herlife | just sayin’ Advice For My Daughter by rachel uccellini | photo by jill richardson As I make my way into the home stretch of my first pregnancy, clocking in at eight months, of course I find myself deep in reflection. The summer flew by although not without being chock-full of advice and colorful commentary. In-laws, relatives, colleagues, dental hygienists, drycleaners, butcher counter attendants, friends who haven’t experienced pregnancy, friends who have experienced pregnancy, as well as people in line at (enter arbitrary place of business <strong>HER</strong>E), were all eager to weigh in on how I should birth and raise my daughter. While these well-intended recommendations from friends and strangers alike never ceased to astound me, I couldn’t help but begin formulating some advice for my baby girl in the process. So, here goes. Be gracious. Nothing more powerfully signifies class and sophistication than grace. It’s remarkable what consistent rounds of ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ can afford you. You will carry it all of your life and people will notice it in an age of speedy exchanges and interactions. Be musical. Piano lessons are encouraged. From that fundamental instrument I learned to play the cello and clarinet, and ultimately sing. Reading music will open so many doors for you— both intellectually and spiritually. Just promise me you’ll give it a solid go, for Mom. Be driven. Wherever you find passion, chase it and never slow down. Whether it’s the humanities, foreign language, the arts, finance, athletics or even horticulture, embrace what brings you joy and never make excuses for it. Take chances. Always aim to improve, but forgive yourself when you don’t succeed. Drive allows you to pick yourself up and give it another go, equipped with the lessons you learned from falling. Be humble. “Humility is the word of the day.” Your great Uncle Walter said that and it is something to live by. He was humble and kept a low profile, but was also the most influential and successful man I’ve ever known. He never boasted or belittled, but radiated confidence. As essential as grace, humility grounds you and keeps your drive quietly ignited. Be yourself. It seems simple. It seems trite. But in a world emblazoned with depictions of what you should act like, think like, look like and even smell like, I find it’s necessary to state this omnipotent cliché. Your life is going to pull you in a number of directions and it can be maddening. Impressionable people will always be close by, attempting to enlist and convert you. Confused and tempted, know that as completely unsure of yourself as you are at that moment, you own it. You can turn it around. Only you can create your identity and worth—no one else. That power belongs to you and always will. Believing and patiently awaiting the You you’re meant to be will give you the confidence to become a strong, fulfilled woman one day. A woman who heeds her mother’s advice. I’m only kidding. I love you, Eliza. ■ Rachel C. Uccellini is a member of the Board of Trustees for Troy Prep, an Uncommon School. She is proud to be involved in the Uncommon network, modeled on some of the highest-performing urban public charter schools in the country. She participates on the steering committee for Albany Medical Center Foundation’s Light Up the Night, as well as the planning committee for the Adult and Senior Center of Saratoga. Rachel is also a member of the Skidmore Community Chorus. She and her husband, Tommy, are expecting their baby girl (Eliza) in early November and reside in Saratoga Springs, New York. 46 <strong>HER</strong><strong>LIFE</strong>newyork.com
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