Seven and James Barely Baptist Church - The Noble NoZe ...

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thenozecongress Front Cover Brother’s Page Lariat Scandal (again) Gettin’ Kinky Lunar eclipse Point Counterpoint Baylor Democrats Complain Insignificant DPS to arrest students Wireside Laughs 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 kekomuckitymuck The Rope is a monthly, published sporadically, copyright 2006 by the Noble NoZe Brotherhood. Published with pluck and luck since 1924. Any similarities to any person, living or dead, is probably intentional. Cunning Linguist’s Warning: Reading the Rope may be hazardous to your health. Satch! volume82 number1 tableofcontents Fine Living Section An ode Unrest at the NoZe Mansion Party Guide! Mr. PuZzle NoZe in the Street Guest Columnist: Tom Hanks The Government is Watching You Dear Lorde Mayor Wanna be a NoZe Brother? Back Cover Keko Muckity Muck! Keko Muckity Muck! Mene Mene Tekle Upharsin! Satchel on, Brother Long NoZe, Satch! BSSS! BMMC! HRGS! In the Not-Too-Distant-Future, or approximately four-score and seven days, the elected office of the King of Texas will be selected from the connected elite by the local disaffected and misdirected with lottery tickets in one hand, and a pocketful of miracles in the other. Our survey has Kinky to win with 34%, but in all honesty, Allan Marshall’s probably gonna get more votes, and with hope springing anew for Baylor Football, the Brothers of NoZe dare to suppose that maybe the only big O’s in Baylor’s name will be under Brother NoZe v. Wade’s “special tab” on the deck at George’s Foodplace instead of the stat sheets that never seem to have a column for “heart”. Maybe in this season’s first issue our “Robot John Morrisses” will give this Rope the play-by-play it always had no need for, keeping the voice of Baylor Satire in the form Baylor understands the most: a triune one. So slime those freshman, doze through Chapel, and remember you’ve probably already forgotten we had a Chancellor. Can I get a Satch? Satchel? Satchelissimoo!!!! 9 8 8 7 6 5 4 4 3 2 1 Director broTheNoZeousMonk (1) Studio Executive broKurtVonNoZegut (2) Executive Producer broNoZeSequitur Key Grip broLovePotion#NoZe (3) Producers broAbstiNoZe (4) broNoZeV.Wade (5) broMarlonBrandNoZe Cast (in order of appearance) broKuntNoZeKinte broNoZeBeforeHoes broFatsDomiNoZe broNoZeDef broNoZepotism broElectricNoZealoo (6) broCliff’sNoZe (7) broFearAndNoZingInElmMott (8) Contact: therope Noble NoZe Brotherhood P.O. Box 612 Elm Mott, TX 76640 NoZe.Brotherhood@gmail.com TheRopeAdvertising@hotmail.com www.TheNoZe.org 2. 6. 4. 7. 5. 8. 1. 3.
Lariat admits to image manipulation Campus daily withdraws photograph of campus diversity, admits image was doctored, fires photographer. The Baylor Lariat has withdrawn a photograph depicting a new trend in campus diversity and admitted that the image was doctored, following the emergence of new suspicions against images published by the paper. On Monday, the Lariat admitted that one of its photographers used software to distort an image depicting campus diversity. The original photo and the doctored photo can be seen to the right. The Lariat was embarrassed by the obviously doctored photo where a blatantly superimposed Allan Marshall was used an impressive 14 times in one photo. The photographer was subsequently sacked. Lariat editor Kelly Coleman was asked for a statement about the photo. “We had photos of Allan all over the place, and we grabbed one we liked and went to town with it. That’s ok, right?” The Noble NoZe Brotherhood sent reporter Bro. Cliff’s NoZe out to dig deeper into the situation. Bro. Cliffs NoZe was able to secure an interview with President John Lilley. Lilley replied, “it comes down to image. One time, a photo was taken of me and I had a few wrinkles. I knew that the photo was going to run in the Lariat, so I made a few phone calls and a donation to Kelly Coleman with a strict restriction that it only be used for education purposes.” It was later discovered that all of Lilley’s wrinkles were removed from the photo. Student reaction to the scandal was mixed. Student Body President Mark Laymon said, “Allan is a stand-up guy. Any man should be proud to be associated with him, and he is working hard to expand campus diversity.” In fact Marshall is doing a lot to expand diversity. Bro. Cliff’s NoZe dug further and discovered that Allan Marshall in fact had a large picture of Bootsy Collins, bassist for Parliament featuring George Clinton and the P- Lariat photo, before and after diversification. While subtle, notice the addition of several Alan Marshall clones to the second picture. Funk All-Stars, hanging above his bed. Marshall was asked for a comment on the poster. “I identify more with Bootsy Collins than with Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln was a great politician, but have you ever seen Bootsy play bass? Bootsy is like the George Washington of bass playing. Who wants to be Lincoln when you can be the father of our nation?” The Lariat was asked to comment on why Bootsy Collins was not featured in the doctored photo. “He’s not even a Baylor student!” the Lariat said. “But we did want the funk in the photo. Unfortunately, we couldn’t have the funk.” But perhaps the most grievous error occurred when a photographer from the Lariat skewed a photo of a pregnant nun into the NoZe Brotherhood 80th anniversary story. Further investigation proves that the Brother in question had a questionably large beer gut. Dare you make fun of a man due to the shape of his body? Shame on you. Rest assured good reader, that The Rope shall never try to fool you into believing that our images are true. You must know that our code of ethics strictly forbids us from publishing anything that would mislead our dedicated readers. Sleep well at night knowing that if you see it, you can believe it. Thank God the NoZe Brothers regularly produce an integrity saturated rag. 18
Page 4 and 5: Texas nymphomaniacs excited about g
Page 6 and 7: By Bro. Fats DomiNoZe I’m not goi
Page 8 and 9: Baylor Democrats to host Anti-Pro-W
Page 10 and 11: DPS to ticket pedestrians on campus
Page 12 and 13: The NoZe presents: Fine Living Bro.
Page 14 and 15: Official Fall 2006 Fraternity Party
Page 16 and 17: NoZe Brotherhood weekly forecast 5
Page 18 and 19: Dear Lorde Mayor 3 Lorde Mayor Bro.

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