers allowance,
but they can still lose their
benefits if they don’t take a job offered
by their work experience placement.
Furthermore, the unpaid work experience
scheme distorts the labour
market. It means that businesses in
the current economic climate can access
an almost unlimited supply of
free labour. This means that there is
less need for paid employees, which is
extremely beneficial for big businesses
but not for the young and jobless. Often
only a limited skill set is required,
so companies can rotate unpaid employees
on a four weekly basis.
A study conducted in 2008 by the
Department of Work and Pensions,
investigated the effectiveness of work
experience schemes for the young
and jobless in other countries. It concluded
that, “there is little evidence
that workfare increases the likelihood
of finding work” and “it can even reduce
employment chances.”
Although the job scheme is not
compulsory, it is often portrayed as
such by job centres that are looking
to hit targets on reducing the number
of job seekers. There have also been
huge inconsistencies in the implementation
of the scheme.
Additionally, there are some serious
moral questions that need to be asked.
Executive pay for a large proportion
of the businesses involved with this
scheme has risen on average by 49%
just last year. It seems perverse that
unpaid employees are now making
money for extremely well paid executives.
In principle, the government’s work
experience scheme seems very beneficial
for the jobless. However, in practice
there are a number of underlining
issues that need to be resolved before
I will support it.
Emails in response to
articles should be sent to:
editor.union@ncl.ac.uk

Th eCourier
Parents often wonder about
how their child will look and
what physical traits it will inherit;
maybe it will have the
father’s black hair, or the mother’s
blue eyes.
These traits are a random matter
of genetics, but what if you could
choose? What if for a certain sum
of money you could hand pick the
physical traits you wanted your child
to have - would you?
In 2009 a Los Angeles clinic offered
just that, the opportunity to pick the
physical traits of a child by selecting
the embryo that contained the genetic
makeup of the desired physical attributes,
for the small price of $18,000.
This is carried out by PGD (Pre-implantation
genetic diagnosis) where
a cell is tested from an embryo, and
the embryo with the desired physical
traits is put into the mother’s womb to
continue the pregnancy and the rest
are discarded.
This case sparked outrage across the
world, due to its dubious morality.
Dr Kearns, who was one of the scientists
who discovered PGD, spoke out
against this pick and mix approach to
genetics saying “traits are not diseases”
and therefore embryos should not
be screened and picked out because of
them. PGD was invented to stop children
being born with serious genetic
illnesses, such as Parkinson’s disease,
not for whether they have red hair or
not.
Tuesday 6 March 2012
‘Abortion is used as a tool of discrimination’
SOPHIE
HUNTER
However the physical traits of a child
are not the only things some parents
wish to control; they also want to be
able to pick the sex of their child. This
has resulted in a rise of sex-selective
abortions across the world. In the
United Kingdom abortions due to the
sex of the child are illegal but despite
this a recent investigation carried out
by Th e T e l e g r a p has h revealed that
numerous abortion clinics are willing
to do this, despite the legal and moral
implications.
This investigation involved secretly
filming women going to nine clinics
across the whole of the UK to ask for
an abortion based on the sex of their
unborn child. Of the nine clinics they
went to, a third agreed to the abortion:
Calthorpe Clinic in Birmingham,
Pall Mall Medical in Manchester
and Chelsea and Westminster Hospital.
At the Calthorpe Clinic, Dr. Raj
Mohan agreed to the abortion, even
though he compared it to “female infanticide”:
with the clinic even falsifying
the paperwork, writing down the
abortion was due to the mother being
too young.
The Health Secretary Andrew Lansley
has said that the “carrying out an
abortion on the grounds of gender
alone is in my view morally repugnant”
and steps are being taken to
stop this from happening any more.
But no matter how many laws and
safeguards are put in place to stop
gender specific abortion, nothing can
stop women hiding the truth from
their doctors to get an abortion based
on gender, a point backed up by Dr
Gillian Lockwood this week.
I believe that if the selection of embryos
to choose physical traits and
sex selected abortions continues then
a whole new set of social issues will
be created.
Firstly a gender imbalance would
occur, as is the case already in China
where there are 120 boys to every 100
girls. Secondly, abortion is now being
used as a tool of discrimination,
mostly against the female sex, as male
children are preferred over girls. This
is a clear show of how in some communities
males are still seen as the
dominant sex, despite the supposed
equality in our society. It is rather
ironic one might say that the choice
to have an abortion and control their
own bodies, which women fought for
in this country and others, is now being
used to discriminate against their
own sex. To stop this discrimination
it would not be enough to create new
laws and regulations, the investigation
has proved these do not work.
We need to educate people against
this trend for designer babies and single
sex abortion and show them that
every child, no matter its hair colour,
eye colour or sex, is a beautiful gift to
be loved.
US Elections: where do you stand?
JACK TORRANCE
GEORGIE MOULE
Tomorrow will see ‘Super Tuesday’,
the biggest day of the Republican
presidential primaries
and possibly the defi nitive point
of the campaign. With one fi fth of
states going to the polls, including
the strategically important Ohio,
the candidates will be desperate
to make their mark. Rick Santorum’s
recent spate of success in
Midwestern states will place Mitt
Romney under severe pressure to
succeed tomorrow. If he fails to
make a strong showing it could be
the beginning of the end, both for
his campaign, and for any chance
of a Republican win in November.
What really surprises me is how
different the mood of the candidates,
the pundits and the American
public is from 2008. The
‘American dream’ that the world
fell in love with seems to have all
but collapsed. However, the mudslinging
isn’t just reserved for
Obama, the Republican’s don’t
have any qualms about attacking
their fellow party members.
This has led to not only a lack of
a credible Republican candidate,
but has left Republican party fractured,
and short of a fi gure to rally
around. Without this, I don’t see
any chance of a Republican President
come November.
ONE IS NOT
BORN...
But becomes a woman.
Illustration: Alicia Knight
GEORGE SANDEMAN
JAMES TITLEY
The Republicans are in trouble.
There is no other way to put it. The
Grand Old Party don’t have a candidate,
and are set to lose what
many commentators and pundits
believe to be a thoroughly winnable
election. Enthusiasm for longtime
frontrunner Mitt Romney has
as much buoyancy as a lead balloon
and this is abundantly clear
in his current inability to seal the
nomination despite having superior
fi nances, campaign infrastructure
and no big names to run
against. The GOP’s ‘Big Guns’ are
sitting this fi ght out and only Obama
benefi ts.
In a recent CBS interview Barrack
Obama made a plea to the American
electorate: “Don’t judge me
against the almighty. Judge me
against the alternative”. Come
November the alternative for
America will be Mitt Romney, Rick
Santorum or Newt Gingrich. All
three are anti-abortion, oppose
same sex marriage and gays in the
army, and wish to repeal universal
healthcare. With only eight months
left Obama is already ahead in the
polls - suggesting that whatever his
faults, Americans are prepared to
give him a second chance over his
rivals.
11.comment
THE NEWS
THAT MADE ME
EMILY
RAE
#4 -Size up my sausage
This little piggy went to market, this
little piggy stayed at home. This little
piggy had roast beef, this little piggy
had none. And this little piggy...got
his own website and 800 Facebook
fans. Not quite as catchy, I admit.
However an unusual German website
hit the news this week showcasing
pictures of pigs that consumers can
vote for slaughter. The pig with the
most votes is then claimed the “winner”;
although I’m not quite sure what
they get apart from their modelling
debut on the website. The consumers
can then choose to purchase sausages
and other meat produce from their
hand-selected piggy.
Despite sounding slightly whacky,
Dennis Buchman, the creator of
Meine Kleine Farm (My Little Farm)
is no Big Bad Wolf. Buchman hopes it
will force consumers to think of the
face behind the meat and the website
initiative is aimed at reducing meat
consumption.
So would it put you off your food if
you had hand selected the animal you
were eating? At least with the pigs on
Meine Kleine Farm, you are promised
they enjoy a happy life on a free-range
farm near Berlin before entering the
“lucky draw”.
This article struck a chord with me
because I have never once eaten red
meat. I always find it a bit embarrassing
admitting this as there is no passionate
vegetarian stance or animal
rights activist principle behind it. I
have a sneaking suspicion that my
‘rents watched a scary “What Really
Goes On In McDonalds Kitchens”
type programme before having kids
and although it was never forced
upon me at home, it’s become a habit.
Friends can never understand why I
go along with this ridiculous ritual. I
guess no matter how much I insist turkey
rashers are a good post-night-out
snack substitute for bacon; they will
always think I’m a tad odd. I admit it
is pretty limiting, especially at BBQs.
Despite normally being scorned as a
“Half Hearted Veggie” this is the one
occasion where I am allowed in the
exclusive VegHead-club, but where
more often than not I get left with a
bread roll.
However now I’m cooking for myself,
I’ve started to think about what
I’m missing out on. Maybe it’s time I
lost my meat virginity once and for all
and embarked on a magnificent meat
feast. When exploring the German
website, I was astonished at not only
how many different camera angles are
apparently essential to showcase a pig,
but also the amount of meat produce
you can get from one animal. It got
me thinking, do I lose my red meat
virginity to a mere Chipolata or do I
go the whole hog with Honey Roasted
Gammon?
Talking of hogs, I just can’t help but
feel uneasy looking at the piggy poses,
especially when the only difference
from one happy piggy pic to the next
is the rather blunt “Slaughtered”. Although
his methods are unorthodox,
I have to say I agree with Buchman’s
meaty principles. By taking the time
to showcase and describe the pigs, he
is encouraging an “eat less meat, show
more respect” way of thinking. I think
for now I’ll stick to Percy Pigs. For
now let’s ignore the fact they contain
gelatine.

12.
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Courier Dine With Me
Four students. Four nights. But only one winner.
4th
Megan White,
third year
Psychology
22
As I was hosting the Saturday
so I made sure there was
plenty of alcohol involved
with some sex on the
beach cocktails! All the
cooking I really know
how to do is from
watching my mum since I was little, so decided to cook
what she does best. I made banoffee pie for dessert; I
boiled a tin of condensed milk for 2 hours to make the
toffee and poured this on a butter and biscuit base. To
finish it off I topped it with sliced bananas and whipped
double cream. For starter I cooked prawn pravencale,
which sounds a lot more impressive in the name. I
chopped tomatoes, onions and garlic and added to a pan
with a glass of white wine and king prawns. I seasoned
with mixed herbs, salt and pepper and served with hot
bread rolls. For main I slowed roasted lamb steaks on a
bed of rosemary and garlic and served with asparagus
and potato dauphinoise, seasoned peeled and sliced potatoes
cooked in double cream and milk.
Gemma
Sally’s starter of stuffed peppers was
simple yet filled with a lot of flavours. The
main was well presented, and I was very
impressed considering that Sally said she’d
never made it before as it was delicious.
My favourite course had to be the chocolate
caramel torte for dessert as it was
really sweet and finished off the meal well.
Sally was a brilliant host and her choice of
entertainment of Articulate
for the evening was a lot
of fun. 8/10
8/10
Gemma
Megan’s starter of prawns served with a
crispy bread roll was delicious and probably
my favourite during the week. The
main course was well presented; I’d never
tried asparagus before however I enjoyed
trying it. The dauphinoise potatoes were
seasoned well and complemented the rest
of the meal. Megan’s banoffee pie was
delicious. Despite stealing my idea for
my evening’s entertainment, playing the
post-it note game provided the evening
with a lot of fun. Megan’s Sex
on the beach cocktails were a
nice addition to the meal.
Matthew
Megan served up a racy cocktail to get
the social juices flowing. Sex on the
beach. But having just run a marathon
in under three hours (with virtually no
training), I was simply ravenous and
could think of nothing other than getting
stuck into a hearty starter. Prawns. My
heart sunk. The main course however
was simply magnificent. The succulent
lamb steaks had been roasted to perfection
and they were complimented beautifully
by the carefully steamed spears of
asparagus and dauphinoise potatoes.
Dessert was highly satisfactory.
Matthew
Although the peppers themselves had
been cooked to perfection, the couscous
stuffing was somewhat damper than one
may have wished for and rather uninspiring.
Main course however was a rip
roaring success. The complex layering
of flavours simply had to be tasted to be
believed! The delicate pink, moist salmon
flesh caressed the palate and was complimented
beautifully by the rich saltiness
of the cream cheese topping. Dessert was
decent.
Megan
8/10
Sally had the tough job of being the first
host. Everyone was pretty nervous but she
made us feel really welcome and once the
wine was poured the conversation started to
flow. All the food was really good and I was
surprised how much I enjoyed the salmon
not being a massive fish eater. Being a huge
fan of chocolate, the pudding was amazing
and I could have easily eaten it again and
again. For entertainment we played Articulate.
I was lucky to be on a team with Sally
who had obviously played the game a fair few
times before, however Gemma had a classic
moment describing Winston Churchill as an
ex-president of America!
7/10
7/10
8/10
Sally
Megan began her night in style with ‘Sex
on the beach’ cocktails and wine, a recipe
that I could definitely get on board with.
The prawns provincial were absolutely
gorgeous. Unfortunately the second
course was lamb, which I really don’t like,
but I tried my best and powered through a
chop. The asparagus and dauphinoise potatoes
were beautiful though. The banoffee
pie was lovely, but I am not the biggest
cream fan and there was loads of it.
Megan put on some great entertainment
and was a fantastic host, it was literally
my own awkwardness that meant I didn’t
appreciate Megan’s food
enough.
3rd
Sally Priddle
third year
Combined Honours
23
7/10
As the first person to start the
week I was absolutely petrified
about what to cook, the
standards, people’s tastes and
whether we were going to
have anything at all to talk
about. I went for stuffed peppers
with sundried tomatoes,
couscous, courgette and
mozzarella for starter as it
was simple and I could prepare
most of it before. For
the main, I cooked
salmon with garlic
and herb philly
and balsamic
glaze. I was worried
people weren’t going to like fish but everyone ate it
all. My biggest issue was my pudding: it didn’t look like
it was ever going to set as the recipe said ‘spoon in’ the
mixture and I could do nothing but pour mine but luckily
it ended up setting. I forced everyone into a game of
Articulate which meant our knowledge weaknesses were
humiliatingly illuminated but it was hilarious.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
.13
24
Matches made
in heaven
What to drink with
what food
2nd
Matthew Higgins,
4th year
Medicine
Having spent five months working as a
professional caterer, my extensive experience
allowed me to attempt a highly creative and
challenging menu. The theme of the evening
was French and the food was as elegant and
sophisticated as one expects from “la Cuisine
Française”. The entrée was French onion: a
humble yet vibrant classic. Sweet caramelised
onions submerged in a rich earthy broth with
freshly sliced baguette topped with grilled
gruyere cheese. Delightful. Naturellement, the
main course was to be the real showcase of the
evening. Pan fried lamb chops served on a bed
of fennel and courgette with a delicate sauce
vierge. Simply divine. For dessert I always like
to offer a gentle palate cleanser. This evening
it was to be une tarte au citron. Again, an opulent
French classic done to absolute perfection!
Megan
All Gemma’s food was beautifully
presented, something I’m
hopeless at, and for me the fish
cakes were the best starter of
the week. The cheesecake was
delicious and her main equally
as good. For her entertainment
we all played charades;
there was some very dodgy
choice of actions including
Matt imitating someone have
a poo for ‘word sounds like
‘Who’’ in ‘Who Wants to be a
Millionaire’. The night was very
relaxed and everyone got on
really well.
9/10
Megan
Matt was the only one of us to make his
night themed, he picked French and we
were all asked to dress accordingly. The
dinner was all very French and the standard
of cooking was high, I was really impressed
that he’d made his own pastry too.
I’d never tried onion soup or fennel before
and was pleasantly surprised, the soup
was really well seasoned and the lamb
was cooked to perfection. For drinks Matt
made us all Woo Woos which is always a
winner with three ladies! Tres bien!
8/10
Gemma
Matt’s theme was all good fun... until I had to walk back
through Jesmond. I had never tried French onion soup
before but it will be a starter that I will choose again.
Continuing with the French theme, I really enjoyed the
main course of lamb chops with sauce vierge served with
fennel and courgette. The tarte au citron for desert was
really nice and I was impressed that Matt had made the
pastry himself and it had set well even though Matt was
sure that it wasn’t going to. Playing consequences was
another amusing choice of entertainment
for the week.
Matthew
After some pleasant conversation it was
time for our first course and having just
found out that my exam results were in the
top 1% of my year for the 4th year running
(medicine) I was naturally in the mood to
celebrate with some fine dining. Fish cakes.
My heart sunk. Main course was acceptable.
Dessert however, was literally mind
blowing: hands down my favourite dish of
the whole week (excluding my own starter
and main). A firm yet buttery, rich biscuit
base that even a qualified chef could boast
about. This was topped with a delicate soft
cheese layer which was brought to life by
subtle acidic nuances of raspberry which
cut through the creaminess to produce the
ultimate cheesecake. In all
sincerity the best I have ever
tasted in my entire life.
9/10
8/10
1st
Sally
Dressed as a typical Frenchman, I had a mild
panic attack when Matt didn’t answer the door
for a while, thinking I had drawn a moustache
on my face and just knocked at the wrong
front door. Luckily Matt was hidden in the
kitchen. The starter arrived, and unfortunately
my least favourite thing in the world is onions,
but I ate half of my bowl. We had lamb again
for the main, and I did my best to eat as much
as I could as I felt really bad for being so picky,
but the sauce was gorgeous and all the sides
were lovely. The tarte au citron to finish was
beautiful, and the fact Matt had made the
pastry himself impressed me. We had hilarious
game of consequences and were highly
entertained by Matt’s resident tagalong, it was
a moustachalicious evening.
8/10
25
Gemma Turner
third year
English Literature
For my Come Dine with Me evening I
made homemade fish cakes with a sweet
chilli dressing and side garnish for the
starter. It was the first time I’d made fish
cakes however they didn’t fall apart when I
was frying them and I think they turned out
well. My main course was chicken wrapped
in bacon with a creamy leek sauce served with
roast potatoes and broccoli. I chose to make this
main course as it is one of my favourite meals. To
finish off the meal I made white chocolate and raspberry
cheesecake. I chose to make this cheesecake for dessert as
everyone seems to have enjoyed it when I’ve made it for
occasions before. My secret ingredient is the white chocolate
and vanilla essence in the topping of the cheesecake.
Sally
I saw Gemma before her meal and she was really nervous,
which was completely unwarranted as all her food was beautiful.
We started with homemade fishcakes, a triumph on its own,
they were the best fishcakes I have ever had. The main course of
chicken in a cheese and leek sauce was lovely, although simple
it was really tasty and the sauce was particularly good, that I
actually asked for more. Gemma did my favourite dessert of
the week as I absolutely love cheesecake and she won me over
completely with her white chocolate and raspberry one (which
she injured herself to make for us), it was so yummy and I could
have happily eaten more. We played charades which just led to
realisation that none of us should ever take up acting and Matt
knows some socially unacceptable poses. Gemma’s food was so
nice, and I particularly appreciated the effort she
went to by stealing a table from across the road.
7/10
Canapes with Kir Royal
Canapés are a great way to get the evening
started before the dinner
is served, and a cocktail is the
perfect accompaniment to any
hors d’oeuvres. For example, if
you opt for some goat’s cheese
and caramelised onion stuffed
pastry nibbles or baked honey
brie with crackers, try making
Kir Royal for your guests. This
cocktail is champagne based with
a splash of crème de cassis. Kir
Royal is known as an aperitif,
which means it is usually
served before a meal to stimulate
your appetite, making it perfect to pair
with canapés.
Seafood with Pinot Grigio
Moving onto the starter. If you
choose to go with a seafood-
based course, say something with
prawns or scallops, then open
a bottle of Pinot Grigio. This
white wine sometimes gets a bad
rep for being boring, but
its light and crisp flavour is
what makes it a great wine
to pair with anything fishy.
The other plus to Pinot Grigio
is that buying a bottle wont
break the bank. At Tesco,
Pinot Grigio generally runs between £5
and £10.
Filet mignon with Pinot Noir
If you choose to cook red meat for
your main course then red wine
is the best match. A medium-rare
filet mignon is hard to resist,
and a glass of Pinot Noir will
compliment it nicely. Hailing
from the Burgundy region of
France, this wine combines
flavours of fruits and spices.
For those who aren’t keen on
red wine, Pinot Noir is generally
a lighter red, compared to
a heavier wine like a Cabernet-
Sauvignon. Like Pinot Grigio,
Pinot Noir can be fairly inexpensive.
Curry with Kingfisher
While wines are great for most
meals, let’s not overlook
beer’s ability to accompany
dinner. Light beers go well
with spicy foods, so if you’re
making a curry then try the
popular Indian beer, King-
fisher. This beer is usually
recommended alongside rich,
spicy food because of its light,
crisp taste. Light beers are also
less filling than darker beers, which make
them a better match for heavier meals.
9
Chocolate with Muscat
with spicy foods, so if you’re
8
To finish off your dinner, try a
Black Muscat wine with your
dessert. Muscat is specifically
known as a dessert wine because
of its sweet flavour, and
can go well with chocolatebased
desserts. Pair it with a
chocolate soufflé to polish off
your last course.
Alexandra Carr

14.lifestylesex&relationships
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle
c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Top six...
words for
genitalia
1
Most likely to be spouted in Albert Square
or by Guy Richie gangsters as they are
kicked in the nads, this one is a strange
incarnation. Skipping the idea of ‘value’,
the idea of your genitals as an encrusted
formation of rock isn’t the most appealing
sentiment, especially one that is passed
down throughout generations as a ‘family
affair’. Yes, sharing the same genetics
might have something to do with it, but
please refrain from making me imagine
an extended family tree of collective penis
use.
A bit wordy this one; but a ‘pet’ name
that, in 2008, coincidentally spawned
several ridiculous film incarnations Bad
Biology and One-Eyed Monster, presenting
penises with a consciousness, going
wild and causing mayhem. And as the
euphemism suggests, that’s the way a lot
of people like to view their appendage.
A trusty concealed pet, hidden up the
trouser sleeve and shown only to ‘special’
friends. Names for your trouser snake are
optional. Although ‘Johnson’ is recommended.
3
One-eyed
trouser snake
Wizard’s sleeve
Originally called a Merlin’s sleeve, this
whimsical moniker harks back to the
time of King Arthur, a misogynist term
wielded by the ‘lads’ of the round table.
Although these days it ranges from the
name of cocktails to mediocre hip–hop
acts, its true meaning remains in describing
a ‘well used vagina’ of poor repute.
Even today wizards and warlocks keep
their sleeves loose to perform magic effectively...
you get the idea.
Disgusting? Yes. Hilarious? Undoubtedly.
As opposed to the aforementioned I don’t
use this one on a day-to-day basis; I prefer
to bust it out on special occasions in order
to maximise its effectiveness. This euphemism
stems from the resulting injuries of
the kind implemented by Jack Nicholson
in ‘The Shining, bringing an interesting
Freudian edge to the film’s most famous
scene. Here’s Johnny.
5
Family jewels
Axe-wound
Pork sword
2
4
Engaging in a struggle to survive, procreate
and become the alpha predator is still
part of our evolutionary heritage, raising
its ugly head especially in the fuelled
haze of one too many trebles. From the
Excaliburs to the Swiss army knives of the
pork sword world everyone’s got one: and
before you know it everyone’s grinding,
groping and getting them out in a sort of
modern day rapier duel. Case Study: Bigg
Market.
Flesh cavern
6
Hello!! ... hello! ... hello ...
hello ...hello ... hello ...hello
Chris Binding
Got your number
Scared to share your magic number with your friends at university?
Don’t want to be judged for it being too high or too low? Emily Rae
investigates who’s the cheeky chappy around campus
This question prompts either a boastful answer
or a bashful one. Or in one case, someone
giving the number 25 under the assumption
premise that we were wanting to know what their
lucky number as opposed to their magic one. It turns
out, there’s not really a way to broach the ‘So, how
many people have you slept with?’ question particularly
politely.
Although we had no qualms in giving an
honest answer ourselves, going around
campus asking strangers is a slightly different
(excuse the pun) ball game.
First, we confronted our preconceptions
and speculated as to what the results
would reveal. We were pretty certain that
male students would reveal the highest
numbers as they were (stereotypically)
more likely to play the field than women.
This is partly due to the age-old double
standard that high levels of promiscuity
somehow make a guy a “lad” or “player”
and a girl simply a slut. Gosh, how dare
we explore our sexuality, girls!
Also, we
thought that
guys would
probably
amend their figures because of this and
girls would downplay their sexual experience.
Although the results may confirm some
preconceptions, the undertakings of the
survey led to several surprises. For instance,
we found that guys who had slept
with between 2 and 5 girls would happily
answer straightaway, whilst those with a
higher or lower figure thought more carefully
before answering.
Interestingly, on the whole, girls were
far more cautious in giving their answer
instantly and often asked what kind of
responses had been given so far, as if we,
as strangers, would judge their number.
Whatever the number, whatever the
story - it’s irrelevant, as long as you enjoy
it and stay safe.

Blind Date
First impressions?
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
time we left the house he was at ease and the conversation was
flowing.
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
Scalini’s and then heading to the cinema to see The Muppets. Although
it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. However,
we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
my Lent of no chocolate.
Any striking conversation topics?
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversation
ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
and drunken holidays. There wasn’t an awkward
silence or gap in conversation.
Any awkward moments?
Naturally there were a few awkward moments,
for example when Jack brought up
how he’d been to see Star Wars in 3D at
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
Star Wars fan in the slightest, I swiftly
had to change the topic to something I
knew a little more about! My geographical
knowledge was also put to shame
when Jack told me he wanted to visit
Seattle and I replied with how much I
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
to put that down to a few too many
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
from the odd glitch, the date was free
of any majorly awkward moments.
If you were to get married and have
babies, what would you want your
baby to inherit from your date?
I would want them to inherit his kindness
and his height would be quite
useful, due to me being vertically
challenged.
Did you open the ex-file?
No, the ex-file was left well alone.
At any point did you understand why they
were single?
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
he’s probably just not met the right girl yet!
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
Unfortunately no, Jack’s a lovely guy but for me
there wasn’t any chemistry.
If you were to take them home do you think your
parents would approve?
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
though would probably be surprised as he’s not the
usual type of person I go for.
Marks out of 10?
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Tashin’ on
in the Toon
Victoria Mole
First impressions?
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
no need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
with a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickly
realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
a good chance the date wouldn’t be a disaster!
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
getting something to eat and then going to see Th e
Muppets at the cinema. I was a little bit worried
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
seemed happy with it and said she wanted to
see it anyway as she used to like the Muppets
as a kid. After a really nice chat and
a drink we went to Scalini’s for our meal,
which was lovely. I think we both really
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
relief!
Any striking conversation topics?
Not sure about striking but we had a
really nice chat and I thought we got
on quite well. We seemed to have a
few things in common and Alex was
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
excited that her friend knew Peter
Beardsley, who’s one of my favourite
footballers ever, and we swapped a
few embarrassing stories from nights
out and holidays. We also had a bit of
a competition over who’d had the best
serious illness, which was unique!
Any awkward moments?
Not really, Alex was really friendly
and chatty so there were no awkward
silences. I nearly choked during the
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
seem to bother Alex and her reaction
made sure it wasn’t too embarrassing for
me.
If you were to get married and have
babies, what would you want your baby to
inherit from your date?
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
personality as well.
Did you open the ex-file?
No, not at all.
At any point did you understand why they were
single?
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
so I’ve got no idea how she’s single.
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
it safe!
If you were to take them home do you think your
parents would approve?
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
find a reason not to, really.
Marks out of 10?
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
Grand National as well!
Alex Robinson, 3 rd year Medicinal Chemistry, meets
Jack MacKenzie, 3 rd year History
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
Jack looked fairly petrified as I opened the door. Matters were
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
probably made worse when I made him come in to meet my
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
eager housemates, who had positioned themselves directly in
time we left the house he was at ease and the conversation was
time we left the house he was at ease and the conversation was
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
time we left the house he was at ease and the conversation was
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
front of the door for the unveiling moment. Despite this, by the
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
The Muppets.
The Muppets.
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
The Muppets.
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
Al-
Al-
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
Al-
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
It was well and truly a classic date - drinks in Osbornes, dinner at
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
The Muppets.
The Muppets.
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
The Muppets.
The Muppets.
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
though it was Jacks’ film suggestion, I was quite pleased with the
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
choice, due to it being a childhood favourite of mine. Jack was a
First impressions?
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
I was a little bit nervous after some ‘encouraging’ words
no need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
no need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
no need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
from my mates but once I’d met Alex I knew there was
with a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickwith
a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickno
need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
no need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
with a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickno
need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
no need to be. She looked really good and greeted me
ly realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
ly realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
with a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickwith
a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickly
realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
with a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quickwith
a friendly hug. As soon as we got chatting I quicka
good chance the date wouldn’t be a disaster!
a good chance the date wouldn’t be a disaster!
ly realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
ly realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
a good chance the date wouldn’t be a disaster!
ly realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
ly realised how lovely a person she is and that there was
What do you think of the choice of date venue/activity?
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
ity?
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
ity?
ity?
getting something to eat and then going to see
getting something to eat and then going to see
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
getting something to eat and then going to see
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
We arranged to go to Osborne Road for a drink before
Muppets
Muppets at the cinema. I was a little bit worried
at the cinema. I was a little bit worried
getting something to eat and then going to see
getting something to eat and then going to see
at the cinema. I was a little bit worried
getting something to eat and then going to see
getting something to eat and then going to see
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
Muppets
Muppets
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
Muppets
Muppets
seemed happy with it and said she wanted to
seemed happy with it and said she wanted to
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
seemed happy with it and said she wanted to
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
that it wasn’t the most exciting choice but Alex
see it anyway as she used to like the Mupsee
it anyway as she used to like the Mupseemed
happy with it and said she wanted to
seemed happy with it and said she wanted to
see it anyway as she used to like the Mupseemed
happy with it and said she wanted to
seemed happy with it and said she wanted to
pets as a kid. After a really nice chat and
pets as a kid. After a really nice chat and
see it anyway as she used to like the Mupsee
it anyway as she used to like the Muppets
as a kid. After a really nice chat and
see it anyway as she used to like the Mupsee
it anyway as she used to like the Mupa
drink we went to Scalini’s for our meal,
a drink we went to Scalini’s for our meal,
pets as a kid. After a really nice chat and
pets as a kid. After a really nice chat and
a drink we went to Scalini’s for our meal,
pets as a kid. After a really nice chat and
pets as a kid. After a really nice chat and
which was lovely. I think we both really
which was lovely. I think we both really
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
which was lovely. I think we both really
which was lovely. I think we both really
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
which was lovely. I think we both really
which was lovely. I think we both really
relief!
relief!
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
relief!
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
enjoyed the film as well, which was a
Any striking conversation topics?
Not sure about striking but we had a
Not sure about striking but we had a
Any striking conversation topics?
Not sure about striking but we had a
Any striking conversation topics?
Any striking conversation topics?
really nice chat and I thought we got
really nice chat and I thought we got
Not sure about striking but we had a
Not sure about striking but we had a
really nice chat and I thought we got
Not sure about striking but we had a
Not sure about striking but we had a
on quite well. We seemed to have a
on quite well. We seemed to have a
really nice chat and I thought we got
really nice chat and I thought we got
on quite well. We seemed to have a
really nice chat and I thought we got
really nice chat and I thought we got
few things in common and Alex was
few things in common and Alex was
on quite well. We seemed to have a
on quite well. We seemed to have a
few things in common and Alex was
on quite well. We seemed to have a
on quite well. We seemed to have a
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
few things in common and Alex was
few things in common and Alex was
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
few things in common and Alex was
few things in common and Alex was
excited that her friend knew Peter
excited that her friend knew Peter
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
excited that her friend knew Peter
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
really easy to talk to. I did get a bit
Not really, Alex was really friendly
Not really, Alex was really friendly
and chatty so there were no awkward
and chatty so there were no awkward
Not really, Alex was really friendly
Not really, Alex was really friendly
and chatty so there were no awkward
Not really, Alex was really friendly
Not really, Alex was really friendly
silences. I nearly choked during the
silences. I nearly choked during the
and chatty so there were no awkward
and chatty so there were no awkward
silences. I nearly choked during the
and chatty so there were no awkward
and chatty so there were no awkward
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
silences. I nearly choked during the
silences. I nearly choked during the
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
silences. I nearly choked during the
silences. I nearly choked during the
seem to bother Alex and her reaction
seem to bother Alex and her reaction
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
seem to bother Alex and her reaction
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
meal, which wasn’t great, but it didn’t
made sure it wasn’t too embarrassing for
made sure it wasn’t too embarrassing for
me.
me.
If you were to get married and have
babies, what would you want your baby to
If you were to get married and have
babies, what would you want your baby to
If you were to get married and have
inherit from your date?
babies, what would you want your baby to
inherit from your date?
babies, what would you want your baby to
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
inherit from your date?
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
inherit from your date?
inherit from your date?
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
Definitely how lucky Alex is. From her stories
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
of winning raffles and Grand National bets
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
she seems to win everything! Hopefully they’d
personality as well.
personality as well.
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
personality as well.
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
inherit her good looks, lovely smile and great
Did you open the ex-file?
No, not at all.
No, not at all.
Did you open the ex-file?
No, not at all.
Did you open the ex-file?
Did you open the ex-file?
At any point did you understand why they were
single?
At any point did you understand why they were
single?
At any point did you understand why they were
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
single?
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
single?
single?
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
No, I’m not sure why Alex is single really. She’s
so I’ve got no idea how she’s single.
so I’ve got no idea how she’s single.
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
so I’ve got no idea how she’s single.
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
really pretty and is a lovely and interesting person
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
I didn’t want to do anything that might have
it safe!
it safe!
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
it safe!
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
made things awkward so I thought it best to play
If you were to take them home do you think your
parents would approve?
If you were to take them home do you think your
parents would approve?
If you were to take them home do you think your
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
find a reason not to, really.
find a reason not to, really.
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
find a reason not to, really.
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
Yes, I’m sure they would. I don’t think they could
Marks out of 10?
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
I’d give the date 8/10. Alex was lovely, I had a good
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
time and I hope we’ll keep in contact as we seemed
Grand National as well!
Grand National as well!
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
Grand National as well!
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
to get on well. I definitely want her tip for the
Alex on Jack Jack on Alex From personal experience, or from watching
every sitcom on E4, we’re all too aware
that people don’t always mean everything
they say. That’s not to suggest that people
are always lying intentionally, but it’s easy
to make a claim and not follow through.
“Baby, if it’s between Fifa or you, it’s
always you” comes from the sweetest, purest
part of the male heart that, although
they know that’s about as likely as you also
revealing that you’re insanely attracted to
your sister, is well-intentioned and they’re
hoping to keep a smile on your face. Some
lies are easy to spot: “I wasn’t really drunk
as such, just felt particularly musical last
night…” But, when you’re not totally sure
whether someone’s asking you innocently
to “hold it right there” or to hold it right
there, actions speak louder and clearer
than any amount of words.
The science of body language is a bit
of a taboo. There’s definitely truth in it;
however, if you’ve been keeping up to
date with New Girl on Channel 4, Zooey
Deschanel’s feet-pointing dance was
something rather spectacular and is an
example of when supposed body language
cues of attraction can be misleading (we
are all predicting a romance with the
other character involved in the dalliance,
though that’s beside the point). It’s said
that you point your feet towards someone
when you’re attracted to them, and this is
true to some extent.
When you like someone, you’re more
likely to turn your body to face them as
a way of getting closer; if you’re speaking
to someone and they turn away from you,
that’s a display of disinterest on their part.
Decoding body language can be useful in
determining whether to make a move or
not; however, note that not every person
that points their feet towards you wants
to chain you to a bed post, and if someone
you fancy doesn’t do this, well, you
shouldn’t be looking at their feet anyway.
When you look at something that disgusts
you, your face instantly has a Donald
Duck moment. You do the opposite of
this when you see something that you like,
which is raise your eyebrows (explaining
why everyone walking around Cadbury
World looks like they’re in a permanent
state of shock). If someone greets you with
this expression, unless you’re flashing a
pair of Bridget Jones-esque knickers, the
likelihood is you’re sexy and they know
it. When someone wants to look good for
you, they’ll also preen themselves with
little gestures that they believe will make
them more attractive, such as adjusting
their hair (though be careful, excessive
preening can look like you have an unfortunate
tic).
Men will often go all caveman in the
presence of a woman they’re attracted to.
They’ll stand tall, puff out their chests and
walk as though they have a stick stuck
up somewhere uncomfortable: pulling
success for centuries. Women have a
tendency to pout to appear more feminine,
which, if the theory that we mirror
the actions of those we’re attracted to is
anything to go by, means that courtship is
taking a strange turn. Being aware of body
language is useful but it can have you
seeing what you want to see. At the end of
the day, when getting to know someone
you like, it’s important to listen to what
they have to say, that is, unless they’re
someone who says ‘hash tag’ out loud…
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howenough
to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howgentleman
and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howgentleman
and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howenough
to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. However,
we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howenough
to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howlate
for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
Any striking conversation topics?
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
Any striking conversation topics?
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
Any striking conversation topics?
Any striking conversation topics?
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
Unusually, we got onto the topic of who had been
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversastay
with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversawrist
and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversawrist
and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
tion ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
tion ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversastay
with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversation
ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversastay
with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversaand
drunken holidays. There wasn’t an awkward
and drunken holidays. There wasn’t an awkward
tion ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
tion ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
and drunken holidays. There wasn’t an awkward
tion ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
tion ranged from our upbringings to dissertations
Naturally there were a few awkward mo-
Naturally there were a few awkward moments,
for example when Jack brought up
ments, for example when Jack brought up
Naturally there were a few awkward mo-
Naturally there were a few awkward moments,
for example when Jack brought up
Naturally there were a few awkward mo-
Naturally there were a few awkward moin
3D at
in 3D at
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
the cinema on Wednesday. Not being a
had to change the topic to something I
had to change the topic to something I
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
had to change the topic to something I
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
fan in the slightest, I swiftly
knew a little more about! My geographknew
a little more about! My geographhad
to change the topic to something I
had to change the topic to something I
knew a little more about! My geographhad
to change the topic to something I
had to change the topic to something I
ical knowledge was also put to shame
ical knowledge was also put to shame
knew a little more about! My geographknew
a little more about! My geographical
knowledge was also put to shame
knew a little more about! My geographknew
a little more about! My geographwhen
Jack told me he wanted to visit
when Jack told me he wanted to visit
ical knowledge was also put to shame
ical knowledge was also put to shame
when Jack told me he wanted to visit
ical knowledge was also put to shame
ical knowledge was also put to shame
Seattle and I replied with how much I
Seattle and I replied with how much I
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
Seattle and I replied with how much I
Seattle and I replied with how much I
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
Seattle and I replied with how much I
Seattle and I replied with how much I
to put that down to a few too many
to put that down to a few too many
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
to put that down to a few too many
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
wanted to visit Canada too - I’m going
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
to put that down to a few too many
to put that down to a few too many
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
to put that down to a few too many
to put that down to a few too many
from the odd glitch, the date was free
from the odd glitch, the date was free
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
from the odd glitch, the date was free
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
G and T’s though! Thankfully, apart
If you were to get married and have
babies, what would you want your
If you were to get married and have
babies, what would you want your
If you were to get married and have
I would want them to inherit his kind-
I would want them to inherit his kind-
At any point did you understand why they
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
he’s probably just not met the right girl yet!
he’s probably just not met the right girl yet!
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
he’s probably just not met the right girl yet!
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
I think Jack’s a great guy, maybe a little shy but
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
Unfortunately no, Jack’s a lovely guy but for me
Unfortunately no, Jack’s a lovely guy but for me
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
Unfortunately no, Jack’s a lovely guy but for me
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?
If you were to take them home do you think your
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
though would probably be surprised as he’s not the
though would probably be surprised as he’s not the
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
though would probably be surprised as he’s not the
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
I think my parents would definitely warm to Jack,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howenough
to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howgentleman
and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howgentleman
and paid for everything and had even been organised
gentleman and paid for everything and had even been organised
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howenough
to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. However,
we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
enough to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howenough
to plan ahead and pick up the cinema tickets. Howlate
for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
ever, we still had to rush through dinner, so as not to be
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
time for dessert! Though it probably saved me breaking
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
late for the cinema, I was absolutely gutted there was no
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
hospitalised with the most serious illness. My broken
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversastay
with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversawrist
and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
stay with pneumonia. But apart from that, conversawrist
and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
wrist and fever definitely lost out to Jack’s week-long
though would probably be surprised as he’s not the
though would probably be surprised as he’s not the
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Jack’s good company and I would give the date an 8/10.
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Although there was no spark I had a really super evening,
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
sex&relationshipslifestyle.15
Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter, and Lauren Stafford
Online Editor: Lauren Cordell

16.lifestyle
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle
c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
British Slang as
interpreted by...
Shorthand
Feminist
Society
Hold the fort whilst I burn my bra.
That’s classic misconception number one.
Honest?
Perfectly: the society is at least as (if not
more) open-minded and welcoming than
any other. People are encouraged to go
along to discussions or socials, whether
they are that way ideologically-inclined
or not.
So what would an interested but noncommittal
student encounter…?
Mainly open-ended discussion about
topical issues in women’s rights. Sex, the
sexualisation of women in culture and
women’s appearance are particularly
prominent. That doesn’t mean, however,
that guys aren’t welcome.
Sounds a bit intimidating for your average
bloke though…
Not at all - the society, which already
has male members, is trying to get more
men involved - it’s not about separation
of the sexes; equality’s the aim, ‘and to
defend women’s rights on the campus and
beyond.’
Defend? Violence? Really?
The society is about liberation, not
violence - ‘about identifying with others
who feel the same way’, especially in terms
of appearance - women feeling comfortable
in themselves, and not pressured to
conform to a stereotype.
A stereotype? Never…
Clearly you haven’t watched Take Me
Out or any other dating programme for a
while…
That was sarcasm. Lost on some, evidently.
Evidently. More importantly, SPEAK, a
collection of sexual experiences compiled
from anonymous contributions
from people in Newcastle will go live in
March, in collaboration with NUSU. The
compilation will be sold on July 7 at the
Cluny event, or at a stall on campus the
following week.
Really? It all sounds a bit risqué …
And you sound like my grandmother,
frankly. It’s anonymous, as stated, and
last year’s was a big success. ‘We hope it
promotes an open and honest dialogue
about sex.’ It certainly promises to be an
interesting and, hopefully, inspiring occasion;
if nothing else it is a unique event
‘crammed with all your weird, wonderful,
beautiful, sad, inspiring stories.’
Anything else?
The society meets at least once a week
and, apart from discussions, often organises
a night out in the pub, but no raves
per se. Two upcoming events also include
International Women’s Day Eve on March
7, and a collaboration the following day
with Newcastle Women’s Collective,
with more music, spoken word, film and
photography, ‘all from women in order
to celebrate the existence and diversity of
women performers.’
Sign me up!
To join go to the facebook page or email
feministsociety@ncl.ac.uk.
Nonie Heal
Seth from Superbad
“All mouth and no trousers”
Somebody that only gives oral sex
“Bloke”
Choking whilst giving somebody a
blow-job
“All to pot”
A call for everybody to start smoking
cannabis
“Pissing around”
A guy that attempts to urinate whilst
windmilling his penis
“Agony aunt”
A dominatrix that can be called on for
sexual punishment
“Arse over tit”
A guy that prefers butts to breasts
“Butty”
Somebody that regularly moons in
public
“Cock-up”
A guy that gets easily turned-on
“Backie”
Taking a chick from behind
“Tit for tat”
A girl who shows a guy their breasts to
see his penis
Illustrations: Daisy Billowes
Lauren Cordell
You’ve got problems!
Moderately attractive but still single, embarrassed by your metrosexual male friend , perturbed
by your peculiarly shaped penis ... oh dear! Luckily Uncle Monty’s here to help...
I am getting really frustrated
with my love life. I have been
single for three whole years now,
with barely a blip of interest on
my radar. I consider myself to
be a moderately attractive girl
and a pretty decent person, so
why the drought? I just don’t
understand how it is
possible for me to
have stayed single
for my whole time
at uni! And it’s not
like I have been
sleeping around
either - my love
life just seems to
be literally dead.
Help!
I think I can probably
understand
why – you’re a
needy, moaning,
bedwetting
crybaby. If I can tell
that from this short
missive, imagine how
many character flaws would
become apparent after spending
time in your actual company. The
Paris Hilton
“Bagsy”
Somebody that has really dark circles
under their eyes
“Totty”
A cute toddler
“Kip”
Somebody with kissable lips
“Bricking-it”
What a builder does
“Chap”
A cheesy wrap
“Shit-faced”
a new beauty treatment
“Dishy”
somebody that fits satellite dishes
“Slag”
A slow-motion slap
“Snog”
A sneaky frog
“Chuffed to bits”
Someone chopped up into little pieces
“Bog roll”
Rolling around in the mud
answer is, of course, somewhere in the
region of 30 to 40. If you tone down the
self-pity, then maybe – MAYBE – I’ll let
you take me out. I was quite the eligible
bachelor back in the day, though that was
when I couldn’t count how many teeth I
had on one hand.
Our mate dyes his hair blonde, waxes
his chest and wears what he describes
as ‘fashionable’ clothing. He thinks he
looks cool and is really manly, but we
feel kind of embarrassed to be out with
him on nights out. How do we tell him
he is trying too hard and to tone it down
a bit without hurting his feelings and
damaging our friendships with him?
I had a similar problem with an old
roommate of mine at Cambridge, name
of Liam. Our mutual friends decided that
the best way to go about changing him
was to crush his sense of self-worth and
individualism through the time-honoured
male-bonding technique of ritualistic
bullying. After three months of taunting,
stealing his belongings, ignoring him and
referring to him only as ‘Haircut’, his selfesteem
was low enough for him to accept
our demand that he shave his hair off in
exchange for basic social contact. Now, 23
The Queen
“Chavvy”
Somebody that is cheese savvy
“Grub”
An Australian larva
“Barf ”
When somebody laughs loudly
“Bugger”
Somebody with an interest in insects
“Batting for the other team”
Somebody that plays cricket for
Australia
“Plastered”
Somebody covered in bandages
“Rug muncher”
Moths that infest the house when the
domestic staff don’t clean properly
“Jammy”
A cake filled full with a large amount of
jam
“Minging”
A male singing
“Pikey”
An expert fisherman, most likely to
catch a pike
“Knuckle sandwich”
A snack eaten with afternoon tea
years later, he’s a fat mess and lives under
the sheet of corrugated iron opposite my
shed, bellowing profanities at children
who rattle his wacky shack with sticks and
pebbles. Still, better to be like that than a
preening turd.
Uncle Monty, help! My penis is bent. It
bends all the way to the left and hurts
when I masturbate. This is really annoying
and ruins my sex life. I’ve only ever
shown it to two people. One said it was
okay and the other just laughed at me.
This really ruined my confidence in the
bedroom.
One thing I would suggest is attaching
your penis to a splint, much as one might
train one’s begonias to climb a trellis. Alternatively,
have you considered that your
penis is going the right way, and that your
body is at the wrong angle? Sorry if that
sounds a bit poncey, I found an anthology
of existentialist philosophy quotations
in Leazes Park under Crackers Alan’s
collection of issues of Horny Housewives.
I’ve been meaning to have a word with
Alan about that actually – it’s incredibly
irresponsible behaviour to leave such filth
lying about near a playground. The kids
might read the magazines, too.

Th eCourier
Penny
Pincher
Rosie Jenkenson
Restaurant
Review
Bob Trollop
Food to
put in your
packed lunch
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Food glorious food. We can’t live without
it, yet the cost of it can stack up pretty
quickly. I think the worst place we splash
our cash where we could actually save is
with lunches. Yes, I know walking around
with your little Prêt A Manger brown
paper bag makes you feel like you are
scoring extra chic points, but these little
splurges every day can take their toll.
Spend between £3-£5 a day on lunches
and snacks and that could cost you
between £180-£300 this semester alone!
Here are my tips on how to make those
pennies stretch at lunchtime.
The truth is, Boots don’t do the cheapest
meal deals (£3.29 currently). Greggs’ meal
deal is £2.99, M&S have one for £2.95 and
Tesco’s is £2.50. And they all have quite
a good choice. So if you can’t curb your
meal-deal spending immediately, make
sure you don’t just always head straight to
Boots to get it!
Make lunch to take with you. Selected
Lloyd Grossman delicious pasta sauces
have been reduced to just £1 in Tesco
and Asda. Cook up some pasta and just
From its exterior, Bob Trollop looks like a
rustic, traditional pub. This theme carries
on throughout, with the dark wooden
beams and intriguing black and white
framed photographs creating a warm and
relaxed ambiance.
On entrance, we were immediately
welcomed, led to a quaint seating area
and offered drinks. Bob Trollop is a 100%
vegetarian eatery and resides beside Red
House, which serves traditional, nonvegetarian
food. The two are adjoined by
a quirky passageway and we were offered
Running out of money rapidly? Bored of
the library cafe rolls? Too lazy to make it
into town? Why not get creative with your
packed lunch... And save a little dough!
So we all know, as students, how poor
students are. With debts looming over our
futures and overdrafts calling, you know
grabbing lunch in town every day is a sure
way to unnecessarily increase those debts.
London South Bank University recommends
students budget £20-25 per week
to cover lunch costs if not taking a packed
lunch.
This is a huge chunk of your student
loan. You could opt for skipping lunch,
but if you have a busy schedule this is going
to leave you pretty hungry and probably
grumpy too. Scrounging off others is
quite likely to leave you friendless.
Tel : 0191 2611037
mix a jar of this in with it. It will make at
least two portions so that’s your next two
lunches set!
Instead of buying individual snacks to
keep you going throughout the day, save
money and buy in bulk! You might think
it’s expensive to fork out £2-£3 for
a pack of multigrain cereal bars
at the supermarket, but it will
work out much cheaper in
the long run. Plus, it’ll help
you resist the temptation to
indulge in that extra bag of
crisps.
Because it’s Lent, the su-
permarkets are cramming
loads of special offers on
their chocolate to try and
tempt us - and it’s work-
ing! Buy a 350g Cadbury
Roses box for only £2 at
Morrisons (RRP £4).
Bargain!
32-40 Sandhill,
Quayside,
Newcastle upon Tyne.
NE1 1UN
#4 Meal Deals, Mimo
Burgers and Bargains!
With a little effort you can more than
halve this cost by taking food in with you.
And why not have fun with it! Everyone
loves a good cook, so get practising. For
a tasty snack or a whole sandwich, try
this recipe for some delicious Rosemary
Focaccia!
both menus.
At first glance, we were pleasantly surprised
by the extremely reasonable prices,
particularly considering the brilliant location
right next to the Quayside (around £6
for the most expensive main). Also there
is a generous 15% NUS discount available,
so it’s perfect for a budget bite.
For starters we opted for two dishes
from the ‘light bites’ section of the menu,
which despite the cheap prices, offered
some rather delectable ingredients. Both
the goat’s cheese bruchetta with mixed leaf
salad (£3.95) and tomato mozzarella and
pesto ciabatta with potato crisps and salad
(£3.50) were served promptly and the portion
size was impressive. It was certainly
enough for a lunch meal!
Despite being a meat eater, I had no
qualms ordering from the tempting vegetarian
menu and opted for the five bean
vegetarian chilli (£4.50) accompanied by
rice and bread. My dining partner ordered
beer battered haddock with chips and
peas (£5.95) and was assured the fish was
MSC certified – a comforting note for the
pescetarians out there. The taste of these
Hannah Friend
dishes did not falter and I was particularly
impressed by the hand cut chips as, regardless
of the danger of slipping further
and further into a carb-coma, I could not
resist eating all of them!
We thought it only fair to sample from
every part of the menu and proceeded to
order pudding. We went for the chocolate
brownie with ice cream and sticky toffee
pudding with butterscotch sauce. They
were a steal at £2.50 each. The presentation
of the brownie was impeccable, even
topped with a chocolate shard (something
I have only seen before on MasterChef!)
and a strawberry. The following five
minutes consisted of orgasmic noises
from both sides of the table, a sure sign of
appreciation.
Vegetarians and meat eaters alike should
make haste to Bob Trollop. This unpretentious
pub will leave you contented both in
stomach and bank balance. I will certainly
be heading back soon!
Clare Vaughan
lifestyle.17
Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter and Lauren Stafford
Online Editor: Lauren Cordell
Get them before they’re gone!
Get 50% off ALL burgers at MiMo bar (next to Revolu-
tion!). It’s a student-only offer so take your smartcard! 1
voucher per person, available on www.eatsleep.co.uk to use
when dining before 7.30pm. Valid until March 8.
All Tresemme shampoos and conditioners are better
than half price at Tesco! Buy 900ml bottles for £2 each to
have silky, smooth hair (RRP £4.49). Valid until March 13.
Pizza Express have 25% off their food Sunday-Friday
with a voucher that is easily printable from their website.
Valid until March 11, but doesn’t apply to takeaways from
Jesmond unfortunately!
Argos are selling a George Foreman Seven Portion Entertaining
Grill (RRP £79.99) for £39.99! Cook everything
on this from your fish fingers to huge chicken breasts. So
handy, and much healthier than frying! Split the cost and
buy one for the house, it’s big enough to fit everyone’s portion
on it!
Ingredients:
500g self raising flour
300ml warm water
15g dried yeast
50ml olive oil
10g sugar
6g salt
½ tbsp dried rosemary
Rosemary Focaccia
1. Make up the yeast and water combination according
to the yeast packet instructions.
2. Mix the flour with the salt, rosemary and olive oil.
Add the water-yeast combo gradually until you have a
very sticky dough.
3. Knead the dough and then wrap in cling film rubbed
with a bit of olive oil. Put it in a warm place until it starts
to expand.
4. Knead again and flatten out onto a baking tray.
Sprinkle with salt and rosemary and bake for around 15
minutes at 200˚C.
5. When it’s cooked, leave to ‘stand’ with a tea towel over
for a few minutes - this makes the top nice and soft.
For a caramelised onion topping, sauté sliced onions until
soft. Then add a little sugar and turn up the heat until
they are slightly crisp.
What’s
Hot
Spring is almost here!
The absence of a real winter
this year has definitely turned
into an advantage for Newcas-
tle students. You can enjoy a
spring walk with your friends
around the city or organise a
picnic with some snacks and
maybe some guitar music in
the park.
Live mannequins
Bank on Northumberland
St has started displaying
live mannequins. This is
definitely a creative and
unique approach to
Saturday shopping
Have your say!
Student elections are
coming up. Each year, six
full-time sabbatical officers and
19 part-time officers are elected
by the student body. Make sure
you vote.
Waking up at 9am
The worst thing
about 9am lectures
and semi-
nars is that you
can be late even
when you set
your alarm for
6am. Coming into
university in your PJs
is definitely not a good look.
Orange Fights
If
you are so stressed that you
want to throw things at some-
one, like oranges, Ivrea is a
perfect place to visit. Every
year the Italian town organizes
a fight for three days. However,
there is no guarantee that you
won’t get a bruise or a broken
nose.
Snoods
A horrible mix of scarf and
hood, snoods are the strang-
est clothing invention to date.
They’re unflattering and alto-
gether odd.
What’s
Not
Thuy Anh Phan
Illustrations: Daisy Billowes

18. health&beauty rosanna.sopp@ncl.ac.uk
Beauty
and
The
Geek
Meet Tom. His version of
grooming is brushing his teeth
and looking in the mirror before
he leaves. Beauty’s mission: to
convert this vanity virgin into
a grooming god. Or at least
something in between.
Face Wash
A good face scrub or wash is something every man should invest in,
even though many don’t even know what they are or how they work.
Tom, for example, afte reading “Do not rub in eyes” proceeded to prac-
tically massage the scrub into his retina’s, then complain in confusion
when it burned. Face washes clean your face, gets rid of all the dirt and
generally improves your complextion. A must for anyone with skin
complaints!
Tom’s thoughts: “It felt tingly and nice when I first put it on, although
it burnt a bit; I was told this was a good thing. Since when is burning
good?! The more I use it thought the less it burnt, which is always a
good point in my book. After a week my skin definitely looked a bit
clearer, and felt cleaner.”
Would he repurchase? Probably not; my skin is pretty good as it is, so I
don’t feel I need to.
Neutrogena Visibly Clear Spot
Stress Control Daily Scrub, £3
Moisturiser
Especially for those winter months and for those with dry skin, moisturizer
is an essentual that is often over looked. Chapped, dry, flakey skin is never a
good look, and moisturizing daily can do wonders for your face, as well as
body. With so many moisturizers aimed directly at men, there is no excuse
not to look after your face!
Tom’s Thoughts: “It smelt weird and made my skin feel oily. However,
once I’d gotten over my initial shock, it did make my skin feel clearer.”
When asking Tom what skin type he was, I received a rather bemused
look, and telling him to ‘feel his face and see if it’s oily’ wasn’t well
received either. The moisturizer he used wasn’t for his skin type, so the
oily feel was understandable. Once he tried a moisturizer specifically
for his skin type, he admitted he felt much more of an improvement.
Would he repurchase?: “The second one I tried, probably. Definately
gave my face the TLC I didn’t know it needed.”
Botanics Men’s
Normal/Dry
Intensive Moisturiser,
£5.99
Hair
removal
Tuesday 6 March eCourier
rosanna.sopp@ncl.ac.uk
2012 Th health&beauty editor: Rosanna Sopp
Lip Balm
Dry lips happen to everyone, and a cracked, chapped pout
isn’t something a girl wants to kiss. If you aren’t prepared
to slather your lips every day, at least take a pot when you
go to a festival or on holiday: it’s a suitcase staple. Plus,
with most having sp15, at least one part of you won’t be
lobster red.
Tom’s Thoughts: “It smelt and tasted really weird. I can see the
benefits, and always take one for festivals, but it made my lips
really slippy! The flavour tasted really odd too; kind of like really
old, slightly off chocolate.”
Would he repurchase?: “No, greasy lips is not a good feeling!”
Hair Gel
Hair gel is a good choice for those
nervous about taking the plunge into
male grooming. Everyone will have
had either good or bad experiences with hair gel in their
teens, from attemptng and failing at a mohawk to the
spikes you had when you thought you were an emo.
Tom’s Thoughts: “The smell was alright, not great
though. It was really sticky on my hands but felt fine in
my hair, however it made my hair look really damp and
had pretty weak hold. The fauxhawk I styled only lasted
about five minutes!”
Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula
Lip Balm, £1.83
Would he repurchase?: “I’m not adversed to the concept
of hair gel, but I probably wouldn’t fork over the money
for this one.”
Editor’s Explanation: Whilst predominantely a grooming
technique used by women, more and more men are turning
to hair removal. From waxing their chests to plucking their
eyebrows, men are embracing the urge to purge. The sadistic
part of me decided to choose this, as the opportunity to wax a
man was too delightful to pass up.
Tom’s Thoughts: “She clearly enjoyed this too much. Waxing
my chest was extremely painful, I looked like a plucked
chicken and I missed my hair once it had gone..”
Would he repurchase?: “Definately not. Lots of pain, no gain.”
Is he converted?
Admittedly, this wasn’t the most successful
mission. My opinion is probably tainted
because my chest still burns from the rather
violent waxing session, but most of the products
I tried I wouldn’t use again. I’d definitely
dabble in face care again though, because my
face reached a new level of good tingly that I
hadn’t felt before. I’m not adverse to the idea
of male grooming though, and this experiment
has made me more open to trying new things.
Never letting a girl with a wax strip near me
again though.
Garnier
Fructis Surf
Hair Texturising
Gum,
£3.05
Veet
Short Hair Ready To Use
Wax Strips, £11.99

20.fashion
thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion
c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Miles Freeman
#5 The urban gentry -
from pasture to pavement
For a long time there has been a cold reception
from city dwellers towards what they deem the
welly-wearing country folk. Folk who, apparently,
know nothing about the hustle and bustle
of the metropolis. When it comes to attire, it
used to be easy to distinguish your home postcode
by whether your staple piece on a rainy
day was a battered Barbour or a Harrington
Jacket. However, in recent times, we have seen
these fashion opposites merge into a single collective
that embraces the styles adorned by both
groups.
The first sign of this symbiosis became apparent
when the quilted Barbour and wax jacket
grew exponentially in popularity and acquired
distinctive esteem amongst the streetwear elite.
Now we see the quilted jacket being replicated
in high street stores, influencing the design
of many niche outerwear companies. Once
upon a time, the utility quilted jacket obtained
its character with year-old stains, tears at
every workable joint and pockets full of empty
cartridges. Now, you’ll see it strutted down
Northumberland Street in pristine condition,
worn over a nondescript hoodie with a pair of
trackies and grubby trainers.
This amalgamation of fashion trends doesn’t
stop there. Hunter Boots Ltd, one of the most
famous Wellington boot brands, has grown
into an internationally-acclaimed company.
A staple item on the summer festival scene,
you can now see a pristine box-fresh pink pair
powering down the street even when rain hasn’t
been sighted for weeks and the closest thing to
mud is last night’s donner kebab on the floor.
Capitalising on this popularity, Hunter is now,
unfortunately, catering for its new market with
some ‘interesting’ adaptations to the traditional
boot. With new editions featuring buckles and
lace-up loops from top to bottom, I worry that
the brand is losing its flawless heritage. I must
apologise in advance to the poor person who
chooses Hunters in gold or pink, as my lunch
may inadvertently make a re-appearance all
over their feet.
In terms of menswear, we’ve seen the classic
walking boot influence style, with new editions
of footwear taking clear inspiration from the
outdoors staple. Whilst the designs are a push
in an exciting direction for street-wear, for me
there is an underlying complex that prevents
me from buying them. As a child I was bought a
pair of walking boots and refused point blank to
wear them, simply out of childhood rebellion.
Now this has come back to bite me. When I
see the latest Native Fitzsimmons being repped
around the UK, I want to like them, but an inner
gremlin just says I can’t.
It is clear there is now a stronger sartorial
relationship between our urban and countrydwelling
demographics than ever before.
Whilst we have seen the country influence on
urban wear, I cannot see there being as strong a
reverse relationship. Tweed has been used as an
accent material on jackets, shoes and sweaters
and the rural utility jackets have inspired much
of our streetwear, but I will be intrigued to see
if it extends much further. I will be severely
annoyed, however, if there comes a day that
Nike release a limited capsule collection of the
Air Max Wellington 90, as then I will have to
remove my bid for that flying pig on eBay.
what’sinyourbag?
Alice McLinden
Second Year
Business
Management
What did you
buy?
Tweed blazer
Where is it
from?
All Saints
How much
did it cost?
£79 (reduced
from £197)
Why did
you choose
this?
“I tend to
steer clear of
All Saints, but
I absolutely
love the blazer.
You’d never
guess where it
was from!”
Fashionista’s Verdict?
“With the classic fit, the
blazer is the perfect preppy
addition to any spring
wardrobe. For a pure
English rose look, throw it
over a floral tea dress and
team with a pair of pastel
brogues.”
On trend
Fanciful florals
Amanda Old picks the prettiest prints of spring/summer 2012
What did you buy?
Polo tee
Where is it from?
Burton
How much did it cost?
£18 (with an NUS)
Why did you choose
this?
“I very rarely wear
polo tops and it’s perfect
to take you from a day to
night
look without needing to
get changed.”
Fashionista’s
Verdict?
“You can never be too
far ahead of your time!
Burnt reds and olive
greens are going to be
huge for ter so this contrasting
burgundy collar is going
to ‘spring’ Ben right
Autumn/Win-
into next season.”
Ben Hales
Second Year
Business Management
Topshop, £36 Topshop, £55 Miss Selfridge, £35 Zara, £40
Hannah Walsh

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
stylingfashion.21
Fashion Editor: Victoria Mole
Online Fashion Editor: Rosanna Sopp
Valentine’s
Ball
Love, laughter
and live fashion
Rosanna Sopp and Lauren Cordell bring you the highlights from the fashionfabulous
annual black tie affair at the Newcastle Falcons Rugby Ground
The Valentine’s Ball combines the best
of two worlds: a high fashion experience
to rival London Fashion Week, and a
chance to raise money for an extremely
worthwhile charity. Fundraising for the
Robbie Anderson Cancer Trust, the ball
was a glamorous, elegant and luxurious
event that wasn’t to be missed. The
guests themselves were almost as fashionable
as the models, with every guy
decked in a tux and every girl wearing
her prettiest dress - even the organisers
from Stage One Events, who had
worked tirelessly for months to create
the event, looked like they belonged on
the catwalk. Overall, just being in that
opulently decorated room was a fashion
journalist’s dream.
The atmosphere changed palpably
when the models began to grace the
runway to some of this year’s biggest
songs, their routines obviously carefully
choreographed. With clothes donated
from shops including Topshop and
Miss Selfridge, it was obvious they were
going to be extremely fashionable and
current, and the avid audience was not
disappointed. Sports luxe, vibrant jeans,
metallics and pastel colours draped each
of the models’ bodies - bodies, in fact, of
every size and shape, proving that you
can model whatever your size and look
great doing so. The clothes could tickle
anyone’s fashion taste buds; there were
glamorous evening dresses, the perfect
outfit for a first date, jeans and a t-shirt,
and everything in between.
Their hair was coiffed in perfectlystyled
bows (think Lady Gaga circa
2009; it’s taken some time, but it’s finally
being absorbed into the high street like
fashion osmosis). The make-up included
bold, silver eyes; something I was particularly
pleased about, having sported
the same look that day (although I dare
say they carried it off better). The male
models were equally fashionable, with
looks ranging from hipster to dapper.
The men looked particularly delighted
to be parading down the catwalk, but
that could have been to do with the wolf
whistles emanating from every corner
of the room. Fur seemed to be a popular
choice for the guys with an impressive
variety - from hats, to bags, to stoles -
so it would seem women’s fascination
with fur is rubbing off in a big way. This
year the event was on February 25 and
tickets were priced at £35 for students;
this included a three-course meal,
champagne reception, a photobooth and
live music. If you haven’t been so far, it
is well worth attending in future as part
of the student experience.
Model
Interview
Rosie Leatherland, Second Year,
English Language (top-middle in the
pink dress)
How did you get involved in
modelling for this event?
I heard about the event around campus last
year when I was a fresher and, with the Teenage
Cancer Trust being so close to my heart,
and having never done anything like it before,
I thought why not give it a go. We attended a
day of auditions and then were invited back
in the afternoon for rehearsals. With the event
being so successful last year they planned it for
the second time and it once again blew people
away!
How did you find the experience?
It’s hard to describe the adrenaline I felt on
that catwalk- a combination of keeping myself
upright, avoiding falling over, showing the
best of the clothes, the hair, the make up, and
remembering what I’m doing all at the same
time! It’s such an incredible rush and everyone
was going wild every time we were on the
catwalk (especially the guys’ underwear walk
which I think was probably the winner)!
What do you think of the concept?
It’s a brilliant concept simply because it’s such
a fun, glamorous and exciting way of raising
thousands of pounds for people our age who
are battling cancer and need every bit of help
to just keep going. Making it into a ball enabled
the fashion show to be a small part of a huge
event which was thoroughly enjoyed by 500
guests. Getting a group of students together
from different year groups and courses who are
all up for having a laugh on the catwalk, and
all for an amazing charity - win win!

22.listings6th-11thMarch
thecourieronline.co.uk/listings
c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday
Global Issues book club
Tuesday 6th March, 6pm
City Library Cafe
We are a group of people who are interested
in educating ourselves and discussing
global issues, as well as just sharing our
thoughts on some good books. This month
we are discussing “The Spirit Catches You
and You Fall Down” by Anne Fadiman.
Absolutely anyone is welcome to come, our
discussions are very informal and relaxed.
To get involved at any time please come
along or email: globalissuesbookclub@
gmail.com.
Enlisting
Dumbledore’s Army:
children’s stories and
human rights
5.30-6.30pm
Curtis Auditorium, Herschel Building
Where do human rights come from; are
they passing figments of the imagination
or something more real and enduring;
what makes us value human rights across
the globe, from one generation to the
next? In her 2012 Fickling Lecture, Shami
Chakrabarti, Director of Liberty, will
draw on some favourite children’s stories
to illustrate how they can be as much a
force for human rights and freedoms as
political speeches and legal doctrine. Free
admission, no booking required.
www.ncl.ac.uk/events
Itchy Feet
10pm
World Headquarters
It’s the iconic WHQ night bursting with
Jump Blues, Rock n’ Roll, Soul, Swing, Reggae
and Ska. It can’t be missed! So grab your
(flat) dancing shoes, buy your ticket and tell
all your friends! See you there!
www.welovewhq.com
International Women’s Day
7.30pm
Venue, Students’ Union
There will be a free film showing of ‘Made
in Dagenham’ with free refreshments. Also
be on display will be the posters from the
History Society’s poster campaign ‘Unsung
Heroines of Gender Equality’, with a
short discussion about these inspirational
women and any other contributions from
the audience.
Discover Islam Week
5 - 9 March
Journal Tyne Theatre
Nowadays, it’s so easy to get a distorted
picture of Islam, with some parts
of the media always keen to propagate
the hysteria that sells newspapers.
The annual DIW is here to give
you an opportunity to find out about
the reality of the fastest growing religion
in the world. Here’s your chance
to explore what Islam stands for - an
opportunity to hear from renowned
academics, speak to Muslim students
about their faith and have all your
questions on Islam answered. There
will also be an opportunity to hear
from Newcastle United’s very own
DEMBA BA so stay tuned! All events
are free of charge and free
refreshments will be served.
Chinese State Circus
7.30pm
Journal Tyne Theatre
To say the Chinese State Circus is merely a
show is to grossly underestimate it; it is the
embodiment of a traditional art form which
can trace its history back over 2000 years.
The result is the purest, honest, most abiding
and exhilarating circus that is a true privilege
to see. www.millvolvotynetheatre.co.uk
Norma
7pm
Th e a t r e R o y a l
One of the greatest of Italian operas, Norma
marks the climax of the bel canto repertoire,
and in Casta diva, contains one of
the most prized of all soprano arias which
made legends of both Maria Callas and Joan
Sutherland. Bellini’s long, sumptuous melodies,
lush orchestration and Norma’s story of
fierce passion, battle and sacrifice will move
you to tears.
www.theatreroyal.co.uk
Get your kit off
6pm
Mens Bar,
Students’
Union
The traditional
post-match
entertainment
is back
at the Union
and kicks off
as soon as the
first Wednesday
fixture ends. Get your kit off after the match,
dump it in the SU cloakroom, then hit the
bar with all the other AU teams in preparation
for Tiger Tiger. Food is available from
Mens Bar, as well as Subway, so you’ve got
the best of both worlds!
www.nusu.co.uk/events
International Women’s Day
6.30pm
Monument
Join the Women for Women International
Charity Society as they march to Millennium
Bridge in support of women in war
zone countries.
Smoove and Turrell
10pm
WHQ
Since the launch of their debut album
Antique Soul in 2009 things have started
accelerating very fast for the Geordie duo
Smoove & Turrell. Singles I Can’t Give
You Up, You Don’t Know and Beggarman
scored two Records of the Week on Radio
2 and a playlist on 6 Music between them.
£7.50 advance, tickets available from Beatdown
and RPM Records.
This is what feminism
looks like
5.30pm
History Room, Students’ Union
T-shirts for sale from Gender and Equality
officer for £2 with ‘This is what a feminist
looks like’ on the front. All proceeds go to
Tyneside Rape Crisis centre. On International
Women’s Day we are all going to
meet wearing the t-shirts at 5:30pm in the
History Room. We will take some pictures
and hear quotes from people about what
feminism means to them. There will be a
short talk from your Gender and Equality
Officer about the campaign and then afterwards
people are welcome to join us on the
march down to Millennium Bridge with
Women’s for Women International.

ELECTIONS 2012
WHO’S GOT YOUR VOTE?

2.electionsSabbaticalOfficers
Why should you vote in the PRESIDENT
Student Union elections?
LAURA PERRY
By Kat Bannon
Editor
WHAT ARE THE STUDENT
UNION ELECTIONS?
Elections week 2012 is the week that will decide
the future of your Students’ Union for the next
year - or even longer. This year almost 30 candidates
are battling it out to win your vote and represent
you in the decisions made about how to
run your Students’ Union - and make sure your
time at Newcastle is unforgettable!
Amongst them are 17 candidates competing
for the six full-time Sabbatical roles for next
year. For them, this election means not only the
chance to represent students’ needs at the highest
level within the University and wider community,
but also the opportunity of a full-time
paid job after graduation.
You are sure to see them all over campus this
week with their campaign teams, brightly coloured
T-shirts, flyers, as well as sweets and cakes
trying to convince you to give them your vote.
This isn’t about saving tigers or free make overs
- what they have to say really affects you.
This guide will hopefully help to explain to
you what it’s all for, why you should vote, how to
vote, and most importantly, the manifestos that
will help you to decide who to vote for.
SO, WHY SHOULD I VOTE?
In coming to Newcastle University you automatically
become a member of the Students’
Union.
The Students’ Union is completely student led
and run by students, for students. Student officers
are divided into two categories. Firstly, there
are the Sabbaticals, who work full-time for a
year and are usually graduates. Then there’s also
the Part-Time Officers or PTOs, who are fulltime
students and carry out their roles voluntarily
in addition to their studies.
The officers are there to represent you and
your opinions, run campaigns on issues that affect
you, and ensure that you have the best time
CANDIDATE QUESTION TIME
Running Order
NSR Station Manager
International Students’ Officer
President
Gender Equality Officer
Editor of The Courier
Convenor of Disciplinary
Students with
Disabilities Officer
Athletic Union Officer
Chair of Union Council
Officer Without Portfolio
Welfare and Equality Officer
Ethics and Environment Officer
Campaigns Officer
Racial Equality Officer
Education Officer
RAG Officers
LGBT Officer
Activities Officer
possible while studying at Newcastle University.
The March election week is by far the most important
week in the Students’ Union calendar, as
the candidates you vote for will form the team
of students who will shape the future of Newcastle’s
Students’ Union.
Having moved into a new building this academic
year this year’s Sabbatical team have
worked to ensure the state-of-the-art facilities
are used to their full potential. However, new
students and new needs come year after year, so
it is important that next year’s officers will continue
to move forward.
Many people do not realise the role that the
Students’ Union plays in the opportunities that
so often make up the typical student experience.
If you are involved in a society or sports team,
taken part in RAG or Freshers’ Week then you
have benefited directly from events organised
and financed by your Students’ Union. More
importantly the people in charge of organising
these events are all contained in these next eight
pages, exactly which of them have the opportunity
is down to you.
Now is the chance to make a difference and
choose the officers that will run your Students’
Union the way you want it to be! It is your responsibility
to use your vote and go online to
make sure who you believe are the right people
for the job are elected.
HOW DO I VOTE?
Voting couldn’t be easier, so there’s really no excuse!
All you have to do is go online to vote.ncl.
ac.uk and from there you will see the list of candidates
running for each officer position as well
as their manifestos.
Simply select the number 1 from the drop
down box next to your first choice, a 2 next to
your second choice, 3 next to your third choice...
you get the picture!
Voting is open from 4pm Monday until 12
noon Thursday and any student is eligible to
vote. Simply log in using the boxes at the top of
the screen.
As well as all of the student candidates that are
running for election, you will notice a mysterious
candidate named RON. In fact, he is not a
real person and RON stands for Re-Open Nominations.
If you decide that you do not want any of
the prospective candidates to be elected into
a particular officer position then you can vote
to RON. In the event that RON has more votes
than the other candidates, the election will be
run again at a later date and other people who
were not previously nominated can nominate
themselves as candidates.
HOW DO I CHOOSE
WHO TO VOTE FOR?
During election week the candidates will be tirelessly
campaigning on campus to try and convince
you to vote for them.
From flyering outside the Robinson Library to
knocking on the doors of your halls, all candidates
will be out on the streets donned in their
campaign colours this week looking to secure
your votes.
Candidates have rules they must abide by during
the week, which includes no negative campaigning.
They also all have the same budget to
spend on publicity.
Each candidate has written a 200 word manifesto,
which you can find in this special election
week pull-out and they must all give a speech
and take part in a live debate at Candidate Question’s
in the Venue, Students’ Union between
1pm and 4pm on Monday.
WHEN DO I FIND OUT THE RESULTS?
The election results will be announced on Friday
evening in the Courtyard Cafe.
Alternatively see the The Courier next Monday
for full results!
Why vote for me?
I believe my leadership experience through
representing both the Union and University is
unrivalled.
- Elected and currently working as President
2011-12.
- Having had in-depth experience in running
the Athletic Union, volunteered as a student
ambassador, hockey club secretary, biology
society treasurer and had three years involvement
in Freshers’ Week.
- Fulfilled my manifesto policies and have the
CARLTON SHEPHERD
• Revolutionise entertainment at the Union.
Northumbria University hosted Pendulum,
Queen’s University Belfast is hosting Korn and
Cardiff University Students’ Union are holding
the Kerrang Tour. Why can’t we host these
events?
I believe the Union has failed to provide
Grade A entertainment following its £8m
refurbishment
WHO’S RON?
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
vote.ncl.ac.uk
passion to take them further.
- A second-year President could bring more to
the role, earlier in the year.
Next year:
- Raise awareness of Union activities and
structure.
- Increase direct access to Officers for all
students.
- Regular office hours dedicated to any student
wishing to voice their requests directly to the
President.
- Improve commercial services with big nights,
better acts.
- Strengthen established links to build community
relations and influence national decisions.
- Improve life on our overseas campuses
(where no student-led clubs, societies or volunteering
opportunities currently exist).
- Increase funding again for all sports clubs
and societies.
- Improve Union website and social media
communication.
- Target inclusion of international, postgraduate
and mature students.
My overall aim:
To continue the change - maximising the student
experience through greater involvement
and participation.
Let’s transform the Union into a premier
entertainment venue
• Halt price increases at the Union. Since
the Union’s reopening, prices of some popular
drinks have been hiked at Mens Bar. Budweiser,
Becks, Heineken and Guinness all
increased by at least 12% between semesters
one and two
I don’t believe this is acceptable - Habita at
Northumbria University is selling similar
brands for significantly less
• The Union recently published a report (Commercial
Operation 2011/2012) forecasting
£202,563 and £412,866 Gross PROFIT on its
Retail and Liquor sales respectively
In tough financial times, I believe it’s inexcusable
for the Union to be cashing in on
students this way – let’s economise elsewhere
and stop students from having to bear the
brunt of the costs
• Why me? I believe my practical and realistic
policies will revolutionise your student experience
It’s time to put students first and make our
Union the best in the country
RON stands for ‘Re-Open Nominations’.
He’s not actually a real person.
And his last name is definitely not Weasley.
If you decide that you do not want any of the prospective candidates
to be elected into a particular officer position then you
can choose RON instead. In the event that RON has more votes
than the other candidates the election will be run again at a
later date and other people who were not previously can in the
running can nominate themselves as candidates.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
SabbaticalOfficerselections.3
vote.ncl.ac.uk
EDUCATION OFFICER
EMMA WAKEFIELD
RACHAEL THORNTON
ANNALIESE MURRAY
PAUL ROBINSON
My Manifesto
• ENGAGEMENT and VALUE,
-ensuring students get as much out of university
education as possible
• MENTORS: I believe the best way to organise
this is by having variety and a better
student:mentor ratio
• COURSE REPS: what issues are universitywide
or repeated?
• Support students through part-time officers
i.e. international/mature/parent/carer/disabled
students
• POST GRADUATES: make sure you don’t fall
through the cracks!
• EXPERIENCE: Ncl+ career development
module, volunteering and placements
- Alumni Events: former students return to
the university to give advice and tips for undergraduates
• FORUM: older students offer advice on issues
such as module choice and assessments
My Experience:
• History Society
- 2010-11 Treasurer
- 2011-12 Vice President
• Mentor 2011-2012
- by 2013 every first year will have a mentor:
use experience to help with this aim
• Dance Society – member and dance coach
• Union Council
• Library Refurbishment: attended meetings
The forthcoming year will be important for
OUR University due to fee increase and the
controversial government proposals. As Education
Officer, I aim to ensure that no Newcastle
student suffers because of this and that the
University is doing all it can to represent and
support ALL its students, both current and
future.
Experience:
Course representative for three years running.
Representative at University and subject open
days.
Attended London Demo against cuts and the
rise in tuition fees
Freshers Crew Member 2010 and 2011
RAG Crew Member 2010 and Supervisor 2011
Sociology Society Committee joint President
and joint Social Secretary 2010-11.
Swimming and Waterpolo Committee Social
Secretary 2010-11 and Secretary 2011-12.
Aims:
Continue representation through the Student
Staff Committee and enhance staff involvement.
Recap available for all subjects.
Ensure staff and subject complaints are taken
more seriously.
Increase support and representation of postgraduate,
mature and international students.
Wednesday afternoons to remain off timetable
encouraging rounded student experience balancing
both academic and social life.
Strong campus presence increasing approachability.
If you feel as passionate about these issues as I
do, then VOTE RACHAEL for Education Officer:
Putting the ‘U’ back in Education!
VOTE.NCL.AC.UK
WELFARE AND EQUALITY OFFICER
ESTA INNES
Everyone is entitled to a fantastic university experience.
As your Welfare and Equality Officer
I would facilitate this by:
Expanding
• Informative financial campaigns like ‘Fools
Rush in.’
• Mental Health awareness campaigns.
• Awareness of the ‘Zero Tolerance to Sexual
Harassment’ policy that I initiated.
Supporting
• Vulnerable students to overcome setbacks and
make the most of their university experience.
• International students with their transition by
working with relevant societies to engage with
specific cultural issues.
• Students in leading the campaigns they want
through a campaigning forum.
Tackling
• The stigma attached to having a learning diffi
c u l t y.
• The issue of sexual assault; prompting debate
about consent.
• Casual racism with a big push on ‘show racism
the red card’.
Achieving
• Increased engagement with students, by
listening to what YOU want.
• Welfare at the union that is more student
centred and relevant to YOU.
My passionate, dedicated and enthusiastic
character would make me ideal for this role so
please vote ESTA #1 for Welfare and Equality
http://vote.ncl.ac.uk
Experience:
• History Society Publicity Officer
• Students’ Union Gender Equality Officer
• President of COCO Society
• Rag Crew 2011
• Officer during 2011 Fresher’s Week
Vote Annaliese for Education!
Having been a student representative for the
school of Historical Studies since first year,
as well as chairperson of my respective Staff
Student Committee, I feel I am more than
qualified for the job as education officer.
I have experience dealing with the various
problems that arise throughout your degree,
and I have had real success in effectively solving
these issues.
I am passionate about wanting to improve the
student experience to make Newcastle University
the best it can be.
I intend to:
• Continually fight the government against the
rise in tuition fees.
• Work hard to make sure each student is getting
value for money teaching, with the best
degree possible, and a fully rounded education.
• Increase the lacking communication
between students, the students union and the
university: there is so much information students
do not hear, and I intend to ensure this
information is passed on to you.
• Ensure that your issues are heard and that
your feedback is valued and acted upon; so
many students are unhappy with their degrees
but do not speak out.
VOTE #1 FOR ANNALIESE
JACK WOODS
Hi! I’m Jack and I’m hoping to be your Welfare
and Equality Officer. I’m an enthusiastic person
with a lot of passion for helping people and
becoming YOUR voice to the university.
I’ve got experience as a RAG supervisor and
part of Fresher’s crew, and I’m currently the
Circus Society president, providing me with
skills that have helped me grow, and will help
me make YOU grow if I’m elected.
My aims:
Hello everybody,
I am standing to promote and improve educational
activities at a time when education itself
is undermined: rising tuition fees and subsequent
changes to our courses are threatening
the quality of our education.
As a third year student, I recognise communication
between the student body and the
university administration should be improved,
which will ensure that the student voice is more
representative and acknowledged. I believe
that my amendments will best facilitate these
improvements.
To benefit you, I aim to:
• Improve measures that canvas the voice of
all students.
• Ensure that changes to our courses reflect
our needs.
• Ensure all students are aware of the support
available to them.
These can be achieved by more responsive
communication between, we, the student body,
and the university administration, including
such methods as:
• Improving communications with course
reps.
• Publishing SSC decisions.
• Improving support access.
Throughout my time at Newcastle University,
I have been an active member of the student
community, so you can count on me to be a
committed, an active and a vocal representative,
to promote your needs.
Please vote Paul #1 for Education Officer at
http://vote.ncl.ac.uk
• Provide a society that has religious, faith
based and atheist freedom of speech.
• Fight against bullying and combat the ever
growing ‘Lad-Banter’ culture.
• Continue raising awareness about sexual
safety:
- Both sexual abuse and consented sex.
- Educate the university about the worldwide
issue of sex trafficking.
• Introduce a new non-alcoholic social community.
Add to the standard Wednesday night
out so that those of you who don’t like going
out have some way to participate in socials.
• Provide a confidential, personalised and
relaxed drop in service and if you want, pass on
your welfare issues to the university.
• Build personalised relationships with YOU
so that you can see me and feel more relaxed in
discussing any issues you have.
Please vote Jack #1 for Welfare and Equality!
http://vote.ncl.ac.uk

Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
4.electionsSabbaticalOfficers
vote.ncl.ac.uk
ACTIVITIES OFFICER
ATHLETIC
UNION OFFICER
JASMINE WALKER
YEYEMIDE SANNI
ABBY CAREY
LAURA MASON
I am organised, passionate and approachable.
I think I have what it takes to keep the union
up to date and make sure everyone gets the
most out of their time at uni.
My aims…..
• We have a NEW UNION - LETS USE IT!
Increase involvement for all students not only
the ones in societies
• Create the biggest and best Grad ball you’ll
never forget - finish your uni years with a
bang!!
• Encourage and increase society involvement
and awareness of Fresher’s and RAG weeks
• Create an online space where society execs
can discuss issues and help each other
• Create event notice boards around campus
telling more students what is happening all year
round
• Increase student participation in activities
such as SCAN and other volunteering opportunities
Why vote for me?!?!….
• Societies have made my university experience
- I want everyone to have the opportunity to get
involved.
• 3 years in dance society - 2 years as secretary,
a HUGE JOB! Experience of organising events
such as inter-university competitions, dance
shows and classes
• Member of BioSoc for 2 years
• Fresher’s crew
I believe my experience makes me the perfect
candidate for the job.
********Vote JASMINE FOR ACTIVITIES -
lets make it a year to remember!! ********
Hi, I am Yeyemide Sanni (Stage 3 Information
Systems), running for the position of the Activities
Officer. I understand the responsibility that
this position demands and I will give my all to
upholding the main functions of the position
should I be elected. Not forgetting to maintain
students focus and tend to your needs.
Past Experiences
• Student Ambassador,
• Stage 3 Course Representative,
• Information System’s rep for Board of Studies
• Voting Member of the Union Council
• Scan WAC representative(10-11)
• President Afro Caribbean society(10-11)
• Society Executive(10-11)
• Faith and Nationality representative(10-11)
• Student Helper for Computer Science Admission
Days
• Social committee Nigerian Society(09-10)
If I am elected I will……
• Cultivate inter-societies relationships
• Provide improved quality of communication
between students and society officers
• Get more societies involved in the annual
IFAM
I believe I would be best for the job because……
I have never hesitated to take opportunities to
work for other students. I have been a part of
loads of activities to represent students including
and grad ball2011.
I believe I have gained enormously the necessary
skills for this job. I would love to be given
this opportunity to be a part of the next officers
to help you run your Union.
ACTIVITIES OFFICER EXPLAINED
The role of Activities Officer is there to help you get involved in all the societies
Newcastle has to offer (over 140 of them!), to give committee members support and
advice onhow to run a successful society, as well as provide further information on setting
up your own. Here there is the perfect opportunity to host events, have meetings,
start socials and recruit new members.
The year that have will be hectic but masses of fun. The job as Activities Officer also
means overseeing RAG week, organising Refreshers fair alongside the AU officer, coordinating
IFAM and creating the best Grad ball so far. As a Sabbatical Officer they also
work alongside 5 other full time officers as a team to engage with students all over
campus making sure they are representing the needs of all Newcastle Students. Make
your opinion count for voting for who you think will be the best at achieving all of this!
Being part of a successful society can completely
change your experience of university.
Not only will it give you an incredibly full
social calendar but being part of a society can
also help you acquire skills you would have
otherwise never have gained and thus aid your
future career.
Newcastle University has an amazing array of
societies and clubs all with something unique
to offer and they require someone who is
knowledgeable, organised, and energetic to
enable them to truly flourish. I am passionate
about our union and all involved with it.
Having been heavily involved in the running
of a prestigious society I believe I have all the
above qualities to continue forwards in the role
of Activities Officer and expand our growing
union even further by;
• Giving a bigger platform to advertise, looking
especially at campus coverage of internal and
external success of Newcastle’s societal achievements.
• Increase the profile of Refreshers Fair and
help increase society membership across the
entire board.
• Increase support to new and upcoming societies
with further training and the creation of a
support network.
• Finally I want to create a network of better
connected societies all working together
towards success.
I really believe I will be the best candidate for
the AU Officer Job. I am passionate, dedicated
to sport and organised. I feel it’s my turn to
make sure everyone else’s experiences are as
good as mine!
My experience:
• Elite athlete squad 2011/12 for Modern
Pentathlon.
• Women’s Fencing Captain 2011/2012.
• Fencing secretary 2010/11.
• Organised teams for BUCS Modern Pentathlon,
2011 & 2012.
• Been an AU member for 3years.
• Intra-mural: Hockey and Netball.
My aims for:
Team Newcastle are to:
• Increase sponsorship for teams, to improve
equipment, helping to raise our BUCS ranking.
• Distribute finances more equally across
clubs.
• Explore more innovative classes for AU
members to attend, on top of ‘Boot Camp’.
• To win Stan Calvert.
• Promote profiles of smaller clubs.
• Post live results on Twitter.
• Make the AU Ball better value for money.
Participation is to increase opportunities for
students by:
• Reducing cost for intra-mural teams with a
Bronze membership at the sport centre.
• Increasing the number of intra-mural sports
and teams.
• Having more training times for ‘social’ sports
and ‘beginners’ sessions to encourage students
to explore new activities.
VOTE LAURA #1
ATHLETIC UNION OFFICER EXPLAINED
The Athletic Officer is in charge of 59 different sports clubs! They’re responsible for
training members as officers, being a main point of contact for all committee members
throughout the year, and negotiating as much money as possible for AU clubs
through external sponsorship. AU Officer is a great job because you also get to organise
some of the biggest events at Newcastle University! Over 700 students attend the
AU Ball, and who could forget Stan Calvert – a day in which over 70 teams take on our
Northumbria counterparts – and it’s your job to help organise it!
As well as this, the AU Officer liaises with key University staff to make sure students
are getting the best deal within sport at Newcastle, whether this is facilities or scholarships
wise. They work alongside the Activities Centre staff in the Students’ Union to
make sure BUCS fixtures run smoothly, as well as getting involved in other activities
like Give it a Go and Go Play. Plus, you get paid to go and watch sport on Wednesday
afternoons, and are a sporting representative for all Newcastle students!

STAN CALVERT CUP
WINNERS 2012
100.5 - 52.5
Photography: Zander
Record victory makes it five in a row
Uni bring the cup home for another year after monumental defeat of the Poly
By Rory Brigstock-Barron
Sports Editor
On Sunday night Athletic Union officer Alice
Holloway hoisted aloft the most prestigious
sporting trophy in the North East as Newcastle
claimed the Stan Calvert Cup for an unprecedented
fifth consecutive time.
An array of outstanding performances, not
just in the last week but over the season, from
Newcastle students and teams alike, saw a huge
margin of victory for the winning side as they
stormed to a 100.5-52.5 win. Despite failing
to cap off the overall victory with a win in the
Rugby Union showcase event, Newcastle were
the side celebrating as the Poly went home with
their tails between their legs. The 100.5 points
earned by Team Newcastle is a record, as well as
the 48 point margin being the second highest.
One of the most striking aspects of the victory
was the number of teams that upset the
odds to beat a Northumbria side with a far more
impressive BUCS record. The Women’s Football
First’s performance on Friday night was a prime
example of such giant killing, the BUCS Northern
Division Three B side winning a close encounter
over Northern Premier League leaders
Northumbria Firsts. At full-time in that match,
Performance Sport Manager Fraser Kennedy
told captain Steph Dalby that it would be the
stand out result of this year, no matter what else
happened, but the events of Sunday certainly
pushed it hard.
The Netball Firsts achieved a great result by
beating their counterparts from the Poly, despite
being a league below them in BUCS competition
and some of their opponents playing in the
Netball Superleague. Women’s Badminton also,
earned a shock point for the Uni, stealing a draw
against a side that had beaten them comfortably
earlier in the season. The result was even more
remarkable after they had found themselves 4-1
down with three games to play.
Prior to the day there had also been a surprise
win for Ladies’ Cricket, albeit thanks to some
horribly wayward Northumbria bowling and as
the surprise points racked up, a Newcastle win
began to seem inevitable.
Other sides such as Rowing and Women’s Lacrosse
handed out a proverbial ‘Poly-bashing’.
The Intermediate Women’s rowing side still
managed to win despite Northumbria sneakily
switching their crew and even though a win for
Women’s Lacrosse was expected, their 34-1 annihilation
of the Poly was as comprehensive a
victory as you can get.
While Newcastle went in to Sunday having
already established an impressive lead in the
events leading up to Stan Calvert Sunday, it
was the day itself that held most of the excitement,
as those who tuned in to The Courier’s
live blog can attest to. With the surprise Badminton
draw proving to be an early blow for the
Poly, they did not even get close to the Uni score
throughout the whole day. A shock defeat for
the Ladies’ Hockey Seconds and a narrow defeat
for the Men’s Football Firsts were the only negative
results to filter in from Coach Lane, while
results elsewhere around the City, such as two
rugby wins, a victory for Men’s Lacrosse and the
demolition job done by Women’s Lacrosse at
Bullocksteads and wins for both Fencing teams
at the Sports Centre meant the mood as Newcastle
fans filtered into Gateshead Stadium was
positive to say the least. While the showpiece
event finished in a disappointing defeat, it was
the overall score that mattered most and AU officer
Alice Holloway could not contain her joy
as she lifted the coveted trophy in front of the
Uni supporters.
Speaking after the day, Holloway told The Courier:
“Winning five years in a row is a massive
achievement for Team Newcastle, and I am so
honoured to have lifted the Cup! Now I can
breathe a sigh of relief; it was a huge team effort
and everyone should be really proud.”

2.StanCalvert2012
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Poly save face in Stan Calvert main
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MEN’S RUGBY UNION
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Colin Henrys
at GATESHEAD STADIUM
3
10
Safe in the knowledge that the Stan
Calvert Cup would be staying at Newcastle
for a fifth consecutive year, all
that was left was for the Men’s Rugby
Union Firsts to secure a win in the
showpiece event at Gateshead Stadium.
It was to prove to be an anti-climatic
finish for the Uni however, as a second-half
try from Scotland Sevens international
Michael Fedo was enough
to secure a Poly win and salvage a
slither of pride for Team Northumbria
on what was a bitterly disappointing
day overall for them.
After a couple of great encounters
between the two sides on recent occasions,
this was far from another classic.
With the atmosphere muted due
to the wet conditions and the segregating
of the fans into separate stands,
the match proved to be a scrappy affair
with too many handling errors
and infringements in the ruck by both
teams creating a stop-start match that
never really got going.
After an early let-off for the Royals
when captain Richard Walker-Taylor’s
kick was charged down on the
tryline but ran out of play, it was the
Uni who created the early chances.
The captain made a great line break
himself, and soon put Newcastle 3-0
up with a long, straight penalty. Walker-Taylor
was central to the next attack
too as he ran on to his own huge
up and under but, with the Poly fullback
having horribly misjudged the
kick, the Newcastle captain knocked
on.
From then on however, the Royals
rarely threatened. After a couple
of poor attempts at setting the
scrum, Northumbria won a penalty
and found a good touch. One play
later and they had a kick at the posts,
which left-footed Ross Burton converted
to draw the scores level.
With the game failing to inspire,
the crowd took to alternative ways to
entertain themselves, such as requesting
that the TCTV camerawoman ‘get
‘em out’. Their attempts proved futile
however, as did the Royals’ attempts
to get out of their own half.
Despite having all of the territory
and possession however, Northumbria
did not create anything of note
either, and after Burton had missed a
penalty from near the right touchline,
half-time arrived at 3-3.
After the Newcastle Angels had
entertained the crowd at half-time
and outnumbered and outperformed
their Poly counterparts, there was
hope that the second half would be an
improvement.
Walker-Taylor missed an early penalty,
which was made harder by the
fact that the PA man had still not
turned the half-time music off, and a
huge hit by Jo Beckett forced a good
turnover, and when the Poly stand-off
Brad Pears was sin binned for a high
tackle things looked up for the Royals.
The sense of optimism was not to
last however, as despite their numerical
disadvantage, Northumbria forced
the territory and Fedo scored what
proved to be the decisive try, which
Burton converted.
Newcastle nearly replied immediately
but Johnny Neville knocked on
just short of the tryline, but frequent
infringements at the breakdown and
far too many handling errors due to
the wet conditions meant that Newcastle
struggled to create a period of
sustained pressure.
It was to get worse for the Uni too
when Walker-Taylor had to limp off
after a nasty knock to his knee when
he was tackled off the ball trying
to run on to his own kick over the
Northumbria back line.
The match was epitomised shortly
afterwards when a Poly fan braved
the cold to produce a customary
Stan Calvert streak. Newcastle mascot
Rory Lion, despite his streakertackling
history, chose to do nothing
about it allowing the naked rogue to
slip away into the night for a certain
brush with hypothermia.
Back to the action and Newcastle
secured a couple of penalties in the
Northumbria 22, but with time running
out called for a scrum on both
occasions to no avail, as the ball was
eventually lost and the Poly were able
to close out the match and kick to
touch.
Their muted celebrations reminded
everyone that this was far from a
good day for Team Northumbria as a
whole, but in terms of the rugby their
win puts them out of reach of the
Total domination
‘Newcastle are the
ones in the distance’:
NUBC storming to victory
on the Tyne
Photography:
Boat Club
ROWING
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
Newcastle
Northumbria
By Lizzie White
at NEWBURN BOAT CLUB
8
0
On a surprisingly sunny day in the
North East, crowds gathered to watch
the annual Stan Calvert Boat race on
the Tyne.
Newcastle supporters casually sat
back and basked in the sun on the
steps of their boathouse - the finish
line for the 1km race - while a significantly
smaller bunch of Northumbria
supporters clung to the sides of the
Newburn bridge with a glimmer of
hope that this year they may finish
within a boat length of Newcastle.
Alas this was not to be as despite
their typical Poly tactics, such as delaying
their arrival, swapping their
crews over and doing their best to
prevent laughter from the Boat Club
steps at their “poor rowing tekkers”,
their efforts were in vain against the
strength and depth of Team Newcastle.
The four races that followed were
done in coxless quads- boats with
four rowers who row with two oars
(skulling). The Women’s Intermediate
Quads paddled to the start line at
the top of the Newburn straight, with
Flic Warner, Georgia Parry, Charlotte
Irving and Sally Hickney representing
Newcastle.
In the first 100m it seemed that
Northumbria were actually holding
their own (much to their handful of
supporters’ amazement) however,
this was not to last and their hopes of
a shock win were quickly dashed.
The NUBC girls put the power on
and surged home to beat their rivals
by a clear three boat lengths. The result
was particularly disheartening
for the Poly as they fielded their four
strongest girls in their intermediate
quad, clearly with the hope of snatching
some cheeky points from the day.
The girl’s win was followed by a
similarly commanding performance

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
StanCalvert2012.3
event
No way through: the
Royals succumbed to
a defeat in the day’s
showpiece event
Photography:
Moises Bedrossian
Knights unable to overcome the odds
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MEN’S BASKETBALL
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
57
74
By Owen Evans
at UNN SPORTS CENTRAL
There was to be no shock result in
the Men’s Basketball 1sts match as
favourites Northumbria produced a
fantastic display to record a victory
over a valiant Knights side.
It was widely believed before the
match that Northumbria – who can
boast of fantastic basketball facilities
– would easily walkover the Knights,
and although they finished with a 17
point lead, the match was mouth-wateringly
close for the first three quarters,
before Northumbria moved to
put the game beyond doubt.
Northumbria took an early lead in
the game, but it was Newcastle who
dominated the first quarter, as Giannis
Giokaris put two points onto the
board thanks to a long pass from Andrew
Ply before Rafael Franca sunk a
fantastic three pointer from range.
Newcastle continued to have their
share of the spoils in the first quarter,
as the imposing Epameinondas
Chalkidis moved the ball to Ply, who
was just inside the three-point line.
He moved into space before effortlessly
sinking the ball to take the lead
for the first time in the game. The
Knights ended the first quarter with
the scores at 14-15 and it looked at
this point as if Northumbria were
somewhat rattled.
As the second quarter began, however,
Northumbria began to reassert
their dominance. Two pointers from
Justin Hitchman and Toby Hutton,
and a long three pointer from Jack
Thompson, gave Northumbria a four
point lead, and they began to look a
lot more comfortable.
At this point neither team were playing
particularly well, with a number
of easy chances squandered, although
Northumbria continued to keep their
lead, thanks to a long three pointer
from Thompson and some great linkup
play between Toby Hutton and Simon
Stewart which led to two points.
An easy two pointer from Franca
and a nice shot from Giokaris just inside
the key kept the Knights within
touching distance of Northumbria,
and Franca could have leveled the
scoring on the buzzer as a long hurl
up the court missed the basket by
inches, but the Knights had to settle
for a 30-27 deficit going in at halftime.
The first few minutes of the second
half saw a quick flurry of scoring, as
both teams started moving away from
defensive stances. Northumbria took
more advantage from this with Toby
Hutton adding four points to the
board in quick succession. A fantastic
run and finish from Nick Yii and a
two pointer from Chaldikis who was
left in space kept Newcastle close, but
the gap was beginning to widen between
the two teams.
Northumbria stepped it up a gear
with fantastic passing moves between
Ian Berry and Justin Hitchman leading
to a couple of two pointers, before
Toby Hutton sat Franca onto the
ground before passing wide to Berry
who sank a three pointer to the delight
of the Northumbria fans. An
immediate three pointer from Franca
allowed him to hide his blushes a little,
but by the end of the third quarter,
Northumbria were leading 52-45.
The Knights still seemed confident
that they could get something from
the game, but they soon succumbed
to a fourth quarter slaughter at the
hands of Northumbria, who created
a 15 point lead. As Northumbria defended
sternly and seemingly benefited
from a larger squad, Newcastle
began to tire, unable to bridge the gap
that had been formed. Northumbria
continued to dominate and when
Hitchman ran from the half court
line to smash home a slam dunk, the
writing was on the wall for Newcastle.
It is fair to say that the 74-57 scoreline
did reflect the class Northumbria
brought to the court, but the Knights
showed that they are no pushovers in
this match, and it took a great deal of
effort for Northumbria to eventually
gain their widely anticipated win.
Elsewhere in the Basketball, the
Women’s Firsts were heavily beaten
as expected, but managed to improve
on last year before succumbing to a
110-44 loss at the University Sports
Centre. Their seconds did fare better
but lost 47-39.
Six of one, half a dozen of the other:
points split in track and field events
Royals in the BUCS Northern Premier
League and denied Newcastle a
clean sweep of the Stan Calvert rugby
points.
The Royals have one match left this
season and they will be looking to go
out on a high with a win against bottom
of the league Nottingham Trent.
on Tyne
by the Intermediate Men, comprising
of Alex Leigh, Nicholas Buckle, Matt
Smith and Sam Wilson. They won
comfortably by five boat lengths over
the tiring Northumbria crew, who appeared
to just be “chopping around”
in the water.
The Senior Quads then took to the
water fresh after winning silver in
the Women’s Championship Quad at
BUCS Head and dominating on their
way to Gold in the Men’s Championship
Quad.
Both crews (Women Quad: Gemma
Hall, Nicole Lamb, Franziska Christiane
and Phillipa Neil; Mens Quad: Ed
Ford, Tom Ford, Sam Arnot, James
Reeder) began their races with full intent,
drive and power but soon found
themselves lowering their rates from
a ‘racing 35 strokes per minute’ to a
mere training paddle as they saw the
Poly fall by the wayside once again.
Both crews finished over 200m in
front of their opponents, crossing the
finishing line without a bead of sweat
on any of their brows. Needless to say
the race was unforgiving for Northumbria
who crossed the line having
once again been thrashed by NUBC
at Stan Calvert.
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
ATHLETICS
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Andrew McClune
at GATESHEAD STADIUM
After seeing the Cross Country team
draw 1-1 on Saturday morning, it was
down to the athletics team to bring
home some more points for Newcastle.
Sunday was to be a day of two halves
with Northumbria leading after the
field events, although there were some
The Men’s and Women’s
4x100m teams prepare
for the start of the race,
which was eventually
won by the Poly
Photography:
Moises Bedrossian
6
6
very good displays from seasoned
performers like Emma Pringle and
new comers like Martha Achimugu.
However it is fair to say Newcastle
dominated in the track events. Amy
Radcliffe ran an excellent 60m closely
followed by Becky McAllister and
Sabrine Razik to ensure victory in
that event.
Newcomer Keil Stephenson also
ran a comfortable 60m, easily finishing
first. Then onto the outdoor track
and onto the business of the 1500m,
which unfortunately the men lost,
but an impressive last 100m from Joel
English almost led him to gaining 1st
spot.
Again the girls dominated what was
a comfortable 1500m with Amy Jesset
coming in first and PB’s for Jo Armstead
and Lauren Barr.
In the 400m races Northumbria
were shown how to run by Sam Colby
and David Dempsey who both
emerged victorious letting Newcastle
Events took place both
inside and outside
Gateshead Stadium on
Sunday.
Photography:
Sam Tyson
gain the points from both races they
were supported by the likes of Emma
Williams, Mark ‘War Horse’ Collier
and Martin ‘Hans/Arnie’ Ferguson.
This left the small case of the 4x400m
and the 4x100m relays. The 4x400m
went the same way as the 400m with
Newcastle easing to yet another track
victory with El Presidente David
Dempsey giving a President’s performance
and leading the lads home.
This left the score at 6-4 to Newcastle
with 2 points to play for.
So it came down to the 4x100m relays
which unfortunately were both
lost with the girls missing out by just
0.1seconds, even with a last minute
replacement, therefore leaving the final
result as 6-6.
So, in what was expected to be a very
tough affair for Newcastle, it’s right to
say that Newcastle athletes can hold
their heads high after many a spirited
and determined performance supported
by a large crowd from the athletics
club and the rest of the fans in
Gateshead Stadium.

4.StanCalvert2012
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Odds are on for netball club
Firsts and Thirds victors but Seconds and Fours lose out
Royal
Men’s
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MEN’S HOCKEY
Newcastle 1sts
3
Northumbria 1sts
2
By John Colville and James Jordan
at COACH LANE CAMPUS
It was mixed results for
NUNC at the weekend
at Gateshead Stadium,
but all games were
hard fought by the girls.
Photography:
Moises Bedrossian
A large crowd gathered at the £30
million Northumbria sports complex
for the Men’s Firsts clash. The pressure
was on the Royals to deliver having
witnessed the Seconds and Thirds
dismantle the opposition beforehand
with emphatic scorelines
Newcastle were the hot favourites to
take the spoils for a fourth consecutive
year following the vast majority
of Northumbria players receiving
bans from all competition. However
as the scorelines in recent years would
suggest Newcastle could not take the
tie lightly and could guarantee their
opposition would be fighting like
their benefits depended on it.
Newcastle started fast and applied
the early pressure driving hard at the
Northumbria defence. Creating the
better chances, Newcastle were unlucky
not to score early on but they
were not made to wait long to find the
breakthrough. Harry Kempe, playing
in his first Stan Calvert for Newcastle
had his heart set on solving the
problem that had plagued his season
to date, and he proceeded in the 10th
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
NETBALL
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
44
35
By Fiona Moss
at GATESHEAD STADIUM
Losing last year to the Poly was a
tough defeat to swallow for the 1sts,
however it only gave them more determination
to finish on the right side
of the score line this time around.
Newcastle, currently unbeaten this
season in the league, prepared for
the match with confidence, a stark
contrast to their local rivals who are
currently sitting at the bottom of their
table and face demotion once the season
has drawn to a close.
Uni took the lead straight away,
calming converting their own centre
pass, settling any nerves. However
the first quarter remained tight, with
the score at the first break leaning in
Newcastle’s favour by two. The girls
came out in the second quarter and
really put their foot down. Pressure in
defence forced mistakes from Northumbria
and consequently it gave the
rest of the team more confidence to
go in for interceptions. Rachel Saville
played with real commitment, containing
their WA, a real strong clog in
the Poly’s attacking play. By half time
the firsts were leading 24-17.
Aware that the Poly would come out
at half time hard, Newcastle remained
disciplined and managed their opposition’s
attack very well. Though
Northumbria reduced the goal difference,
the calmness of the team saw
them take advantage of their opportunities
when they came their way, with
Sarah Cressy giving a resilient performance
in the circle against a strong
defense.
With only two goals dividing the
teams going into the final quarter, it
was all to play for. The way in which
they had dominated the match, the
firsts knew that it was their match to
loose. The support from the crowd
played a vital part in keeping the momentum
on Newcastle’s side, whilst
the girls never lost focus, maintaining
their concentration against a side that
became quite physical as the game
progressed.
It was an outstanding win from the
first team who have developed massively
this season. Taking the lead
from the start and maintaining the
same consistent standards throughout
the match shows how they have
all developed as individuals and as a
team and they proved to Northumbria
why they deserve to be promoted
back up to the Premiership, taking the
place of the Poly.
Newcastle 2nds
Northumbria 2nds
Newcastle 3rds
Northumbria 3rds
39
51
With illness and injury plighting the
seconds and a great deal of reshuffling
taking place on the morning of the
match, the team faced this momentous
occasion with huge uncertainty
about the potential of their team.
Nevertheless they started well,
showing strength and confidence.
However this confidence was somewhat
depleted after the first few minutes
when Allie Strang went down
with an injury, bring yet another
change to the team.
The Poly settled into the game and
took advantage of feeding into their
giant goal shooter; eventually building
up a lead that Newcastle couldn’t
claw back. Having brought in two
players from NUNC not normally in
the seconds, the combination was untested
territory.
Despite this, the girls played with
true grit and fought hard, never letting
their heads drop.
54
42
This was the best match all season for
the Thirds. Not only an epic win at
Stan Calvert but also a fantastic performance
as a team, with one hundred
per cent effort and commitment
coming from every player.
The strong defensive unit of Lucy
Greenwood, Charlotte Plumtree and
Amy Hill laid the solid foundation for
the attack to shine on, while phenomenal
shooting from both Louisa Sorensen
and Anna Rosenberg provided
the best statistics in the club.
Rachel Brown kept a cool head
against a tough opposition and played
outstandingly, whilst Rachael Logue
had a great game, shining not only as
a player, but also in her role as captain,
showing real skill in motivating
her team to a well deserved win.
Dominating throughout the match
proved how the thirds have glued so
well again this year.
Newcastle 4ths
Northumbria 4ths
31
37
Nothing could separate the two teams
in the first half as both sides persisted
in converting their own centre pass.
Newcastle attacked well, with strong
play from player of the match Joanne
Pilkington, who fed well into the circle.
Using the impressive height of
goal shooter, Ella Davison, to their
advantage, Newcastle ensured the
scoreboard remained even.
A loss of momentum in the third
quarter, alongside a few silly mistakes,
put the team behind, however Northumbria’s
score was not out of reach
and the Fourths kept at them until the
final whistle.
However, unfortunately, the small
ground that they had lost was too
much to pull back and although they
kept themselves in the match, they
were unable to press for a win.
Seconds
NUHLC secure
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
LADIES’ HOCKEY
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Alice Hogg
at LONGBENTON
Yet again the Poly failed to show up
to Stan Calvert this year as they were
demolished 9-3 by Newcastle University
First team on Sunday. Despite
both teams being anxious from the
outset with so much pressure having
mounted from 1-1 score lines in previous
games, Newcastle University
almost instantly assumed dominance
of what was to be an eventful match.
The first 10 minutes saw an equal
distribution of play between both
sides, both tentative to assert authority
in case they risked jeopardising
9
3

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
StanCalvert2012.5
flush continues for
hockey against Poly
minute to ‘Latif ’ the ball into the roof
the net to the delight of the NUMHC
faithful providing support on the
sides once again.
Before and after the half-time whistle,
Northumbria scored. Despite
Newcastle President Sam Mawer’s attempts
to row to the rescue, the home
side were able to capitalize on a Newcastle
team who were tired following
a heavy schedule playing six games in
the last eight days and hit the visitors
on the break. Nevertheless the Uni
were playing well and, despite continued
Newcastle pressure, Northumbria
defended valiantly, frustrating
their opponents. Being accustomed
to desperate clearing situations they
were able to draw on valuable experience
from their UCAS days to keep
the Royals from finding the back of
the net.
Captain John Colville gave a passionate
war cry at half-time, and
attempted to restore his relationship
with centre-back partner after
the lovers tiff that had occurred last
Wednesday.
With Rob ‘Ramborghini’ Ramsdens
firing the engines of the midfield,
Newcastle got back into the game, Kieran
‘Baz’ Borrett stomping into the
‘D’ to stroke the ball past the hapless
Poly keeper. Newcastle were dominating
Northumbria and repeating his
feats from Wednesday, Calum Mac-
Kenzie seized the initiative. As the
game edged closer to its conclusion,
fresher Ben Underwood scored with
his first touch of the ball to claim the
glory for Newcastle at the back post.
In typical fashion the Royals ended
the game in nervy fashion. As always
the case in Stan Calvert the home umpires
were able to help make the closing
minutes anything but comfortable,
awarding a controversial penalty
corner to Northumbria with two minutes
left on the clock. With appeals
falling on death ears Newcastle had to
defend well once more and a scramble
on the goal line was eventually
cleared. In the melee the ball found its
way to the back post where a stretching
Northumbria striker put the ball
wide when it seemed easier to score,
letting Newcastle off the hook and allowing
them to take the precious Stan
Calvert points.
Newcastle 2nds
Northumbria 2nds
9
3
The Seconds came into Stan Calvert
this year still in the hunt for BUCS
promotion and fired up for a feisty
game against the Poly.
The first 10 minutes were fairly quiet
with most play in the Poly half before
Charlie Wilkes-Green took advantage
of a goalmouth scramble to tuck away
his first goal of the day.
It was then time for the man who
many are calling ‘The White Heskey’
to make his mark on the game, with
Newcastle playing liquid hockey and
netting four goals in 10 minutes, 2 for
Tim Plail who also set up Dan Walker
for a tap in and fresher Will Ducker
managing to get in on the action as
well.
Going into the second half 5-0 up
Newcastle were determined for more
goals and they duly arrived with
Wilkes-Green getting his second of
the day soon after the restart.
The 2s really started to exert some
dominance against a determined poly
side with Jack Moody scoring a beautiful
half volley on the turn and Josh
‘the dipping rod’ Mackey scoring a
drag flick to the top left corner.
It was at this point in the game at 8-0
down and with Newcastle pressing
high that some extremely questionable
umpiring decisions lead to a poly
short corner. The Poly converted and
a following frantic few minutes saw
the score stand at 8-3 with ten minutes
to go.
However Newcastle managed to settle
down with good work from high
forward Nick McLellan and won a
short corner in the final minute which
was put away with a Tim Plail deflection,
completing his hat-trick and
earning himself a pitchside shinpad
after the game.
Man of the match went to Tim Plail
and the highly desired Dick of the
Day to Charlie Russell-Jones.
Newcastle 3rds
Northumbria 3rds
3
1
In all it was as good a day for the Men’s
hockey club as they have become accustomed
to in recent years.
The Thirds put on a fine display to
smash their opponents 6-0 with a
committed performance.
Tearing their opponents apart with
a pacey attack, the pick of the goals
came from Harry Millington who
struck the ball high into the top corner
form the edge of the ‘D’.
Overall a clean sweep and maximum
points once again for NUMHC and
Newcastle.
Central mid fi elder
Kieren Borrett and
forward Hector Hall
are becoming a
formidable duo.
Photography:
Moises Bedrossian
fail to make the grade in shock defeat
convincing 3-1 and 9-3 wins but fall short of Calvert clean sweep again
the 0-0 score line. However, it soon
became apparent that it was Newcastle
who was going to dominate the
game, the Poly rarely venturing over
the halfway line. So when Newcastle’s
first goal came courtesy of an excellent
long ball from President Holly
Ost to Jenna Watt, who beat their stationary
goalie in a one-on-one, it was
just a sign of things to come.
Shortly followed was a second goal
which came courtesy of an undetermined
scorer. Picking the ball up
around the halfway line Watt drove
straight for goal with pace. However,
it is still in dispute whether her closerange
shot on goal was aided by Rachael
Clements to give Newcastle a
2-0 lead 20 minutes into the game.
The Poly constantly being dispossessed
by the determined Uni team
led to the third goal, an absolutely text
book run of play. With excellent passing
all the way from Milly Powers in
defence through Nicki Mollison and
up to the forwards, Charlotte Howatson
crossed the ball to a waiting Laura
Kate Moore on the post to slot it in.
The Poly began to notice that they
were meant to be playing a hockey
match, and capitalised on a 10 man
Newcastle side after Erika Coakley
let the tense situation get the better of
her, allowing her stick to fly for a ball.
Newcastle, still in the midst of reorganising,
caused a poly one-on-one
which bought the score to 3-1 just before
the half time break.
Newcastle knew that they had not
yet won this match and opening the
second half with the same optimism
they had started the match with.
This calm and effective display soon
bought rewards in the form of a short
corner.
A scrappy opening was rectified by
Nicki Mollison who easily emerged
from a pile of Poly players to slot the
ball in the back of the net. From then
the onslaught continued when the
Poly goalie, unable to perform her
proper skills, went for forward LKM
to give away a flick, which was dually
converted by captain Alice Hogg,
bringing the score line to 5-1.
The Poly from then on let the embarrassment
of the situation get the
better of them and their captain was
carded. Newcastle by comparison
held their heads and continued the
annihilation, with two excellent goals
from Caroline Macmillan and Rachael
Clements.
However, Newcastle unfortunately
dropped concentration for a millisecond
and again down to 10 women
due to Hattie Cunningham’s over active
stick, the reshuffling of players
allowed Northumbria to score two
scrappy goals, bringing the score line
to 7-3.
Strong defensive play from Olivia
O’Malley and saves from Rachel Wilson
when the Poly had a series of
Short Corners allowed Newcastle to
maintain this impressive lead. Newcastle,
annoyed that they had let the
Poly score at all, and to further irritate
the now red carded Poly captain,
allowed goal-hungry Watt to net another
two goals, sealing the win for
the Newcastle Team.
The team and fans were ecstatic and
celebrated the 9-3 victory with champagne,
while a dismayed Poly fan club
looked on in confusion having never
seen the bubbly stuff before.
Newcastle 2nds
Northumbria 2nds
1
0
It was heartbreak for NULHC Second
team when they were subjected to an
undeserved 1-0 defeat against their
Poly counterparts, despite having
come out 4-0 the better side less than
two weeks previously,
Although dominating from the
start, it was clear confidence was lacking
by forwards in the attacking 25.
Good running from tonsillitisfighting
Fresher Viki Monk and solid
defending at the back by Kate Robertson
kept the Seconds fighting, however,
the lack of public school educated
forward Gayle Telford and her beloved
stick Graham was evident.
20 minutes in a loss of possession
in midfield led to a unwarranted lead
for Northumbria which they retained
into half time.
Play stuck at a level pegging with the
Royals unable to make that final push
in the D to draw even.
Into the last ten the play turned
scrappy as the Poly worked to hold
on to their lead and the Royals threw
everything into grabbing that much
needed goal.
Roxanne Morris and her signature
pirouettes were relentless in midfield,
however despite constant battling the
final whistle blew to the sound of a
Poly victory.
Newcastle 3rds
3
Northumbria 3rds
1
NULHC Thirds got off to a flying start
dominating the Poly both on and off
the pitch.
Miss Jessica Hall did a superb job
captaining for the day, scoring a
blinder from a short corner and creating
an impenetrable defence with her
trusty left-back Nicole Haines.
The second goal is accredited to
the infamous Sarah Mckinley after
a beautiful cross from general hero
Lucy Kent, driven up the pitch by our
dream team of mids comprising of
Katy Jones, Helen Gaskell and Katie
Hay. Third goal was scored by our resident
whipper-snapper Rosie Griffindor
with a nifty touch into the corner
of the goal after a bit of a coffufel.
Second half the poly stepped it up
a bit and we got a bit floppy, letting
one goal in. The end of the game was
tense, Northumbria being awarded a
few shorts after the final whistle had
been blown, not that they would’ve
won anyway! Regardless of the Poly’s
unpromising attempt to bring it back
we played very well and deserved the
3-1 win.

6.StanCalvert2012
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Owls Leagues ahead of city
NURL Firsts triumph in brutal encounter while Seconds have to settle for draw in Sta
RUGBY LEAGUE
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By George Clark
at GATESHEAD STADIUM
18
After being inspired by the Seconds
and watching “My Little Pony”
montages in his y-fronts all morning
NURL journeyman Davide Knocks
fired his troops up for what was to be
a clash which would go down in the
NURL history books.
A superlative kick-off from Kris
Grifwos lead to Zak Dingle doppelganger
Mikael Wart, Dr Daniel
Cawoowoopuss-Midways and Ian
Macpherretson driving back a primordial
Polytechnic into his own in
goal-area. After this defensive frontup
the Poly’s goal-line drop-out lead
to Warry Higby and Jammie Boyd
taking in numerous carries for the
AU’s most beloved team. This soon
lead to a try from NURL mystery man
and Desmond from “Lost” lookalike
Boyd prancing around the cavemen
to go over under the sticks to bag the
first of three tries for the Death Machine.
Having been put ahead by Boyd,
The Owls try magnet George Mathwho
looked to be in for his ninth try
in three games only for the officials to
deem that he had stepped out the field
of play, despite the replays on the big
screen showing otherwise.
The Poly were however surprisingly
quick to react. After dragging themselves
into the Owls’ final quarter the
nouse-lacking Polytechnic managed
to capitalise on what was a uncharacteristic
lapse in defensive concentration
by NURL. This try was quickly
converted and then followed by a
completely unnecessary drop goal by
Northumbria’s Dawn French stunt
double stand-off.
After some solid carries from Hylo
Muddyson and Jack Sillycox the Owls
7
found themselves inside the Poly’s
red-zone thanks to Dame Knox carrying
out a great rip only to be turned
over again by a Poly ogre.
With the match drawing closer to an
end the self-christened “Northumbria
Ninjas Wolves” were starting to look
more like stray dogs lost on a Byker
industrial estate. The linchpin of the
Owls’ go-forward Mikael Wart was
held up inches from the line before
Gary Sherbert steam-rolled over from
all of three inches to help the University
lead 12-7 thanks to a conversion
from Griffiz.
The Poly, for whom courses of study
generally involve nothing more complex
than dot-to-dot books, were
shocked by Christ Griddifths’ dainty
little chip over the defence. However
the Owls were to be narrowly robbed
of another score.
With the masses arriving to watch
the Rugby Yawnion finale and night
drawing in the Owls struck again
through Gaz Sherbert leading to the
Death Machine trumping the “Ninja
Wolves” who are a league above them
in the “Super 8” in a much deserved
18-7 victory.
The season is not over for NURL
with the Firsts having Loughborough
in the Cup away at Sheffield’s Don
Valley Stadium a week on Thursday
and the Seconds having Aberystwyth
in the plate at fortress Cochrane Park
in what should be a juicy encounter.
Newcastle 2nds
Northumbria 2nds
12
12
The Death Machine rolled across the
Tyne on Sunday to the birthplace of
Paul “Gazza” Gascoigne to stun their
cross-city counterparts. Despite being
labelled “Rahs” and “freaks” on numerous
social networking sites in the
run up to this clash the NURL chaps
were still ready to have some jolly
good fun against the City’s resident
“Sport” University.
The biggest underdogs of the Stan
Calvert cup, NURL 2nds, started with
the return of Andrew Lenerski after
he managed to drag himself away
from the colouring-in he enjoys so
much for his Geography degree. The
recently slimmed-down prop forward
returned from his diet of carrot
sticks, urinal cakes and battery acid to
weigh-in at a slim 168KG to carry the
Newcastle have got
bigger fi sh to fry after demolishing
Northumbria
Photography:
Alexander Wilson
NURL 2nds.
After dedicating his performance
to his mother, NURL’s resident Polish
plummer stuck a spanner in the
works with his first of many monumental
20 yard carries. The NURL
stalwart was backed up by solid displays
from hooker Jash Cronage who
put his forwards in copious amounts
space leading to Georgeous Clarke
setting John Bournemouth on for his
first of two tries against the IQ-less
Polytechinic.
The Poly, who had just managed
to drag their knuckles off their cave
floors, were slow to react, scoring
through a try which wouldn’t have
even made a tiddlywinks team proud
with the most simple one-up rugby
league footy. Wory Bill-Williams lead
the Owlets through a period of solid
defence for repeated sets against the
Poly Neanderthals.
In the second half the Poly looked
cream-crackered as John Plymouth
crashed his way over through a superlative
NURL attacking display lead by
Jim Walker, for his second try of the
game. As a consequence the Owlets’
cross-city rivals were trailing 12-6
thanks to a conversion from Davideé
Fagahanan with 15 minutes to go.
Justìne Owars, Ed Speaks and Jamie
House-O’Payne carried well leading
to NURL 2nds pinning their intellectually
inferior rivals into their own
20. Archaeologist Sean Rowlings dug
deep but the nervous Polytechnic
managed to score through an over-
Uni undone by Wilson’s moment of
MEN’S FOOTBALL
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Charlie Scott
at COACH LANE
3
4
Newcastle went into this one knowing
they were up against a quality
Northumbria side at Coach Lane and
though they were 4-3 losers on the
day, they can take solace from the fact
that they were at no point outclassed
by their opponents, and could even
have grabbed a point from this clash.
A scrappy opening half hour was
epitomised by two fortuitous goals
from Northumbria. Both came from
Dan Riley corners from the left, with
Newcastle’s defence struggling to
clear their lines; first Tom Chippendale
poked home from a couple of
yards out, before Weston Murau then
failed to claim a second cross that was
eventually turned home following a
goalmouth scramble.
A shell-shocked Newcastle struggled
to find a way back into the game
as the first half wore on, with their best
efforts coming at the end of the half.
The usually clinical Ed Savitt came
close to reducing the deficit with two
volleyed efforts, the first of which was
well saved by Neil Postlethwaite and
a second that flashed just wide of the
post, before centre-back Luke Fisher
eventually got Newcastle off the mark
with a well-struck volley following a
corner.
The second half started with the
score at 2-1 to the Poly, but they soon
extended their lead to 3-1 courtesy
of a wonderful lobbed effort from
Luke Wilson after the diminutive forward
had raced on to a well-weighted
through ball from midfield.
The introduction of Kurran Dhugga
for Newcastle gave them greater impetus
going forward and the substitute
should have perhaps done better
with a couple of one-on-ones.
Poly’s left-winger, who had been as
quiet as a mouse all game, then produced
the game’s poorest attempt,
with a limp finish straight at Murau
after being put clean through inside
the penalty area.
The balance of a play swung in Newcastle’s
favour following the miss, and
after an extended period of pressure
they grabbed a second through Kurran
Dhugga, who made amends for
his earlier misses by firing home from
10 yards after a well-worked counter
attack led by Rishi Dhand down the
right-hand side. The goal could not
have come at a better time for the
Royals as they were well in the ascendancy
at that point.
An exciting final 15 minutes ensued
as Newcastle threw men forward in
search of an equaliser. However their
desire to draw level meant they were
left exposed at the back and Northumbria
pounced on this to extend
their lead to 4-2 when the impressive
Mike Byram was allowed to carry the
ball 20 yards before drilling a low effort
home from the edge of the pen-

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
StanCavlert2012.7
rivals
n Calvert battle
Kim-credible: Poly stunned
by courageous NUWFC
lap of more than 2 (a number which
is coincidentally the shared number of
SATS between the entire team). This
was duly converted by their stand-off.
After some epic carries from Mensa
members Henry Cumminghand and
Adrian’s Wall O’Smith the Owlets
looked as if they’d sunk their dumb
cross-district rival dungos for the final
time but the Poly airheads survived
in a 12-12 draw which complimented
the GCSE-less Northumbrians.
magic
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
WOMEN’S FOOTBALL
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Charlie Scott and Rory
Brigstock-Barron
at LONGBENTON 3G
Two goals from Gibraltan genius
Kim Baglietto and one each for Lucy
Crann and Lizzie Campbell helped
Newcastle University Women’s Football
Firsts to an astonishing 4-3 victory
over illustrious rivals Northumbria
in Firday night’s Stan Calvert clash.
With their opponents’ top of the
Northern Premier – a division three
tiers above their own – the Royals
could have been forgiven for not expecting
much from the game. Nevertheless,
to the shock of everyone
in the know and the opposition, the
Royals produced one of the best performances
ever seen under the famous
Longbenton lights, to send the
Poly home with their tails between
their legs.
Both sides took advantage of the
artificial surface from the off playing
exceptional football at times, the first
ten minutes seeing a back and forth
battle for possession. However, the
deadlock was soon broken, a sumptuous
ball over the top from Kim Baglietto
released Newcastle midfielder
Lucy Crann, who cut on to her left
foot and finished expertly despite the
despairing last ditch tackle of Northumbria
defender Kirsty Lincoln.
Going behind seemed to spur on
the Royals’ illustrious opponents and
it was not long before parity was restored.
Poor defending from a corner
allowed Poly captain Sarah Wilson to
level the scores with a brave header
from close range.
Both sides looked dangerous, Newcastle’s
patient build up and excellent
wing play was causing the opposition
all sorts of problems but Northumbria
always looked dangerous on the
break. It was the Royals though who
4
3
took the lead again, a neat, sweeping
move ending abruptly with a right
footed screamer from Baglietto in to
the top left corner of the goal. Newcastle’s
support erupted on the sidelines,
shortly before chants of “2 – 1,
that’s a real degree” began to ring out
from the Royals faithful who were
now in full song.
The second half wound down with
each side registering rather speculative
long-range efforts, (Newcastle’s
slightly less wayward than that of the
Poly) before Referee Steve Catchpole
called time on the first period.
Newcastle took a 3-1 lead when the
impressive Lizzie Campbell stole a
yard on her marker wide on the right
in the penalty area before lashing
home an unstoppable strike into the
far corner.
With the Royals performing superbly,
the highly-rated Northumbria
side struggled to contain the likes of
Campbell and Baglietto, the latter of
whom was enjoying one of those performances
where everything seemed
to go right, and Newcastle looked
comfortable as the second half wore
on.
Northumbria’s Amelia Hall seemed
to have other ideas though, singlehandedly
dragging her team back
into the game with a fabulous 25-yard
strike that flew into the top corner of
Jade Redhead’s goal.
With the score on a knife-edge at
3-2 both sides sensed that there were
still goals in this one, and embarked
on increasingly gung-ho approaches,
leaving few players at the back as
they went in search of the goal that
for Newcastle would have given them
some breathing space, and for Northumbria
would have drawn the scores
level.
The Royals took the initiative
through the irrepressible Baglietto,
after a fine move down the middle
eventually found the tricky winger
out wide on the left. After driving past
the challenge of Wilson, Baglietto
demonstrated her undoubted class by
curling an effort into the bottom right
hand corner as nonchalantly as if it
were a training game.
On the sidelines Northumbria’s
manager Colin Stromsoy fumed at
Catchpole’s correct decision to ignore
an offside flag against Lizzie Campbell
in the build-up. Replays confirm that
Catchpole made the right decision, as
at no point was Campbell either interfering
in play or with an opponent in
9
Won
the move that led to Baglietto’s goal.
A late rally from Nothumbria produced
their third goal of the game, a
confident header from Kirsty Lincoln
after a lofted corner to the back post.
Too little too late for the Poly though,
as Newcastle sustained some heavy
pressure in the remaining minutes
to hold on to one of Newcastle’s best
results of the whole Stan Calvert competition.
There were jubilant scenes on the
sidelines as Catchpole blew the final
whistle, with Newcastle telling Th e
Courier afterwards that they had gone
into the game considering a 2-0 loss
as a good result. How wrong they
were. After 90 minutes of pulsating
action the Royals fully deserved their
4-3 victory after dominating their
more illustrious counterparts all over
the pitch.
Newcastle Captain Steph Dalby
spoke of her joy at the win, telling us
how the team were ‘over the moon’
with their victory against ‘the best
team in the country’. She went on to
describe how their current crop was
‘the best team we’ve [Newcastle] have
had in years’ and that her side ‘definitely
deserved the win’.
Newcastle Women’s
Firsts celebrate
their shock victory
over Northumbria
on Friday
Photography:
Kimberley Lee
Even field in Cross Country contest
alty area.
There was still time for more drama
though as Newcastle refused to accept
defeat, and their dogged commitment
to attacking paid off as Nathan Campbell
clawed one back with a header to
make it 4-3 with just seconds left to
play.
As Newcastle tried in vain to get the
ball forward one last time the referee
blew the whistle and ended what was
an entertaining tie at Coach Lane.
Sadly for the Royals their second half
endeavours were not enough to overturn
Northumbria’s first half advantage,
with the Poly leaving the pitch in
possession of a rare two Stan Calvert
points.
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
CROSS COUNTRY
Newcastle
Northumbria
By Andrew McClune
at TOWN MOOR
1
1
The Great British weather can be a
cruel and unpredictable creature at
time and this was definitely the case
on the Town Moor Saturday morning
for the five kilometre Cross Country
Stan Calvert race. After several days
of sunshine, the weather turned leading
to cold and blustery conditions.
The build-up to the race suggested a
very close men’s race, which could go
either way, but the women were predicted
to dominant, as they have done
in the last two years.
As competitors made their way to
the start line, confusion was struck
across the whole Newcastle team as
it appeared Northumbria didn’t have
a women’s team. After speaking with
the Northumbrian Director of Sport
he was also unsure why there was no
women’s team and could only apologise.
This allowed some of the women
to save themselves for the Athletics
event the following day but did not
deter many of the women from running.
Amy Jessett was first in 17.03 followed
by Charlotte Christensen in
19.58. It was now just down to the
guys to bring home the points. The
poly proved to be slightly too strong
on the day, claiming the top three positions.
However Newcastle did claim fourth
and fifth with Nathan Reed coming
home in 16.33 closely followed by Joe
Turner in 16.37.
This meant the total men’s points
were 24-12 in favour of the poly and
that the Cross Country finished one
point apiece. A quick race lead to
many PB’s being broken, with Cross
Country captain AP McClune stepping
up to the plate and smashing his
PB by over a minute.
Many positive can be taken from the
race, especially the fact that our women’s
team intimidates them enough to
not even bring a team.

8.StanCalvert2012
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Narrow win at Fortress Cochrane for
Tries from Boyle and Malins earn third consecutive Stan Calvert victory as unbeaten
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
WOMEN’S RUGBY
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Sofie Raine
at COCHRANE PARK
10
Despite there being snow forecasted
for this tie at Cochrane Park, Newcastle
went into this game against struggling
Team Northumbria with high
hopes of a convincing victory against
a side 15 points below them in Division
1A.
Although Newcastle were confident
of sealing a win they were aware of
the threat that a hurting Northumbria
posed, especially with the conditions
far from suiting Newcastle’s normally
fluid play.
Newcastle received the kick off and
immediately attacked Northumbria,
moving the ball nicely across the full
width of the pitch before it was eventually
fumbled into touch.
The Royals stormed into a 5-0 lead
within five minutes when Holly Malins
scored just outside the post, after
decent support play from Roo Chintoh.
The try eased the side’s nerves as
they appeared to struggle to acclimatise
to the horrible weather.
However Northumbria were not
going to just let NWR walk all over
them like in previous matches; this
was Stan Clavert and no matter which
position they were in the table this
meant more.
Both sides stepped up their performances
for the occasion, with Rosie
Neal and Charlotte Flint unable to
penetrate Northumbria’s rock solid
defence. Northumbria then began to
7
exert some pressure of their own, pinning
the Newcastle team inside their
own 22 for large periods of the half.
With the pressure being kept up by
Northumbria, the outsized Newcastle
pack struggled to counter Northumbria
in the scrums despite the words
of Captain Phoebe Lebrecht ringing
in their ears, “its not the size of the
dog that matters but the fight inside”.
The ground gained from stealing
scrums was lost at breakdowns, the
ball becoming stuck in rucks. With
the ball coming loose and the end of
the first half near, there was no respite
for Newcastle who were still trapped
in their own 22. An attempted clearance
up the centre of the pitch from
the Royals wasn’t properly followed
up and Northumbria’s stand-off took
control of the ball and drove the ball
over the try line to the Poly’s delight.
The conversion was good, leaving
NWR in a situation not known to
them all season, behind on the scoreboard
5-7 at half time.
The spirit of the Royals was not
dampened and after half time they
came back with pressure and determination,
the reason NWR sit undefeated
at the top of their league.
With constant pressure being exerted
on Team Northumbria, Newcastle
returned the favour of the first half by
camping inside Northumbria’s 22.
Phoebe Lebrecht kicking for position
with the wind made all the difference
and with Sarah Bannon and
Hannah Rosa causing great disruption
to Northumbria’s line outs, Newcastle
began to turn the screw.
Ruck after ruck formed with Penny
Miles being stuck in every one of
them, securing clean ball for halfback
Hannah McShane to whip the ball out
to the back and Livvy Coombs making
fantastic breaks with Pat Lapierre.
The kicking game wasn’t working
at all for Northumbria, with hardly
any territory being gained from their
clearing kicks.
Newcastle took advantage of these
poor clearances and consistent pressure
eventually paid off when the
quick thinking and pace of halfback
McShane allowed for clean ball out
to the winger Lauren Wallace, a neat
switch back into Emma Boyle confusing
Northumbria’s defence and
allowing Boyle over the line to score
Newcastle’s second try of the match.
With no conversions it left the score
poised at 10-7.
Newcastle kept the pressure up in
the 22, but with the greasy ball and
cold fingers and toes setting in, the
telling score never arrived for the
Royals.
With calls going against Newcastle,
but not really giving an advantage to
Northumbria, it was hard to tell who
wanted a hot shower more; NWR,
Northumbria and the referee all suffering
from the conditions.
With minutes left to play a scrum
was engaged, the ball popping out to
the side to Pat Lapierre who used her
Ace of Blades: double win for fencers
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
FENCING
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By James Docherty
at SPORTS CENTRE
For as long as anyone can remember,
the points between the fencers have
been shared. All that changed this
weekend over four frenetic hours in
the Sports Centre.
Newcastle Men’s 1sts
Northumbria Men’s 1sts
124
119
4
0
In a massive coincidence, both the
Men’s and Women’s teams chose exactly
the same weapon order of Sabre,
Foil and Epee, which suited Newcastle
in the Men’s match, but probably favoured
Northumbria in the Women’s.
With the Men’s match starting first,
returning saberur Pat “Prodigal Son”
Navein acted like he’d never been
away, racing out into a 5-0 lead from
the first match. With tidy fencing
from Tom “Southerner” Patterson
and Andrew “Dixy Chick” Dixon giving
fine backup, Newcastle quite literally
put Northumbria to the sword
and left them without an answer. By
the time any thought had been given
of how to deal with the relentless attack
from the Royals, Newcastle had
run out convincing 45-29 winners.
Foil was always going to be a close
affair, with Northumbria known to
have strength in the point-scoring
weapons. Perhaps trying to make
amends for their sabre score, Northumbria
started quickly and built up a
safe lead.
Some thoughtful fencing from Rob
“The Good Captain” Walker, and
Grant “Needs a Nickname” Turnbull
kept Newcastle in touch, with Dixy
Chick attempting to close the gap in
the last bout of the weapon.
Sadly, the lead was too great and
eventually Northumbria ran out 38-
45 winners, leaving Newcastle as winners
if they could score more than 38
points in the final weapon, Epee. This
would be no easy feat, as Northumbria
were known for their strength in
this and so began a tactical battle for
the first Fencing Stan Calvert Points.
Northumbria knew they had to take
the match to Newcastle to stand any
chance of winning and did exactly
that, chasing down points and fencing
aggressively to take points and put
Newcastle on the back foot.
However, more tactical work from
the Good Captain and Dixy Chick
kept the target in sight and Captain
“Navy” Dan Grant pulled off points
of epic proportions to pull the match
back and leave Northumbria floundering.
Eventually Dixon took to the piste,
needing two points to put the match
beyond Northumbria and take a historic
victory for Men’s Fencing. The
effort by both fencers was clear as neither
wanted to make a mistake.
With an explosive fleche, Dixon
surged forwards and landed the hit,
giving Newcastle the critical points
and victory over Northumbria. The
remaining points played out with
Northumbria ending up 45-41 winners,
but Newcastle triumphed overall
and gave great momentum for
the Women’s Team going into their
match.
Newcastle Women’s 1sts
Northumbria Women’s 1sts
134
122
Women’s sabre was a much closer
and even affair, with teams trading
points tit-for-tat in an entertaining
encounter.
The Newcastle team of Ambreen
Drummond, Sarah Willis, Holli
Prescott and Captain Laura Mason
doggedly pressured Northumbria ,
nipping away at the lead they had
created; eventually tying the score at
44-44.
Captain Mason timed her final attack
to perfection and delivered an
excellent hit, taking the weapon by
the narrowest of margins, 45-44.
Foil was a one-sided encounter, with
Northumbria’s unfamiliarity with the
conventions of the weapon seized on
by an eager Newcastle team. Mason
and Prescott ensured Newcastle maintained
their lead through the bouts,
with Drummond’s distance and timing
sublime, undoing Northumbria
and leading to Newcastle claiming an
excellent 45-33 victory.
This gave Newcastle a 13 point lead
for Epee, a weapon they had lost by 20
points the last time they faced Northumbria.
However, Stan Calvert often
brings out the best in people and this
was no exception. Mason delivered
excellent hits into the Northumbria
fencers’ preparations, with Willis also
fencing well.
The winning point was won by vicepresident
Prescott, a fitting final act
following her three years of excellent
fencing for the women’s team. In the
final, irrelevant bout, Mason undid
the tactics of Northumbria’s finishing
Fencer, closing the gap they had
maintained throughout the weapon.
Although Northumbria ran out 45-
44 victors, Newcastle took the match
overall and succeeded in delivering
four Stan Calvert points to the cause.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
StanCalvert2012.9
NWR
season goes on
Comeback queens earn Badminton
draw while men secure decent win
instinct to kick the ball out for full
time. Newcastle picked up the Stan
Calvert points but the score of 10-7 illustrated
the battle of the game. Nevertheless
it is now three consecutive
Stan Calvert wins for NWR, and yet
another match unbeaten during their
fantastic 2011-12 season.
Full
Results
round-up
p.12
>>>>>
NWR captain Phoebe
Lebrecht sets the tone
for yet another win at
fortress Cochrane Park
Photography:
Sam Desbruslais
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
WOMEN’S BADMINTON
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Rory Brigstock-Barron
at GATESHEAD STADIUM
Three doubles wins and an inspiring
singles victory from Jessica Wilkins
helped Newcastle University Ladies
Badminton come from behind to
draw their Stan Calvert fixture against
BUCS superiors Northumbria.
Things didn’t get off to the best start
for the Royals in their first two singles
encounters, as both Jessica Wilkins
and Victoria Howarth lost to impressive
opposition.
Wilkins match was a close one, and
she started strongly against Mandy
Lam whom she lost to in a close
league encounter earlier in the season.
The Newcastle ace got the better
of the first 12 points, ending a fantastic
rally with an angled shot in to the
corner to make it 8-4.
Lam came back strongly winning
the next five points, out manoeuvring
her opponent and cutting off the angles
fantastically to take the lead.
Lam didn’t look back from here on
and closed out the first 21-17, despite
Wilkins coming close to turning the
tide.
The second game was to be even
closer. Wilkins, after a shaky start,
began to dominate and the match
seemed to be going to a decider as she
led Lam 17-12. However, Lam once
again showed her resolve and skill to
outlast Wilkins and once she levelled
the score at 19-19 never looked like
loosing.
On the next court, stand in Victoria
Howarth battled hard but went down
to impressive Poly captain Holly Robson
in two.
The doubles presented more hope
for Newcastle with seasoned pair Kat
Turner and Kirstin Miller having won
both of their matches in the side’s
previous encounter this season and
Rocio Osuna and Chloe Yim coming
close as well.
Turner and Miller raced through
their first match, dominating the
court against Northumbria’s second
pairing of Kerry Myers and Hannah
Tipler. The match started fairly even
with the Newcastle duo a little slow
to get going until an excellent angled
shot from Turner decieved the Poly
pairing and gave the Royals a 5-4 lead.
A smash from Turner then took
their advantage to two points as the
girls began to pull away. The lead was
extended in the first to 13-9 when
Miller smashed the shuttle in to the
corner and from this point Tuner and
Miller didn’t drop a single point in the
game to take the first 21-9.
Bouyed by their performance in the
first the girls flew in to an 6-0 lead
thanks to some impressive smashes
from both Turner and Miller.
The Rest of the game followed a simlar
patern to the first and whilst Myers
and Tipler tried to claw their way to
find a foothold, Newcastle’s top pair
were just too good. The final score in
the match being 21-9, 21-10.
Osuna and Yim were not quite as
4
4
successful in their first game but put
in a good performance against Northumbria’s
top pairing of Vicky Henry
and Rebecca Godlen, almost forcing a
third after being 19-17 up in the second.
Once the impressive Mandy Lam
managed to get past Victoria Howarth,
the Royals were 4-1 down and
needed an unlikely singles victory in
order to draw the tie.
The burden rested on the shoulders
of Jessica Wilkins and after she lost
the first against Holly Robson things
did not look hopeful for the Royals.
Yet, after clawing her way back in to
the game Wilkins managed to force
a third, and with the pair exhausted,
managed to close out a crucial victory
against a very talented opponent, 21-
19 in the third.
Wins in the remaining doubles
matches would seal an unlikely win
for Newcastle and although both
pairs made hard work of it, they came
out on top to spark off the kind of celebrations
that left onlookers thinking
they have won the fixture.
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MEN’S BADMINTON
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Rory Brigstock-Barron
at GATESHEAD STADIUM
The Men’s side also had a good result
on the day and although they would
have expected to beat a Northumbria
side in the league below them, being
without a league win this season,
there was certainly potential for an
upset.
Two victories each for Ben Lambden
and doubles pairing of the two Adams
(Lodge and Attaheri), coupled with a
single victory from Josh Au Yeung
was enough to take a deserved 5-3
win against the Poly denying them
any Badminton success in this years
Stan Calvert.
The two Adams were in a fierce
doubles encounter early on but came
through in the end, just too quick for
the Northumbria duo at the net.
Perhaps the most crucial of the
mens victories was Josh Au Yeung’s
first singles match, in which he went
to three games with Northumbria’s
top singles player. Au Yeung (pictured
bottom right) looked exhausted at
the end of the encounter which perhaps
explains his loss (again in three
games) to Northumbria’s second singles
player who had a relatively short
game when he was easily despatched
by Ben Lambden.
Lambden’s first victory coupled with
the second for Lodge and Attaheri left
the score at 4-1 to Newcastle after defeat
for the second doubles side.
Wth Lambden going in to his second
singles match against Northumbria’s
number one, a win would seal the
overall victory. The club President did
not fail to deliver and finished off his
opponent in two to take the pressure
off his team mates and put another
two points on the overall leadrboard.
Despite being pegged back in the
last two matches Newcastle deserved
their victory.
5
3
9
Won
An exhaused Jessica Wilkins helped Newcastle to an unlikely draw - Moises Bedrossian
Josh Au Yeung hits a smash in his crucial win for mens badminton - Moises Bedrossian

10.StanCalvert2012
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Swimmers’ party not dampened by sizeable
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
SWIMMING
Newcastle 1sts
1
Northumbria 1sts
5
By Becky Hair
at UNN SPORT CENTRAL
Newcastle’s swim team suffered a
heavy 5-1 points reverse at the Sport
Central pool, despite the screaming
and chanting of their passionate fans
and team mates.
Despite missing their two best individual
swimmers due to this week’s
British Olympic Trials, the individual
boys’ team secured Newcastle’s only
point after winning all of their races.
By contrast the girls came close in
many races but were unable to secure
any points for the Uni despite the
best efforts of, to name but a few, Julia
Michler who swum brilliantly and
worked so hard in competing in both
relays, the 100m Individual Medley
and the 100m breast stroke; Annie
Byrne who again pulled a Season’s
Best out of the bag by completing the
100m backstroke in one minute, ten
seconds - knocking two seconds off
her BUCS time!
The whole boys team put their absolute
all into the event; Chris Dixon
and Steve Addison did some especially
good swims, while Northumbria
showed some true gamesmanship
with their competitor against Will
Jolly for the 200m freestyle, who gave
up half way through and left Will to
cruise it.
Even with our male captain Chris
Garner-Jones and a couple of other
swimmers injured the whole event
was just so close on each swim, sadly
for Team Newcastle however it was a
case of so near and yet so far as Northumbria
racked up the points.
Despite this loss there were positives
to be taken from the day however,
namely the number of PBs recorded
and the fact that Newcastle secured
a comfortable victory against the
Northumbria B Relay Team, whom
they face in the BUCS Team Finals on
Saturday. Confidence is high therefore
that Newcastle can bounce back
immediately and annihilate them.
Squash quash N’umbria challenge Snow problem for
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MEN’S SQUASH
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Marc Pass
at UNN SPORT CENTRAL
Sunday saw a successful Stan Calvert
campaign for men’s squash with an
overall away victory against Northumbria.
2
1
The first team narrowly missed on
making it a whitewash. A wining performance
from Johnny Honeyman,
who breezed through his second seed
match, set the pace whilst Mike Collins
battled to a 3-2 victory in a tiresome
five setter at fifth seed.
Marc Pass and James Worsick had
close matches but failed to clinch a
win. First seed and captain George
Marley was left the crucial decider
but came up against extremely tough
opposition in Northumbria’s Matt
Hardy, barely missing victory but displaying
excellent “England circuit”
standard squash.
The second team also came up
against strong opponents. A win
from third seed Sam Voller and close
loss from Joe Harvey paved the way
for first seed Chris Garner to secure
an excellent triumph and more vital
points in the race to Stan Calvert victory.
However, the Royals’ squash third
team managed to come up with the
goods. Solid 3-0 wins from Kevin
Lees and Matt Goodwin ensured the
win with an unfortunate loss at second
seed for captain Jack Voller, who
was unable to match the performance
of his brother earlier in the day.
After Northumbria invested so
much in their new facilities, it was
apparent the standard of their squash
didn’t quite match up. Bad courts with
dead corners and large nicks gave
a home advantage from the off, but
Newcastle’s skill came through under
the watchful eye of coach Bryan Beeson.
A hard days work culminated in an
important win and building on a great
season.
SKIING
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Alex Abbott
at SILKSWORTH SKI SLOPE
2
0
On a clear, Tuesday night, two Newcastle
University Ski teams turned
up at Silksworth to defend their Stan
Calvert title. A rejuvenated team spirit
was still on display after NUSSC’s
trip to Val Thorens over Christmas as
the team followed up their numerous
successful displays since the festive
period with a dazzling performace
against Northumbria. Having never
lost to the Poly in this event it was inevitable
that a double victory was on
the cards.
With NUSSC fielding two very
strong teams they went into the competition
confident, although with the
Poly putting out their strongest team
to date it was important not to get too
over-confident.
First race up was the Seconds, who
had already ran out victorious against
the Northumbria Firsts team earlier
in the season. The Seconds without
doubt absolutely smashed the opposition,
led by their rock, Seb Kirk, and
ably supported by Dom Younger, Phil

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
2012StanCalvert.11
Poly loss
Double figures and double delight
for Waterpolo after convincing wins
Newcastle’s swim team
were humbled by Northumbria,
despite some
promising individual
performances
Photography:
Laura Anne Brown
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
WOMEN’S WATERPOLO
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Tom Connolly
at UNN SPORT CENTRAL
19
2
Northumbria Sport Central was the
venue for the Men’s and Ladies 1st
team Waterpolo matches on Friday
evening. Although Newcastle were in
the Poly’s backyard they were positive
in their approach to the matches and
confident they would be able to embarrass
them as they had the previous
season, which was the first time they
had played in this competition.
The ladies were the first to play and
although they had been knocked out
of the BUCS semi-finals the weekend
previously, they were fired up for this
derby match. The Poly’s only joy of the
match came in the opening minute as
they nicked the opener, but it was to be
all downhill from there on for Northumbria
as a long range screamer from
Newcastle’s Nikki Powley to level the
match was followed by a counter attacking
goal for Scot Kat McDowall to
take the lead. Powley added another
before the break meaning the Royals
were 3-1 up at the end of the first
quarter.
With only a two goal cushion, the
well drilled Newcastle began to extend
their lead with clinical counter
attacks giving further goals for
McDowall, swimmer Annie Byrne,
Finnish Hanna Ratilainen and team
junior Hannah Daglish. This unstoppable
attack combined with unbeatable
defence produced a 7-1 lead at
halftime. The third quarter was much
of the same as the Poly managed to
double their tally, but McDowall and
Powley once again proved worthy in
attack by adding their third each of
the game. Daglish also struck gold to
take the score to 10-2 going into the
final quarter. It was here that the super
fit Newcastle really showed the
Poly how tier one waterpolo is played
as the clinical McDowall bagged another
four alongside a further two for
Christina Zacharia and one each for
Byrne and Ratilainen. It fell to veteran
Lauri Simkiss to seal the deal producing
a solid 19-2 victory for the Royals.
Player of the match was Kat McDowall
whose powerful offensive play produced
seven goals for the Scot.
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MEN’S WATERPOLO
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Tom Connolly
at UNN SPORT CENTRAL
26
11
With the home crowd silenced by the
ladies result, Newcastle men knew
they could and must do the same.
The match got underway and within
twenty seconds captain Stuart Mac
Manus opened the scoring however
shortly after the Poly also got off the
mark to level the scores. With a point
to prove Newcastle player, but ex-
Northumbria captain Mark Gabrielle,
picked up a sin-bin for a reckless challenge
but quickly proved his worth by
regaining the lead shortly after reentry.
Another for Mac Manus saw the
Royals pull two goals ahead but a sinbin
for Ralph Baker gave the Poly a
chance to score to get back into the
match which was followed by another
from their captain to level the scores
3-3. From here Newcastle knew they
had to put the foot down and with
goals from playmaker Luke Watkins,
future captain Mike Grantham and
team junior Josh Baldwin, they did
not look back. The Poly managed to
scrape one back before the end of the
first quarter to leave the score 6-4 to
Newcastle.
The second quarter belonged to
Grantham whose powerful attacking
play saw him pick up a hattrick
within two minutes. The home side
could only manage one of their own
before Grantham once again rippled
the back of the net. Another for the
Poly captain was outshone by an emphatic
finish by Newcastle captain
Mac Manus. Golden boy Grantham
picked up a sin-bin, giving the Poly a
chance to grab another, but on re-entry
Grantham slotted home his sixth
of the match. Now came the time for
Gordon Pearson, whose terrier like
approach saw him on the end of two
crosses, both of which he converted
with style. Once again the 9Poly got the
last of the quarter giving Won a half time
Mountain Bikers share the spoils
score of 15-7.
With an eight goal lead all Newcastle
could do now was to capitalise on an
already textbook performance. This
was exemplified early in the third as
Mac Manus scored from a perfectly
implemented man-up play. The Poly
hit back just 16 seconds later which
was to be their last of the quarter
whilst Newcastle pushed on with two
goals from Gabrielle, who was really
turning the screw, another each
for shooters Mac Manus and Grantham,
and a debut Stan Calvert goal
for fresher Ben Hughes, giving them a
21-8 lead going into the final quarter.
With the introduction of substitute
goalkeeper Nathan Taylor, for first
string ‘keeper James Hillmen, Newcastle
knew they were already over the
finishing line. A relentless Grantham
once again scored two in quick succession,
followed by another for the
clinical Gabrielle. The Poly got another
conciliation goal and a ball under
from Taylor gave them a penalty and
another goal. Grantham took his opportunity
to take his tally to 10, which
brought about aggravation from the
Poly supporters, which helped sway
the referee’s decision in giving Mac
Manus his third sin-bin of the match
disallowing him from re-entry. The
Poly captain scored their last of the
match but there was still time for
veteran Watkins to finish the scoring
giving Newcastle a convincing 26-11
win.
The MVP for the men was awarded
to the powerful Grantham who, inspired
by McDowall’s performance
for the ladies, bettered her score to
produce 10 goals, a Stan Calvert Waterpolo
record, an unbelievable show
of technique, especially at this level.
NUSSC
McKenchie, Chris Thompson and
Heidi Parker.
The First team’s race was a little closer,
but inevitably Newcastle still came
out with a convincing win thanks to
the performances of captain Alex Abbott,
president Hannah Parker, Martin
Trotter, Chris Penrose and Toby
Hughes. The regional dry slope and
indoor skiing champions showed no
complacency as they convincingly
won out against a despondent Northumbria
team.
After this strong performance, as
well as recent victories at Kings Dry
Slope and BUISC indoor championships,
NUSSC are confident of a
strong performance at the upcoming
British Uni Snowsports Champs under
the watchful eye of their captain
Alex Abbott.
Stan Calvert
Cup 2012
MOUNTAIN BIKING
Newcastle 1sts
Northumbria 1sts
By Ali Masson
at HAMSTERLEY FOREST
Having gained a convincing victory
in last year’s Stan Calvert encounter
with a significantly weaker team,
confidence amongst the Newcastle
Cross Country team was high before
the race. And with Northumbria only
able to field five racers, it looked set to
be Newcastle’s day.
However, a late appearance from a
lycra-clad team Great Britain racer
significantly raised the standard of
the competition.
The race began with a mass start on
the four cross track with Sam Sharp
taking an early but short-lived lead
while a Northumbria rider was left
behind with what he initially feared
to be a spinal injury but proved only
to be a grazed elbow.
From then on the race for first place
was a close battle between Henry
Smurt and the Northumbria team GB
1
1
racer. Aiken Harrap and James Robinson
followed closely behind.
Ultimately first place was taken by
the Northumbria rider but positions
two to eight were all taken by Newcastle
resulting in a win with a final
score of 51 to 21 points.
The Downhill team however had
more of a battle on their hands and
needed to step it up a level to compete
for a win against Northumbria’s more
experienced team. After a recent dry
spell the track was running fast with
a healthy dose of technical sections
ready to catch out anybody with a
momentary lapse of concentration.
On the first of two race runs Krzysztof
Dabrowski was fastest of the
Newcastle riders but was sitting third
overall behind two Of Northumbria’s
riders. Krzysztof managed to knock
a couple of seconds off his time on
his second run but his third place
was snatched by 0.8 of a second by a
Northumbria rider. Gaz Hughes and
Tristan Tinn put in some solid runs to
take fifth and sixth place respectively.
Ali Masson managed to hold it together
for a second run after a big
crash in his first run, taking seventh
place in the end.
Simon Wilkins had a lot of weight on
his shoulders after being Newcastle’s
fastest rider the previous year. Unfortunately,
it didn’t quite come together
this year and an incident with a tree in
his second run meant he was left with
his first run time and a respectable
eighth place overall. Josh Lodge took
tenth place, which left Northumbria
to claim the last two places.
The total scores were very close with
Newcastle’s team went to
extreme lengths to secure
points against Northumbria,
putting their bodies
on the line.
Photography: Newcastle
Biking Club
Northumbria just edging a win by 40
points to 38, which meant two Stan
Calvert points apiece from the day.

STAN CALVERT CUP 2011/12 - RESULTS
Date Sport
Venue
Winner
ALL THE
ACTION
FROM
STAN
CALVERT
SUNDAY
RECORD
BREAKING
POINTS
TOTAL
FOR UNI
EXCLUSIVE
MATCH
REPORTS
INSIDE
Photography: Photography: Moises Hubert Bedrossian
Lam
Photography: Moises Bedrossian
CONSOLATION FOR POLY
MEN’S RUGBY UNION, P2
Photography: Moises Bedrossian
13 November 2011
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
2 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
22 February 2012
22 February 2012
22 February 2012
3 March 2012
3 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
2 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
29 February 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
29 February 2012
29 February 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
29 February 2012
29 February 2012
29 February 2012
29 February 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
28 February 2012
28 February 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
4 March 2012
3 March 2012
3 March 2012
1 March 2012
1 March 2012
2 March 2012
2 March 2012
American Football
Athletics
Badminton - M 1
Badminton - M 2
Badminton - W
Basketball - M 1
Basketball - M 2
Basketball - M3
Basketball - W 1
Basketball - W 2
Cricket - M 1
Cricket - M 2
Cricket - W 1
Cross Country M
Cross Country W
Fencing - M
Fencing - W
Football - M 1
Football - M 2
Football - M 3
Football - W1
Football - W2
Gaelic Football
Golf - 1
Golf - 2
Gymnastics
Hockey - M 1
Hockey - M 2
Hockey - M 3
Hockey - W 1
Hockey - W 2
Hockey - W 3
Lacrosse - M
Lacrosse - W
Mountain Biking DH
Mountain Biking XC
Netball - 1
Netball - 2
Netball - 3
Netball - 4
Rowing - IM W Quad
Rowing - IM M Quad
Rowing - Senior W Quad
Rowing - Senior M Quad
Rugby League - 1
Rugby League - 2
Rugby Union - M 1
Rugby Union - M 2
Rugby Union - M 3
Rugby Union - M 4
Rugby Union - W
Skiing - 1
Skiing - 2
Squash - M 1
Squash - M 2
Squash - M 3
Squash - W 1
Squash - W 2
Swimming - M
Swimming - W
Table Tennis - M 1
Table Tennis - M 2
Table Tennis - W
Tennis - M 1
Tennis - M 2
Tennis - W 1
Tennis - W 2
Volleyball - M
Volleyball - W
Waterpolo - M
Waterpolo - W
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
UNN Sport Central
Gateshead Stadium
UNN Sport Central
Gateshead Stadium
UNN Sport Central
NU Sports Centre
NU Sports Centre
South Northumberland CC
South Northumberland CC
South Northumberland CC
Town Moor
Town Moor
NU Sports Centre
NU Sports Centre
UNN Sport Central
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Longbenton Sports Ground
Gateshead Stadium
Bullocksteads
Parklands
Matfen Hall
Matfen Hall
UNN Sport Central
UNN Sport Central
UNN Sport Central
Longbenton Sports Ground
Longbenton Sports Ground
Longbenton Sports Ground
Bullocksteads
Bullocksteads
Hamsterley Forest
Hamsterley Forest
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Newburn Water Sports Centre
Newburn Water Sports Centre
Newburn Water Sports Centre
Newburn Water Sports Centre
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Gateshead Stadium
Bullocksteads
Bullocksteads
Heaton Sports Ground
Cochrane Park
Silksworth Ski Slope
Silksworth Ski Slope
UNN Sport Central
UNN Sport Central
UNN Sport Central
NU Sports Centre
NU Sports Centre
UNN Sport Central
UNN Sport Central
NU Sports Centre
NU Sports Centre
NU Sports Centre
Northumberland Club
Northumberland Club
Churchill College
Churchill College
NU Sports Centre
NU Sports Centre
UNN Sport Central
UNN Sport Central
NCL
Draw
NCL
NCL
Draw
N’BRIA
N’BRIA
N’BRIA
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
Draw
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
NCL
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
Draw
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
N’BRIA
Unknown
NCL
NCL
Draw
NCL
NCL
NCL
N’BRIA
N’BRIA
NCL
NCL

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
vote.ncl.ac.uk
EDITOR OF THE COURIER
ELLIOT BENTLEY
As this year’s Deputy Editor (and with three
years’ writing experience), I believe I am the
MOST EXPERIENCED candidate for Editor of
The Courier.
I believe The Courier should be a varied publication
with content for everyone: from political
news to fun features on nights out. I pledge to
produce a paper with content for ALL students
at Newcastle.
WILLS ROBINSON
Experience
• I am currently News Editor and was Sports
Editor last year, which, I believes, makes me the
MOST EXPERIENCED candidate.
• I have conducted interviews with the likes of
GEORDIE SHORE, MATT DAWSON, New
Zealand Rugby players RICHIE McCAW and
SONNY BILL WILLIAMS, and MP NICK
BROWN.
• I have written articles for the Life and Style,
I have already:
• Brought The Courier into the 21st Century by
creating the MOST SUCCESSFUL WEBSITE
in the paper’s history
• Carried out IN-DEPTH INVESTIGATIONS
into rogue landlords, outrageous library fines...
and a cardboard cutout of Colin Firth
• Brought you interviews with chart-topping
bands, disease-curing doctors, and the founder
of Wikipedia
• As Deputy Editor, helped shape EVERY SEC-
TION of the paper
• Presented radio shows on NSR for TWO
YEARS
I pledge to:
• Report STORIES THAT MATTER to you,
with more in-depth features into what’s really
happening in Newcastle and LIVE COVER-
AGE of breaking news
• Continue improving the website, adding a
MOBILE VERSION and VIDEO CONTENT
• Introduce a Guardian-style FACEBOOK APP
• Comprehensive sport coverage, with online
results updated on match day and coverage of a
greater variety of sports
• Ensure the all-important puzzle section is
100% CORRECT
Comment and Music sections along with News
and Sport.
• Have covered stories such as the on-going
Josh Cryer Twitter saga, the Northumbria Initiation
and revealed that Richardson Road was
set for demolition.
What I would bring to The Courier
• Expand The Courier Online, with more online
exclusives throughout the year, spreading
the site’s contents via social media to reach all
of Newcastle’s students.
• Run more campaigns to meet the demands of
Newcastle’s students.
• Free publicity for clubs and societies.
• Free student advertising on a specially designated
page, as well as online.
• Maintain and strengthen links with NSR and
TCTV, combining them with The Courier to
create a stronger media base at Newcastle
• Remain loyal to the features that hard working
editors have introduced before me, including
the continued use of the C2 supplement
and student favourites such as blind date.
Remember…When there’s a Wills there’s a way
SabbaticalOfficerselections.5
COLIN HENRYS
Why vote COLIN HENRYS for Editor?
I believe that I have the EXPERIENCE, DRIVE
and COMMITMENT to make The Courier
BETTER THAN EVER next year.
I am currently one of the Sports Editors, meaning
that I have already had practice editing one
of The Courier’s LARGEST sections. I also have
three years of writing experience, was part of
HARRY SLAVIN
The Courier is the heartbeat of Newcastle University
and I believe that with my experience as
current Sports Editor and seasoned contributor
to the paper, I am the perfect candidate for
Editor.
A vote for Harry Slavin could guarantee greater
content, coverage and participation:
On The Ball:
• A paper bursting with news stories and issues
the AWARD-WINNING Courier Online team
and have sat on the TCTV committee.
I believe that this experience will help me to
IMPROVE not just The Courier, but our student
media as a whole.
If elected I would:
• Be more FORWARD-THINKING with news
and comment articles.
• Work to ERADICATE inexcusable spelling
mistakes, especially on the FRONT PAGE.
• Further EXPAND The Courier Online – even
more web exclusive news stories, blogs and
reviews; LIVE SPORTS COVERAGE and more
REGULAR UPDATING of content.
• Overhaul the C2 section – more music and
film reviews, a TRAVEL section and WIDER
COVERAGE of societies and forthcoming
events.
• Expand TCTV to bring you NEWS roundups,
SPORTS HIGHLIGHTS and more Bigg
Market Banter.
• Actively promote NSR and TCTV to give
them the coverage that they deserve.
Want all this and more? Then vote COLIN
FOR EDITOR!
that matter to you
• Even more creative and in-depth coverage of
BUCS and Intra Mural Sport
• Bringing you the best in new and innovative
features, including the return of ‘hottie of the
week’
First, Fast, Now:
• Breaking news pieces online instantly to
keep you up to speed with top stories.
• More exclusive interviews with the best talent
from the worlds of entertainment and sport
• Greater distribution around campus to make
it the most accessible paper to date
• Stronger ties with NSR and greater use of
TCTV
Have Your Say:
• Improved online comments system
• More opportunities for new, aspiring writers
• ‘Letters’ feature to promote feedback and get
you involved
The Courier is not about picking up national
awards; it is about informing and entertaining
YOU, our invaluable reader.
VOTE HARRY FOR EDITOR AND LET’S
SLAV IT!
BEN TRAVIS
Who?
• Current music editor and writer for three
years with The Courier.
• Enthusiastic, approachable, hard-working,
creatively-minded, dedicated.
As Editor of The Courier, I believe I can give
you:
• A REAL STUDENT FOCUS - delivering
news stories and issues that bring Newcastle
University’s students to the fore.
• WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT with features
ranging from sex and relationships, to nights
out and what’s going on around campus.
• A MOBILE APP to keep The Courier at students’
fingertips 24 hours a day.
• UNPARALLELED SPORTS COVERAGE
for Intra Mural and BUCS - regularly updated
league tables, match reports and quality images.
• A REFLECTION OF NEWCASTLE’S CUL-
TURE across the music, film, arts, and lifestyle
sections.
• A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP with
Newcastle’s students through increased use of
FACEBOOK and TWITTER.
• A MORE VISUALLY-ENGAGING PAPER
with professional design.
• A UNITED STUDENT MEDIA by networking
with NSR and TCTV.
• INCREASED SOCIETIES AND EVENTS
COVERAGE to represent the interests and
achievements of students.
• INDEPENDENCE from political bias,
presenting the varied opinions of Newcastle
students.
The Courier is a brilliant newspaper, but it
could be super. A super paper needs a super
editor - vote for Ben Travis.
www.bentravisforeditor.com
#BenTravis4Editor
EDITOR OF THE COURIER EXPLAINED
The Editor of The Courier is responsible for overseeing the production of your
weekly student newspaper.
The Courier is not only for entertainment purposes! It keeps you informed of
what is going on in and around campus, is representative of your time here at
Newcastle and provides a professional platform for a career in the media for
over 200 students that dedicate their time and energy into contributing to its
pages.
is in charge of running a team of over thirty student volunteers that choose
content, edit articles and design pages
They also oversee NSR (Newcastle Student Radio) and TCTV (The Courier Televsion)
to ensure all three arms of Student Media here at Newcastle are represented
farly.
They also liase with the University for the production of the Alternative Prospectus,

6.electionsPartTimeOfficer
CAMPAIGNS OFFICER
ANDREW TODD
My name is Andrew Todd and I want to be
your campaigns officer next year because I
believe I have the skills and experience to give
you a voice.
I spent the first 14 years of my life in Oman,
and have experienced different cultures all over
CONVENOR OF DISCIPLINARY
JASON WATSON
At the heart of every great society or organisation
there’s a need for order and rules; the
guidelines that everyone follows and can rely
the world and know that clashing attitudes lead
to a need for change.
We are experiencing change now – when the
world is reeling from an economic disaster, I
believe the rights of groups or individuals can
be overlooked by those purporting to protect
the wider collective.
I believe passionately in ending the discrimination
we face in getting a good start in life. I
believe in giving people the opportunity to
make change for the better.
My involvement with trade unions has given
me an appreciation for what can be achieved
when driven people take on inequality. For instance,
I am confident we will soon see an end
to age-related pay.
As a friendly and approachable person, I want
to reassure you that I have the confidence to
fight for what is just.
If you want someone who will listen to you, and
take on any issue, vote Andrew Todd for your
Campaigns Officer.
GENDER EQUALITY OFFICER
EMILY WALLER
Hi! I’m Emily and I’m running for Gender
Equality Officer. Here are a couple of reasons
why you should vote for ME:
• I’ve been thoroughly involved with all aspects
of University life in my past one-and-a-bit years
on, and be certain that others do the same. As
Winston Churchill famously said: ‘The price
of greatness is responsibility’. And so it is our
responsibility to look after our Student Union
and show respect for the people within it.
As the Convener of Disciplinary I would do
my upmost to be entirely impartial at all times
whilst vigilantly safe-guarding our Union and
the people’s rights within it. I would be fair but
firm, if and when disciplinary matters occur,
so students can have the confidence that the
Union continues to provide a safe and friendly
environment. The Union is filled with positive
vibes-but unfortunately things do happen, and
when they do, I believe I would be the right
person you could count on to deal with them
due to my skill as a scientist to be objective.
Finally, I would aim to bring even more
enthusiasm into the Union Council and be an
approachable, active member of the Officer’s
team, endeavouring to better the Students’
Union evermore!
Please vote for me!
here, through my course, sport, and societies.
• I’m used to representing a wide range of
students, as I have positions on Societies Exec,
Community Exec, a voting position on Union
Council and am also Secretary of the English
Society and Captain of the Badminton Club.
• My involvement means I hear the opinions of
men and women across the board on a day-today
basis, so I know the concerns of the people
who count: the regular students of the uni.
• I’m very ‘enthusiastic’ about getting my point
across – if I feel a gender issue needs to be
voiced, I will find a way of saying it!
Achieving a University where both sexes are
represented with one hundred per cent equality
is the goal. It’s the little things that make the big
difference, and if anyone has ANY concerns I
promise that I will represent them to the best of
my ability!
Thanks for reading… you know what to do
now!
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
vote.ncl.ac.uk
CHAIR OF UNION COUNCIL
CHARLES BARRY
Experience
• First elected to Union Council in December
2010.
• Sat on Steering Committee of Union Council
since Feb 2011.
• Other committee memberships include Elections
Committee, Scrutiny Committee, Officer
Performance Review Committee and Education
Executive Committee.
• Elected as Student Representative on University
Senate in June 2011, which is the University’s
governing body on academic matters. I
have made representations to the Senate on
many issues, including opposing higher fees for
part-time students.
• Passed seven motions at Council to improve
the way the Union works, including reforming
Council itself.
• I have detailed knowledge of the way Union
Council works, having re-written many of the
governing rules.
• I have pushed for many improvements to the
way Council is run, including providing training
to members to help explain how meetings
work.
If elected, my policies would be:
1. Be an experienced and knowledgeable Chair
who can run meetings without issues;
2. Build a new section on the website to make
Council more accessible to students;
3. Work with other Officers and Councillors to
simplify Council meetings;
ETHICS AND ENVIRONMENT OFFICER
ROSS CHAPMAN AND ALASDAIR MORRISON
Our Ultimate Aim:
‘Effectively change the way the environment is
viewed by the Student body and incorporate
ethical issues into the Student ethos.’
We want to:
- Conduct events, which give students the
opportunity to get to know more people from a
variety of different backgrounds.
- Promote the importance of environmental
issues and make the university campus more
environmentally friendly.
- Spread the word through social media and
events whilst actively campaigning to achieve
our Ultimate Aim.
- Encourage students to come and present their
own opinions on preserving the environmental
and ethical issues that are important to
them at specially organised debates and events.
This information could then be used to implement
positive changes on campus.
- Incentivise good practices on campus in
areas such as recycling and freedom of expression
surrounding ethical issues.
Why us?
We believe that we have the right qualities to
be Ethics and Environmental Officers as we are
currently Stage 2 Geography and Economics &
Geography students giving us good insight into
the world of environmental and ethical issues
so…
VOTE ALASDAIR & ROSS!
INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS OFFICER
ADIT AGARWAL
Over my time at the University, and as YOUR
current International Students’ officer, I
believe I have continually strived in the best
interests of YOUR interests.
From the campaign against immigration
changes, making the government change their
proposed plans, being cited by the home affairs
committee, to getting a motion passed in
the union wanting the union to campaign for
international students if the university tries to
increase international student fees.
It has been a challenging year for all the current
and future students. While post study work visa
has been abolished, the home student fee has
substantially increased.
With the removal of Post-study work visa, we
all are waiting for details of its replacement.
I ask you all, to re-elect me as YOUR International
Students’ Officer, so that I can continue
to help raise YOUR voice, and continue lobbying
the government with the help of NUS,
for a fair scheme in its place which is just and
reasonable.
I have tried to increase more awareness of the
Union among the INTO students, and I will
continue to work towards integration of the
campus and turn Newcastle into a true Global
University!

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
vote.ncl.ac.uk
LGBT OFFICER
CHRISTOS MEXIAS
Hey hey!
I’m Chris – a second year History student – and
I’m running for LGBT officer. I’ve always passionately
believed in LGBT, or ‘Life Gets Better
OFFICER WITHOUT PORTFOLIO
LISA WILSON
What?
• Officer without Portfolio is a supporting
role with the aim of assisting the officers with
projects and services within the Union.
• To promote all aspects of the Union with the
goal to increasing participation and engaging
all students.
Who?
I am Lisa, in my third year studying Chemical
Engineering. Currently I am President of the
Engineers without Borders Society, Secretary of
RAG ORGANISER
HATTIE HILL AND ROSIE LEATHERLAND
We are Rosie and Hattie, the ‘RAG Dolls’. Both
with RAG and Fresher’s Crew experience and
a passion for charity, Rosie studies English and
works as a volunteer representative for a children
and young person’s cancer charity. Hattie
is a Politics student, and is climbing Kilimanjaro
for charity in September.
VOTE for us for RAG officers 2012/13, for a
new and improved RAG experience.
Together’. To me being gay, lesbian, bi, or trans
is more about a good night on the scene; it’s
also about shaping the community we all live
in.
If I’m elected I plan to drive community involvement
forward in two ways. In Semester
One I’m going to build on the ‘It Gets Better’
campaign run by the LGBT society and hold
anti-homophobia talks in local schools in order
to tackle the issue of homophobic bullying head
on.
In Semester Two I’ll be organising a wideranging
debate on how being gay doesn’t have
to preclude you from being anything else you
want to be. To this end I’m planning to reach
out to the Newcastle Ravens, other LGBT
organisations, Anglican bishops and local MPs
in order to have a meaningful discussion on
equality and the law, the evolving interaction
between faith and sexuality, and homophobia
in sport. I will also be reaching out to local
PFLAG groups for support and advice on coming
out.
the Women’s Basketball club, Student Ambassador
and Academic year representative for my
course and I’ve decided the Union is the next
step!
Proposal?
• Improve visibility of the Officer without
Portfolio role in becoming an approachable
figure to everyone, whether familiar or not to
the running of the union.
• Create a humanitarian centre to allow
greater and easier opportunities for students
to be involved in volunteering and development,
through local charities or international
organisations- presenting the right instruction,
information and support on how to do so.
• Boosting the existing union activities such as
‘Go Play’ and ‘Give it a go’, integrating sports
clubs, societies, international students and
those who are too lazy to get off their bums!
HOW?
• Being realistic and in tune with what students
want and need.
• Bringing new energy and positivity to the
Union.
• By smiling!
• PROMOTION: Using some of the best
promotion companies from Newcastle’s vibrant
club scenes, we aim to improve the publicity
of RAG events, to involve as many of you as
possible.
• Two words: RAG RAIDS! Fancy some new
faces? We hope to raid as many student cities
as possible and, with your help, we can choose
which cities to stumble upon and which charities
you want to raid for.
• LET’S GET TOGETHER: We aim to spread
the word of RAG far and wide from Freshers, to
Post-Grads.
• ALL YEAR ROUND: We believe RAG should
be more than a weeklong event, raising as much
money for the RAG charities as possible.
VOTE for us to change the face of RAG- meet
new people, aim to beat raising records and
above all have a LAUGH.
PartTimeOfficerelections.7
NSR STATION MANAGER
DAVID BENDALL AND RACHAEL FOSTER
We are Dave and Rachael, and together we want
to be your Newcastle Student Radio Station
Managers. We believe NSR is an extremely
important and valuable asset to our Union. This
past year NSR has experienced great success
and undergone huge and lasting changes. After
being executives and presenters for NSR over a
combined 4 years, as well as having experience
of sitting on the Media Executive Committee
and being voting Union Council Members, we
believe with this valuable experience we can
lead NSR through its sixteenth year of broadcasting
and serve as part time officers.
If elected we aim to:
• Create a Freshers’ Week presence
• Continue the hard work done from this year
in updating NSR’s website.
• NSR should aim to broadcast more live
music from the union, related events and host
specialist music weeks and gigs.
• Encourage clubs and societies to use NSR to
broadcast to their membership and use it as
an advertisement platform.
• Fully consider purchasing a short-term
FM licence and create an experience similar
to that of March 2011, in order to showcase
NSR’s talent and hard work.
• Create a stronger relationship with The
Courier and TCTV
Newcastle Student Radio: This is our radio
station
RACIAL EQUALITY OFFICER
OBREN AMIESIMAKA
As a Black African international student, racial
equality is an issue I feel very strongly about.
Over the years a lot of progress has been made
to improve racial equality but we must not
relent in our efforts to reduce racial discrimination
to the barest minimum.
I am presently the Secretary of the Nigerian Society
Newcastle University; I am also a Course
Rep for my course. I also held many positions
of leadership at my secondary school which
include being; an assembly prefect, a member
of the Social and Prom committees, Secretary
of the Bible Society, Public Relations Officer
of the Chemistry Society and Captain of my
Sports House leading my house to victory 3
consecutive times in the Inter-house sports
competition.
As a straight talking and very friendly person;
I just have a one point agenda which is;
• To ensure students of all races are given
equal opportunity and not discriminated
against in any way.
If elected Racial Equality Officer, I promise to
do my very best in protecting and representing
the needs of students of all races.
Many thanks,
OBREN AMIESIMAKA
STUDENTS WITH DISABILITIES OFFICER
MARTINA DIETRICH AND CAROLINE SHORTHOUSE
Why Us?
Our Aims:
• To work with the Education Officer to ensure
that catch-up is available for all lectures.
• To continue to help improve access in and
around the University, as well as reviewing access
from popular student areas to the Campus.
• To promote disabilities awareness through a
‘Not All Disabilities Are Visible’ campaign.
• To continue to ensure that all disabled students
– particularly Freshers – are aware of the
help and support on offer from the University.
• To work towards developing a community
both on and offline through which disabled
students can support one another in a sociable
context.
Our Combined Experience:
• Ambassadorial work for the Cystic Fibrosis
Trust, demonstrating an ability to represent
people and speak out on behalf of others.
• Work on an executive committee to raise
funds for and organise a Holiday week for disabled
children over two summers, developing
the skills required to organise campaigns and
implement changes.
• Extensive voluntary work with adults and
children with learning difficulties and/or physical
disabilities, developing an understanding of
different types of disabilities, and the different
levels of support available and required for
them.
• Caroline is also the current Students with
Disabilities Officer, so has direct experience in
this role.

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
6th-11thMarchlistings.23
C2 Editor: Aimee Philipson
Clothes swap
7-9pm
Teasy Does It Cafe, Heaton Park
Road, Heaton
To celebrate International Women’s Day
2012, come along to a charity clothes swap
at Heaton’s newest cafe, Teasy Does It.
Bring your clothes, shoes and accessories
along (clean and in good condition) **with
their coathangers**. All proceeds go to the
domestic abuse charity SixtyEightyThirty.
See Facebook event for more details.
Friday
Caledonian
Society Ball
7pm
Assembly Rooms
See Facebook event for more details.
Av Festival: Slow
Cinema: Films and
Directors Q&A
6-11pm
Star and Shadow
Cinema
6pm-8.30pm:
Nightfall (Dir. Fred
Keleman) - One of
the boldest German
filmmakers of the
last 20 years, Kelemen’s
third feature
is a devastating,
tender and sublime
masterpiece.
9.30pm-11pm:
Elegy To The Visitor From The Revolution
(Dir. Lav Diaz) - A woman waits on the
street curb, a group plan a robbery, a musician
plays guitar and a visitor wanders the
city; these are the enigmatic components of
Diaz’s work-in-progress film – the start of
an ambitious series of 15.
Something
for the
weekend
X Factor Auditions
7-9pm
Metro Radio Arena
Do you have The X Factor? Are you in a
group or a solo singer aged 16 or over? This
is your first step to stardom! Open auditions
take place at Newcastle’s Metro Radio
Arena starting at 8.00am. If you haven’t
already applied online, don’t worry, just
turn up. This audition could change your
life forever! You will need to prepare a verse
and chorus of at least one song in acapella
(i.e. without backing music or instruments).
Remember you need to stand out
from the crowd.
www.itv.com/xfactor
Looking
forward
to...
Fine art exhibition
15-17 March, 10am-5pm
Newbridge Site, 18 Newbridge Street
A group of second year Fine Art students
will collaborate together over the course of
60 hours to produce an exhibition to run
alongside the AV Festival. Preview on 14
March from 7pm - 10pm. Exhibition open
15 - 17 March from 10am - 5pm.
Charity comedy night
19 March
Hoochie Coochie
Like comedy? Want to support a really
good cause? This is the night for you! We
are proud to present a packed and varied
lineup , headlined by local legend Gavin
Webster. Nine acts, all for £3! There will
also be a charity raffle, with fantastic prizes
such as champagne, M&S giftcards, iTunes
cards, John Lewis vouchers and more TBC!
All you have to do is visit www.justgiving.
co.uk/charitycomedy, donate £3 & your
name will be added to the guestlist for
entry on the night. Tickets will also be
available on the night. Every single penny
raised will go straight to charity!
COCO ‘Street Scenes’
dance night
Saturday
WHQ
Performers include Newcastle Dance
Society, Newcastle DJ Society and many local
hip-hop and break dancers. Tickets are
£4 in advance and are available from the
Students’ Union Reception. +
Let’s Get Lyrical
31 March
Newcastle City Hall
Get your Glee on!
The final of Let’s Get Lyrical - the annual
choir competition held in aid of St
Oswald’s Hospice in Gosforth - is coming
up soon, so grab a ticket and get down
to Newcastle City Hall to support your
favourite on 31 March. Tickets are available
from Newcastle City Hall or St Oswald’s
Hospice for £12.
Lonesome West
15 March
The Cluny 2
The Lonesome West features the constantly
arguing brothers Coleman and Valene,
whose father has just died in a shotgun ‘accident’.
Another death forces the brothers
to consider their situation, with an interesting
outcome! Last NUTS production of the
term!
Want your event listed?
Email c2.editor@ncl.ac.uk
with all the details and any
photos you have by Monday
12pm of the week before the
issue you want to feature in.

24.arts
thecourieronline.co.uk/arts
c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk
The
book
that...
taught me all I
needed to know
Grace Harvey on why
Wikipedia isn’t always her
first port of call
Most of us have a treasured
book from our childhood
that we can happily reminisce
over. I however refused to
stop reading my most beloved books, and
after the BBC commissioned the series
into a CBBC programme presented by
Stephen Fry, I knew that I was not alone.
Terry Deary’s best-selling collection
of Horrible Histories, is not only a guilty
pleasure, but a genuine academic source
that I cherish greatly. Although I do
hold myself to be a reasonably intelligent
student, I do manage to learn a great deal
from The Horrible Histories. Whilst my
hard-working lecturers will despair at this
confession, the knowledge Deary imparts
to the young and apparently mature
reader is generally historically accurate
and guarantees to irrevocably imprint
itself into your brain.
Unsurprisingly my reason for returning
to these books is effectively procrastination
and after attempting to
plough my
way through
the ever
growing
stack of academic
books
on the Stuarts,
I turned
back to my
copy of Th e
Slimy Stuarts
for light relief
and found
myself reliving
the fond
memories I
once had of
these books.
And in a bid to
avoid “the final-year fear” decided
I would reread the lot.
Bizarrely this was not an afternoon wasted,
and the banal facts that overwhelm
the book are actually quite useful. And
from a gingerbread recipe from the Restoration
era to Stuart beauty tips, and their
contemporary slang (Slabberdeguillion is
potentially the greatest word in existence
but unfortunately rarely used anymore)
are not only funny but strangely practical
for a humanities student.
Yes, it might be ridiculous that a 21 year
old student should find these books so
hilarious and engaging but I defy anyone
to argue otherwise. The humour in the
books is real and not just for the younger
reader. Fair enough, there is a line and
when you realise all you can contribute
to a renaissance literature seminar is
the ‘King of Bling’ rap you know you’ve
crossed it. Each time I re-read The Slimy
Stuarts I find an extra gem of political
comedy that convinces me that Milton
really should have drawn pictures.
The BBC’s decision to turn the books
into a television series has been possibly
one of the wisest decisions to have
left their commissioning office and I’m
exploiting this too for its obvious academic
prowess. Whether you’d agree with
me or not it is truly impossible to deny
the charm and real hilarity of the books
which have entered the hearts of anyone
who has ever been bored in a history
lesson.
Going past the
razzle-dazzle
Alexandra Walker talks
glitz and glamour with
Chicago star Ali Bastian
Perhaps best known for her roles
as Becca Dean in Hollyoaks or as
Sally Armstrong in The Bill, Ali
Bastian has taken the leap from
screen to stage as she now plays Roxie
Hart in the UK touring production of
Chicago. During an interview with her, I
was able to get an insight into her hectic
training schedule, her dedication to this
new role and her distinctly successful
transition from soap actress to musical
theatre star.
Fresh from two full house nights at
Hull’s New Theatre, Bastian is exhilarated
to perform her starring role in
front of a live audience. ‘’It’s funny, you
rehearse the show and it’s not until you
get the audience in that you get a real
feeling for it.” Both the public and critics
have given the prestigious production a
thumbs up and Bastian is exhilarate by
this response as she says that “to get that
kind of feedback is amazing, it seems to
be going down really well”.
With six Tonys, one Grammy, one
Olivier, two Baftas and six Academy
Awards the West End production of
Chicago holds about as much critical
esteem as musically possible. In response
to any pressure felt for the success of the
touring production, Bastian said that
“the wonderful thing about this production
is that we’ve all joined the company
together, I think if you go to the West
End, you’re dropped into something
that’s already up and running, but we’ve
all learnt the show at the same time.”
Northern
Stage 5-7
March
Tickets are £7
and available online,
the Northern
Stage’s Box
Office or outside
the Union
Bastian stars alongside a host of
soap stars, West End stars and other
musical prodigies and on this subject
she notes that “we’ve all really bonded
and there’s amazing chemistry on stage,
mixed with a feeling that we want to
put our own stamp on it, so I hope we’re
achieving that.”
Part of Chicago’s charm is in its sharp,
dramatic and seductive dance routines,
to which Bastian gives all her praise to
the incredible musical choreographer,
Bob Fosse. “Fosse’s style is a very, very
precise, immaculate and stylised kind of
dancing, very different from anything
I’ve done before, but I absolutely love
it.” When I asked about the amount of
training she went through, she laughed
and said “it’s getting better, Tupele and I
(Tupele Dorgu plays Velma Kelly) were
given a lot of training and we started
training before the rest of the company
in order to get all our numbers under
our belts. But once you’ve learnt the
choreography, you really enjoy it and it’s
a lot of fun to perform.”
I wanted to know how her success on
Strictly Come Dancing elevated her theatrical
career and whether the show was
necessary for the transition from screen
to stage. To this she excitedly responded
that “this is the first musical I’ve done as
an adult, so it’s all very new to me, but
I’m absolutely falling in love with it. Doing
Strictly really did add another string
to my bow… that’s the whole thing with
doing a show like that, I found some-
Pictured above
Ali Bastian as
Roxy Hart
Broadway, the
world of glitz,
glamour and
non-stop sensa-
tionalism but look past
the sequins and the glitter
and you will see a whole other
world. A Chorus Line provides you
with a behind-the-scenes glimpse into
the world of theatre and ambitions of 17
Broadway hopefuls.
A Chorus Line reveals the struggles,
triumphs and failures of aspiring actors,
all of whom have stories to tell and songs
to sing in order to win the chance to
dance on Broadway. This is a chance to
see dreams made and destroyed all under
the hot lights of the theatre, showing that
razzle dazzle is one side but it is blood,
sweat and tears on the other.
Watch as the contenders put it all on the
line in order to achieve their dreams, find
themselves and finally become part of the
lusted after chorus.
A Chorus Line when first opened on
Broadway in 1975 was a box office and
critical hit, receiving 12 Tony Award
nominations and winning nine of them.
In addition the show won the 1976 Pulitz-
er Prize for Drama, and was the longest-
running Broadway production until
surpassed by Cats in 1997. It has achieved
world-wide success, with theatres all over
the world falling in love with the passion,
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th e Courier
thing
that
I really
love.”
She went on
to say that “off the
back of Strictly, I got a job
called Burn the Floor (a ballroom and
Latin dance show), I learnt an awful lot
as a I was given daily lessons with the
choreographer Jason Gilkison, who’s a
world-champion ballroom dancer, so I
think it opened a lot of doors for me and
for that I’ll always be grateful.”
Bastian held long-term positions on
both Hollyoaks and The Bill, so I wanted
to know how she finds the transition
between both performance styles and
whether she has any preference between
the two. In response to this, Bastian said
“they’re totally different; it’s like asking
which of your children you like best! I
suppose nothing beats the buzz of a live
performance, there’s a certain magic
around a live show that I really enjoy.
Television is so fast-paced and you don’t
always get the opportunity to get into
the text as much as doing a play or show.
With television it’s much more organic
and very quick, but at the same time, I
really enjoy it.”
Bastian will be starring in Chicago at the
Sunderland Empire from 26 – 31 March;
Student Offer: £20 from noon on the day of
the show (Mon-Thu eve and Fri matinees).
Hot pants and high kicks
Sally Priddle sells you singing, sex and sensationalism
with NUTS’ musical A Chorus Line
music and not to mention the many, many
high kicks.
If you’re still not convinced, here are
five reasons that are sure to persuade
you to go and see NUTS’ A Chorus
Line:
1
2
3
4
5
There are girls in very short
shorts, doing high kicks and
singing about tits and arses.
There are some very beautiful
men who will melt your
heart with their lovely
voices.
There’s a great love story in
amongst the glitter and hot
pants.
The show works through
some real issues too including
homosexuality, plastic
surgery and self -esteem.
There are many many great
songs and the NUTS’ cast.

Th e Courier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Top 5 musicals
West Side Story
5
They don’t come much better than this. The genius pairing
of Bernstein’s music with Sondheim’s lyrics gave the Musical
Theatre World such classics as ‘America’ and ‘Tonight’, and once
performed in tandem with the ground-breaking choreography
of Jerome Robbins, ‘West Side Story’ took the Broadway Scene
by storm. It proved that musicals could be gritty, and is arguably
the most successful transformation of any Shakespeare play to
date.
Best Song: America!
4
Wicked
Charlie Burt
The combination of flying
monkeys, talking goats
and a sarcastic green woman
in Wicked creates the perfect potion for an utterly hilarious
and thrilling musical. The ultimate number has to be Defying
Gravity as it is both visually stunning to watch and is epically
sung to a point where goose pimples will appear on your skin.
This remoulded tale of Oz is an absolute classic and guarantees
enjoyment.
Best Song: Defying Gravity
Aimee Vickers
Les Miserables
3
With a stellar 24 year run on the
West End shown in 43 counties, 300
cities to a total worldwide audience
of 60 million, this musical is something
if an all-singing phenomenon
despite the fact it’s about the French
revolution… and who reeeally cares
about the French? (Only joking)
Best Song: Well it’s one big, giant song
all rolled into one – go see it!
2
Anya Thaker
Grease
Arguably the most popular musical of all time, Grease manages
to capture the essence of the 1950s in its styling and
songs, whilst remaining timelessly entertaining. Set at Rydell
High, it follows the trials and tribulations of growing up,
love and the inaugural school prom. It is clear to see its huge
impact on every high school film ever since. ‘Grease is the
word,’ enough said.
Best Song: You’re the one that I want
Chicago’s intoxicating mix of sex, sin
and scandal which has made it Broadway’s
longest-running musical revival,
and its’ captivating plot and score
deliver on all levels. From its roots of a
sharp satire on judicial corruption and
a sinister tale of murder and deceit, to
the dizzy heights of its daring song and
dance numbers, Chicago has earned its
place as one of the most prolific musicals
of our generation and as our No. 1.
Best Song : All That Jazz
Catherine Langley
Chicago1
Georgia Snow
previews
The Midnight Oil
Northern Stage
March 8-10
The Midnight Oil, is an exciting and brand
new play written and directed by MA
student Ben Schwarz.
The Midnight Oil follows the story
of Henry Caldwell, a journalist in late
Victorian London, as he fights to resist
temptation and remain respectable. Caldwell
is called to an opium den by his old
friend Dr. Alexander in order to uncover
the identity of illusive novelist George
Kramer, but he is loath to enter for fear of
compromising his upright nature.
Once inside, Caldwell finds more than
just the squalor and degeneracy he expected.
He is shocked to discover that the
den’s inhabitants, fascinate him and that
opium’s potential to generate creativity
tempts him far beyond his anticipations.
This underground world is uncertain but
irresistably addictive.
The Midnight Oil is a play about creativity,
opium, addiction and social respectability.
With an original script, a dynamic
student cast, this will certainly be a highlight
of the spring theatre season.
Tickets available outside the Union
Rosie Tallant
reviews
Elektro Kif
Northern Stage
February 21
Despite the initial shock of seeing eight
superbly toned dancers flailing their
arms around and shouting in unintelligible
French, Elektro Kif proved to
be an incredible performance. Their
original choreography, put together by
the internationally acclaimed Blanca Li,
was moulded to represent a typical day
at school. Each scene was infused with a
different sub-genre of dance technique,
ranging from Latin-inspired dance,
to Michael Jackson- inspired moves.
Although slightly crude at times, the 70
minute performance produced tones of
every emotion possible, supported by Tao
Gutierrez’s superb score.
A particularly striking moment was
achieved when two of the dancers
switched from a break- dancing routine,
to a highly emotive ballet-infused scene,
showing the immense versatility of their
talents. Each individual further showcased
their capabilities, as they mastered
incredibly unique solos.
As the dance troupe are currently touring,
I would definitely recommend Elektro
Kif,as they provide a fresh and exciting
take on modern dance.
Alexandra Walker
Pygmalion
Cluny 2
March 10-12
Pygmalion is more popularly known from
the 1964 film adaptation ‘My Fair Lady’
starring Audrey Hepburn. It is an incredibly
moving, timeless romantic comedy in
which Henry Higgins, a professor of phonetics,
makes a bet that he can transform
an uncivilized Cockney flower girl, Eliza
Doolittle, to pass for a duchess.
Higgins sets off on his mission to train
Eliza to ditch her Cockney accent for
flawless English, and by this she assumes
the veneer of a gentile woman. What
Higgins does not anticipate is how much
Eliza will change, and how much his feeling
for her will alter also.
The play follows Eliza’s journey from the
mean streets of London to the dazzling
world of the upper class, dealing closely
with questions of social mobility, while
showing the rigid British class system and
offering subtle remarks on women.
This romantic comedy period drama
with social criticism, charismatic characters
and ridiculously good lines is not to
be missed!
Tickets available outside the Union
Bethia Moorhouse
Taming of the Shrew
Theatre Royal
February 23
Last week the RSC made the impossible
happen; not only did I enjoy The Taming
of the Shrew, but I laughed as well, and
yes it was genuine. What I’ve found to be
usually tepid humour at best was transformed
into real comedy that was echoed
into the deepest crevices of the theatre.
Director Lucy Bailey’s unique adaptation
of the Shakespearean classic featured
a host of RSC legends including Lisa Dillon’s
moving performance of the Shrew
to be tamed Kate alongside debutant
David Caves who truly commands the
role of Petruchio.
Staged on a giant bed, set in chauvinistic
1940s Italy, Bailey exploits the true
potential of the actors and what was usually
the funniest was generally what was
not said. Despite being largely slap-stick
performed by seemingly one-dimensional
characters, it’s impossible to deny the
moments of true sadness and the blatant
misogynistic ideas that fuel the play.
Dillon downplays female obedience and
dilutes the sexist ending, masking what is
typically the resignation of woman as raw
sexual comic genius and this is where the
play truly triumphed.
Grace Harvey
arts.25
Arts Editor: Sally Priddle
Online Arts Editor: Lisa Bernhardt
I Dreamed a Dream
Theatre Royal
February 18
Stepping on stage at the first audition,
Susan was met by a low murmuring from
the crowd, but within moments of her
opening her mouth, managed to throw
the entire audience into a reverie with a
version of ‘I Dreamed a Dream’. Th r e e
years on, Susan Boyle has become an international
star, selling 14 million albums
in 14 months. It seems the British nation
has taken Su-Bo to heart not only for her
powerful voice, but because she is the
perfect advertisement for how anyone can
reach the dizzying heights of fame.
‘I Dreamed a Dream’ is a musical based
on Susan’s rise to fame, starring Elaine C
Smith and the leading lady herself, Su-Bo.
Theatre Royal will be hosting the World
Premiere of the musical which promises
to make you ‘laugh and cry’ and follows
the story of Susan’s rise from a council
house in West Lothian to, well, a bigger
house in West Lothian. Although it
initially seems a strange premise for a
musical it is undeniable that Susan boasts
a good pair of lungs and is rather enigmatic:
it may be an unexpected hit.
Amelia Wareing
The Vagina Monologues
Theatre Royal
February 15
Don’t let the title put you off: The Vagina
Monologues are not a tale about female
genitalia that magically start talking.
Nevertheless, hoo has, fannies, coochie
snorchers, whatever you like to call them,
are the centre of Eve Ensler’s cult play
that has equally entertained and moved
worldwide audiences since 1996.
Based on real-life accounts of women
from all ethnic, social, sexual and agerelated
backgrounds, each monologue
offers a different perspective on women’s
relationship with their vulvas. Some
killingly funny, some heartbreaking and
deeply touching Either way, none of the
individual stories fails to enthrall the
audience and make everyone re-consider
their preconceptions of the significance of
what’s going on ‘down there’.
The three actresses performing the
monologues, each of the three women,
all from different age groups, read out
their monologues with so much gusto and
intuition that they proved a good performance
doesn’t need any sophisticated setting.
A very enjoyable, thought-provoking
evening for men and women alike!
Lisa Bernhardt

26.filmfeatures
thecourieronline.co.uk/fi 5l m
c2.film@ncl.ac.uk
Top
Movie
Soundtracks
5
If you only considered the main theme of
LOTR, you’d still be looking at a marvellous
sound, but it’s the smaller themes
that really make the soundtrack. The
strings in ‘Journey in the Dark’, the violin
in ‘King of the Golden Hall’, the brass in
‘White Tree’; it all comes together beautifully,
and with the upcoming The Hobbit,
it looks like the trend will continue.
4
An odd choice, perhaps, but one of the
best selections of period pieces and
modern tunes that helped crystallise the
mood of the piece, from Bob Dylan in the
opening titles to Philip Glass’ haunting
Prophesies with Doctor Manhattan. A
pity the trailer music didn’t make it into
the film.
2
Lord of the Rings
Watchmen
3
The ilms of Ridley Scott
A bit of a cheat, but Scott’s choice of
music is brilliant for setting the mood of
a piece. From action themes like ‘The Battle’
in Gladiator to more melancholy title
pieces for Black Hawk Down and Kingdom
of Heaven, Scott has near faultless taste.
Intimate, sorrowful and chilling, John Williams’
work here is hauntingly brilliant,
epitomising the themes of loss and senselessness.
The use of Hebrew folk music is
superb in reinforcing Spielberg’s desire to
give identity to the victims of the Holocaust.
1
Schindler’s List
The ‘Three Dollars’ Trilogy
Again, Enrico Morricone’s famous theme
from The Good The Bad and the Ugly
overshadows a superb series of work; from
the title themes of each, to more intimate
tracks like ‘60 Seconds to What?’, these
redefined the Western genre as much as
Eastwood’s performance.
It’s time to face the music
With film and music often overlapping,
Mallory McDonald looks over the fabled
musicians who have braved the divide.
While in the real world, crossing
into another profession without
the required training doesn’t
happen, in the entertainment industry,
where people get paid millions to play
make believe for a living, this is kosher.
However, as arrogant as it is when a pop
star decides they can pursue acting and
vice versa, there have been a few successes.
It’s arguably most appropriate to switch
professions like this when it’s a popstar
playing a popstar on film. Two intertwined
and un-ignorable figures in this
are Diana Ross and Jennifer Hudson. In
Berry Gordy’s development of Motown
to create films/take over the world, he
produced Lady Sings the Blues about the
late songstress Billie Holiday, casting
Diana Ross as the lead. For this role Ross
received an Oscar nomination but no
Oscar. In 2006, Jennifer Hudson, failed
American Idol contestant, portrayed Effie
White in Dreamgirls (aka Florence Ballard
from the Supremes) while Beyonce
took on the role of Deena Jones (aka Diana
Ross). Whereas Beyonce’s efforts were
ignored by the Academy, Jennifer Hudson
walked away with an Oscar for portraying
Florence’s story of betrayal by her
bandmates and descent into alcoholism.
While in Dreamgirls Effie White is given
a happy ending, the reality is Florence’s
story ended in an early death catalysed by
her treatment at Motown. Hudson receiving
the Academy Award for the portrayal
of her life, while Ross never achieved the
prize, is arguably a last laugh at Ross and
Gordy who made the most out of the
publicity from Ballard’s death.
Beyonce and Madonna are two popstars
snubbed by the Academy for roles they
believed were tickets to Oscar gold. Their
attempts to win nominations included
Madonna, after her stint as Eva Peron,
continuing to dress as the late Argentinian
and Beyonce dressing like an Oscar
in the lead up to the nominations. You
know, because it’s not how you do your
job, it’s what you wear.
However, Oscar gold is not always the
aim of pop stars turned actors; some just
While ticking all the boxes
on your CV tends to receive
criticism for selling out this
is Newcastle and we like
putting our fingers in lots of
pies
enjoy mixing the two careers. Elvis is
arguably the first connoisseur of this art,
his film career coming hand in hand with
his music. While ticking all the boxes on
your CV tends to receive criticism for
selling out, this is Newcastle and we like
putting our fingers in lots of pies... well,
we like lots of pies.
And finally Will Smith, the man, the
myth, the (I Am) Legend. Is Will a musician?
Is he an actor? Is he even human?
All we do know is he is a gift, a walking
enigma sent to Earth as a guiding light
and inspiration to us mere mortals. (Disclaimer:
this is my own opinion and I am
in no way under threat from the music
section of this paper to write this).
That’s terri-brill!
Sam Hopkins
discusses the appeal
of terrible cult films.
We all know that feeling:
sitting down to watch a
film, whether it be in the
cinema or at home, and realising it’s
truly dire. Awful acting, laughable
screenwriting and sloppy direction
are so often the staple of these kinds
of films; yet often, these films are so
bad, so dreadful, so pitiful, that they
can become true classics. They are so
badly executed that they have come
‘full-circle,’ and it can be argued that
they have in fact formed a new genre:
one entitled ‘films so bad that they’re
good.’
Take a look at last year’s Trespass.
Starring a botox-ridden Nicole Kidman
and a truly terrible Nicholas Cage, an
undisputed master in the art of making
bad films, it was an absolute mess. The
script was absurd and went around in
circles, the acting, particularly from Cage,
was abysmal, and the characters were so
badly sketched a three-year-old could
have done better. But, I for one absolutely
loved it, and my flatmates and I spent
hours in uncontrollable hysterics watching
it, maybe because of Nicholas Cage’s
refusal to speak below shouting voice,
or Nicole Kidman’s inability to move her
forehead. But, all the same, we loved it.
The joy of watching a bad film can be
traced back through numerous films,
ranging from Paul Verhoven’s abysmal
Showgirls, to Martin Brest’s Gigli, and Luis
Llosa’s Anaconda. They’re awful, but isn’t
that kind of the point?
Who can forget 1997’s Batman and
Robin? A film widely panned and slated
on its release, it has become something of
a cult classic. Sure, it’s beyond camp, and
Arnold Schwarzenegger possibly gives
the worst performance in movie-making
history, uttering ice-based puns such as
“ice to see you…”, but this is perhaps what
makes it so great: you can’t help but bellylaugh
and question how on earth this film
has ever seen the light of day. Another
example is Tommy Wiseau’s Th e R o o m.
A film so bad that it has to be seen to be
believed, this is an exercise in the worst
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Illustration: Daisy Billowes
Serial Offenders: With many
dire career turns, Nicolas
Cage (top left) Tommy Wiseau
(bottom left) and Arnold
Schwarzenegger are amongst
the zany actors who sustain
the ‘so bad its good’ genre.
of everything film-oriented. Wiseau himself championed it as a
‘masterpiece,’ which it was, but not in the way that he intended.
Now a cult classic, it has been cemented as one of the front
runners in the ‘so bad they’re good’ films. And what of John Travolta’s
vehicle Battlefield Earth? Originally intended as a pseudo
action movie based on the novel of the same name, the film has
widely become considered as one of sci-fi’s greatest comedies of
all time - unintentionally, of course.
But that’s not to say that all bad films can be considered within
this new genre: there are still films that are so bad that they’re
bad. Unfortunately, I will never get back the two hours I wasted
whilst watching 2004’s Catwoman, a film so horrific that I despair
thinking of it. Although the line between bad and ‘so bad
it’s good’ will always be a fine one, and although these films don’t
aspire to lofty intellectual pretensions, they still hold a special
place in our hearts, minds and most importantly, drinking
games.

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Safe House
Grizzled, veteran thriller actor Denzel
Washington and hot property Ryan Reynolds
unite in Safe House, already a solid hit at the
US Box Office and directed by Hollywood
newcomer Daniel Espinosa. It is the Swedish
director’s first English-language film, and it
will be a memorable debut with the thrilling
and entertaining Safe House.
Safe House follows ex-CIA agent gone rogue,
Tobin Frost (Washington), as he is taken to a
safe house manned by CIA rookie Matt Weston
(Reynolds). Predictably, looking after your safe
house guest is not easy when mercenaries are
in pursuit of a prized package Frost has in his
possession. Forced onto the road, Weston must
take care of Frost until a new safe house can be
found and Frost extracted. It is a rather typical
CIA thriller plot with plenty of twists and the
usual suits on the end of the phone back at the
CIA HQ in Langley. Brendan Gleeson makes
an appearance as one of the suits, along with
the impressive Vera Farmiga and Sam Shepard
but there is the feeling that their talents are
wasted, as they spend most of the film answering
the phone.
However, Washington – in his favoured lead
role as a mean, tough action veteran – plays his
part well, as does Reynolds, which is a welcome
relief after last year’s disappointing Green
Lantern and The Change-Up. The rogue veteran
vs. rookie match-up is reminiscent of Training
Day, but I don’t think Washington will win an
Oscar this time around; even though both lead
roles are solid, they are somewhat too simple
for an actor like Washington.
The film is set in vibrant and colourful South
Africa, which really is refreshing and original.
With exciting chases through a township’s
rooftops, the 2010 Football World Cup Final
stadium and the buzzing streets of Cape Town,
the film takes advantage of the location to add
to the pacey, gritty realism and frantic atmosphere.
The camerawork for the action scenes
take a leaf straight out of the Bourne series’
reviewsfilm.27
Film Editor: Chris Binding
Online Film Editor: Hayley Hamilton
book as shaky, handheld cameras return, for
the better I believe, as it helps rack up the pace
and makes the chases that much more exciting.
The film could have gone further by focusing
more on expert manipulator Frost’s attempts to
get into the mind of the rookie Weston while
they are alone on the road. Throughout the
film he does offer advice – such as not to have
relationships in their line of work and to use
better towels whilst being water-boarded – but
apart from this, Frost does not really try to
psychologically control his captors. Safe House
certainly focuses more on the action element
rather than the thriller side, to its detriment.
VERDICT: An enjoyable action/thriller let
down by an average and unoriginal plot
typical to most CIA and other spy-agency
based films. The South African location offers
improvements as do impressive performances
all round. Had the scope to be much better
and ‘thrilling’, but still an impressive debut
for Espinosa.
Joseph Cromton Schreiber
Rampart
Hadewijch
The Best Exotic Marigold
Hotel
One for the Money
Picture: New Wave Films
Picture: Canana Films
Picture: Lionsgate Films
A
racist cop on the streets of LA.. Sounds
like a familiar movie trope, doesn’t it?
Yep, it’s practically its own sub-genre
by now. Crash, L.A. Confidential and Lakeside
Terrace set the template, and now Rampart
seems destined to join that ouvre.
Set in 1999, Woody Harrelson stars as Dave
Brown, Vietnam veteran turned corrupt cop,
asserting his own brand of justice on the L.A.
streets. Living with his decidedly unconventional
family (he has two children by two
women, who happen to be sisters), Dave’s mental
state begins to unravel – a situation which
isn’t helped when he’s caught brutally beating a
perp on camera.
Plot-wise, that’s about it. Rampart is more
character-study than thriller. Those expecting
linear plotting and a neatly tied-up ending
will find themselves disappointed by the film’s
impressionistic feel. The pacing is generally on
the slower side, but the film never truly drags.
Though the posters boasts the presence of
Cynthia Nixon, Sigourney Weaver and Steve
Buscemi, this is Harrelson’s film – indeed, the
smaller parts are practically cameos, whilst
Harrelson features in every scene. It’s a brilliant,
intense performance, though there’s not much
that can be done to make Brown a particularly
sympathetic character. The ‘rebellious teenage
daughter’ cliché is pushed to the limits, and an
abrupt ending is a bit unsatisfying.
Rampart is a decent enough film and a welcome
addition to the renegade cop genre, but
won’t stick in the memory. More interesting
than entertaining.
When I sat down in the cinema I
was unsure of what I was about to
see. A brief synopsis alluded to a
plot about a devout Christian girl trying to
become closer to God. It also has subtitles, so
I wasn’t expecting very much.
In the opening chapters of the film I was
strangely satisfied. The bleak and beautiful
scenery and the casting of non-professional actors
evoked a sense of realism unlike anything
I had ever seen, creating a real world that was
quite ordinary, mystifying and convincing.
Julie Sokolowski, an unpractised actress,
portrays the role of Céline, whom we first see
making her pilgrimage through bleak French
woodland to an effigy of Jesus where she prays,
finding out later that she is overzealous in her
religious faith. In the nunnery in which she
resides, her passion translates into praying and
fasting and eventually becomes an obsession.
Her behaviour leads to her being asked to leave.
She returns home to Paris to her unexpectedly
luxurious home and her dad, a wealthy politician.
Meeting some young Muslim men from the
city projects, a boy she has feelings for and
his brother, a teacher and religious extremist,
Céline adopts the Jihadist mentality on a
spiritual level and turns to violence as a means
to rectify the absence of God and Christ in
everyday life. As an ultimate violent act occurs,
implicating Celine’s involvement, we’re left
wondering whether her journey took her closer
to God, with her desperation in the end suggesting
otherwise.
A
dapted from Debra Moggach’s 2004
novel These Foolish Things and brought
to the screen by Shakespeare in Love’s
director John Madden, The Best Exotic
Marigold Hotel has all the trappings of a great
British film.
Flanked by a cast that includes Dames Maggie
Smith and Judi Dench and the incomparable
Bill Nighy, the outset looks promising. Sure,
many of their characters are stereotypes, such
as Smith’s racist Muriel who realises at the end
that Indians aren’t so bad after all, or Penelope
Wilton’s Jean who can’t hack the change in
climate and culture, but it’s genuinely a thrill to
see such a great British cast onscreen together.
The plot is a simple one: a group of old aged
pensioners, desperate to flee their respective
lives in dreary England, head to a Jaipur retirement
home run by enthusiastic teenager Sonny
(overplayed by Dev Patel). There, they form
a variety of complex relationships and bonds
amongst the exotic Indian culture. And it sure
does look exotic. Madden contrasts the monotony
and bleakness of England fantastically with
the clichéd India so often seen in the cinema: a
lively, colourful, and seemingly magical place.
Sure, it all has the whiff of an English Sunday
afternoon TV movie, may be twenty minutes
too long, and really is predictable; but it doesn’t
matter. This is an easy-watching, light-hearted,
‘tourism drama’ at its root, and with a cast this
good, you can’t help but enjoy it. A harmless
and easy watch, especially when hungover on a
Sunday evening.
One For The Money is based on Jane
Evanovich’s best selling 1994 novel of
the same name.
Katherine Heigl stars as unemployed Stephanie
Plum who, after finding herself out of work for
six months, is desperate for some fast cash. As a
last resort she turns to her disreputable and imaginatively
named cousin Vinnie for help, and
so begins her career as a relatively incompetent
bounty hunter.
It’s obvious that Stephanie’s temperament is
meant to be ‘sassy’ and ‘independent’, and so it
seems somewhat contradictory that she spends
the majority of the film hankering after her two
brutish co-stars, Jason O’Mara and Daniel Sunjata.
Her first case is to trail an ex-cop-turnedfugitive
(O’Mara), and in an overwhelming
unconvincing twist of fate, said cop turns out to
be a boy she slept with in high school. Shocker.
Despite the obvious appeal of Katherine Heigl
wielding a gun, she is ultimately let down by
her questionable Jersey accent and an atrocious
script. Key aspects of the plot were missing,
which is likely to anger fans of the original
text, and any humour that was present in the
book clearly didn’t translate onto the screen.
Arguably, this is a new career low for Heigl, and
that’s saying something if you consider her previous
roles both in New Year’s Eve and The Ugly
Truth. Debbie Reynolds as Grandma Mazur
is perhaps the only highlight amongst a slew
of miscast characters. Congratulations to Julie
Robinson and her writing team for managing to
successfully massacre any cinematic potential
this narrative initially promised.
VERDICT: Overman’s film is an impressionistic
drama rather than hard-hitting thriller,
and remains interesting despite a controversial
central character. It’s no groundbreaker, but is
worth a watch for Harrelson’s performance.
VERDICT: Hadewijch is an engrossing and
superbly acted narrative that makes you think
about your own faith. Eerie and realistic, it is
a film perfect foraudiences who want to engage
with deeper social and theological issues.
VERDICT: A predictable and whimsical
film that may be more enjoyable for the
older crowd, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
nevertheless is a charming look at old age and
retirement.
VERDICT: A banal romantic comedy clumsily
masquerading behind forced humour and
tame thrills. Boring, cringeworthy and just
downright terrible. I’d rather eat my own arm
than watch this film again.
Ben Travis
Seluck Cam Bulut
Sam Hopkins
Lauren Stafford

28.musicreviews
Music Editors: Ben Travis and Chris Scott
Online Music Editor: Graham Matthews
Five
reasons
why...
... Robbie leaving Take That
again is a national tragedy
1) Without him, they are a charisma black
hole.
We all saw Gary’s innate tediousness on X-
Factor. Howard Donald gives Ed Sheeran a
run for his money in the bore stakes, which is
saying something since Sheeran’s head looks
like it’s being crushed by the sheer weight of
his dullitude and his eyes appear to be attempting
to crawl off opposite sides of his face and
leap onto someone more interesting. Robbie
once managed to reduce a friend of mine
to tears simply by appearing on Top of the
Pops and doing that thing where he spins the
microphone round in one hand. Jason Orange
couldn’t do that. He’d drop it and then write an
apologetic note to the sound guy saying sorry
for not treating his equipment with respect.
2) Robbie’s mini-set was the best bit of their
gigs last year.
It takes something extraordinary to upstage a
60-foot robot called Om and the sight of Jason
Orange riding a unicycle, but introducing
Robbie back into the band by giving him 15
minutes in which to stick a rocket under pro-
ceedings and tremble the knees of tens of sands of mums was a
masterstroke. If there’s
a better five-song set
than ‘Let Me Enter-
tain You’, ‘Rock
DJ’, ‘Come
Undone’, ‘Feel’
and ‘Angels’,
I’ll eat my hat
(it’s a hat
made of
nachos
so I will
quite hap-
pi-
thouly
be proven wrong here).
3) Staying with ‘the lads’ might stop him
making more of his own albums.
Since Escapology, his career’s been an unmitigated
stink-fest. Rudebox sounds very much
like the work of a man who at roughly the same
time went crackers, grew a massive beard (sure
sign of madness and loneliness – see below)
and decided to hunt UFOs.
4) Progress wasn’t half bad.
By some distance Take That’s best album
since the glory days, Progress was a thumping,
techno-flavoured addition to the Take
That oeuvre, and in ‘The Flood’ boasts both a
fantastic, soaring lead single and probably the
best rowing-based video in pop history. It was
a gauntlet thrown down to all the young bucks
threatening to knock them off their perch, and
one which has yet to be picked up - though I’m
not sure Niall from One Direction has the upper
body strength to pick up anything heavier
than a tea towel.
5) Nobody wants to see Gary get all fat and
beardy again.
Gary’s from my home town, and while in his
post-solo-career-failure twilight zone,
he moved back into his mum’s house
for a bit. In an attempt to go incog-
nito, he grew a massive beard and
started wearing jogging bottoms.
A friend of my brother’s saw him
in the pub having a steak dinner,
stood up and shouted, “IT’S
GARY BARLOW!” at him. Gary
looked up at him sadly, down at
his bloated stomach, then back
down at his steak. Don’t let this
happen to him again. Just give
£5 a month to Barlow Relief
and help bribe Robbie back
into the gang. You can make
a difference.
Tom Nicholson
Shallow Bed
Dry The River
L
iving up to the hype is a hard thing
to do at the best of times. Featured in
the BBC’s Sound of 2012 list, and with
several promising EPs behind them, Dry The
River bring us their first LP offering, Shallow
Bed. They bring US Hardcore influences
into the mix with folk sound and add a new
dimension to an already popular genre. Will
this album be their Sigh No More?
Well, although being very accomplished, it’s
not the collection of sublime songs I was hoping
for. Standout new tracks include ‘Demons’
and ‘No Rest’, but it’s the better-known ‘Bible
Belt’ and ‘Weights and Measures’ that steal the
show.
Shallow Bed, having been recorded in analogue,
has a marvellous old record feel which
really enriches the more acoustic folk tracks,
but even this can’t help hold your interest in a
couple of the plain and ordinary inclusions on
the album.
Bonus track ‘Family’ is a moment of pure
brilliance, marrying their sounds so effortlessly
to produce spine-tingling crescendos of epic
proportions. It begs the question: why is it just
a bonus?
As a debut album it works well and in the
most part satisfies, but I can’t help feeling a
little disappointed. From a band that promises
so much, Shallow Bed is at times bland and
unremarkable.
Recommended download:
‘Bible Belt’
Alex Brophy
For tonnes of
web-exclusive
columns and
live reviews,
check out The
Courier music
section online.
The Boss enjoys a welcome return to
form with his latest effort and seventeenth
studio album Wrecking Ball.
Following 2009’s distinctly mediocre Working
on a Dream, it was obvious Springsteen would
return with another fiercely politically-driven
album. The difference is that this time, he has
really hit the mark.
The veteran rocker’s ability to consistently
reinvent his sound is stated clearly on Wrecking
Ball with a diversity of songs. Springsteen
shows little desire to produce a rock album
similar to 2007’s Magic, instead maintaining a
folk-rock approach that works remarkably well.
Essentially, this record is about the failed
American Dream containing a collection of
protest songs including opening track, ‘We
Take Care Of Our Own.’ This rocking anthem
sets the tone for the rest of the album, highlighting
the stirring rocker’s deep-rooted, but
constantly questioning, patriotism.
The sublime six-minute piano ballad ‘Jack Of
All Trades’ is a standout track, showcasing The
Boss at his storytelling best. The track is lifted
to new heights when the trumpets kick in and
then ending in style with a guitar solo.
Whilst principally a solo album, members of
the E Street Band feature along with musicians
including Rage Against The Machine guitarist
Tom Morello, whose cameo in ‘This Depres-
sion’ reinforces the record’s darker tone with a
trademark guitar solo.
With the album’s title track having been
debuted live in the fall of 2009, there were big
expectations for the studio version and Springsteen
has delivered. This search for inspiration
is passionately conveyed by the angry refrain
of, “Bring on your wrecking ball,” and becomes
better with every listen.
The record also features the final recordings
The veteran rocker’s ability to
consistently reinvent his sound is
stated clearly on Wrecking Ball
of the late legendary saxophonist Clarence
Clemons on the reworked studio version of
‘Land of Hope and Dreams.’ The guitar and
drum-driven track is undoubtedly one of the
highlights of the album and it’s a magical moment
once the Big Man’s sax solo takes centre
stage one last time.
This particular member of rock’s elder statesmen
has certainly not lost his touch. Simply
put, Springsteen is back.
Ghostory
School of Seven
Bells
It’s not often that an album grabs me from
the first song and takes me on some sort
of magical dream ride, flying through the
crowds in a state of bliss. Normally, it’ll take
me a few listens to get into and few grab me
from the start. Those albums come once in a
blue moon and usually, after a month, have
been played so much my Last.fm chart is
dominated by them.
Ghostory is one such album. Who says losing
a member means the loss of quality?
Ghostory is the third album from the dreamy
School of Seven Bells, this one with the departure
of one of the identical twins (Claudia Deheza).
Whilst the twins bounced off each other
in previous albums, here Alejandra has to fend
for herself and does a mighty fine job at it.
It seems that whenever describing a dreampop/shoegaze
album, you need to mention
“whooshing” and “sweeping” and, although
it’s cliché and pretentious, it just works here.
Alejandra’s pastel sweet vocals compliment the
beautiful soundscapes from former Secret Machines
member, Ben Curtis. It flicks from New
Order to Bat for Lashes to Simple Minds to The
Smiths to My Bloody Valentine with even hints
of Chairlift’s fantastic album that came out last
month.
Ghostory is a melting pot of influences alongside
the usual School of Seven Bells charm.
And it’s just wonderful.
Recommended download:
‘The Night’
Chris Taylor
Th eCourier
Recommended download:
‘Land of Hope and Dreams’
Love at the
Bottom of the
Sea
The Magnetic Fields
The Magnetic Fields’ new album sees a
return to the synth-led tracks that used
to be their signature, and in so doing
will certainly please a great deal of their fans.
However, despite this change in sound, the
album’s roots are instantly recognisable; all the
hallmarks of Stephen Merritt’s song writing
are in evidence, with the tracks peppered with
jilted exes, unrequited love, and what one suspects
are Merritt’s own romantic failures.
Once described as “the most depressed man
in rock”, it is unsurprising that the lyrics come
with a sharp wit, and dark comedy abounds.
Best evidenced on ‘Your Girlfriend’s Face’,
Merritt’s female counterpart Claudia Gonson
simmers angrily, whilst playfully admitting that
“in the evenings I’ve devised your death / being
buried alive on crystal meth”, all to a heavily
synth-led backing.
The whimsical nature of much of the music
adds an edge of menace to those songs where
Merritt strays into the darker areas of his mind,
and those songs tinged with more macabre elements
are again the ones that stand out.
With Love at the Bottom of the Sea the listener
is once again privy to the whole gamut of
human emotions thrown up by infatuations,
and whilst it is merely a continuation of form
from previous albums, it has enough about it
to please ardent Magnetic Fields fans, and new
listeners alike.
Recommended download:
‘Your Girlfriend’s Face’
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Matty Aston
George Fellows
Follow Th e Courier music section
on Twitter - @TheCourierMusic
Gig announcements, updates on the Newcastle music scene, track
recommendations and exclusive articles.
Oh, and plenty of #hashtags!
Wrecking Ball
Bruce Springsteen

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Preview: Above and Beyond
o2 Academy Newcastle, April 19th, £17.50
It’s a no-brainer. If we’re talking trance music then Above &
Beyond is the name on most people’s minds. Like you would associate
bread with butter, you would associate Above & Beyond
with the trance genre. If anyone was lucky enough to get close to their
sell out performance in Digital last year then you, like me, would have
been exposed to the full force of their magical mixing.
If you did miss out last year, don’t lose hope, you’ve been given a second
chance - but this time they’re filling the O2 Academy. Like us, they too
were mere students, way back in the year 2000. Twelve years on and Jono,
Tony and Paavo have been busy boys. Since beginning their DJ careers in
front of 8,000 people in Tokyo along side Tiësto and Ferry Corsten, their
music has since covered every continent. With an act that once hosted
the largest DJ gig ever in Rio de Janeiro, playing to one million people, it
would be madness to miss such an opportunity. That’s more than twice
the number that attended Woodstock in 1969 – just to put it in perspective.
The tour is named after their latest album Group Therapy featuring a
plethora of guest vocalists, including the seductive sound of Zoë Johnston.
Tickets are £17.50 and doors are at 8.00pm on Thursday 19 April.
For any fans of electronic music this is the gob-stopper of all gigs.
Rory Smith
The songs you
didn’t know
you knew
We’ve all experienced it; listening to a song for
what we think is the first time, but something’s
not right. You have heard it somewhere before,
it’s already been rooted somewhere in your brain
box by some prior experience. Then suddenly the
penny drops: you actually have heard
‘Teardrop’ by Massive Attack hundreds of times
on the opening credits to House. Here are a load
of other tunes that may unexpectedly ring a bell
What?
‘Echoes’ - The Rapture
Where do I know it from?
The theme tune to Misfits.
That bit you always sing along to:
The lyrics are too screechy to easily
make out, but that funky bassline
will be ingrained into your subcon-
sciousness.
What?
‘Superman’ - Lazlo Bane
Where do I know it from?
The theme tune to Scrubs.
That bit you always sing along to:
“I’m no superman”. That’s it. It’s a
distinct possibility that no other
lyrics for this song exist.
What?
‘The Chain’ - Fleetwood Mac
Where do I know it from?
Currently the BBC’s theme music
for Formula 1 coverage
That bit you always sing along to:
You might not think you know any
Fleetwood Mac, but EVERYONE
knows that bass riff once it hits.
What?
‘Whole Lotta Love’ - Led Zeppelin
Where do I know it from?
The ‘countdown’ music on good old
Top of the Pops.
That bit you always sing along to:
Again, even if you think you don’t
know any Led Zep, you’ll definitely
know this.
What?
‘Welcome Home’ - Radical Face
Where do I know it from?
That song from the Nikon adverts,
with Robbie Williams being
blinded by millions of flash bulbs.
That bit you always sing along to:
The lyrics are “Welcome home”,
but you’ll probably have just gone
“woaaaah-oh-oh-oh”
featuresmusic.29
thecourieronline.co.uk/music
c2.music@ncl.ac.uk
On the
record
Classic album.
Fresh perspective.
Until last week, I had
never listened to Purple
Rain by Prince.
Over the years I have heard so many people
wax lyrical about the big man so I decided it
was about time I found out for myself – just
how fresh is Prince? In short: very.
To me, Prince sounds like the funky love
child of James Brown and Led Zeppelin who
was brought up by David Bowie as a boy. With
the strength of a future king, the young Prince
made it through and somehow drew on all
these contradictory influences to write and
produce a brilliant record. He really had it all:
in the last minute of opening track ‘Let’s Go
Crazy’ he busts out a mind blasting guitar solo,
on ‘I Would Die 4 You’ the guy shows that he’s
smoother than Beyonce’s bottom, and on ‘Purple
Rain’ – the timeless crescendo of the album
– Prince’s charming vocals are so tender they
could melt even the coldest hearts. How can
the modern man possibly compete with that?
Based solely on a single play of this album I am
sure the man got a lot of sex in the eighties.
Prince might well have been the
last pop-star with genuine funk
After a bit of research I discovered that
the Purple Rain album was produced as the
soundtrack to the film Purple Rain in which
Prince stars as the main character. The film
is supposedly inspired by his life, so I suppose
that means that the album is really his
soundtrack.
The front cover could therefore be considered
a graphic interpretation of his life at the time.
To set the scene: Prince poses in a dark back
street flooded with mystical smoke; the silhouette
of a beautiful woman watches him from a
doorway as he stands astride a custom Harley
Davidson that matches the ecclesiastical purple
of his crushed velvet suit, ready to speed off
into the night. His life looks seriously bad-ass.
To summarise: Prince might well have been
the last pop-star with genuine funk - before all
the prepubescent, talentless boy-band Biebers
and the sexist, soulless rappers that have polluted
the airways ever since.
That being said, I don’t think Purple Rain is
destined to feature too heavily in any of my future
iTunes playlists. Credit where credit’s due,
I can see how it made waves that still resonate
in the record industry today. The man is a living
legend; long live Prince.
Jamie Brown
What?
‘Flagpole Sitta’ - Harvey Danger
Where do I know it from?
The theme tune to Peep Show from
series two onwards
That bit you always sing along to:
“I’m not sick but I’m not well...”
What?
‘Trash’ - The Whip
Where do I know it from?
The Rude Tube music.
That bit you always sing along to:
“I wanna be trash”
What?
‘Paradise Circus’ - Massive Attack
Where do I know it from?
The theme tune to Luther
That bit you always sing along to:
“She will love you”

30.musicfeatures
thecourieronline.co.uk/music
c2.music@ncl.ac.uk
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Live: Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds
Metro Radio Arena, February 23rd
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying
Birds marked their first
appearance in the North
East with a date at the Metro Radio
Arena as part of their current UK
tour. After previously playing much
smaller venues it was a test to see
how Noel’s new project, on the back
of their hugely successful self-titled
debut, would translate on to arena
stages.
With ease, is the answer to that one. After a
lacklustre opening act in the form of Newcastle
locals The Smoking Barrels, Gallagher finally
took to the stage and dived straight in to Oasis
tunes ‘(It’s Good) To Be Free’ and ‘Mucky
Live:
The Wanted
Metro Radio Arena, February 25th
Fingers’.
Noel and his Birds then launched into some
of their own tracks, received as well with
the crowd as the old Oasis ones, a particular
highlight being the single ‘If I Had a Gun’.
Noel’s trademark dry wit wasn’t missing either,
even though the singer claimed to be ‘sweating
champagne’ after a heavy night that ended at
5am, and with this, he did appear slightly more
subdued than his usual self.
However, this didn’t stop his banter with the
Newcastle locals, his mocking of the renaming
of St. James Park especially getting a big reaction
from the crowd.
Noel looked at home on the larger stage, accompanied
by a 3-piece brass section and choir
that added a surprisingly good new element
to many of the songs. It was still the old Oasis
favourites, such as ‘Half the World Away’ and
Filthy cardboard signs, glass-shattering squeals and
immaculately groomed pop stars: for Tom Nicholson,
nothing quite spells terror like being a lone man in a crowd
of screaming boy band fans. Armed with a pair of earplugs
and a hefty dose of cynicism, he faces his fear.
If you ever fancy a bit of a terrorbuzz,
don’t bother with skydiving
or bungee jumping; just
try wandering through a crowd of
12,000 pubescent girls and getting
to your seat without being put on
any sort of register.
With the nonce obstacle course successfully
negotiated, support band Lawson began.
Then, some time later, they finished. They were
handsome and wore guitars. One of them had a
hat, I think. The averageness of their plodding
soft-rock made it quite hard to focus my eyes
on them, though I was brought sharply back to
Earth by the oestrogen-fuelled shrieks which
punctuated their set.
The Wanted themselves appeared after a short
film set in a dystopian future, wherein ‘the lads’
had to find five numbers to put into a computer
which will make the totalitarian government
go away. Quite who built this supercomputer
(which looked like a fax machine plus a tape
player on trestle table in an underground car
park) and why, is anyone’s guess.
It doesn’t really matter anyway. With three
corking singles in ‘All Time Low’, ‘War Zone’
and ‘Glad You Came’, and the kind of obsessive
fans who bring homemade signs to gigs (tonight’s
highlights: “I’M FOREVER BLOWING
JAY’S BUBBLES”; “NATHAN & JAY FANCY A
3SUM?”; “THOMAS THE WANK ENGINE”),
they couldn’t really fail.
They were competent, and (shock horror)
actually quite likeable. One song was introduced
as, “…a song about love, and finding
someone to share your life with…”, before the
one that looks like a squashed Steve McManaman
chirped up: “Yeah, this one’s called ‘Smack
My Bitch Up’”.
For that alone, the evening was worthwhile.
‘Talk Tonight’ that got the crowd going, the mature
crowd (no hipster 14 year olds here) singing
along with every word. Though this isn’t to
take away from the new songs, ‘AKA… What
a Life!’ proving a particular crowd favourite.
The Birds wrapped up the show with an all-
Oasis four song encore, including the treat of
an acoustic version of ‘Whatever’ (a personal
favourite) and of course Noel’s anthem to end,
‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’.
The setlist barely differed from Noel’s last set
of gigs, though it mattered little (by little…
apologies), every song, new or old got the same
huge reception from a massive crowd of true
fans. Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds have
cemented themselves as a brilliant live band capable
of playing arena shows as easily as more
intimate ones.
Tim Sewell
SceNE:
Beth Jeans
Houghton
The North Eastern music
scene is currently one of the
most exciting
and explosive in
the UK - get to
know your new
favourite local
acts.
This week, Chris
Haywood speaks
to Beth Jeans
Houghton - dubbed
the North East’s Laura
Marling, she’s been
kicking up quite a storm with her
band The Hooves of Destiny since
she last performed in the toon last
October, with debut album Yours
Truly, Cellophane Nose released in
February.
Who are Beth Jeans Houghton and The
Hooves?
There’s six of us in total: Rory on bass, Dav on
drums, Ed on guitar and trumpet, Callum on
keys, Fin on guitar and I sing and play guitar too.
How do you all know each other?
I met Rory and Dav about six years ago; it start-
ed out with just us. Then I met Fin at a party and
I’ve known Ed since I was ten because he was my
brother’s friend.
What have you done with the band so
far?
We’ve done a lot of tours and a few festivals.
We’ve travelled a lot, had a lot of fun. And we’ve
made a record, which is the first step to making
the next one.
Summarise the band in five words
Fun musical alchemists of sonic theatre.
Who are your musical heroes?
I don’t really listen to any new music; I’ve always
listened to rock ’n’ roll from the ‘50s to the ‘70s
before it started to become a parody of itself. So
stuff like Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention,
and also The Lemon Pipers.
What was the first album you ever
bought?
The first album I listened to on vinyl was Ladies
of the Canyon by Joni Mitchell.
What’s your favourite
venue in Newcastle?
I don’t see us as a Newcastle
band; we never really cut our
teeth as a band in Newcastle. In
fact, on a few UK tours we’ve
missed Newcastle altogether.
So, I can’t really say.
What’s next for the band?
We’re touring Europe and then
America; I love travelling and
playing these songs, but I’m
also really excited to get the
ones that we have inside us right now out there. I
want to get into the studio as soon as possible to
be honest and I’d like to begin recording a new
record by the end of the year. And then I also
want to move out to L.A.; it looks like the land
of my dreams.
Where and when can we see
you next in
Newcastle?
Not again on this
tour; I always take
the attitude that if we
played once in every
place, that’s fine. We
can move on then for
the time being.

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
A smarter way to write
Writing and revising written notes is undergoing a technological
revolution, and the echo Smartpen is at the forefront of this.
Technology Editor Shaun Butcher reviews the product.
The pen is one of the fundamental tools
of the student trade. Whether you use
a biro, a fountain pen, or even a quill,
we all need to write things down and then
review them later. Problems can occur if you
misplace your notes or you can’t remember
why you wrote what you did; you might even
have problems reading your own writing,
especially if you go to your lectures after a
heavy night! Well, that chore has just got
whole lot easier thanks to the Livescribe
Smartpen.
To describe the Smartpen as an electronic
pen does not do the gadget justice; it’s much
more than that: it’s a computer disguised as a
pen. I’m amazed at how easy it is to use, how
aesthetically pleasing it is, and how much more
there is discover.
The Livescribe Smartpen consist of a
microphone which records audio, a
speaker which plays it back, and
an OLED screen which acts as a
display; a 3.5mm headphone jack,
a micro-USB connector, and a
power button; a high-speed infrared
camera capturing 70 images a
second, 2-8GB of storage which
allows 200-800 hours of
recording time,
and, last
but
Boredom
Busters
Looking for some cheap thrills, or
maybe a bit of entertainment while
we still have dark cold evenings?
Well look no further, below are some
console games we found for under £10!
Most game stores around Newcastle will
stock them so there’s no excuse not to
crack out the Coca-Cola and Doritos and
get some “friendly” competition going!
Wii
Our favourite for this console is Wii Play
(£4.99). We like the Sandbox Tank mini level. It
works great as a drinking game too (drink
every time you hit an enemy
or down your glass when
you die, simple!). Wii
Sports (also at
£4.99) makes
a great
addition.
It’s a great
game to
in no way least, a ball point ink pen. All this
is crammed into a pen that is, although a little
chunkier than a fountain pen, not
uncomfortable to use.
It makes the whole process
of writing and revising lecture
notes so much easier. You needn’t
struggle in your attempt to
scribble everything down - you
can simply click a word that you
wrote and the recording will
playback what was said at the
corresponding time you put pen
to paper. You can create interactive
PDF files which allow you to click
and playback your lecture notes
on the computer and you can sync
them to the cloud allowing you
to access your notes and audio
anywhere! You can even download
the Livescribe app allowing you
access your documents on the move.
What I find really amazing is that
after you’ve plugged your pen into
a laptop and transferred the data,
your handwritten notes become
searchable! This pen effectively
indexes your notes. You don’t need to
worry about your untidy handwriting
either because it recognises different
handwriting styles (I asked my
housemates to write using the
pen), and it even recognises
symbols. You can save
particular notes into
particular folders
and although
you
play with mates and if you
don’t already have it, it
will definitely fill that
30mins waiting for your
chicken nuggets to
cook.
A cheaper option
is Trauma Centre
(£2.99 Pre-Owned at
Game). You play as a
doctor and perform
cartoon-ised surgery.
At first this may seem
slightly macabre but it
has an addicted quality
that perfectionist will thrive
on!
Xbox 360
Although many 360 games hold their price
above the £10 barrier, Mirrors Edge at
£9.99 (Game) is an understated game
if there ever was one. This unique
game offers impressive sceneries,
vivid colours and an engrossing
story line that will keep you
hooked. As one of the
few free running based
games this opens up
a new areas in gaming
that most people probably
haven’t seen before. With the
levels taking approximately 20
minutes to complete, you can fill
might have to spend a little time configuring
everything on first use, you can just drag and
drop and it does the organisation for you (near
enough).
Apps are everywhere these days and the
Smartpen even has an app store. The pen
comes with a piano app, and a translator demo
app. The piano works great but it is simply a
gimmick designed, perhaps, to show off how
responsive the pen actually is. If so, it does
exactly that. The translator app is where the
pen shines. As I was only able to test the
demo, I could only translate a few words.
Nonetheless, I simply chose a language (my
choice was between Spanish, Mandarin,
Arabic, and Swedish), wrote a word in
English and the pen translated it – the pen
spoke the word and displayed it on the
screen. You can also buy an app that turns
your handwritten notes into text! It is clear
that this pen could be very useful. I am
amazed.
However, there are some drawbacks to
using the pen. The price of the thing itself
starts at around £80 for a 2GB pen, so it
may be difficult to justify spending that
much on an ‘electronic pen’. The pen uses
ink and you therefore have the same issue
you get with other pens: you will need to
by replacement nibs. Furthermore, the
pen relies on special dotted paper and
the price of stocking up for a three year
university course will not be cheap! You
can print your own but you’ll need to
have a high quality printer, a lot of ink,
and you still need to buy paper!
Having said that, when you consider
how extremely useful this pen can
become, you will be able to accept that
this is a great piece of kit that will no
doubt be beneficial to most students.
I have to admit, after my initial test
I started using the old fashioned pen
and paper once again and stopped using
the Smartpen, but after discovering more
features, and how useful this will be
when revision starts, I’ve used it during
every lecture since.
any spare time that you have!
PS3
PS3 owners can pick up the
following games from Game,
Gamestation, or Granger Games.
The price of Fifa 11 has been
slashed to £4.99 and offers the
usual standards of a football
game. Alternatively Dead Nation
(which can be found on the
Playstation network) will fill
any need for the zombie killing
urges you may be feeling this time
of year. However, if you’re willing to
spend a little more money, we would
recommend Limbo (£9.99). This
dark and haunting game will have you
glued to the screen for hours; it’s also
great to play with friends!
PC
A little nostalgic gem for the
PC gamer, without a doubt,
is Theme Hospital. Build a
hospital, hire or fire staff,
expand and modernise
nursing wards all in order
to make a profit (oh, and
cure the general public of course).
This wacky game could have you
engrossed all night if you let it.
Jenni Butler
technology.31
thecourieronline.co.uk/science
c2.technology@ncl.ac.uk
technology editor: Shaun Butcher
Top 5
Ridiculous
lying ideas
Franz Reichelt’s Parachute-suit
Austrian inventor Franz Reichelt caused
a splash, or rather a crunch, when he
demonstrated his “parachute-suit” by leaping
from the first deck of the Eiffel Tower in 1912.
Reichelt was attempting to develop a piece of
clothing for aviators in the event of a plane
failure. Despite failures with dummy drops,
Franz decided to make the jump himself. This
was, sadly, a fatal decision, and the whole
gruesome event was captured on early film.
Antonov A-40
The Antonov A-40 was an interesting
construction. Tanks were obviously a huge part
of warfare during World War Two but they
were relatively difficult to transport and deploy.
There are obvious benefits to aerial deployment
and the Antonov A-40 was an attempt to
exploit these benefits for tanks. While one
prototype was built, it had little success. It
seems that almost every major power made
some attempt at flying tanks, the Antonov
merely being one of the most ambitious.
Focke-Wulf Triebflugel
The Focke-Wulf Triebfluegel was a truly
bizarre cross between a helicopter and a giant
propeller. It was developed by the Nazis as an
ambitious attempt to create a Vertical Take
Off and Landing aircraft and because, who
knew it, they were crazy. Each of the blades
had a ramjet mounted on the tip to spin it
at incredible speeds. We will never know
whether such an outlandish project could have
succeeded as the test sites were taken by allied
forces before prototypes could be constructed.
Vought Disc-form
Now a lot of early flying machines had pretty
crazy designs but of all these early aerial
oddities, the Vought Disc-form takes the prize.
It was obviously an attempt to make some kind
of flying saucer and looks to be an impressive
and sturdy construction. There was only one
major flaw: it was designed with no apparent
aerodynamic principles and so would be
completely unable to take off.
Icarus
Wings of wax were never going to work but
all of these deranged people had a little bit of
Icarus in them.
Adam Bristow-Smith

32.science
thecourieronline.co.uk/science
c2.science@ncl.ac.uk
Tuesday 6 March
Th eCourier
5 things
you need to
know
The ocean
99% of livable space
While it’s commonly known that the
ocean covers something like 71% of our
planet’s surface, you may not realise it
contains within it 99% of the habitable
space on earth. Within this 99%, as much
as 95% of the life on earth is found.
4
90% of the ocean is considered “deep”
(over 2000 metres) and the average depth
of the ocean is around 3795 meters. The
deepest point (the Challenger Deep) is
10,916 metres. That’s as much as 1.23
Mount Everests. The pressure of the water
on top of you at this point is equivalent to
supporting 50 Jumbo Jets by yourself.
3
5
Deep as the ocean
Only 10% has been
mapped
Only 10% of the sea has been explored by
humans. In this 10%, around 200000 species
have been described; it is estimated
that as much as 30 million species may
remain undiscovered.
Space bugs in the River Wear
Joe Willet on the bacterial battery made from stratospheric organisms found in the River Wear
Bacteria found 30km above the surface
of the Earth have been identified
as extremely efficient generators
of electricity. Bacillus stratosphericus
and Bacillus altitudinis, which, as the
names suggest, are commonly found in
the stratosphere, are being utilised as
key components of a new ‘super’ biofilm
that has been engineered by a team of
scientists from Newcastle University.
75 different species of bacteria - including
stratosphericus - were isolated from
the bed of the Wear Estuary in County
Durham, and the power-generating
potential of each was tested in a Microbial
Fuel Cell (MFC). Selecting the best
of the electricity producing species, a
kind of ‘pick and mix’ was used to create
an artificial biofilm which doubled the
power output of the MFC. The fuel cell
produces about enough power to run an
electric light, and could be invaluable in
parts of the world without other sources
of electricity.
Grant Burgess, Professor of Marine
Biotechnology at Newcastle University,
said the research demonstrated the potential
power of the technique.“What we
have done is deliberately manipulate the
microbial mix to engineer a biofilm that is
more efficient at generating electricity,” he
explains.
“This is the first time individual microbes
have been studied and selected in
this way. Finding B. Stratosphericus was
quite a surprise but what it demonstrates
is the potential of this technique for the
future – there are billions of microbes
out there with the potential to generate
power.”
Picture this
ConCERNing
cables
Using microbes to produce power is
an idea already facilitated in the treatment
of waste water and sewage plants.
Portable MFCs work much like a battery,
relying on a biological process known as
bio-catalytic oxidation to convert organic
compounds into electricity. The source of
the power derives from the slime of bacteria,
or biofilm, which coats the electrodes
of the MFC; electricity is produced as the
bacteria feed.
Previous practice was to permit the
biofilm to grow unchecked, but this is the
first time manipulation of the speciation
on the cell has demonstrated a relative
increase in electrical output.
This is the
fi rst time
individual mi-
crobes have
been studied
and selected
in this way.
Photo dkodigital
Funded by the Engineering and Physical
Sciences Research Council (EPSRC),
the Biotechnology and Biological Sciences
Research Council (BBSRC) and the
Natural Environment Research Council
(NERC), the study identified a number of
electricity-generating bacteria.
Led by Prof. Keith Scott of the University’s
school of Chemical Engineering and
Advanced Materials, the team are recognised
as world leaders in fuel cell technology,
having already played a key role in
the recent development of novel lithium/
air batteries. It is hoped this research can
take fuel cell research to a new level.
Last year, physicists at CERN published findings that neutrinos were apparently travelling
faster than light, a result that threatened the theory of relativity. Now it appears the results may
have been due to a loose cable in the clock mechanism. Clumsy, or cover-up? James Ricketts
Biggest animal ever
2
The largest animal ever to live on the
earth is the blue whale, measuring in at
30 metres long and weighing 180 tonnes
(although the bootlace worm can grow
longer than a blue whale, with some being
measured at 50 metres long and 10 cm
wide). It is also one of the fastest aquatic
animals, reaching speeds of 50 km/h
(the fastest are sailfish, clocking in at 110
km/h)
1
Alarming rate of
destruction
The ocean is being destroyed at an alarming
rate. More oil reaches the oceans as a
result of leaking cars every year than the
BP spill, and as much trash is dumped
in the oceans each year as fish are taken
out. Around 100 million sharks are killed
yearly, 30% of these for their fins and the
rest as by-catch.
Carl Jonsson

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
science.33
Science Editor: Mark Atwill
Science Online Editor: Adam Bristow-Smith
The right of the living dead
Science Editor Mark Atwill resurrects the science of the Zombie Apocalypse
Weird
Science
Skin scream
1 2
3
Head Crabs!!!!! Photo DuckPuppy
St James’ Park (sorry, Sports Direct Arena) empties post derby defeat -
Walking Dead
If you’re interesting, you like zombies. Zombies are
so much cooler than vampires, which are just so
mainstream these days. So now that you like zombies,
you may be interested to know that there is actually
some remote scientific possibility of the living dead
being a reality. Remote is enough to have a little fun;
we probably will never have to face a zombie horde.
It’s fanciful, but we can hope. Now read this article
while I pop out for a machete and a WW2 service
rifle.
1. Brain Parasites
Something on your mind?
In science, parasites that turn animals into mindless,
zombie like slaves are commonplace. One, toxoplasmosa
gondii seems particularly scary. A bug that breeds inside
the intestines of a cat, actually infests the brains of rats,
forcing them to mindlessly congregate near the scent
of their most feared furry predator. The rat is actually
programmed to get itself eaten. Half the human population
is infected with toxoplasmosa, and are completely
unaware of it. While there is a small association between
infection and mental disorder, all it would take is a more
human-specific mutation in the parasite to trigger ratlike
behaviour in host brains - our anatomy is not too
dissimilar. Think then, that military scientists work very
hard at weaponising such common bugs. The world’s
population suddenly loses all instinct for self-preservation
and rationale; does a shambling horde need to be
dead to be called zombies?
2. Neurotoxins
Venomous thoughts
Some venom can slow down your metabolic function
to the point you may be declared medically dead, only
to re-awaken at your funeral, or worse, inside your
coffin. Fugu poison can do this. Just like voodoo slaves,
the afflicted may be revived with certain alkaloids that
leave them in a trance like state, still able to eat, sleep, and
shamble around like, you guessed it, Romero zombies.
The dark visions of Dr. Wade Davis, 1962, a Haitian
guy was declared dead and buried only to be found
shambling around his village 18 years later under the
‘spell’ of the local voodoo priest/sugar plantation owner.
4 5
What are birds? - Re-Animator H.P Lovecraft
While these zombies are not aggressive or cannibalistic,
they’re still real zombies. I’m sure someone could tweak
the formula a little.
3. Rage virus
Wild? I was absolutely livid!
The T Virus, Rage, Solanum; in popular zombie fiction,
the rage virus is the common vehicle that turns humans
into mindless killing machines. What if you knew this
was an actual possibility? Mad Cow disease was popular
a few years ago. I didn’t eat much beef as a child but you
might be too young for all that, so in case you don’t know
what happened, this crazy and enormously contagious
virus infected British herd cows, attacking their nervous
system and turning them into stumbling, mindless and
aggressive beasts. Here’s the grind. When infected meat
is eaten, Mad Cow’ disease becomes Creutzfeldt-Jakob
Disease, or CJD, which causes characteristic changes
in gait, hallucination and rapid onset dementia, and
ultimately a very nasty death. Not quite instant zombie,
right? Maybe, but this does prove mass infections of the
CNS are possible in humans. Depriving the brain of
serotonin in rats has caused interesting results, in that
they begin to tear each other apart for apparently no
reason. With a few mutations, a CJD or Rabies-like virus
with the ability to act as a serotonin antagonist could
easily sneak into the human food chain. That would be
bad news.
4. Neurogenesis
On the eighth day, man created zombies
It’s not quite cut and dried, but neurogenesis is currently
making great strides in the ability to repair neural damage
in rodent limb transplants. In essence, the science
re-grows dead and damaged cells, and is forefront in
the new discipline of neurogenesis. Brain death means
curtains for the unlucky patient, whereas failure of
most other organs is theoretically reparable or treatable
through transplant. With that in mind, research
into the rather morbidly named ‘reanimation science’
has resulted in extraordinary results when apparently
re-growing brain tissue of head trauma patients. Take
this a step further. Science believes the technology could
be used to revive the recently deceased, if performed
Voodoo Lady-Creme Brule -
Que? - Walking Dead
quickly enough post mortem. However, the brain is an
organ that requires a lot of oxygen, and when deprived
of it it dies, rapidly, outside in. The cerebral cortex is the
folded bit on the surface of your brain that controls your
perception of morality, pain, language...humanity. Take
away that, and you’re left with the primitive brain of a
lower animal, just enough function to stay alive - and eat.
5. Nanobots
Domo arigato Mr Roboto
Science fiction? Maybe not. Scientists have already
created a nano-cyborg, a virus fused to a silicone chip
that operates long after the death of the host. Zombification.
Nanobots are a technology that science apparently
engineered to make the future absolutely terrifying.
A myriad of microscopic, self-replicating robots that
can invisibly build, or destroy anything is the choice in
zeitgeist technology investment. Everyone knows this
can’t end well right? Surely this is just morbid curiosity?
Developers claim that within a decade nanobots will exist
that can replace damaged neural connections within
the human brain, or just maybe put a few new ones in
there. The scariest thought is that with all the excitement
surrounding the potential of the technology, no-one
has really thought enough about how you switch them
off. Do the robots continue to function after death? Do
you walk around decomposing until your legs fall off?
Theoretically, the death of the host means nothing to
the nanobots, which will simply strive to find new hosts
in order to preserve themselves. Imagine the scenario:
a shambling, rotting robot-controlled dead person
bites a healthy victim to permit the nanobots to infest,
which then proceed to ‘rewire’ the victim’s cortex. Sound
vaguely familiar? Technology of this type exists, right
now, right this minute. It’s out there. Not meaning to be
a harbinger of doom, but doesn’t every major religion’s
version of Armageddon basically agree that the dead will
rise to walk the Earth? Two words. Zombie. Apocalypse.
With anti-ageing creams becoming
ever more popular, we’ve all
seen the adverts full of jargon about
‘anti-ageing particles’, which supposedly
make you look less like a dinosaur and
more like an airbrushed model. But the
question remains, do they really work?
We put them up against science to find
out if they remained firm, or just wrinkled
under pressure.
They claim to ‘visibly reduce the look of
wrinkles’ by using special formulas and
‘repairing skin fibre restoring complexes’
(whatever that means) using Vitamin
C. This is a common substance found in
most of the citrus fruits – oranges, lemons
– and it’s thought our bodies need 40
milligrams a day (according to the Food
Standards Agency) which is around two
slices of orange. But what does it really do
for our skin?
Well, it is a successful antioxidant which
removes particles, which break down
collagen in the skin causing wrinkles. It
can help prevent wrinkles but does nothing
for those already present, as collagen
is already damaged. There is also a high
chance none of the Vitamin C will reach
the right place as it will either be broken
down inside the body, or simply degrade
in the air.
Another main component is peptides.
These short chains of amino acids are now
a common additive to many anti-ageing
creams. If they work perfectly – according
to research – they can actually stimulate
collagen growth and repair, so would
reduce the visible effect of wrinkles. In
practice, though, this sometimes isn’t the
case, as the chance of them penetrating
the top layer of skin is very small and
they are very unstable, so become broken
down very quickly. Peptides are also
extremely expensive.
Credible scientific studies, published in
peer-reviewed journals, have been carried
out on the effects of different compounds
on the skin and has shown that some are
very successful. These are usually prescription
creams and medicines used to
treat more severe skin conditions such as
dermatitis and can come with side effects,
so are not available over the counter at
your local Boots!
Creams and lotions can often be
extremely expensive for insignificant
amounts and require a long time period
to actually see the (sometimes minimal)
effects. Alternatives have been shown to
give healthier looking skin; applying sunscreen
every day helps keep out harmful
particles which cause breakdown of collagen.
Simple things like ensuring a balanced
diet, getting your RDAs of essential
vitamins, and avoiding stress and smoking
are also proven to help. The jury’s still
out on this one but just remember, whilst
you’re worth it, that tub of glorified moisturiser
might not be. James Simpson
Photo: Geir Halvorsen Flickr

34
Puzzles
thecourieronline.co.uk/puzzles
You can fi nd the
answers to this
week’s puzzles at
thecourieronline.
co.uk/puzzles
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
c2.puzzles@ncl.ac.uk
Puzzles Editor: Laura Armitage
Sudoku
Medium
Hard
Wordsearch
Crossword
Across
1. Pins and ___ (7)
5. ___ 22 (5)
8. ___ - eyed monster (5)
9. ___ orchestra (7)
10. ___ coffee (7)
11. An ___ trip (3)
12. Tried and ___ (6)
14. ___ of the trade (6)
17. As cold as ___ (3)
19. Practice makes ___ (7)
22. ___ is the spice of life (7)
23. Make the ___ (5)
24. It takes all ___ (5)
25. Beat a hasty ___ (7)
Down
1. It’ll be all right on the ___ (5)
2. With friends like that, who needs
___? (7)
3. Read between the ___ (5)
4. ___ climber (6)
5. ___ and verse (7)
6. Put your cards on the ___ (5)
7. Chamber of ___ (7)
12. As thick as ___ (7)
13. Pony ___ (7)
15. A ___ industry (7)
16. On a wing and a ___ (6)
18. Trial and ___ (5)
20. Pieces of ___ (5)
21. Short and ___ (5)
In your dreams
CATNAP
DAYDREAM
DOZE
DREAM
DROWSY
EXHAUSTED
FANTASY
FATIGUED
FORTY WINKS
HIBERNATE
IMAGINATION
KIP
MIRAGE
NIGHTMARE
NOD OFF
RELAX
REPOSE
REST
SHUTEYE
SIESTA
SLEEP
SLUMBER
SNOOZE
STARGAZE
TIRED
VISION
WEARY
Find the missing
word that connects
these three words
together.
Complete the
crossword and hand
in to The Courier offi
ce for the chance to
win a £5 Mens Bar
vouncher!
How many words can you make from the
letters in the wheel? Each word must
contain the hub letter I. Can you fi nd a
9-letter word and at least 20 other words
of fi ve letters or more avoiding proper
nouns?
Word Link
Whale Weed Pain
Current Bank Joint
Riddle
Catchphrase
Banana Sheep Deep
Hub Words
Statesman Sister Berry

Sport
thecourieronline.co.uk/sport
Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
35
Sport Editors: Colin Henrys, Harry Slavin
and Rory Brigstock-Barron
Online Sport Editors: Grace Harvey and Charlie Scott
courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk
For he’s a Jolly good swimmer
Elite Athlete and Marine Biology student bidding for place at London Olympics
“I just want to be able to
get to the end of my
career and look back with
no regrets. I want to be
able to say that I gave it
everything...”
Newcastle student Will Jolly celebrates more success in the pool, something he hopes to be able to replicate at the swimming trials for the London 2012 Olympics later this week Photography: Newcastle University Swim Club
By Linda Guma
Ambitious is one word that encapsulates
Will Jolly, a final-year Marine
Biology student and athlete at Newcastle
University. The 20-year-old
from Lincolnshire is on the pursuit of
becoming the next swimming champion
to bring glory to Newcastle since
1988 when Kevin Boyd made it to the
finals in the Seoul Olympics. He is
also striving to achieve his dream of
becoming a shark scientist.
“Anything’s possible if you put your
mind to it. And if you have a dream,
go for it. Don’t let anything stand in
your way and hold you back. And
even if you don’t achieve what you set
out to do, as long as you’ve given it
everything you can and you can look
back with no regrets, then no one
could ever fault you.”
Will Jolly expressed these inspirational
words during an interview
at 9.00am in the morning last week.
That was just after he swam 6,000 metres
at 5.30am that morning.
Will has been swimming competitively
since he was nine years old and
trying to break into Internationals for
the past three years. At the age of 18
he played in his first national games,
right before coming to Newcastle
University. Then, he was the first
swimmer at Newcastle to win gold
in the 1,500 metre freestyle race at
the British Universities and Colleges
Sport (BUCS) Long Course Championships
in Sheffield two years ago.
This week, Will is going to be participating
in the trials that will determine
whether he will have the opportunity
to represent Britain in the 1,500 metre
freestyle races in the upcoming London
games. He will be facing a fierce
competition, as those who will qualify
for the final round can be any eight of
the trial’s thirty participants, of whom
some have previously won bronze and
silver medals and several have participated
in multiple international competitions.
Only the fastest two of these
finalists will go on to compete in the
Olympics themselves.
The up-and-coming marine scientist
and swimming star has to juggle
his time between his studies and his
sport. He spends 20 hours a week in
the pool, training at Newcastle City
pool Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and
Friday between 5.30am and 7.30am,
and then again between 4.30pm to
6.30pm Monday to Friday. Ahtough
that doesn’t mean he gets the weekends
off. On Saturdays he heads over
to Sunderland to train in the 50m
pool from 8.00am to 10.00am.
During a light set of skills and drills
he’ll swim “only” between 4,000 and
5,000 metres, whereas in a heavy set,
when he’s really going for it, he’ll do a
good 6,000 to 7,000 metres in a single
session. That’s about 250 lengths per
session or 500 lengths per day.
On top of that, Will has two weekly
weight sessions, one of which he
takes place at the Sports Centre Tuesday
or Wednesday evening, and the
other one Saturday morning over at
Gateshead with a coach. Not to mention
that that he’s got to fit in eating,
catching up on sleep, travelling to and
from the pool, and strength work to
prevent shoulder injury.
As if his schedule isn’t already inundated,
Will has to fit twenty lab and
library hours into his already jampacked
schedule: “Last year was particularly
hard work; they really put us
under the cosh. We had days when
we had 9.00am-10.00am lecture,
10.00am-1.00pm lab, 1.00pm-2.00pm
lecture, 2.00pm-5.00pm lab, 5.00pm
till 6.00pm lecture. Those were hard
days, especially if you’ve been up till
5.00am!”
He usually does his assignments in
the evening and on particularly heavy
days he works from 8.00pm until midnight,
leaving only five hours of sleep
before he’s got to get up for another
arduous training session. Now in the
third and final year of his degree, Will
is busy writing his dissertation, which
involves long hours in the lab, collecting
and transcribing data.
For Will, leisure time is a limited
resource which he doesn’t take for
granted: “Saturday night is the one
time in the week where I can relax a
bit and socialise. Any weekends when
I’m not competing, I catch up with my
mates and watch a film or some TV,
mainly sports. These are the things
that I may not have time for during
the week. Real luxuries, you know.”
“Anything’s possible if you put your mind to it.
And if you have a dream, go for it. Don’t let
anything stand in your way and hold you back.”
How does he do it? “I’m just trying
to fulfil my potential and see how far
I can go within my sport, as well as
combining it with my marine biology
degree, which takes up a lot of
time as well. Time management has
been crucial these last two-and-a-half
years” he says. “I just want to be able
to get to the end of my career and look
back with no regrets. I want to be able
to say that I gave it everything I could
have and it could have been no more,
even if I don’t end up making it to internationals.
I work as hard as I can,
because I don’t want be in the position
where I think, ‘What could I have
done more? Could I have done more?’
So that’s what keeps me going.”
After completing his Undergraduate
degree, he intends to spend the next
four pursuing both a Masters and a
PhD, whilst keeping up his swimming
and trying to qualify for the Rio
games. After 2016, he wants to retire
from swimming and fulfil his other
big dream in life, that of becoming a
shark scientist out in the tropics.
He also wants to stay in Newcastle
to continue his studies: “I’m settled
here. Newcastle is vibrant and I’ve
had many good times here. Moreover,
Newcastle University has an excellent
Marine Biology department and
a great athletic training programme.
The sports programme has been brilliant
and the support has helped me a
huge amount.”
Fraser Kennedy, Newcastle University’s
Performance Sport Manager,
says: “My role is to put in place all the
mechanisms necessary for supporting
our best athletes so that they can be
the best they can be. We provide them
with sports medicine support, funding,
psychology, nutrition, sports vision,
coaching in time management,
and strengthening and conditioning.
Of course, no one can do the training,
academic studies, and time management
for them, but we’re here to support
them.”

36.sportfeature
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
The Curious Case of Cesar Rodriguez
Online Sports Editor Charlie Scott discusses the man that Lionel Mess wishes to emulate
Lionel Messi’s strike against Atletico
Madrid last weekend took his goal
tally this season to 43 in 41 appearances
in all competitions, and was his
223rd in a Barcelona shirt.
But, what of the man whose title as
Barcelona’s all-time leading goalscorer,
Messi so craves?
The only person left standing between
Messi and his aim is Cesar
Rodriguez Alvarez, the scorer of 235
goals for Barcelona, 13 more than the
diminutive Argentine’s current total
of 223.
With Messi scoring at will- it has
taken him under two years to net
his last 100 goals- we take a moment
to reconsider the career of the man
whose record Messi looks set to surpass
before the season’s end.
Cesar’s time at the Catalan giants
spanned three decades, from 1939
until 1955, and interruptions to his
career meant he probably could have
scored even more than the 235 goals
that currently make him the club’s alltime
top goal-scorer.
After joining the club as a 19-year
old in 1939 for a measly 1,000 pesetas
both he and Barcelona had no choice
but to authorise a two-year loan move
to Granada CF after the young striker
was relocated to the city to complete
military service.
After hauling Granada into the
top flight in his first season at
the club he then cemented their
Back of the net
Video of the week
Mike Dean ‘celebrates’ Tottenham goal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg33RXiK_
status in La Liga with an impres-
sive 23 goals in 24 games the following
season. Despite clearly
enjoying himself at the lucian outfit, Barcelona unsurprisingly
wanted to use his
talents themselves and he re-
turned to his parent club in 1942.
Despite scoring freely for Barcelona
to such an extent that he became, and
remains for the time being, their alltime
leading goalscorer in Anda-
competi-
tive games, Cesar was never given the
opportunities at international level
that his talent and performances at
club level clearly merited.
Back at Barcelona however, Cesar
flourished, scoring 235 goals in official
competitions before his retirement
in 1955. The talented striker
won his first league title in the 1944-
45 season, and went on to win further
titles in 48, 49, 52 and 53.
Effective and undoubtedly prolific
in the 40s it was not until the joint arrival
of Ferdinand Daucik as manager
and the creative, free-scoring midfielder
Laszlo Kubala in 1950 that the
club witnessed the extent of Cesar’s
powers. Alongside the sensational
Hungarian, Cesar reached a new
level. The two stars shone as Barcelona
won five trophies during the 51-
52 season, scoring 68 goals between
them, and terrorizing defences week
in week out. Another La Liga title followed
a year later in 53, but aged 33
that would turn out to be Cesar’s last.
Cesar is fondly remembered by
Barca fans, not just for his abundance
of goals, but particularly for who he
happened to score regularly against.
14 of his 235 goals came in El Clasicos
against Real Madrid, making him the
third highest scorer in the
fixture
ever. Unsurprisingly Messi
is hot on his heels with 13.
Af-
ter leaving celona in 1955
Bar-
Getty
Images
As Louis Saha’s chip over Wojciech Szczesny heads towards
goal, referee Mike Dean gets a little too involved jumping up
and down as the ball goes in.
Cesar
played
first for his
hometown
c l u b
Cultural
Leonesa, then
for
Perpignan
in France be-
fore
moving
Who are ya? One would
have thought Barcelona’s
fans would remember
their top goalscorer
Getty Images
Testing times
back to Spain to play for Elche, whom
he led to back-to-back promotions
from the third to the first division.
A fairly uninspiring managerial career
followed with a 6-game spell at
Barcelona and consecutive relegations
at Real Betis and Mallorca proving
particular lowlights.
His managerial ability aside, on the
pitch his ability is beyond question.
Cesar should be rated more highly
1.) Which club holds the record for the most English Second
Flight League Championships won?
2.) Who was the last England player to score a winning
goal against the Netherlands in a full international?
3.) In what year did the European Cup last not have an
English side in the last eight?
4.) Which female tennis player holds the record for the
fastest serve?
5.) Which two Argentinian footballers won the Premier
League Player of the Month Award?
1.) Manchester City (7), 2.) Teddy Sheringham
(Euro 96’), 3.) 1996, 4.) Venus Williams
(205kmph), 5.) Juan Sebastian Veron (2001) and
Carlos Tevez (2009)
than he is. Kubala tends to receive
all the plaudits whenever Barcelona’s
success in the fifties is mentioned yet
Cesar’s contribution should not be
undervalued. 235 competitive goals
and 5 league championships. The
numbers speak for themselves.
Perhaps he gets overlooked because
he remarkably never appeared regularly
for Spain, playing just 12 times
for the national team and being an
1
2
3
Spot the ball
unused substitute at the 1950 World
Cup in Brazil. If this is the case then
it is a shame, and maybe his contribution
to the club and to football should
be reconsidered.
Messi is only 13 goals away from
surpassing his goal-scoring record yet
many fans have still not even heard of
Cesar Rodriguez.
They really should have.
A B C D E F
Tweet of the week
-@maxrushden
The Soccer AM host’s daily summising of thoughts take a
bizarre, and very expensive, turn:
“#Todaysconclusions without my accountant
I’d be in prison, you can have pizza for
lunch & dinner, £35.99 is too much for an
easter egg.”
This week in sport
University Sport:
11 Mar 1967: Newcastle’s Men’s Rugby Union 3rds beat
Liverpool to reach the UAU Cup Final, where they were
set to face a Loughborough side who had scored 15o
points in their last two matches.
Intra Mural:
11 Mar 1967: P. Martin wins the Close House Memorial
cross country race, after the unfortunate P. Vale lost his
early lead after his shoe came off in the muddy grounds.
World:
7 Mar 1987: Mike Tyson unifies the WBC and WBA
belts by beating James ‘Bonecrusher’ Smith to becoming
the youngest undisputed heavyweight champion.
4
5
Send the correct coordinates of the ball to courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk to
enter a draw to win a £5 Mens Bar voucher.
Last week’s (27 February) winner: John Logan (E2). Please come to the
Courier Office to collect your voucher.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
intramuralsport.37
Boss bags brace as Dyslexic defeated
INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL
DIVISION ONE (WEDS)
Dyslexic Untied
Wheelhouse 22, Clements-Hunt 87
Barca Law Na
Allinson 30, 51, Bagot 45, Foley 74
Gardiner mows down ‘canes with late strike
INTRA MURAL FOOTBALL
DIVISION TWO (WEDS)
The Hurricanes
Duckworth pen 31, Mile 36,
Moffatt 56
Newcastle Medics 2nds4
Parker 12, MacMillan 20, 48,
Gardiner 90
By Harry Slavin
at CLOSE HOUSE
The Hurricanes players were left
stunned and dejected after their last
minute defeat to Medics 2nds on
Wednesday afternoon. A highly spirited
comeback was undone in the last
minute by a Gardiner header in the
dying seconds to confine The Hurricanes
to back-to-back defeats and cement
the Medics position at the top of
the Second Division.
The Hurricanes appeared to still be
on the sidelines as the Medics Seconds
raced into a two-goal lead early
in the first half.
A strong cross-pitch wind wreaked
havoc throughout the game and it was
the Medics who took full advantage of
it in the opening stages, a corner was
got caught in the wind and when the
defence didn’t deal with the loose ball,
Parker was on hand to prod the ball
home and give Medics the lead.
The Hurricanes failed to find there
footing in the game and subsequently
found themselves further behind after
a defensive mix up. A long ball wasn’t
cleared and Nick Holt muscled his
way onto the ball into the box before
laying off to MacMillan for the easiest
of finishes to put his side in a commanding
position after just 20 minutes.
Medics 2nds were looking to have
the game wrapped up by half-time
but The Hurricanes suddenly burst
into life midway through the half, and
miraculously managed to haul the
game level before the break.
Having forced a series of corners,
Hurricanes were finally awarded a
lifeline when fullback Chris Adams
was needlessly chopped down inside
the area. This gave Adam Duckworth
the chance to add to his tally for the
season from the spot and he duly converted,
his penalty nestling in the side
netting well out of the reach of Medics
‘keeper Morris.
Hurricanes completed their first half
comeback moments later when a half
cleared corner was swung back in by
Aaron Smedley and met with a towering
header from Ben Mile, which
sailed into the Medics net.
Player of the Month
Dave Edwards (Newcastle Medics 1sts)
In a month where the defending
champions have got there faltering
season back on track, and now
look set for an unprecedented fourth
straight league title, Newcastle Medics
1sts’ Dave Edwards (below, right)
has stood out as being the best player
in the Intra Mural competition.
With manager Josh Davison and
other star players such as Rishi
Dhand and Nathan Campbell often
unavailable due to commitments to
the University’s sides, the Medics
have needed somebody to step up
and fill the void left by their absences.
Midfield Fresher Edwards has
done exactly that this year.
2
4
3
By Simon Schofield
at LONGBENTON 3G
Barca Law Na came from behind to
claim a much needed win on Longbenton
3G on Wednesday. An early
strike from ‘Foreign’ Tony da Silva for
Dyslexic was usurped by a Barca onslaught,
who were looking to ensure
that this wouldn’t be a third week on
the trot that maximum points were
dropped at this most important stage
of the season.
You would have thought it was Untied
who were the league leaders in
the first ten minutes and they were
rewarded early on with a simple ‘Foreign’
finish.
Ben Wheelhouse beat his man down
the left channel to drill a cross into
the box, and while Barca keeper Wadhams
saved Jamie Hudson’s initial effort,
da Silva fired home the rebound.
Barca looked stunned and played
in a panicky fashion which wasn’t
helped by Dyslexic’s early hustle marshalled
by the excellent Chris Smith.
However Barca played their way
back into the game and replied from
a chaotic corner on 30 minutes. Captain
Dan Allinson found himself in
the right place at the right time to
power home a header after Dyslexic
had franticly cleared the ball off the
line seconds earlier.
The league leaders continued to
dictate play through Josh Cryer and
Dave Bagot, with the later getting on
the score sheet with literally the last
kick of the half.
Another corner was fisted away
by the immense Nathan ‘Fletch’, but
Bagot collected the loose ball, controlled
it and sent a looping effort into
the top corner.
Over the past month he has scored
four goals in as many matches from
midfield, including two ‘goal of the
season’ candidates, and has helped
his side to four consecutive wins,
including victories over title rivals
Henderson Hall and Barca Law Na.
On the form of their new found
star, Medics captain Andrew
Fretwell (below left) told The Courier:
“Dave has been in phenomenal
form all season and thoroughly deserves
the award.”
As reward for his performances,
Dave will receive complimentary
drinks at Sam Jacks.
The second half followed a similar
pattern with Dyslexic struggling to
make enough clear cut chances. The
best being a flowing move between
Schofield and Dom Robson who
failed to make his effort count with
the oncoming keeper easily smothering
his effort.
Barca picked up where they left off
and a sweeping Allinson free kick
made it 3-1, tucking the ball into the
bottom left corner.
‘Fletch’ continued to show off his
reflexes with fine saves from Tyler
and McKee, the best being a fully
stretched palm away from a powerful
Cryer drive.
A Foley header extended Barca’s
lead from another corner after a rapid
double save from ‘Fletch’.
Dyslexic rallied late on with Robson
showing he is one of the hottest properties
in Intra Mural football by doing
Allinson all ends up on the byline
before squaring to youngster Cameron
Clements-Hunt to slot home. It
proved too little too late however as
Barca go marching on in their push
However, after the break, a seemingly
controlled situation turned into
mass panic as Adams misplaced a pass
right into the path of Chris Holt who
powered through on goal. Despite the
defence getting back in numbers they
could do nothing the stop the ball
falling into the path of MacMillan
who lifted the ball over Will Hollis to
regain Medics the lead.
Their advantage was short lived
however as ‘Canes once again rallied
to peg back their opponents moments
later. A Nick Gibby delivery bounced
around the Medics area and eventually
fell at the feet of Joe Moffatt, who
composed himself before guiding
home a half volley from the edge of
the six-yard box.
Both sides grappled and continued
to make chances to win it but it took a
goal of the most dramatic proportions
to settle the match.
A lethargic foul by Aaron Smedley
on Holt allowed the Medics one last
chance to whip a ball in to the Hurricanes
box and they took full advantage
as Gardiner rose highest to decide
the contest with virtually the last
touch of the game.
The contrasting scenes at the end
of the match were poignant as a euphoric
Medics side attempted to conceal
there delight while shaking hands
for the Wednesday First Division
crown.
Beahon
Rawlings
da Silva
Davidson
with a despondent ‘Canes side, everyone
aware that both sides had given
their all.
The result consolidates Medics position
at the top of the second division,
while The Hurricanes will be hoping
similar performances can provide
more deserving results over their last
three matches.
Adams
Moffatt
Rammel
Foley
Cryer
Hurworth
Robson
Jackson
Windle
Mile
Butler
Duckworth
C.Holt
N.Holt
Wadhams
Fletcher
Hollis
MacMillan
Dalton
Tam Parker Johnston
Morris
Allinson
Bagot
Rakshi
Wheelhouse
Schofield
Smith
Laurence Smedley
Gibby
Thomas
Ingram
McKee
Zikmund
Forster
Slavin
Rhodes
Mysko
The Secret
Intra Mural
Footballer
Assistant
Manager
#14 Crunch time
So. Here we are. Staring relegation
straight in the nuts.
It’s crunch time for my boys. With
one game left to play, all we can do
is win and then spend an anxious
few weeks praying to the Intra Mural
Gods that results elsewhere go in our
favour.
There have been highs and lows this
season, far too many lows and not
near enough highs if truth be told,
and now our tumultuous season boils
down to 90 (sometimes less depending
on the referee’s mood or his reaction
to the weather) beautiful minutes
on the 3G at Longbenton.
We’ve had Al Pacino, and we’ve had
emotional blackmail as forms of encouragement
so far this season. A former
manager of mine once demanded
the whole squad turn up in shirt and
tie to a county cup final aged 14, and
then proceeded to play Lose Yourself
by Eminem from a ghetto blaster in
the changing rooms. We went on to
win that game quite comfortably, but
I’m still not convinced that Marshall
Mathers had much to do with that
performance.
Players do react differently in situations
where there is a lot at stake
though. Some prefer an intense, macho
shouting session to psyche themselves
up, while others retreat into
their own shell and choose to stand
back and motivate themselves rather
than jumping around screaming and
chest-pumping.
We have a diverse squad at the club
in terms of personality, and before
our final game it will be important to
gauge what kind of approach to take
with each player. Some will want an
arm round the shoulder, and some
carefully chosen words of encouragement.
Others will no doubt hide their
fears about relegation by playing up to
the situation, joking around and being
louder than normal.
There are a handful of players in the
squad with the ability to win us this
‘must-win’ game single-handedly.
Between myself and the manager, we
need to make sure that these players
know, not just what they’re capable of,
but what is at this point expected of
them.
For many of the squad it will be the
last time they pull on the jersey in a
competitive match. If that’s not motivation
to go out there and get a win I
don’t know what is.
90 minutes. The biggest game of our
professional(?) lives. We have the opportunity
to defy The Courier’s damning
pre-season predictions and at the
same time create the kind of fairytale
story we can tell our grandchildren in
decades to come.

38.sportintramural
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Th eCourier
Titanic unbeaten run finally ends
Armstrong and Agrics reach cup
INTRA MURAL RUGBY
CUP SEMI-FINAL
Armstrong
Titans
By Colin Henrys
at COCHRANE PARK
37
17
One of Intra Mural’s longest unbeaten
runs finally came to an end on
Wednesday as Armstrong defeated
Titans 37-17 in the cup semi-final at
Cochrane Park. Titans, who won the
double last year and the cup the season
before that, had previously not
lost a match since November 2009
but Armstrong completely dominated
to set up a cup final with Agrics 1 on
Wednesday.
Braces of tries from giant number
eight Craig Millar and Jack Greer
and one for the impressive Charlie
Rose continued Armstrong’s impressive
season and leaves them well set
to complete a league and cup double
this year.
Already forced into a reshuffle by
some late arrivals, the match could
not have started much worse for Titans
when a dislocated knee forced
them into a reshuffle in their front
row just two minutes in.
As was expected prior to kick off,
both sides put in some huge tackles
in the opening stages but this led to
several infringements being called up
by the referee.
Former Uni first teamer Casimir
Gross took advantage of one such
penalty call to kick Armstrong into
the lead, but Titans hit back almost
immediately after winning a penalty
of their own. Opting to kick to
touch, Chris Thompson’s line-out
was claimed by his team and a rolling
maul enabled the hooker to reclaim
the ball and touch down over the try
line.
This proved to be the only time in
the match that Titans led however, as
after missing the conversion and then
a penalty attempt shortly afterwards
they found themselves behind again
when Alex Spooner broke the line
and laid off to Rose to score under the
Powerful Number
Eight Craig Millar
was instrumental in
Armstrong’s victory.
Photography:
Hubert Lam
posts. Gross added the extras, Armstrong
regained the lead and never
fell behind again.
After another Titans penalty was
missed, Armstrong extended their
lead to 17-5 thanks to a Millar try and
they could have gone further in front
when Titans inexplicably conceded a
scrum in their own 22 for a forward
pass, which came about purely as
a result of trying to avoid a massive
Armstrong hit.
The Titans defence held firm on that
occasion, and a Henry Cunningham
try on the stroke of half-time brought
them right back into the match but
any hopes of a comeback were extinguished
after the restart. Gross kicked
another penalty after an infringement
in the ruck by Titans and then the
game became scrappy.
A series of cynical and deliberate
offsides by Armstrong to prevent
some quick counter-attacks had the
Titans fans baying for a yellow card,
which in truth probably should have
been given, but the referee instead
opted to speak to the captains to calm
things down.
When things did calm down, Titans
looked to get back in the game but a
good run by their stand-off, which
only needed a better pass at the end,
was the closest they came to adding
any points and when Millar scored
another try, which Gross converted,
the game was beyond reach.
Titans were then reduced to 14 men
after a ridiculous high tackle and
Armstrong piled further misery on
their depleted opponents as a brace
of tries from Jack Greer, either side of
Dave Fagan’s consolation effort, saw
Armstrong to a 37-17 win.
Despite dominating the competition
so far this year, there were still questions
as to whether Armstrong could
overcome title favourites Titans. They
have comfortably proved their critics
wrong and it is difficult to see beyond
them securing the double in the next
two weeks.
For Titans, every unbeaten run has
to finish at some point, and perhaps it
is fitting that it happened on 29 February.
If they are to earn any silverware
from their season however, they
must improve drastically before they
face Armstrong in the league decider
later this month.
INTRA MURAL RUGBY
CUP SEMI-FINAL
Agrics 1
Cheeky Ladies
29
19
By Patrick Reade
at HEATON
It was a tale of two halves in the eagerly
anticipated semi-final between
Agrics 1 and Cheeky Ladies at the Heaton
Medicals Rugby Ground, which
saw the Agrics force their way into the
final of the Intra Mural Cup.
The Agrics, enjoying a rich vein of
form of late, controlled the early stages
of the game, with good ball retention
and fast running rugby.
Hard forward work was rewarded
with a try in the first few minutes of
the game, as a scrum deep inside enemy
territory resulted in scrum half
Will Scott finishing off a well worked
blindside move, giving the Agrics a
vital five point lead.
However, any ideas of an Agric annihilation
were removed just minutes
later, as a huge scrum by the Cheeky
Ladies resulted in an outstanding
forty meter try by their captain Danny
Price, who managed to beat three
defenders on his rampant charge to
the line, touching down in the corner.
The resulting conversion drifted
wide, leaving the score tied at five
apiece.
The try proved to be the turning
point of the half, as the Ladies’ newly
found desire was rewarded in the 18th
minute when their relentless battering
of the Agrics’ try line resulted in a
quickly taken penalty being finished
superbly in the corner by Hugh Risk.
The conversion was added by fly half
Stuart Robinson, taking the score to
12-5.
Any Agrics’ pressure was soaked up
well by the Cheeky Ladies, with excellent
counter rucking and the use of a
generous wind ensuring that the majority
of the play was battled out in the
Agrics half.
On 25 minutes, brilliant handling
from the Cheekys saw the ball flash
across the pitch, only to be stopped
meters short from the Agric line. As
the retained ball came out to Robinson,
a cry of forward runners sucked
in the Agric defence, allowing him to
give a classy ‘show and go’, strolling
in under the posts untouched. The
conversion nudged the score along to
19-5 with the Cheeky Ladies firmly in
the driving seat.
A changing point in the game came
on the stroke of half time, as a penalty
rewarded to the Cheeky Ladies needed
only to be sent into touch for the
half time whistle to be blown. However,
having missed touch, the Agrics
searched for a much needed try before
the break.
Several phases later, an outstanding
team move resulted in an overlap,
brilliantly exploited by the Agrics
winger, who bundled his way across
the line, clattering the corner flag as
a scrambling Cheeky defence did all
they could to send him into touch.
The referee, unfortunately unable
to refer to the video referee, (a facility
not yet available in Intra Mural
rugby), awarded the try, following the
advice of the touch judge, hiding the
green jersey from beneath his training
top as he did so. The Cheekys were
outraged but the decision had been
made, leaving the match poised at 19-
10 at the break.
The second half saw the roles reversed,
as the Agrics dominated
with good attacking rugby and solid
defence. A five meter scrum was finished
in the opposite corner, following
excellent handling from the back
line, as Andy Whiteford managed to
power his way over, clawing his team
to within two points of the Cheeky
Ladies.
It was Whiteford who struck again
just minutes later, finishing off another
flowing backs move in the corner,
with the ex-Scotland school boy
showing every inch of class in his performance,
with such clinical finishing
being the ultimate difference between
the two sides.
Next it was Agrics’ fly half Jack
Cook’s turn to exploit the generous

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
intramuralsport.39
while
final
Armstrong left Titans
chasing heels as they
secured a place in the
Intra Mural Cup Final.
Photography:
Hubert Lam
League Tables
Wednesday 11-a-side Football
Division 1
Team Pld W D L F A Pts
1 Barca Law Na 11 8 1 2 46 15 25
2 Henderson Hall 12 7 1 4 41 29 22
3 Newcastle Medics 1sts 9 6 2 1 29 13 20
4 Dyslexic Untied 10 4 1 5 25 25 13
5 Crayola 10 4 0 6 14 18 12
6 Aftermath 10 2 0 8 11 43 6
7 Castle Leazes 8 1 1 6 10 32 4
Top Goalscorers
14: Jamie Hurworth (Barca)
11: Dave Edwards (Medics)
Barca Law Na
Dyslexic Untied
Henderson Hall
Newcastle Medics 1s
Rugby Union
Division 1
4
2
2
5
10: Daniel Rech (Crayola)
9: Dave Eccles (Aftermath)
9: Liam McAllister (Hendo)
Castle Leazes
Aftermath
Team Pld W D L F A Pts
1 Armstrong 7 6 0 1 290 40 31
2 Titans 7 7 0 0 219 43 30
3 Agrics 1 8 5 1 2 161 104 25
4 Southern Fairies 8 4 0 4 185 117 22
5 Larrikins 8 4 0 4 118 134 18
6 Cheeky Ladies 8 3 1 4 133 179 18
7 Engines 8 3 0 5 98 150 14
8 Agrics 2 8 2 0 6 50 261 8
9 Medics 8 0 0 8 46 272 1
Agrics 2
Engines
Cup Semi-Finals
Agrics 1
Cheeky Ladies
29
0
29
19
Titans
Armstrong
Wednesday’s Intra Mural Fixtures
Football
Div One: Castle Leazes vs Medics 1sts (Close House 1, 2pm)
Div Two: Newhist FC vs The Hurricanes (Close House 5, 2pm)
Div Three: Brown Magic FC vs Jesmondino FC (Close House 4, 2pm)
Dynamos vs Galacticos (Close House 2, 2pm)
Quarter-Final: Barca Law Na vs Lokomotiv (Longbenton 3G, 3.45pm)
Dyslexic Untied vs Boca Seniors (Longbenton 2, 2pm)
Henderson Hall vs Shakhtar FC (Longbenton 3G, 8pm)
Politic Thistle vs Aftermath (Longbenton 1, 2pm)
Rugby Union
Cup Final: Agrics 1 vs Armstrong (Heaton 2, 2.15pm)
L
L
17
37
Division 2
Team Pld W D L F A Pts
1 Newcastle Medics 2nds 11 8 2 0 35 9 29
2 Boroussia Forsyth 11 8 0 2 39 16 27
3 Ecosoccer 12 7 1 4 48 28 22
4 Lokomotiv 10 7 1 2 45 26 22
5 The Hurricanes 11 4 1 6 35 32 13
6 Boca Seniors 12 4 0 8 32 37 12
(R) Newhist FC 12 1 2 9 16 58 5
(R) Ar U Shavin A Laugh 13 1 1 11 18 62 4
Top Goalscorers
14: Adam Duckworth (H’anes)
13: Jake Wimshurst (Shavin)
Boca Seniors
Lokomotiv
Boroussia Forsyth
Ar U Shavin A Laugh
Netball
4pm-5pm
Intra Mural

40.sportBUCS
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Tennis boys lose their
grip on promotion hopes
Owls devour
MEN’S TENNIS
Newcastle 1sts
Sheffield 2nds
By Daniel Carnie
at N’UMBERLAND CLUB
4
8
Wednesday’s clash with Sheffield’s
Seconds was always going to be a
pivotal match in the season but it
grew in significance with Newcastle
laying just a solitary point ahead
of their opponents before the start
of play. Additionally, with Durham’s
Seconds still in sight at the top of the
table, Newcastle harboured hopes of
catching their North-East rivals and
with it, promotion. Due to the ladies’
team playing indoors, the men’s’ team
played on the outdoor courts at home
for the first time this year but a largely
sunny day ensured pleasant conditions.
Unfortunately, proceedings got off
to the worst possible start with number
one Tom Loughran being swept
aside by his Greek opposite number
who looked anything but a tennis
player going by his attire – long shorts
and no socks gave off a Mardy Fish
vibe. He let his tennis do the talking,
however, and wrapped up the win in
double-quick time 6-1 6-2. His use
of the drop-shot, in particular, drove
Loughran absolutely mad and he tested
the durability of the fence with his
racquet more than once.
Number two for the day, Kyle Cowper,
didn’t fare much better as he lost
to his lively opponent 4-6 6-7. Cowper
tried to get himself going with
growls of “come on” after the odd inspired
passing shot but couldn’t string
enough good points together to turn
the match around. To add insult to
injury, the net chord was not kind to
Cowper and lost him three or four
crucial points along the way.
After the first two lost their singles
matches it was crucial that Mike Tang
and Ben Maynard won their doubles
match to keep hopes of a victory alive.
They came up against a sprightly, little
and large combination which helped
ensure a lively first set which Sheffield
edged 7-6 – partly due to some untimely
double faults by Tang. That tiebreak
proved to be the turning point
in the match and the second set was
surrendered far more easily 1-6. The
result meant that a draw was the best
that Newcastle could have hoped for
out of the match.
Newcastle threatened to do just that
as Mike Tang ignited a possible comeback
by beating his stubborn opponent
6-3 6-2 to maintain his unbeaten
singles record for the season. Both
players played their part in a thoroughly
entertaining match with some
superb points dotted throughout the
match. It came down to a couple of
important breaks of serve by Tang as
he served consistently, unlike his doubles
match.
Numbers one and two, Loughran
and Cowper, joined forces to keep
the momentum going as they won a
feisty encounter 11-9 in the deciding
Champions tie-break after sharing
the first two sets. Some neat touches
at the net by Loughran helped tip the
balance in their favour, with an acrobatic
backhand volley providing one
of the highlights of the day.
Those two wins meant that it was
down to team Captain Ben Maynard
to decide if Newcastle would escape
with a draw or go down in defeat, and
in doing so, ending their promotion
charge. Sadly for Newcastle, it proved
to be the latter as he lost 2-6 4-6 to
his steady opponent who took charge
early on and didn’t allow Maynard
much opportunity to reply.
The loss to Sheffield means that it is
now impossible for Newcastle to be
promoted and they will have to wait
another year to get out of the third
division. Now though, the team must
pick themselves up for the most important
fixtures of the year, the Stan
Calvert match against Northumbria.
NURL Firsts made light work of their Quarter Final against Hull, racking up almost a half century of p
Men’s teams embroiled in
promotion and title battles
BUCS IN BRIEF
MEN’S HOCKEY
Men’s Hockey Firsts unbeaten streak
came to an abrupt end last Monday
night as they were humbled 7-3 by
Leeds University Firsts. The result put
a dent into their title charge and left
them trailing Leeds in the table by
two points.
The firsts were able to keep up the
pressure on Leeds on Wednesday
thanks to a comprehensive victory
over lowly Liverpool Firsts, who have
gone the whole season without picking
up a single point. Newcastle Firsts
ran out 5-2 victors and will now be
relying on Liverpool to pull off a massive
shock against Leeds this week in
order to have any chance at the title.
MEN’S FOOTBALL
In football, the Men’s Thirds won promotion
from The Northern 5B BUCS
Division after finding the back of the
net eight times against Teesside in an
8-2 win at Longbenton. The Thirds
are promoted after losing just one
match all season, winning six of their
ten matches.
FENCING
In fencing, victory against Durham
this week ensured promotion for
a strong and consistent Newcastle
Firsts side, who continued their winning
streak and remain unbeaten in
both the league and the cup.
This came as welcome news to all at
the club after the BUCS relegation fiasco
of last year. Despite the injustice,
Newcastle were determined to fight
their way back up, and have done so
in stunning fashion, dispatching all
comers, including their comprehensive
victory over Durham on Wednesday,
who looked to be their toughest
opponents. The Firsts made light
work of their Durham counterparts,
beating them by 135-75.
The Fencing Seconds team had the
chance to guarantee promotions for
the Firsts but they were unable to pull
off a shock result against Leeds, losing
out 129 points to 109.

Th eCourier Tuesday 6 March 2012
BUCSsport.41
Hamsters to reach semis
The sun was shining on a beautiful
Wednesday afternoon at Cochrane
Park, and Team Newcastle took to the
pitch confident that they were about
to add another game to their recent
winning streak. The girls knew that
their opponents, York Firsts, would
be a much less challenging side than
the teams they had faced in previous
weeks due to their position at the bottom
of the Northern 1A league.
Nevertheless, York surprised the
Newcastle defence and began the
game in a confident and assertive
manner, quickly replying to the first
Newcastle goal with one of their own.
With swift realisation that they
would have to step up their game in
order to construct a comfortable lead,
Newcastle shifted up a gear and the
goals began to build. Lucy Pinkerton
was a consistent presence in midfield,
ensuring the majority of centre draws
ended with Newcastle possession and
this lead to a number of textbook fast
break goals. As well as these quick
scores, the match also provided an
excellent opportunity for the attack to
practice some set plays. These baffled
the York defence once too often and
lead to straight attacker Emily Cullen
scoring no less than five goals in the
half that she played. Shona Buchanan
and Serena Pelly also proved to be
solid attacking players, scoring three
and four goals respectively.
The Newcastle’s attack took advantage
of some confused s chaotic ‘organisation’
to continue to hammer
home goal after goal following half
time. York could only muster the
strength for two more goals in the
short period of time that the Newcastle
defence lost some concentration.
Having umpired the first half, cocaptain
Abi Sands entered the fray for
a piece of the action, and slotted away
another two goals for the home side.
There seemed to be no hope of a second
half comeback for the York side,
who grew ever wearier as Newcastle’s
onslaught and superior fitness refused
to waver. However, special mention
RUGBY LEAGUE
Newcastle 1sts
Hull 1sts
By Chris Griffiths
at COCHRANE PARK
47
12
must go to the York goalkeeper, who
was possibly the most optimistic and
positive goalkeeper ever encountered
on a lacrosse pitch – even when the
fatiguing York team were trailing by
over 20 goals, her enthusiasm and vocal
support was ever present.
Of course, the match could not have
been won by such a vast a score line if
it were not for the goal-machine that
is otherwise known as co-captain Antonia
“Toto” Pollock.
Despite the fact that she seems to attract
violent play against her the same
way a moth is drawn to a flame, she
proved to be an unstoppable force
in attack and a solid member of the
midfield cohort, accumulating a huge
eight goals for the Newcastle side.
Lastly, a special mention must go to
straight defence Fran “Franny” Andrews,
who was so close to scoring
the goal she so desperately wanted in
the dying seconds of the match after
making the switch to straight attack.
The score finished at 25-3 to Newcastle,
and the momentum is continuing
to build for the Firsts, who are preparing
to bring their best game to Sheffield
for BUCS finals on March 16th.
Barbados-like temperatures and rolling
green pastures at Cochrane Park
was the setting for the Owls to take
on the Hull Hamsters. With these
animals clashing there was only ever
going to be one victor. The hundreds SAMMY BOYD
of NURL ultras watching on from the Boyd was instrumental
in NURL’s victory
sidelines were in for a bigger treat
than the McDonalds from the night on Wednesday, his
before.
powerful running and
passing constantly
A Warrington Wolves like display finding holes in Hull’s
was about to take place in a clinical defence
and ruthless fashion. Late call-ups
to an enthusiastic John Portsmouth
and hairy-backed gorilla Sean Rawling
proved to be a great decision from tic Ian’ crash over from close range
A fifth tackle power play saw ‘Gigan-
Irish tactician and Pilates socialite under the posts with dreary Dave
Dave Knox, with both boys putting in Knox going over the whitewash not
solid performances.
long after. NURL now had a firm hold
As ever, toothless ladies man Dave on the game, similar to the firm hold
Chatterton and Larry Jigby lead from Barry Yeend would have on a one
the front, sweating out a full 80 minutes
at second row. This built the plat-
There was still time for Thunder’s
penny piece.
form for the likes of new found centre ninth choice halfback Griffiths to
Barry Yeend and lightweight half back break through a tiring defence and
Dave Knox to cut through Hull’s defence
with ease, eventually leading to posts before adding another point-
round the full back to go under the
English Language heartthrob George less trademark drop goal. Talking of
Matthew going over in the corner for trademarks, Erasmus student Daniel
the first of his three tries for the afternoon.
This was George’s 8th try in The Death Machine will now travel
Capaross failed to score again.
two games, a phenomenal streak and to a really, really big stadium in Sheffield
to face Loughborough University
a test of character awaits to see if he
can continue this form into Stan Calvert
this Sunday.
in the semi finals, how exciting!
Neil Hanratty pipped Myles Hudson
to the post in a recent job interview SEMI FINAL LINE UP
but there was no sign of Myles being
beaten to the prize again as he went L’borough 1sts V NURL 1STS,
over for a try down the right hand Leeds Met 1sts V G’shire 1sts
side of pitch. There was no sign of the
oints on their way to setting up a Semi Final date against Loughborough. Photography: Hubert Lam notorious Hanratty who is now earn-
Sweet dreams for Newcastle LAX
ing over £40,000 a year with a Transit
van company vehicle as standard.
Half time approached and Dave
Knox dribbled his usual trash to his
team. Sammy Boyd insisted Dave to
‘shut his wordhole’ and went onto
mastermind a smart second half game
plan, which he willingly shared with
his associates.
The game plan was executed and
NURL had the Semi Final at Don Valley
Stadium in their sights.
Dominant performance against York ensures winning run continues for NUWL firsts
WOMEN’S LACROSSE
Newcastle 1sts
York 1sts
By Hannah Fisher
at COCHRANE PARK
25
3
Newcastle’s victory
was largely down
to an impressive
attacking display
Photography:
Hubert Lam
Promotion
still on the
cards after
Firsts win
NETBALL
By Fiona Moss
Newcastle 1sts
Leeds Met 2nds
Newcastle 4ths
York 2nds
55
23
In the first of their final two league
matches of the season – both of which
will be played against teams directly
below them - Newcastle faced Leeds
Met Seconds. A narrow defeat last
time suggested that it would be a
tough match but with home advantage
Newcastle secured a crushing
win, with huge support from the rest
of the club giving the team an added
boost.
Leeds Met took the first two goals;
however, this was the only point in
the match in which the away team
were in front. Newcastle soon levelled
the score and adapted to Leeds Met’s
pace and put into play defensive practices
which placed a huge amount of
pressure on their opponent’s attack,
creating a number of interceptions
and turnovers. By the end of the first
quarter, Newcastle were ahead 12-
5; a lead which they then extended,
through good, patient work around
the circle, to 26-12 at half time.
Throughout the second half Newcastle
continued to play with discipline
and calm heads. Defensive
work all the way up the court was
excellent. Katie Rimmer, player of the
match, picked off numerous Leeds
Met balls, putting in a great defensive
performance as well as controlling
the team’s attacking play.
Jo Murnane equally had an outstanding
game, before being replaced
after the third quarter by an impressive
fresh-legged Autumn Colledge.
The entire team played with superb
skill and hopefully they can
repeat this strong performance next
Wednesday against Liverpool John
Moore University, a match that they
must win to decide the outcome of
their season and whether they are to
win promotion or not.
30
34
Playing a York team that sits comfortably
in the middle of their table, Newcastle
Fourths expected a difficult and
tight match. However, playing after
the Firsts’ home match, they hoped
the atmosphere would give them the
victory that they have been denied on
numerous occasions this season.
Battling with York for the lead in
the first half, York pulled away in the
third quarter leading by seven at the
break. The tension of final quarter resembled
that of a Stan Calvert tie, a
warm up to the atmosphere expected
on Sunday. Pulling back considerably
to a gap of only two goals, the support
of the crowd and the momentum
of the Fourths suggested an upset
for the away team. Despite great efforts
from a defensive combination
of Freya Cromarty and player of the
match, Charlotte Plumtree, and interceptions
from Rachel McCumiskey,
Newcastle could not steal the victory.
With only one game remaining this
season, the Fourths hope that they
can turn this result around to end the
season on a high.

42.sportBUCS
Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier
Polo opposites: mixed results in
MEN’S WATER POLO
By Tom Connolly
at SPORTS CENTRAL
ROUND ROBIN
1. SHEFFIELD 6pts
2. NEWCASTLE 3pts
3. NOTTINGHAM 2pts
4. ST ANDREWS 0pts
Before the men’s Waterpolo team
could turn their attentions to Stan
Calvert, last weekend they had BUCS
Semi-finals held as a round robin
in Newcastle. After winning their
group and securing promotion, they
met in the semis with second placed
St Andrews and from the other tier
two Northern league group winners
Sheffield and Nottingham who had
finished second. With a spectacular
recent run of form in which they had
dispatched of tier one Leeds in a local
league match 20-12, they entered
the tournament confidently and eager
to rectify last year’s mistakes as they
crashed out against the odds at this
stage of the competition.
Friday evening saw the first of the
three matches, in which they faced
Nottingham, whom they had defeated
in last season’s semi-finals. The
Royals started nervously, as Notts
quickly got off the mark, a sin bin for
Michael Grantham then gave them an
opportunity for a second and rapidly
Newcastle were put on the back foot.
Newcastle reacted in emphatic style,
individual brilliance from Grantham
who scored a hattrick gave the royals
the lead going into the second quarter.
The visitors fought back with two
of their own to regain the lead and
neither team could take advantage of
a man up powerplay before Cypriot
Alexis Georgiou levelled the scores
seconds before halftime.
With a big support behind the Royals
and with them looking to put a
message out to the other teams they
knew they had to push on, none
more than club veteran Luke Watkins
who scored early on, spurred on by
the knowledge that in his nine years
at the club, he had never made the
BUCS finals.
A heated battle at the back earned
captain Stuart Mac Manus a sin bin,
however, solid defence meant the visitors
could not convert. At the other
end Grantham took the chance to add
to his tally making the score 6-4. Nottingham
once again hit back to level
the scores but Newcastle soon pulled
away again. From here on ultra fit
Newcastle took advantage of the lagging
Nottingham and a fourth quarter
hattrick for Mac Manus and two
for national league partner Georgiou
took the Royals to a 13-8 victory.
The other match of the evening between
Sheffield and St Andrews was
a very closely fought affair with the
final score at 7-6 thanks to a last minute
winner from the Sheffield skipper.
As Newcastle had already beaten St
Andrews comprehensively this season
they knew Sheffield would be a
crucial match and perhaps the tournament
decider. So they entered the
first match of the day tentatively. The
first quarter started slowly however
a sin bin for Terry Clarke gave the
Yorkshire side chance to break the
deadlock and take the lead. Plenty
of attacks but unbeatable defence
for both sides saw out the rest of the
quarter out without any score however
Clarke picked up another sin bin,
as did Georgiou providing a sign of
things to come.
With confidence lacking through
being goalless the Royals continued
to concede as the Sheffield captain
stole the ball during a Newcastle man
up and swam the full length to make
it 2-0 at the other end. Another man
up for the home side connected with
the woodwork and Sheffield made it
3-0 before halftime.
A stern word from captain Mac
Manus brought the Royals back into
action however it took a captains goal
to get them off the mark. This was followed
up by reliable veteran Clarke
who poached one for himself. Five
seconds before the end of the penultimate
quarter with Newcastle on the
comeback a questionable decision
saw Georgiou excluded for violent
conduct in the form of an accidental
high foot. With the Cypriot ruled out
of the rest of the match and the home
side a man down for four of the five
minutes left in the game it was a huge
ask for the Royals to get back into it.
A courageous effort saw Newcastle
come close but the equaliser but the
goal proved to be illusive. A devastated
side left the pool knowing they
deserved more.
Meanwhile there was another very
tight match between Nottingham and
St Andrews who scored at the death
to win 7-6.
Newcastle entered their last game
against St Andrews knowing they had
a point to prove. It was Georgiou who
struck with a vengeance early in the
first quarter to give the Royals a two
goal start however this was equalled
by the Scots to level the scores. Mac
Manus who could see an early lead
was vital bagged twice himself getting
on the end of a pinpoint pass from
Watkins, whose unrelenting assists
have been vital to the side’s success
this season. Knowing they must fight
back the visitors scored two quick
goals at the start of the second quarter
to level the match once more at 4-4.
Grantham scored from a long range
effort and Mac Manus took advantage
of a man up to regain the two goal
lead. Clinical attack from the Scots
brought them back level pegging but
Mac Manus struck again to make it
7-6 at halftime.
Unfotunately the next three goals
went against the Royals and the team
once again turned to Mac Manus to
reduce the deficit leaving them one
goal adrift with a quarter to play. The
Scots were the first to strike in the
fourth but ex-GB Grantham kicked
up a gear and nicked another. A sin
bin for Connolly gave the visitors
chance to score again and Newcastle
found themselves two goals down
with only minutes to play. Georgiou,
with a point to prove, pounced on an
opportunity to score and in the dying
seconds of the match it fell to future
captain Grantham to seal the draw.
Emphatic scenes at Sports Central
and a superb display for University
Waterpolo and the Royals felt they
could have topped the group, howev-
Women
just miss
out on
finals in
Leeds
WOMEN’S WATER POLO
By Lauren Wilson
at LEEDS
ROUND ROBIN
1. LEEDS 6pts
2. CARDIFF 4pts
3. NEWCASTLE 2pts
4. BIRMINGHAM 0pts
After four long years, many exhausting
hours in the pool and gruelling
matches against stiff competition, the
Newcastle Ladies Water Polo team
finally returned to the BUCS Semifinals,
putting in commendable performances
against tough opposition.
Although a win against Birmingham
was sandwiched by defeats to Cardiff
and hosts Leeds.
This was a proud achievement for
the Royals as only one team veteran,
Lauri Simikiss, had seen the Semis
before. The finals were held in Leeds
on the weekend of 25 February, and
the Royals were pumped and prepared
for the forthcoming matches.
They arrived in Leeds primed for
their first game against Cardiff. Undeterred
by a difficult first quarter
against the aggressive side, the Royals
bounced back in the second quarter.
Impressive defending from Catherine
Freeman and leaps of glory from
goalkeeper Emily Fairbrother allowed
the Cardiff side only one goal, while
the Royals’ Nicola Powley, Katrina
McDowell and Lauri Simikiss put
three impressive goals in the back of
Cardiff ’s nets.
An inspiring speech at half time
from Captain Fairbrother kept the
team in high spirits allowing them to
score from a textbook perfect set play,
but Cardiff began to dominate and
took a hold of the game with six goals
of their own. The Royals held their
heads high in the fourth quarter and
allowed Cardiff only one more goal,
but were unable to prevent an 11-5
defeat to the Welsh side.
Preparations for the second day of
the tournament were hampered by
an injury to Lauren Wilson, but as
the team prepared for their second
match against Birmingham, inspiring
speeches from coaches Stuart Mac
Manus and Michael Grantham set
the Royals up for a win. The team entered
the pool in a positive mind-set
despite their earlier defeat and gained
the lead in the first quarter with a
striking goal scored on a counter attack
by Katrina MacDowell.
The second quarter saw Birmingham
step up to the challenge set by
the Royals by pulling the score back
to 2-2. However, determined not to
be defeated, despite dubious decisions
from the referees resulting in
the red card of novice player Christina
Sanchez, Newcastle bounced back
scoring five goals in the third quarter
and one in the fourth, securing an 8-4
win.
Newcastle had a long wait before
their final match against Leeds, but
any friendliness formed between the
two sides was lost as soon as costumes
hit the water, with both teams clamouring
for a win. Despite valiant efforts
from centre-back Freeman and
goalkeeper Fairbrother, Leeds took
the lead in the first quarter with a

Th eCourier
Tuesday 6 March 2012
BUCSsport.43
semis
Bangor mashed by captain Michael
Men’s Water Polo make
a splash in the semifi
nals
Photography:
Moises Bedrossian
er, Newcastle were safe in the knowledge
they had done enough for second
place and finals.
The last game of the day saw Sheffield
crowned champions as they saw
off Notts beating them 5-3.
MVP of the tournament goes to ex-
Northumbria captain Mark Gabrielle
whose ruthless defence was key to
the Royal’s performances and bodes
well for the following week’s Stan
Calvert.
score of 4-1.
The hosts maintained control of
the pool throughout, but Newcastle’s
former GB pit-woman Nicola Powley
put three goals in at the other end.
The Royals held their heads high in
the face of inevitable defeat entering
the fourth quarter and club president
Catherine Freeman placed a breathtaking
goal into the top corner of
Leeds’ goals from ten metres to at
least earn some pride. The game finished
on a score of 10-4 to Leeds.
The team displayed unity and enviable
teamwork and sportsmanship
throughout the weekend and despite
being eliminated, they plan to carry
on training and prepare for the next
season of BUCS, where they plan to
smash any opposition and continue
the remarkable performances of this
season.
MEN’S LACROSSE
Newcastle 1sts
Bangor 1sts
By Charlie Scott
at REDHALL DRIVE
17
4
Bangor had to leave their campus in
North Wales at 6.00am on Wednesday
morning in order to make it to the intimidating
Redhall Drive for a 2.00pm
face-off, and those that did make the
arduous journey will have no doubt
been left wishing they had stayed at
home, as Newcastle dominated their
weary opponents throughout, running
out eventual 17-4 winners.
Newcastle captain Zanner Michael
was the undoubted man of the match
as he led by example from start to finish
during his performance. The skipper
mixed some fine defensive play
with a clinical performance going
forward that resulted in seven goals,
including an acrobatic diving finish
late on.
After falling behind against the run
of play to their less illustrious opponents,
Newcastle seemed to take it up
a notch or three, and it was not long
before Harry Mead brought the score
level with a fine individual effort.
Cue the introduction of club captain
Zanner Michael. Cometh the hour,
cometh the man. Michael was soon
up to speed in what was a high intensity
game and shortly after his arrival
Newcastle took the lead through the
imposing Duncan Oliphant, as Bangor
failed to deal with the physicality
of a side with their eyes firmly set on
promotion.
Bangor began to lose their discipline,
losing two men to the sin bin
at the same time, as Newcastle played
some fantastic lacrosse towards the
end of the second quarter. The home
side took full advantage of their numerical
superiority, with Michael
scoring two in quick succession after
exploiting the space left by Bangor’s
sinners, to give his side a 4-1 lead.
Bangor pulled one back through
Matt Altridge before Newcastle
strode to a four goal advantage at the
break courtesy of a further goal from
Oliphant, and a fine finish from Ian
Reeds.
The third quarter started in a similar
vein to how the second had finished,
with Newcastle crashing wave
BASKETBALL
FENCING
RESULTS
BADMINTON
M1 v Nottingham 1sts 3 - 5
M2 v Hull 1nds 3 - 5
W1 v Sheffi eld 1sts
M1 v Teesside 1sts 40-37
M1 v Durham 3rds 135-75
M2 v Leeds 1sts 109-129
W1 v Bradford 1sts NCL W/O
after wave of attacks onto a battered
Bangor backline. Ben ‘Birthday Boy’
Beattie added a smart brace early in
the quarter before Michael then completed
his hat-trick to make it 9-2.
Not content with a meagre trio of
goals, Michael soon added another,
while Andy ‘El Presidente’ Oliver also
got himself in on the demolition act
to make it 11-2 to the dominant home
side.
Michael scored Newcastle’s twelfth
goal of the afternoon after a wonderful
flowing move down the left-hand
side, before Bangor finally responded
with a couple of goals in the space of
as many minutes to take the score to
12-4.
Newcastle’s Captain Marvel grabbed
his sixth of the game after dispossessing
a Bangor defender, driving at goal
from the left-hand side, and firing an
emphatic finish past the hapless Alex
Wilkinson in the Bangor goal. Oliver
then scored his second to make it
14-4, finishing off a straightforward
move made all the more simple by
Bangor’s physically and emotionally
drained defenders.
FOOTBALL
M1 v UCLAN 1sts 2 - 4
M2 v Durham 2nds 0 - 5
M3 v York 2nds 8 - 2
W1 v Hull 1sts 7 - 1
W2 v Leeds Trinity 1sts 3 - 0
GOLF
1 v UCLAN 2nds 1 - 5
2 v Northumbria 3rds 5.5 - 0.5
HOCKEY
M1 v Birmingham 2nds 3 - 2
M2 v M3 1 - 0
M4 v Teeside 5 - 2
W1 v Sheffi eld 1sts 0 - 3
W3 v York 1sts 1 - 5
W4 v Teesside 1 - 2
LACROSSE
RUGBY
SQUASH
9
Won
M1 v Bangor 1sts 17 - 4
W1 v York 1sts 25 - 3
W2 v Sheffi eld 1sts 2 - 15
NETBALL
W1 v Leeds Met 2nds 55-23
W4 v York 2nds 30-34
M2 v M3 26-26
M4 v Sheffi eld 2nd 14 - 49
W1 v Sheffi eld Hal 1sts 13 - 17
RUGBY LEAGUE
M1 v Lincoln 1st 47 - 12
W2 v Sheffi eld 2nds 2 - 3
W3 v Bradford 1sts 4 - 0
The whole Newcastle team wanted
in on the goalscoring spree, with Sam
Cuntliffe finishing off a great move to
add his name to the scoresheet, and
Oliver completing his hat-trick in the
dying minutes to give his side a 16-4
lead.
There was still time for one last moment
of Michael magic, however,
with Newcastle’s skipper saving his
best goal until last. After collecting
the ball behind the opposition’s goal
he sprinted round the other side of
it before diving between two Bangor
defenders and hammering an effort
home in mid air, prompting serioussounding
queries of ‘Is this man human?’
from the crowd.
The game finished 17-4 as Newcastle
ensured promotion in what outstanding
CBO James Kolokontroni
described as the ‘best performance of
the season’.
While Michael may dominate the
headlines in the wake of this comprehensive
showing, it was a fine team
effort from Newcastle, with players in
all positions contributing to the win.
Since their 6-1 loss to Hull in October
Newcastle have won seven
games on the bounce following this
resounding victory in their last BUCS
game of the season. Their lengthy unbeaten
run has guaranteed them a top
two finish in the league, that means,
regardless of results elsewhere, they
will be playing in the Northern 1A division
next year.
Yet not all the team that performed
so brilliantly today will still be part
of the Men’s 1sts come September.
Graduation, the most irritating of
milestones, will force some of these
warriors to lay down their sticks and
immerse themselves in the world of
work.
For that reason, here is a special
mention for those that finished their
BUCS careers in style: Zanner Michael
(capt.), Phil ‘The Pain’ Elwood,
Toby Crow and Rupert Grimes, and
also Duncan Oliphant who will be on
a year abroad next season.
Michael told me after the game that
two years ago the team finished that
season on zero points. They have
come a long way since then.
Things get physical as
Newcastle dominate
Bangor to improve
promotion chances
Photography:
Hubert Lam
TABLE TENNIS
M1 v Lancaster 1sts 12 - 5
TENNIS
M1 v Sheffi eld 2nds 4 - 8
M2 v York 2nds 8 - 4
W1 v Leeds Met 3rds 4 - 8
W2 v Leeds Met 4ths 12 - 0
LEAGUE
TABLE
8 EDINBURGH 1598
9 NOTTINGHAM 1587
10 NEWCASTLE 1330
11 BRISTOL 1306
12 OXFORD 1299

Sport
thecourieronline.co.uk/sport
YORK
LEFT
BEHIND
BY NCL
LAX
LACROSSE, P45
www.thecourieronline.co.uk
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Issue 1247
Free
Hull feel the
force of NURL
p.45
Photography: Hubert Lam
Hallam no match for NWR
Firsts prevail despite Captain Lebrecht’s injury
WOMEN’S RUGBY
Newcastle 1sts
Sheffield Hallam 1sts
By Phoebe Lebrecht
at SHEFFIELD
31
17
With the sun shining down on them,
the undefeated NWR travelled to
Sheffield for the first of two consecutive
Wednesday fixtures against Hallam.
Once off the bus, the girls braved
the third-world changing rooms and
tiptoed through the toilets before
donning their team Newcastle crests
and jogging out for the warm-up.
With only one ball, the warm up was
slow and concentration was slipping.
Due to injury, there was a bit of a
shuffle in the starting side and with
Captain Phoebe Lebrecht on the
sidelines, little fresher Rosie Neal
stepped up for her fly half debut. A
rocky start saw NWR under pressure,
but it wasn’t long before number
12 Holly Malins was galloping
through the Hallam defence to place
the ball under the posts. Pat Lapierre
showed off her Canadian converting
skills putting NWR 7-0 ahead. Hallam
came back with a vengeance and
a scrum on NWR’s five metre line
gave Sheffield’s bean-pole of a no.8
the chance to break blind, and break
blind she did, breaking a couple of
tackles and crossing the line to bring
the score back to 7-5. Trusty fullback
Pat Lapierre did not let her head go
down and within minutes NWR
struck again, some excellent support
running from Vice Captain Sophie
Bale and strong running from the
likes of Jenny “the machine” Richards
and Charlotte Flint saw Pat firmly
over the line. Lapierre added the extra
points to the board with ease and
the Nubiles had extended their lead
to 14-5. Hallam restarted and immediately
put NWR on the back foot.
The pressure from the strong Hallam
forwards saw NWR losing their defensive
line. This momentary lapse of
judgment created an overlap for their
powerful fullback who left no prisoners
when she flew down the wing.
Malins, fuming at the cheek of Hallam
putting 10 points past the mighty
NWR so quickly, returned the favour
before half-time. Lapierre failed to
convert but the Nubiles were up 19-
10 at the half-time whistle.
After an inspirational team-talk
from Coach Greeny and Captain
Pube, the girls were hungry for a win.
They kicked off with all the right intentions
but Hallam took the ball on
the full and came back fighting. Early
into the second half, Richards went
down with an almighty scream and
she wasn’t crying wolf. With a boot to
the face, Jen had an eyebrow to challenge
Rocky Balboa.
The medi-bag was in full use as
NWR (who all think they’re doctors)
nursed Jen’s brow. There was no stopping
the machine and once Jen was
bandaged up she was back on for
round two.
Some strong forward balls and
trusty hands from our friends Hallam
saw them catapult their bean-pole
no.8 across the try-line. They converted,
putting the score at 19-17.
At this point Captain Phoebe Lebrecht
had called for cardio as her
heart wasn’t going to be able to take
much more of this. Seeing their fellow
Politics buddy in such a state,
Centre Emma Boyle and scrum-half
Hannah McShane rallied the troops
and injected some inspiration. In the
closing eight minutes, excellent hands
and great communication saw NWR
play at their finest. They laid Hallam
to rest with two more tries, leaving
the pitch with a 31-17 victory.
‘Forward of the match’ was awarded
to Rhian Hockey for her outstanding
tackles and perseverance. ‘Back of the
match’ went to Lauren Wallace, our
courageous winger and ‘Player of the
match’ was picked by Sheffield as Rosie
Neal, for an excellent performance
for her debut at stand-off.
Storming
through
to finals:
Armstrong
and
Agrics
make
the grade
Intra Mural Rugby, p42-43
Photography: Hubert Lam
Photography: Hubert Lam
MEN’S THIRDS SECURE
PROMOTION BUCS IN BRIEF, P45
Photography: Moises Bedrossian