HATE - Oregon Commentator
HATE - Oregon Commentator
HATE - Oregon Commentator
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N o b o d y Asked Us, But...<br />
What kind of drunk are you<br />
asks ...<br />
What’s your greatest contribution<br />
to society<br />
W:<br />
Sneers and smirks<br />
Pat Robertson:<br />
Love of false opinions<br />
and self-gratification.<br />
Catherine the Great:<br />
Sexual respect<br />
from the equine<br />
community.<br />
Debbie:<br />
Sexual respect from<br />
everyone<br />
Teddy Roosevelt:<br />
Giving a speech with<br />
a bullet hole in me.<br />
P. Ossie Bladine:<br />
This mustache.<br />
1. What’s your drink of choice<br />
A. Domestic in a can<br />
B. Aged scotch<br />
C. Listerine<br />
2. How long after a mean hang-over are you ready to start drinking<br />
A. After Breakfast<br />
B. One Day<br />
C. What’s a hang over<br />
3. Where do you usually sleep after drinking<br />
A. A friend’s couch<br />
B. A swamp donkey’s bed<br />
C. The drunk tank<br />
4. Who’s your drinking hero<br />
A. John McEnroe<br />
B. Peter O’Toole<br />
C. One with turkey and pickles on the side<br />
5. When someone says “let’s take shots” what do you reach for<br />
A. Jack Daniel’s<br />
B. Patron Silver<br />
C. Drain-O<br />
6. What do you play beer pong with<br />
A. 40s<br />
B. Corona<br />
C. Bacardi 151<br />
If you answered mostly A’s: You are probably a college student or a worldly eighth<br />
grader. Drinking to you has not yet become a habit, but you’ve reached the point<br />
where you can’t enjoy a Friday without imbibing fermented beverages.<br />
If you answered mostly B’s: You have probably graduated college or at least have gotten<br />
past the first phase of alcoholism. You have decided that refined liquors and beer<br />
are better for your system then that bottom shelf crap that the troglodytes drink.<br />
If you answered mostly C’s: How can you even still read this Are you sitting in the<br />
EMU with one eye closed, swaying back and forth to whatever George Thorogood song<br />
is pumping through your iPod Do us all a favor. Go home, and fall asleep.<br />
Tom Selleck:<br />
Pathetic, Bladine.<br />
David Irving:<br />
Absolutely nothing<br />
of any value has<br />
ever spewed from<br />
these lips<br />
Sudsy Says:<br />
“I’m a shining example of<br />
how far you can make it in<br />
life with a D.A.R.E. diploma”
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