September-October 2007 - The Journey Magazine

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GOD By Debbie Craven Many years ago, I participated in a graduate student’s research for her thesis on the God image’of the abused and the non-abused. I am not sure what the conclusions of the study were, but what struck me was to see how closely my image of God paralleled my image of my earthly father. Perhaps being raised in the Catholic Church with its patriarchal structure and attitudes it should have come as no surprise, but up to that point I had never really analyzed my vision and concept of God. For me, God simply was. My image of God was what I had been taught. God was something that could shower blessings or inflict consequences. God, through the Holy Spirit, could dwell within me, but it seemed as though that meant that a visitor from “out there” would see fit to take up residence so long as I remained in a state of grace. God was something separate from me. As I became aware of how I had humanized such a vast concept or entity I also became aware of how inadequate anything I had ever learned was to describe or envision the concept of God. The humanization had started in childhood with the idea that we are made in “His image” with mankind being a flawed version, a work in progress if you will. I noted the “His” and gave God attributes of a father figure, my own father being the example I had of what that would be. I loved my dad, but as a child he was a scary and often unpredictable guy, very human, and as flawed as the rest of us. So God became a sometimes scary thing for me but a more perfect version of my dad. I was always thought that God loved me and I wanted to do what was right so God would approve of me but as a child I mostly wanted to avoid the punishment I had been taught could come to me for any number of possible infractions. Considering the fire and brimstone alternative that could await me, I wanted to spend eternity with God, even if He was scary sometimes. I hoped I could pass the judgment. I counted on the fact that under it all He loved me and had my best interests at heart even if that didn’t always feel good. Later I was presented with and was able to embrace a broader idea of God that included the feminine balance. After all, if we were made in His image and we are male and female, masculine and feminine, then I figured God must be also. At that point my image of God took on more of my mother’s attributes in combination with those of my father. The whole concept of the disciplinarian remained but was softened by a perception that God could understand me, forgive things and not sweat the small stuff so much. The whole idea of spending eternity together became more appealing and some of the fear of retribution subsided. Still, although God’s place in my life continued to grow, there was a separation and God remained outside of me. Since that time I have become aware that we are much more than male and female matter. We are energy and light; we are spirit. That has put a whole different slant on my understanding of God. The concept had to broaden in order to be relevant. I can now see the Deity as Pure Light and Pure Energy, having no form and no human characteristics, more like the collective consciousness, the total. It is natural from this perspective to see God as the Source of all life and that from which I am an extension. It fits that we are made in God’s image of light and energy. The evolution of my understanding and my image of God has brought me a sense of union and peace. I am no longer afraid of God any more than I am afraid of my hand or my foot. I still want to spend eternity connected to this awareness. I still want to do what I believe is right. I still want to be forgiven and understood, but now I know that I must go inside to accomplish this because I am to God as a ray of sunshine is to the sun. On a day-to-day basis God still simply is and I won’t know for sure if my present image is accurate until I leave the Earth plane. It’s all good, however, because for me God is no longer something separate. PAGE THIRTY SIX SEPTEMBER • OCTOBER 2007 THE JOURNEY
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September-October 2007 - The Journey Magazine

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