Listening Response

Listening Responses 

Adapted from: 

Cormier, W. H. (1991). Interviewing strategies for helpers: Fundamental skills and cognitive behavioral interventions (3rd ed.). Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole. 

Chapter 5

http://www.flickr.com/photos/wwworks/ / CC BY 2.0 

James 1:19 NIV 

• Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to 

speak and slow to become angry 

2

4 Listening 

Responses 

• Reflection of 

Feeling 

• Paraphrasing 

Content 

• Clarifying 

Questions 

• Summarization 

4

• Visual 

Sensory Modalities 

• Auditory 

• Kinesthetic 

• Mix 

5 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/22750018@N05/ / CC BY-NC-ND 

2.0

Visual 

Client Word 

• See 

• Bright 

• Clear 

• Show 

• Colorful 

• Focus 

• Picture 

• Glimpse 

• View 

• Perspective 

• ‗Now look‘ 

Counselor 

Phrase 

• ―It seems like‖ 

• ―It appears as 

though‖ 

• ―From my 

perspective‖ 

• ―As I see it‖ 

• ―I see what you 

mean‖ 

• ―It looks like‖ 

6 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lanuiop/ / CC BY 2.0

• Listen 

• Discuss 

• Yell 

• Should 

• Tell 

• Loud 

• Told 

• Noisy 

• Talk 

• Call 

• Hear 

• Ears 

Client Word 

Auditory 

Counselor Phrase 

• ―Sounds like‖ ―As I hear it‖ ―What you‘re saying is‖ 

• ―I hear you saying‖ ―Something tells you‖ ‗now listen‘ ―You‘re telling me that‖ 

7

Kinesthetic 

Client Word 

• Feel 

• Relaxed 

• Touch 

• Sense 

• Pressure 

• Experience 

• Hurt 

• Firm 

• Pushy 

• ‗You Know‘ 

• Grasp 

Counselor 

Phrase 

• ―You feel‖ 

• ―From my 

standpoint‖ 

• ―I sense that‖ 

• ―I have a 

feeling that‖ 

8

Reflection 

• A rephrasing of the 

affective part of the 

client‘s message 

• Purpose: 

– To encourage more expression of feelings 

– To experience feelings more intensely 

– To help increase awareness of dominant feelings 

– To help acknowledge and manage feelings 

– To discriminate among feelings 

9

Errors in 

Reflecting 

• Avoid ―And how does 

that make you feel‖ 

• Test a hypothesis from 

watching non-verbals. 

• Avoid any repetitive 

style 

• Reflecting after every 

statement is overuse 

• Going too deep 

• Using complex 

language 

http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/print/2008/1/anorexia-mirror.jpg 

10

• Select the most 

relevant feelings 

from statements 

and non-verbals 

know you feeling 

word lists 

• Reflect what you 

have just perceived 

• Wait for a 

confirming 

response or cue 

How to 

Reflect 

11

Visual 

Reflections 

• It appears that … you are angry now 

• It looks like . . . 

• It is clear to me that . . . 

12

Auditory 

Reflections 

• It sounds like you . . . 

• I hear you saying you 

• You are tell me you 

• are angry now 

13 

Clickart photo

Kinesthetic Reflections 

• I can grasp your anger 

• You are feeling angry 

now 

• Let‘s get in touch with 

your anger. 

14 

Clickart photo

Confident 

Reflections: 

Visual 

• Let me see if I understand. You 

• From your point of view . . . 

• As you see it . . . 

15

Confident 

Reflections: 

Auditory 

• As I hear it. 

• What I hear you saying 

16 

• I hear you loudly saying

Confident Reflections: Kinesthetic 

• I‘m sensing… 

• You feel 

• From where you stand 

• Where you‘re coming from 

17

Other Confident Reflections 

• Could it be that… 

• I wonder if… 

• Correct me if I‘m wrong. … 

• I get the impression that… 

• You… 

• It seems to you 

• In your experience 

• I‘m picking up that you 

• You mean 

18

Tentative Reflections: 

Visual 

• It appears you . . . 

19 

Clickart photo

Tentative Reflections: Auditory 

• What I guess I‘m hearing is 

• As I hear it, you 

• This is what I think I hear you saying 

20

Tentative Reflections: 

Kinesthetic 

• You appear to be 

feeling 

• Perhaps you‘re feeling 

• Is it possible that 

• I somehow sense that 

maybe you feel 

• Maybe you feel 

• Do you feel a little 

• I‘m not certain I 

understand; you‘re 

feeling 

• …is that the way you 

feel 

21

Other Tentative Reflections: 

• Could it be 

• I wonder if 

• I‘m not sure if 

• I‘m with you, but 

• Would you buy this idea 

• Correct me if I‘m wrong but 

• Is there any chance that you Is it 

conceivable that 

• Maybe this is a long shot, but 

• Maybe I‘m out to lunch, but 

• I‘m not sure if I‘m with you; do you 

mean 

• From where I stand you 

• It seems that you 

• …is that the way it is 

• …is that what you mean 

• Let me see if I understand you; you 

• Let me see if I‘m with you; you 

• I get the impression that 

• I guess that you‘re 

• Does it sound reasonable that you 

• Could this be what‘s going on, you 

22

A computer consultant, Jack, does work for Joyce. 

Jack: What am I supposed to do about Joyce She throws more work at me than I 

can possibly handle. I've told her but she won't listen. I don't want people to think 

I'm trying to get out of doing my job but she‘s really got me totally buried 

• Which are reflections 

– Hang in there: I'm sure it will work out eventually 

– It sounds like this is really getting you down 

– You're worried people will think you are a slacker 

– Joyce is really unfair, huh 

– Have you discussed it with Jim [the boss] 

– You were discouraged when Joyce didn‘t listen 

– Why have you let things go on this long 

– Your really getting fed up with the situation. 

23 

Clickart photo

Client, a middle aged man: You can‘t imagine what it was 

like when I found my wife was cheating on me. I saw red! 

What should I do –get even—leave her—I‘m not sure. [Said 

in loud, shrill , high-pitched voice, clenched fists] 

1. It looks like you‘re very angry 

now about your wife‘s going 

out on you. 

2. It appears that you‘re furious 

with your wife‘s actions 

3. It seems like your both angry 

and vindictive now that you 

have discovered your wife has 

been going out with other men 

24

Cautions on Ventilation 

• With severe disorders: hysteria, delusions, 

extreme anger 

• Client already overwhelmed 

• History of emotional crises 

• Strong resistance to exploring feelings 

• Doubt your adequacy to help 

• Turmoil in your life 

• Inadequate time to process 

• Specialist support is inadequate 

• Lack of support from agency or parent 

25 

Clickart photo

Paraphrase (Reflecting Content) 

• Rephrasing of the content of the client‘s 

message 

• Purpose: 

– To help focus on content 

– To highlight content when feelings are 

premature or self-defeating 

26

Confident Paraphrases 

• I understand the problem as… 

• I see the situation as… 

• I‘m sensing… 

• Could it be that… 

• You… 

• You feel 

• From your point of view 

• It seems to you 

• In your experience 

• From where you stand 

• As you see it 

• You think 

• You believe 

• What I hear you saying 

• I‘m picking up that you 

• I really hear you saying that 

• Where you‘re coming from 

• You figure 

• You mean 

27 

© 2002-2005 Riverdeep Interactive Learning

Tentative 

Paraphrases 

• Could it be 

• I wonder if 

• I‘m not sure if 

• I‘m with you, but 

• Would you buy this idea 

• What I guess I‘m hearing is 

• Correct me if I‘m wrong but 

• Is it possible that 

• Does it sound reasonable that you 

• Could this be what‘s going on, you 

• From where I stand you 

• This is what I think I hear you 

saying 

• It appears you 

• Is there any chance that you 

• Is it conceivable that 

• Maybe this is a long shot, but 

• Maybe I‘m out to lunch, but 

• I‘m not sure if I‘m with you; do 

you mean 

• I‘m not certain I understand; you‘re 

feeling 

• It seems that you 

• As I hear it, you 

• …is that the way it is 

• …is that what you mean 

• Let me see if I understand you; you 

• Let me see if I‘m with you; you 

• I get the impression that 

• I guess that you‘re 

28

How to 

Paraphrase 

• Listen for the basic 

message of the client 

• Restate a concise 

summary of the basic 

message 

• Watch for a cue 

and/or ask for a 

response to see if the 

paraphrase was 

helpful. 

29 

© 2002-2005 Riverdeep Interactive Learning

Clarifying Question 

• A question beginning with: 

– ―Do you mean that‖ or 

– ―Are you saying that‖ plus 

– a rephrasing of the client‘s message. 

• Purpose: 

– To encourage more elaboration 

– To check out accuracy of what you have heard 

– To clear up vague and confusing messages 

30

Summarization 

• Two or more paraphrases or reflections that 

condense the clients‘ messages or the 

session 

• Purposes: 

– To tie together multiple elements 

– To identify a common theme or pattern 

– To interrupt excessive rambling 

– To review progress 

31

When to Use 

Summaries 

• Brammer (1973) 

– ―Warm up‖ the client 

– Focusing scattered thoughts and feelings 

– Close the discussion of a particular theme 

– Prompt the client to explore a theme more 

thoroughly. 

• Times when summaries prove particularly useful: 

– The beginning of a new session, 

– When session is going nowhere, 

– When client needs a new perspective. 

32 

Brammer, L. 1973, The helping relationship: Process and skills. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Ann a 15-year-old high school student: 

―My grades have really slipped. I don‘t know 

why; I just feel so down about everything.‖ 

What is the best listening response 

• Reflection of Feeling 

• Paraphrasing Content 

• Clarifying Questions 


33

Response to Ann 

A. What are the things you feel down about 

B. What being down is like for you 

34

http://blog.turntablelab.com/images/heigl.jpg 

Izzie a 27-year-old woman continually focuses on her 

relationships with men and needs for excitement & stability: 

―First session: I‘ve been dating lots & lots of men for the last few 

years. Most of them have been married. That‘s great because there 

are no demands on me. [Bright eyes, facial animation, high-pitched voice] 

Fourth session: It doesn‘t feel so good anymore. It‘s not so much 

fun. Now I guess I miss having some commitment and stability in 

my life. [Soft voice, lowered eyes] ‖ 






35

Response to Izzie 

1. Izzie, originally you said it was great to be going out with 

a lot of different men who didn‘t ask much of you. Now 

your also feeling it's not so great—it‘s keeping your from 

finding some purpose and stability in your life 

2. In our first session, you were feeling ―up‖ about all those 

relationships with noncommittal men. Now your‗re 

feeling like this is interfering with the stability you need 

and haven't yet found 

3. At first it was great to have all this excitement and few 

demands. Now you're feeling some loss from a lack of a 

more stable , involved relationship. 

http://www.greys-anatomy.com/imgs/alex_izzie.jpg 

36

Tom a 6-year-old boy : 

―I wish I didn‘t have a little sister. I know my parents love her 

more than me. [Said in slow, soft voice with downcast eyes] .‖ 






37

Response to Tom 

1. It seems like you‘d like to be ―number 

one‖ again in your family 

2. I sense you are not sure of your place in 

your family since your little sister arrived 

38

John a middle-aged man in marital therapy: : 

―As far as I‘m concerned, our marriage turned sour last year 

when my wife went back to work. She‘s more in touch with 

her work than with me. [Said in soft voice tone with downcast 

eyes] .‖ 






39

Response to John 

1. You‘re feeling left out and lonely since 

your wife‘s gone back to work 

2. You‘re feeling hurt and unhappy because 

your wife seems so interested in her work 

40

Joan a 10-year-old girl : 

―At beginning of the session: I don‘t understand why my 

parents can‘t live together anymore. I‘m not blaming anybody, 

but it just feels very confusing to me. [Said in low, soft voice 

with lowered, moist eyes]. Near the middle of the same 

session: I wish they could keep it together. I guess I feel like 

they can‘t because they fight about me so much. Maybe I‘m 

the reason they don‘t want to live together anymore. ‖ 






41

Response to Joan 

• Joan, at the start of your talk today, 

you were feeling like no one person was 

responsible for your parents‘ separation. Now I 

sense you‘re say that you feel responsible 

• Joan, earlier today you indicated you didn‘t feel 

like blaming anyone for what‘s happening to your 

folks. Now I‘m sensing that you are feeling like 

you are responsible for their breakup. 

42

Karen a 35-year-old woman who focused on how her life 

has improved since having children : 

―I never thought I would feel this great. I always thought 

being a parent would be boring and terribly difficult. It‘s not, 

for me. It‘s fascinating and easy. It makes everything 

worthwhile. [Said with alertness and animation] .‖ 






43

Response to Karen 

• It seems like your feeling surprise, satisfaction and 

relief about find parenting so much easier and 

more rewarding that you had expected it would be 

• I hear feelings of surprise and pleasure in your 

voice as your reveal how great it is to be a parent 

and how important you children are to you 

• You seem so happy about the way your life is 

going since you‘ have children--as if they make 

you and your life more worthwhile. 

44

Ashley an adolescent ―Now look, we have too damn many 

rules around this school. I‘m getting the hell out of here. As 

far as I can see, this place is a dump. [Said in loud, harsh 

voice]‖ 






45

Response to Ashley 

1. It looks like you‘re pretty disgusted now 

because you see these rules restricting you 

2. It seems like your very angry about having 

all of these rules here at school 

46

Rick a middle-aged man: 

I‘m really discouraged with this physical disability now. I feel 

like I can‘t do anything the way I used to. Not only has it 

affected me in my job, but at home. I just don‘t feel like I have 

anything good to offer anyone. 






47

Response to Rick 

• Could your clarify how things are different 

for you now than the way they used to be 

• Are you say you feel discourage about 

having the disability or about the effects and 

constraints from it 

• Are you saying you feel differently about 

yourself now than the way you used to feel 

48

Frank an older person: : 

―The company is going to make me retire even though I don‘t 

want to. What will I do with myself then I find myself just 

thinking over the good times of the past, not wanting to face 

the future at all. Sometimes retirement makes me so nervous I 

can‘t sleep or eat. My family suggested I see someone about 

this .‖ 






49

Response to Frank 

• Are you saying you‘re here just 

because of your family‘s feeling 

or because of your feelings too 

• Could you describe what it is 

about retiring that worries you 

50

Tami a 30-year-old woman : 

―My husband and I argue all the time about how to manage our 

kids. He says I always interfere with his discipline—I think he 

is too harsh with them. [Said in a level voice tone without 

much variation in pitch or tempo] .‖ 






51

Response to Tami 

• It sounds like you and your 

husband disagree a great deal 

on which on e of you should 

discipline your kids and how 

is should be done. 

• Your ideas about discipline 

for your kinds are really 

different from your husband‘s 

and this creates disagreements 

between the two of you. 

52

Rich, a 30-year-old man who has been blaming himself for 

his wife’s unhappiness: ―I really feel guilty about marrying 

her in the first place. It wasn‘t really for love. It was just a 

convenient thing to do. I feel like I‘ve messed up her life 

really badly. I also feel obliged to her. [Said in low, soft voice 

tone with lowered eyes]‖ What is the best listening response 





53

Response to 30 Man 

• I sense your feeling pulled in two different 

directions. For yourself, you want out of the 

relationship. For her sake, you feel you should 

stay in the relationship 

• Your feeling like you‘ve used her for your 

convenience and because of this you thin you owe 

it to her to keep the relationship going 

• I can grasp how very much you want to pull 

yourself out of the marriage and also how 

responsible you reel for your wife‘s present 

unhappiness. 

54

Tom, a middle-aged graduate student : 

―It‘s just a rough time for me—trying to work, keeping up with 

graduate school, and spending time with my family. I keep 

telling myself it will slow down someday. [Said in a level, 

monotone voice] .‖ 






55

Response to Tom 

1. It sounds like you are having 

a tough time balancing all of 

your commitments 

2. There are lots of demands on 

your time right now. 

56

An 8-year-old girl: : 

―I‘m telling you I don‘t like living at home anymore. I wish I 

could live with my friend and her parents. I told my mommy 

that one day I‘m going to run away, but she doesn‘t listen to 

me. [Said in level, measure words, glancing from side to side, 

lips drawn tightly together, flushed face] .‖ 






57

Response to 8 year old 

• It sounds like you‘re upset about some 

things going on at your home 

• I hear you saying your bothered about your 

parents 

58

A fourth-grader: : 

―I don‘t want to do this dumb homework anyway. I don‘t care 

about learning these math problems. Girls don‘t need to know 

this anyway .‖ 






59

Response to Fourth-grader 

• Are you saying you really dislike math or 

that it‘s not going as well as you would 

like 

• Are you saying that math is not too 

important for you or that it is hard for you 

60

A college student : 

―I‘ve said to my family before, I just can‘t compete with the 

other students who aren‘t blind. There‘s no way I can keep up 

with this kind of handicap. I‘ve told them it‘s natural to be 

behind and to more poorly. [Said in level, measured words 

with little pitch and inflection change] .‖ 






http://jokes.edigg.com/Blind/ 

61

Response to Blind College Student 

• It sounds like it‘s very important to you that 

your family realize how tough it is for you 

to do well in your studies here 

• You‘d like your family to realize how 

difficult it is for you to keep up 

academically with people who don‘t have 

the added problem of being blind. 

62

A 50-year-old steelworker now laid off: : 

―Now look, what can I do I‘ve been laid off over a year now, 

I‘ve got no money, no job, and a family to take care of. It‘s 

also clear to me that my mind and skills are just wasting away. 

[Said in a loud, critical voice, staring at the ceiling, brow 

furrowed, eyes squinting] .‖ 






63

Response to Steel worker 

• I can see you are angry about being out of 

work and discouraged about the future 

• It looks like you‘re very upset about having 

your job and stability taken away from you. 

64

Listening Response

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