Safe Parenting Handbook (PDF 1.07 Mb) - Department of Health ...

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WARNING SIGNS18“There are so manyactivities to choose from in localcommunities and parents and carerswant to encourage children andyoung people to take part. But how”do you know if they’re safe?Children have a right to have fun and be safeOrganisations should be open and welcoming and should share informationabout themselves and their activitiesYou have the right to the same standards of care from all organisations,whether their workers are paid or are volunteersListen to your child and ask questions about the activities they take part inActivities whereparents arediscouraged fromstaying to watch orbecoming involved.Children who dropout or stop going toactivity for noapparent reason.Behavioural changes.ACTIONFind out as muchinformation as youcan about theorganisation-askother parents.Don’t be afraid toask questions.WHAT TO SAYAre thestaff/volunteerssuitable?What are theirpolicies on childprotection?PREVENTIONFind out as much asyou can beforeletting your childjoin an organisationor activity.CONTACTS• VDA - VolunteerDevelopmentAgency028 9023 6100• Playboard028 9080 3380• NSPCC0808 800 5000• PSNI028 9065 0222have fun and be safeCheck it outA good organisation will welcome questionsabout their activities and the safety of theirsurroundings. All organisations should have achild protection policy, including a statement on,and guidelines about, keeping children safe. Inaddition these are questions you may want to ask:• Are the staff and volunteers suitableto work with children?All staff and volunteers should go through aproper recruitment process, which includesinterviews and references and, whereappropriate, police checks.• Is there a written code of behaviour?All organisations should have a written codeof behaviour, which outlines good practicewhen working with children. An environmentthat allows behaviour such as bullying,shouting, racism and sexism is notacceptable.• How does the organisation managestaff and volunteers?There should be someone in charge whosupervises staff and volunteers.• How does the organisation providefor personal care needs?In the case of very young children, or thosewith a disability, you should ask aboutroutines for toileting, feeding andadministering medication.• Does the organisation have a healthand safety policy?Find out if there is a leader qualified in firstaid, that there is a first aid box and that thepremises have passed fire regulations.• What are the arrangements whenchildren go on outings?You should be told about all the necessaryarrangements - including transport to andfrom - for every outing, no matter how longor short, and you should be asked for youragreement.Be wary of…• Behaviour that encourages rough play, sexualinnuendo or embarrassing punishments.• Staff who take charge and operateindependently of organisational guidelines.• Staff who show favouritism or personallyreward specific children.• Encouragement of inappropriate physicalcontact.• Poor communication and lack of parentalinvolvement, leaving you feeling uneasy.• Invitations for children to spend time alonewith staff or volunteers (even to visit theirhome).Remember, listen to your children and askquestions about the activities they take part in.Safe at all timesParents and carers have a right and aresponsibility to ensure that children are safe atall times. Organisations have a responsibility tobe open and welcoming and to shareinformation about themselves and theiractivities. Daycare activities, such as pre-schoolplaygroups and crèches, are required to registerwith the local Health and Social Services Trust.But not all organisations providing supervisedactivities - such as uniformed organisations,sports clubs and youth clubs - have to register;yet they still have a responsibility to provide asafe environment for your child.Many activities are supported by volunteers whogenerously give their time to provide regularactivities for your child. However, whether or notworkers are paid, you have the right to expectthe same standards from all organisations.Voicing concernsOrganisations should tell you where to go andwhat to do if you or your child has any worries.You may feel reluctant to voice your concerns incase you are wrong or worried about the impacton your child, but if you are concerned you musttake action:• Speak to other parents.• Speak to the leader in charge.• If you are not confident that they are the rightperson, talk to someone more senior.• If you are unhappy about the responseyou receive, remove your child and contactany of the organisations listed in theContacts column (left).19
WARNING SIGNSDomestic abuse can teach children to use violence or abuseDomestic abuse can affect children in serious andlong-lasting waysWhere there is domestic abuse there is often child abuseChildren will often blame themselves for domestic abuseAlcohol misuse is very common when domestic abuse occurs,as a contributing factor and as a survival mechanism“I creptdownstairs becauseI heard arguing.Dad was standing overmum kicking her.I made sure that my1 in 4 women may experience domestic violence at some timePregnant women are more vulnerable to domestic abusehow does it affect children?sister did not see, but20we still heard. Whenmum came upstairs,her nose was bleedingand we all cried, westayed there until dadwent out.”Any violence orabuse betweenadults willnegatively affectchildren.Seek support andhelp as soon aspossible. Thelonger it lasts, themore damagingliving with domesticabuse becomes.ACTIONReport your concernsabout yourself orsomeone else to thepolice or Women’sAid. If you areworried that yourchild might beaffected, talk to themabout what ishappening. Ifnecessary, Women’sAid will visit you inyour own home.WHAT TO SAYChildren need timeto discuss thefeelings they haveabout violence orabuse. Childrenneed to know that itis not their fault andthat this is not theway relationshipsshould be.PREVENTIONA violent partnercan takeresponsibility forviolence by seekinghelp to stop. Makesure that you offer apositive role modelfor children so thatthey learn otherways of behaving.CONTACTS• PSNI028 9065 0222• Northern IrelandWomen’s AidFederation(24 hour helpline)028 9033 1818• Men’s AdvisoryProject (MAP)028 9024 1929• Relate028 9032 3454Domestic abuse is a crime and a major socialproblem affecting many families. In 90% ofreported domestic violence incidents, childrenhave either been present in the same or anearby room. It is overwhelmingly women andchildren who are affected by domestic abuseand men who are the perpetrators, althoughthere are reported cases where men are victims.Children who witness, intervene or hearincidents are affected in many ways. What canbe guaranteed is that children do hear, they dosee and they are aware of violence in the family.Children learn how to behave in part fromexamples parents set for them. Domestic abuseteaches children negative things aboutrelationships, and how to deal with people.For instance:• It can teach them that violence is a way toresolve conflict.• They learn how to keep secrets.• They learn to mistrust those close to themand that children are responsible and toblame for abuse, especially if it erupts afteran argument about the children.Many people find it difficult to understand whypeople remain in, or return to, abusivesituations. A combination of fear, love, the riskof homelessness and financial issues can makeit very difficult for them to leave and some maywant to stay put, and get their abuser to leave.Short term effects:Children are affected in many ways by domesticabuse, even after a short time. These effectsinclude: feeling frightened, becoming withdrawn,bedwetting, running away, aggressiveness,behavioural difficulties, problems with school,poor concentration and emotional turmoil.Long term effects:The longer children are exposed to violence,the more severe the effects on them are.These can include:• A lack of respect for the non-violent parent.• Over-identification with abusing parent andcopying that behaviour.• Loss of self-confidence, which will affect theirability to form relationships in the future.• Being over-protective of parent.• Loss of childhood.• Problems at school.• Running away.If you are worried about domestic abuse,discuss it with someone else.If you are violent or abusive, you can also seekhelp and support to stop what is happening.If you are affected by domestic abuse you arenot alone - you can seek help from a range ofspecialist services across Northern Ireland.You can also report incidents to the police -this will provide valuable evidence for anycharges against your abuser in the future.Apart from any criminal proceedings, you canapply for a court injunction to protect yourself.Contact a solicitor in your area who deals withfamily law.21
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