Vol. VI No. 1 - Modernist Magazines Project

CURB-STONE FINANCIERS
By ALF HEWITT
"^KT'US, guvner, they're the right chat, an' the cheapest in the
J road!" The voice was silent for a few minutes and then it
rasped again. "Try, 'arf a poun' o' them apples, guvner." By (
this time the speaker had one dirty paw on the sleeve of my coat
and the other gnarled mass of earthy nails and knuckles was caressing
a good sized apple.
It was a Wednesday morning and for want of something better to
do, I decided to stroll along the Tower Bridge Road market and watch
the noble society of gutter merchants exercise their art.
My first introduction into this exclusive circle was with the already
mentioned fruiterer. Between much spitting upon the pavement and
opening and shutting of one eye, he expounded the art of buying
right, so as to sell right, "An' bless yer, no I don't do this for a living,
Gawd bless yer, no, I sells 'em too cheap for that," and by the look
of his clothes, especially the rear of his trousers which were of rather
large dimensions, I could see that he could not afford to shop in Bond
Street, and also his confessed poverty showed that the hectic colour
of his nose was not the result of indigestion.
I left our friend after enriching him by threepence and very soon
found myself in the thick of the market. The noise was deafening.
Voices of all notes and brogues were yelling as if the owners' very
existence depended on the loudness of the yell.
"Fine, ripe, termarters!"
"Fresh 'addicks!"
"Nice beet root, lidy!"
"Bootlaces, M'am!"
"Eels, all alive-o," and a thousand other calls all mixed like, a
"Dutch melody." The roadside was packed tightly with stalls, whilst
among the crowded shoppers on the pavement, were other costers,
whose stocks were either on portable trays or in their hands. One lady
of Hebrew extraction would not let me pass her until I had bought a
present for the "missus." I explained I had no "missus."
"Vel der young lady."
"I have no young lady," I said.
"Vel, wear 'em for armlets then!"
I blushed, but such persistency beat me and after making certain
that none of my acquaintances were watching, I parted with sixpence.
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