Vol. VI No. 1 - Modernist Magazines Project

A LIBRARIAN'S POSERS
By ROBERT PARTRIDGE
N what side of his face did Cromwell have a wart?" was a
question recently put to a librarian. After a brief search a
portrait of Cromwell was produced and the true position of the
wart located. The question was not in the least trivial, for it culminated
in the discovery of a very valuable and unique death-mask of .Cromwell,
which was found in an old "curio" shop.
"What is the analysis of the River Jordan's water?" was another
puzzler. At first the librarian was perplexed and suggested that the
best thing to do would be to send for a sample. To his surprise this
had already been done, but the supply sent had been so small that a
correct scientific analysis was not possible. For some time the librarian
delved into the most obscure kind of books, and at last, in a musty,
dilapidated Government Report, he found an authoritative, scientific
analysis. A big order by a shipping firm, amounting to thousands of
pounds, was the result.
Librarians are extremely helpful people. Further, they are equal
to all emergencies,
Not long ago a youth entered a public library and said; "Please,
Sir, have you a book'on /How to manage Triplets.' Our manager's
wife says she can handle twins, but triplets have got her beat completely."
The librarian, quite unperturbed, promptly produced a
"Mother's Manual", which no doubt eased the poor woman's anxiety.
"Have you a sky-blue book?" was the request of a flapper the
other day. After a few tactful questions the confession was drawn
from her that she wanted a novel with a light-blue cover to it in order
to match her new frock.
"Please, sir, I've run, now may I read?" a little boy asked, appearing
suddenly at a library counter, his face flushed and perspiring, his hair
ruffled, and his collar askew. It took the librarian several seconds to
realise that the youthful aspirant to learning had seen the publicity
poster outside the building, bearing the slogan :"He who runs may read."
"Is the stuck-up mister in?" demanded a burly borrower in a
gruff voice. The assistant, foreseeing trouble, called the librarian. But
both officials were much relieved when it transpired that all he wanted
was Crockett's "Stickit Minister."
Many librarians have been asked for Dante's "Infernal Comedy,"
and not a few have been startled by such requests as "Kiss Auntie"
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