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Reproduced with the permission of choice Magazine, www.choice-online.com sticky situations By Victoria Trabosh, CDC® The Power of NO! One of my favorite speech and client topics. I believe you’ve really identified the issue of what is at the base of his problems. Learning to say no is more powerful than almost anything we do as business people. The issue of doing too much is a universal issue. It may look different in other parts of the world, but we’re all the same. Whether this issue comes up in Rwanda with women who are struggling to make ends meet with a microfinance loan and don’t know where to focus, or a business leader who is overwhelmed in the U.S., it comes down to the same point: you are always saying “no” to someone. If you’re overextended and out of passion for everything you’re doing, the “no” is too often to yourself. Your client is on fire; we learned in school that if you’re on fire you should do three things: STOP! DROP! AND ROLL! Let’s put the fire out! Step #1: STOP! With his permission, identify the goal of how he wants his life to look, what he values, and what activities he not only enjoys, but finds the most successful, profitable and emotionally fulfilling. Help him identify what he wants to STOP doing – with no material By Craig Carr, PCC This, I would argue, is a pattern that ranks high on the Top Five Most Personally Destructive Behaviors of All-Time List! It ranks high on a “Most Commonly Found” list, too! As a coach you will see forms of this behavior abounding because we work with people who are out there in the marketplace – they are making deals, making a living and building careers – and for better or worse it’s widely accepted that if you make someone feel good you will be liked and supported by them on the ladder of success. This is just one of the dynamics of social interaction that is part of a huge meta-process we all participate in. We play by the rules of the game but quickly forget the needs of the players. The problem for any individual player is the separation that occurs between what they do and “who they really are.” Briefly stated, when the joy someone else might feel from your action becomes more important than the joy you feel, the door opens for all sorts of unintended impact. In this case, the result is that your client has become over-extended and out of control. He still may think he can improve conditions by working harder and doing the same things he has always done. Because that is impossible, he 18 VOLUME 8 NUMBER 2 effect on his overall goals. Step #2: DROP! Make a list of what he wants to DROP from his life. Shockingly, when he learns to say no to those things that don’t serve him, there will be no material effect on his life or business. The problem with ‘doing it all’ is that he’s not really showing up for everything he’s committed to; as a result, his credibility is actually lessened by being overextended. Dropping those extra activities for which he is not passionate and committed will get him back to where he wants to be personally and professionally. He can then make time for what is really important to him. Step #3: ROLL! Can you imagine with him what life he’d truly like to design? “Let’s roll” is a statement that’s been used to say, with determination, we’re moving out – we’re going to reach our goals. Let’s ROLL will allow him to take what he’s learned and make the life he wants – one in which he is most successful, most productive and most passionate. In summary, your client is every client because we all have the capacity to do too much. Successful people often forget where their pause button lies. Taking stock and inventory of his life (on a regular basis) will allow him to continue to be successful. Then today’s success will lead to tomorrow’s challenges and opportunities. He must then continue that success by never forgetting the power of no. risks certain outcomes: low-grade resentment is likely, if not outright anger. Unless he is a saint he may exhibit passive aggressive behavior that could even become explosive. Or, he may be the type who takes on depression as a way out of the pattern. Depression, after all, does not make others feel bad! It’s a perfect solution that is commonly chosen, and in the process he can martyr himself for the good of all! I may exaggerate what may become of this client, but offer you this context in preface to my answer about “what to do.” This pattern is no joke. I agree it is essential that your client gain awareness of the flawed basis of his choices. There are options, and as his coach I suggest you raise the perception of what is at stake. A chunk of your job is to show him the insidious nature of this pattern. As “right” as it looks to the world, it leaves him the dregs of his efforts and in the end is a losing game on so many levels. Finally, a return to values that link to joy and fulfillment will certainly be useful, but you must also ground the concept of wholeness in a powerful way. Resolving separation from Self requires commitment to a “Self-first” practice. Establish recognition that he is swimming upstream and help him feel the futility of it. This might take awhile so you will have to stand firm in the vision of who he can be, as there is likely to be resistance to such “selfish” change.• Reproduced with the permission of choice Magazine, www.choice-online.com
entrepreneur coach Reproduced with the permission of choice Magazine, www.choice-online.com Dig Deeper When it comes to differentiating your coaching business, the deeper you dig, the better (and more authentically) you build your business By Michel Neray, BSc, MBA Imagine you are the first doctor to travel to a small, remote village. Obviously, when someone needs a doctor, they call you. Now imagine the village is increasing in population. With the promise of a ready clientele, more and more doctors move into the area. Suddenly people begin to ask themselves, ‘which doctor should I go to?’ Now you have competition – and the need to differentiate yourself from all of the other doctors. As each specialty fills up with more people, it gets sliced and diced into finer and finer sub-specialties. That’s why we have doctors who specialize by part of the body. We have doctors who specialize by type of patient. We have doctors who focus on geographic regions. And we have doctors who work in small teams, in large corporations and as individual ‘freelancers.’ Replace ‘doctor’ with ‘coach’ in the example above, and you’ll see this is where we are in the coaching industry today. The days are long gone when you could credibly say, ‘I can coach anyone through anything.’ That’s why, if you are a life coach, you’re faced with the challenge of differentiating yourself against all the other life coaches. If you’re a business coach, you are faced with the challenge of differentiating yourself against all the other business coaches. Five Layers of Differentiation Archeologists define the different layers they uncover during an archeological dig. Each layer holds features that help us learn about the history of our civilization. Let me take you on a different kind “The days are long gone when you could credibly say, ‘I can coach anyone through anything.’” of archeological dig. In this dig, you’ll discover five different layers of differentiation that are available to you. The deepest levels link directly to the core of who you are as a person, and they provide you with the greatest leverage as you build your business. Layer #1: What ‘What’ differentiation can be best described by this very straight-forward question: Do you get better results than everyone else in your industry? What we’re looking for here are the generic, quantitative end results that everyone in your field would love to promise. It’s what your clients and customers want when all is said and done. Already, you can see how problematic this might be. Most of the work you do cannot be quantified, and even if it were quantifiable, statistics don’t readily exist that allow you to compare your performance with everyone else’s. Can you imagine making a claim like, ‘I bring my clients from a 2.4 on the happiness scale up to 9.8; more than any other coach in the world!’? Before you abandon this approach entirely, however, understand that it’s extremely helpful for you to identify what specific variables you would use HOW TO SUCCEED AT THE BUSINESS OF COACHING for ‘What’ differentiation if you could. Almost any communication you have with potential clients, either in verbal conversation or written on your home page, should relate to the end results your clients are paying their hardearned money for. Compelling testimonials have to be selected or coached out of clients with a clear idea of the end results you promise. Are you scattered all over the place or can you narrow down the end results to a few you can at least claim expertise in and success with? Once you can jot down three ‘what’ variables that are directly related to the work you do, it’s time to grab your shovel. Layer #2: Who, Where, When The thinking behind Who, Where and When differentiation goes something like this: If you can’t legitimately and credibly claim that you are the best in your field, how can you narrow the definition of your field or highlight an aspect of your business so that you can be best or unique in something? The most common ways you can do this are by digging up your who, where and when variables: geography/location (the only life coach in VOLUME 8 NUMBER 2 19 Reproduced with the permission of choice Magazine, www.choice-online.com
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