Seven and James Barely Baptist Church - The Noble NoZe ...

Texas nymphomaniacs excited about getting
“Kinky in the governor’s office”
Last year popular Texan
Kinky Friedman, or as he is known
in some circles, Bro. The Yellow
NoZe of Texas (Satch!), announced
his plans to run in this year’s Texas
Gubernatorial Election as an Independent
Party candidate. Despite
lackluster performance by Independent
candidates in the past, Kinky
saw surprising support early on.
In recent months the Jewish
Cowboy, as he is known, has seen
a spike in polling numbers and we
here at The Rope have uncovered
the secret as to why.
“Oh man, I am getting so
hot right now,” said local nymphomaniac
Bulge Urlson. “I knew
Texas was slowly becoming a more
and more progressive state, but now
I am hearing about people ‘getting
Kinky in the Governor’s Office’ and
I am literally about to burst. I just
wish people would get more proactive.
Instead of talking about doing
it, why not take the guided tour of
the capital building and get kinky
along the way. I’ve done it before.”
It would appear that Mr.
Friedman’s newest constituency is
comprised mostly of sex addicts
who have completely misunderstood
his campaign slogans. Most
of Kinky’s said supporters don’t
even know that they are following
a person, instead believing that
people plan on performing various
sexual acts in the state government
offices.
All over Texas reports are
coming in of Kinky fans being arrested
for lewd misconduct in local
polling places. Last week a some
400 UT students were incarcerated
for hosting the first ever “sit-on” in
front of the capital building, though
it is suspected that this had nothing
to do with the misunderstanding
and was in fact a demonstration to
“keep Austin weird.”
Another of Kinky’s fans, one
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Poppa Rollo’s
17
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“Hey Billy, I managed
to sneak in an extra
large sausage, do ya
wanna see it?”
Candy Flapperstein, was perplexed
at the newest of the candidate’s
slogans. “I’m all for getting down
and dirty in the governor’s office, it
wouldn’t be my first time, but now
everyone is saying, ‘he’s not Kinky,
he’s my governor,’ and in my opinion
that is going too far. Sexual liberation
is one thing, but politicizing
it is a whole new ball game, forgive
the pun.”
Kinky’s outspoken critics
have complained that the gubernatorial
hopeful has full knowledge of
this phenomenon and is planning on
using it his advantage.
When contacted for a rebuttal
to these claims, Mr. Friedman
said, “Hell yeah. I am going to ride
this gravy train all the way into office.
This is going to work out better
than when I said I would make
Willie Nelson part of the cabinet in
order to win the stoner vote. Besides,
it’s not like what I am doing
is unethical, people vote based on
a name all the time. For example,
do you really think so many people
would have voted him in twice if
they knew Bush was a person?”
Recent polling has shown
that Texans favor Friedman over
Republican candidate Rick Perry
four to one, but since only one in
twenty nine non-republicans vote in
each election it would seem Texas
will be staying a red state for a long
time.
As for the Kinky campaign,
no plans have been made to re-educate
the new support and a new slogan
that reads, “Don’t Forget to Get
Kinky on November 7th, Ya’ll,”
will be hitting college campuses in
the very near future.
Holy Law #7 years
since the last rerun,
and MST3K is still
funny. Satch!
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