A Guide To Your New Family's First Weeks - Meriter Health Services

• Audio monitors can be helpful for listening to
sibling interactions.
• Review your home’s childproof status. Your older
child will have more alone time when you are busy
with your baby.
Common Adjustment Feelings And
Behaviors
When a new baby joins the family, it’s an adjustment
for everyone. It is normal for older children to
feel jealousy and anger, and to return to baby-like
behaviors.
It may seem kinder to “soften” consequences during
this adjustment period. However, things will get back
to normal faster if you stick with your regular limits
and consequences. Remember, children thrive on
predictable routines. Consequences for inappropriate
behaviors should remain constant.
Jealousy
Being jealous of a new little brother or sister is
natural—your older child does not want to share you!
You can help your children overcome these feelings
by reinforcing their sense of importance:
• Take time to listen to and acknowledge feelings
without being judgmental. Even when your hands
are busy with the baby, your older children can
have your eyes and ears. Letting children vent
their negative feelings will reduce their feelings of
jealousy and anger.
• Let your older child help you care for the baby
and feel part of the activity. At feeding time, pick a
place where the older child can sit beside you.
• Sometimes a special activity, short videotape, book
on tape or snack can help your young helpers
endure the baby’s feeding. Some children like to
have their own doll to care for.
• Spend “special time” alone with older children
each day doing something they enjoy.
• Give your older child a new privilege. Although
it is sometimes hard to be the big brother/sister,
remind older children that they can do things the
baby cannot.
• Praise older children for all their wonderful
behaviors.
Anger
Many children feel anger at their parents as well as at
the new baby. Parents can help the child vent anger
in acceptable ways:
• Acknowledge the child’s angry feelings, helping
him put feelings into words rather than into
physically harmful actions.
• Remind your children that it’s not okay to
hurt people, no matter how they feel. Use ageappropriate
timeouts or privilege removal as
consequences for behaviors such as hitting.
• Help your children find ways to use up extra
energy. Encourage physical activity such as playing
outdoors.
• Remember, tension is contagious. Remain calm.
Regression
Another common reaction among older children
is returning to baby-like behaviors. They want to
remain your baby, your focus. They see the baby
getting lots of attention for dependent behaviors, so
they want to become more dependent. Even schoolage
children may request help with things they have
normally done independently.
• Treat regression matter-of-factly. Don’t punish
these behaviors. Children may simply be curious
and want to try the bottle, pacifier, etc.
• Help them work it out by indulging them in
the behavior. Then redirect them to their ageappropriate
behaviors.
• Praise their mature behaviors.
• Make sure other caregivers understand and follow
your approach to regressive behaviors.
As a general rule, and as long as safety and sanity are
in line, try to ignore the negative behaviors. Instead,
praise, praise, praise the positive behaviors.
56