Issue 1247 - The Courier

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16.lifestyle thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk Tuesday 6 March 2012 Th eCourier British Slang as interpreted by... Shorthand Feminist Society Hold the fort whilst I burn my bra. That’s classic misconception number one. Honest? Perfectly: the society is at least as (if not more) open-minded and welcoming than any other. People are encouraged to go along to discussions or socials, whether they are that way ideologically-inclined or not. So what would an interested but noncommittal student encounter…? Mainly open-ended discussion about topical issues in women’s rights. Sex, the sexualisation of women in culture and women’s appearance are particularly prominent. That doesn’t mean, however, that guys aren’t welcome. Sounds a bit intimidating for your average bloke though… Not at all - the society, which already has male members, is trying to get more men involved - it’s not about separation of the sexes; equality’s the aim, ‘and to defend women’s rights on the campus and beyond.’ Defend? Violence? Really? The society is about liberation, not violence - ‘about identifying with others who feel the same way’, especially in terms of appearance - women feeling comfortable in themselves, and not pressured to conform to a stereotype. A stereotype? Never… Clearly you haven’t watched Take Me Out or any other dating programme for a while… That was sarcasm. Lost on some, evidently. Evidently. More importantly, SPEAK, a collection of sexual experiences compiled from anonymous contributions from people in Newcastle will go live in March, in collaboration with NUSU. The compilation will be sold on July 7 at the Cluny event, or at a stall on campus the following week. Really? It all sounds a bit risqué … And you sound like my grandmother, frankly. It’s anonymous, as stated, and last year’s was a big success. ‘We hope it promotes an open and honest dialogue about sex.’ It certainly promises to be an interesting and, hopefully, inspiring occasion; if nothing else it is a unique event ‘crammed with all your weird, wonderful, beautiful, sad, inspiring stories.’ Anything else? The society meets at least once a week and, apart from discussions, often organises a night out in the pub, but no raves per se. Two upcoming events also include International Women’s Day Eve on March 7, and a collaboration the following day with Newcastle Women’s Collective, with more music, spoken word, film and photography, ‘all from women in order to celebrate the existence and diversity of women performers.’ Sign me up! To join go to the facebook page or email feministsociety@ncl.ac.uk. Nonie Heal Seth from Superbad “All mouth and no trousers” Somebody that only gives oral sex “Bloke” Choking whilst giving somebody a blow-job “All to pot” A call for everybody to start smoking cannabis “Pissing around” A guy that attempts to urinate whilst windmilling his penis “Agony aunt” A dominatrix that can be called on for sexual punishment “Arse over tit” A guy that prefers butts to breasts “Butty” Somebody that regularly moons in public “Cock-up” A guy that gets easily turned-on “Backie” Taking a chick from behind “Tit for tat” A girl who shows a guy their breasts to see his penis Illustrations: Daisy Billowes Lauren Cordell You’ve got problems! Moderately attractive but still single, embarrassed by your metrosexual male friend , perturbed by your peculiarly shaped penis ... oh dear! Luckily Uncle Monty’s here to help... I am getting really frustrated with my love life. I have been single for three whole years now, with barely a blip of interest on my radar. I consider myself to be a moderately attractive girl and a pretty decent person, so why the drought? I just don’t understand how it is possible for me to have stayed single for my whole time at uni! And it’s not like I have been sleeping around either - my love life just seems to be literally dead. Help! I think I can probably understand why – you’re a needy, moaning, bedwetting crybaby. If I can tell that from this short missive, imagine how many character flaws would become apparent after spending time in your actual company. The Paris Hilton “Bagsy” Somebody that has really dark circles under their eyes “Totty” A cute toddler “Kip” Somebody with kissable lips “Bricking-it” What a builder does “Chap” A cheesy wrap “Shit-faced” a new beauty treatment “Dishy” somebody that fits satellite dishes “Slag” A slow-motion slap “Snog” A sneaky frog “Chuffed to bits” Someone chopped up into little pieces “Bog roll” Rolling around in the mud answer is, of course, somewhere in the region of 30 to 40. If you tone down the self-pity, then maybe – MAYBE – I’ll let you take me out. I was quite the eligible bachelor back in the day, though that was when I couldn’t count how many teeth I had on one hand. Our mate dyes his hair blonde, waxes his chest and wears what he describes as ‘fashionable’ clothing. He thinks he looks cool and is really manly, but we feel kind of embarrassed to be out with him on nights out. How do we tell him he is trying too hard and to tone it down a bit without hurting his feelings and damaging our friendships with him? I had a similar problem with an old roommate of mine at Cambridge, name of Liam. Our mutual friends decided that the best way to go about changing him was to crush his sense of self-worth and individualism through the time-honoured male-bonding technique of ritualistic bullying. After three months of taunting, stealing his belongings, ignoring him and referring to him only as ‘Haircut’, his selfesteem was low enough for him to accept our demand that he shave his hair off in exchange for basic social contact. Now, 23 The Queen “Chavvy” Somebody that is cheese savvy “Grub” An Australian larva “Barf ” When somebody laughs loudly “Bugger” Somebody with an interest in insects “Batting for the other team” Somebody that plays cricket for Australia “Plastered” Somebody covered in bandages “Rug muncher” Moths that infest the house when the domestic staff don’t clean properly “Jammy” A cake filled full with a large amount of jam “Minging” A male singing “Pikey” An expert fisherman, most likely to catch a pike “Knuckle sandwich” A snack eaten with afternoon tea years later, he’s a fat mess and lives under the sheet of corrugated iron opposite my shed, bellowing profanities at children who rattle his wacky shack with sticks and pebbles. Still, better to be like that than a preening turd. Uncle Monty, help! My penis is bent. It bends all the way to the left and hurts when I masturbate. This is really annoying and ruins my sex life. I’ve only ever shown it to two people. One said it was okay and the other just laughed at me. This really ruined my confidence in the bedroom. One thing I would suggest is attaching your penis to a splint, much as one might train one’s begonias to climb a trellis. Alternatively, have you considered that your penis is going the right way, and that your body is at the wrong angle? Sorry if that sounds a bit poncey, I found an anthology of existentialist philosophy quotations in Leazes Park under Crackers Alan’s collection of issues of Horny Housewives. I’ve been meaning to have a word with Alan about that actually – it’s incredibly irresponsible behaviour to leave such filth lying about near a playground. The kids might read the magazines, too.
Th eCourier Penny Pincher Rosie Jenkenson Restaurant Review Bob Trollop Food to put in your packed lunch Tuesday 6 March 2012 Food glorious food. We can’t live without it, yet the cost of it can stack up pretty quickly. I think the worst place we splash our cash where we could actually save is with lunches. Yes, I know walking around with your little Prêt A Manger brown paper bag makes you feel like you are scoring extra chic points, but these little splurges every day can take their toll. Spend between £3-£5 a day on lunches and snacks and that could cost you between £180-£300 this semester alone! Here are my tips on how to make those pennies stretch at lunchtime. The truth is, Boots don’t do the cheapest meal deals (£3.29 currently). Greggs’ meal deal is £2.99, M&S have one for £2.95 and Tesco’s is £2.50. And they all have quite a good choice. So if you can’t curb your meal-deal spending immediately, make sure you don’t just always head straight to Boots to get it! Make lunch to take with you. Selected Lloyd Grossman delicious pasta sauces have been reduced to just £1 in Tesco and Asda. Cook up some pasta and just From its exterior, Bob Trollop looks like a rustic, traditional pub. This theme carries on throughout, with the dark wooden beams and intriguing black and white framed photographs creating a warm and relaxed ambiance. On entrance, we were immediately welcomed, led to a quaint seating area and offered drinks. Bob Trollop is a 100% vegetarian eatery and resides beside Red House, which serves traditional, nonvegetarian food. The two are adjoined by a quirky passageway and we were offered Running out of money rapidly? Bored of the library cafe rolls? Too lazy to make it into town? Why not get creative with your packed lunch... And save a little dough! So we all know, as students, how poor students are. With debts looming over our futures and overdrafts calling, you know grabbing lunch in town every day is a sure way to unnecessarily increase those debts. London South Bank University recommends students budget £20-25 per week to cover lunch costs if not taking a packed lunch. This is a huge chunk of your student loan. You could opt for skipping lunch, but if you have a busy schedule this is going to leave you pretty hungry and probably grumpy too. Scrounging off others is quite likely to leave you friendless. Tel : 0191 2611037 mix a jar of this in with it. It will make at least two portions so that’s your next two lunches set! Instead of buying individual snacks to keep you going throughout the day, save money and buy in bulk! You might think it’s expensive to fork out £2-£3 for a pack of multigrain cereal bars at the supermarket, but it will work out much cheaper in the long run. Plus, it’ll help you resist the temptation to indulge in that extra bag of crisps. Because it’s Lent, the su- permarkets are cramming loads of special offers on their chocolate to try and tempt us - and it’s work- ing! Buy a 350g Cadbury Roses box for only £2 at Morrisons (RRP £4). Bargain! 32-40 Sandhill, Quayside, Newcastle upon Tyne. NE1 1UN #4 Meal Deals, Mimo Burgers and Bargains! With a little effort you can more than halve this cost by taking food in with you. And why not have fun with it! Everyone loves a good cook, so get practising. For a tasty snack or a whole sandwich, try this recipe for some delicious Rosemary Focaccia! both menus. At first glance, we were pleasantly surprised by the extremely reasonable prices, particularly considering the brilliant location right next to the Quayside (around £6 for the most expensive main). Also there is a generous 15% NUS discount available, so it’s perfect for a budget bite. For starters we opted for two dishes from the ‘light bites’ section of the menu, which despite the cheap prices, offered some rather delectable ingredients. Both the goat’s cheese bruchetta with mixed leaf salad (£3.95) and tomato mozzarella and pesto ciabatta with potato crisps and salad (£3.50) were served promptly and the portion size was impressive. It was certainly enough for a lunch meal! Despite being a meat eater, I had no qualms ordering from the tempting vegetarian menu and opted for the five bean vegetarian chilli (£4.50) accompanied by rice and bread. My dining partner ordered beer battered haddock with chips and peas (£5.95) and was assured the fish was MSC certified – a comforting note for the pescetarians out there. The taste of these Hannah Friend dishes did not falter and I was particularly impressed by the hand cut chips as, regardless of the danger of slipping further and further into a carb-coma, I could not resist eating all of them! We thought it only fair to sample from every part of the menu and proceeded to order pudding. We went for the chocolate brownie with ice cream and sticky toffee pudding with butterscotch sauce. They were a steal at £2.50 each. The presentation of the brownie was impeccable, even topped with a chocolate shard (something I have only seen before on MasterChef!) and a strawberry. The following five minutes consisted of orgasmic noises from both sides of the table, a sure sign of appreciation. Vegetarians and meat eaters alike should make haste to Bob Trollop. This unpretentious pub will leave you contented both in stomach and bank balance. I will certainly be heading back soon! Clare Vaughan lifestyle.17 Lifestyle Editors: Ben Parkin, Emma Balter and Lauren Stafford Online Editor: Lauren Cordell Get them before they’re gone! Get 50% off ALL burgers at MiMo bar (next to Revolu- tion!). It’s a student-only offer so take your smartcard! 1 voucher per person, available on www.eatsleep.co.uk to use when dining before 7.30pm. Valid until March 8. All Tresemme shampoos and conditioners are better than half price at Tesco! Buy 900ml bottles for £2 each to have silky, smooth hair (RRP £4.49). Valid until March 13. Pizza Express have 25% off their food Sunday-Friday with a voucher that is easily printable from their website. Valid until March 11, but doesn’t apply to takeaways from Jesmond unfortunately! Argos are selling a George Foreman Seven Portion Entertaining Grill (RRP £79.99) for £39.99! Cook everything on this from your fish fingers to huge chicken breasts. So handy, and much healthier than frying! Split the cost and buy one for the house, it’s big enough to fit everyone’s portion on it! Ingredients: 500g self raising flour 300ml warm water 15g dried yeast 50ml olive oil 10g sugar 6g salt ½ tbsp dried rosemary Rosemary Focaccia 1. Make up the yeast and water combination according to the yeast packet instructions. 2. Mix the flour with the salt, rosemary and olive oil. Add the water-yeast combo gradually until you have a very sticky dough. 3. Knead the dough and then wrap in cling film rubbed with a bit of olive oil. Put it in a warm place until it starts to expand. 4. Knead again and flatten out onto a baking tray. Sprinkle with salt and rosemary and bake for around 15 minutes at 200˚C. 5. When it’s cooked, leave to ‘stand’ with a tea towel over for a few minutes - this makes the top nice and soft. For a caramelised onion topping, sauté sliced onions until soft. Then add a little sugar and turn up the heat until they are slightly crisp. What’s Hot Spring is almost here! The absence of a real winter this year has definitely turned into an advantage for Newcas- tle students. You can enjoy a spring walk with your friends around the city or organise a picnic with some snacks and maybe some guitar music in the park. Live mannequins Bank on Northumberland St has started displaying live mannequins. This is definitely a creative and unique approach to Saturday shopping Have your say! Student elections are coming up. Each year, six full-time sabbatical officers and 19 part-time officers are elected by the student body. Make sure you vote. Waking up at 9am The worst thing about 9am lectures and semi- nars is that you can be late even when you set your alarm for 6am. Coming into university in your PJs is definitely not a good look. Orange Fights If you are so stressed that you want to throw things at someone, like oranges, Ivrea is a perfect place to visit. Every year the Italian town organizes a fight for three days. However, there is no guarantee that you won’t get a bruise or a broken nose. Snoods A horrible mix of scarf and hood, snoods are the strang- est clothing invention to date. They’re unflattering and alto- gether odd. What’s Not Thuy Anh Phan Illustrations: Daisy Billowes
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