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I•I came back from the Colorado retreat totally transformed. Beforethe trip to Colorado I’d read several of Thay’s books but hadnever been to a retreat or practiced with his Sangha before. Norhad I ever met Thay in person.To be honest, when I arrived the first evening and realizedthat Thay was not there, I was very disappointed and felt cheated.I even told one friend that it was as if I had gone to a rock concertbut the rock star had bailed out!I was a night owl, so I couldn’t fall asleep on my first night,and by the time I finally felt sleepy it was time to get up to dowalking meditation. It was very difficult for me to keep up withthe activities of the first two days. Because of the lack of sleep, Islept through the Dharma talks. And while many of the Sanghamembers found the food to be quite decent, I didn’t enjoy it duringthe first two days. I wasn’t used to a vegan diet. Of course Ipracticed eating meditation, but the more I meditated, the more Ithought about the food I enjoyed outside the retreat. I also formednegative perceptions of some Sangha members.I’m not exactly sure what happened to me in the followingdays, but gradually I found myself enjoying every moment of theretreat. I think the wonderful songs were a great help. It was veryhealing to be able to sing and practice with a Sangha of nearly1,000 people. Everyone was so friendly, focused and happy. It wasvery comforting to me, especially because I grew up in a differentcultural environment and always have felt racial and genderdiscrimination around me. Toward the end of the retreat I becamequite mindful. The food became tastier. Before the retreat I hadonly known Thay’s works by their titles, but his teachings reallysank in during the retreat.After a few days I began to realize that Thay’s physical absencewas a good lesson in itself. It had been so silly of me to comparethe retreat to a rock concert! I’d attended the retreat to practicemindfulness, not to look for the rock star! I think because Thaywas not there, the members were less attached to his presenceand became more focused on the practice itself. I did feel Thay’sspiritual presence, and I missed him very much. But I also want toexpress my gratitude to the monastic brothers and sisters who triedso hard to make the retreat possible. It must have been a great dealof pressure on them. I could totally see both the Buddha and Thayin all of them! Thank you, Thay, for training our future teachers.I received the Five Mindfulness Trainings on the last day. Ihadn’t planned to do so. But since the day after the retreat wasmy birthday, and I wanted to celebrate my transformation (rebirth?)and show my commitment to becoming more mindful,I decided to receive them. I also was given a beautiful Dharmaname—Wonderful Fragrance of the Heart. I felt peaceful whenI left Colorado.Here are a few of the ways my life has changed since theretreat:• I had insomnia before, and couldn’t get up until around10:00 a.m. Now the insomnia has been cured and I wakeup at 7:00 every morning.One Rock StarIs Not EnoughBy Angelina ChinI’ve cut down my meat and seafood consumption by 40%.I’ve also decided not to cook meat at home.• I try not to kill any living beings.• I can concentrate much better at meetings.miracle of SANGHA• I’ve practiced “beginning anew” with friends. Thesefriendships are now better than ever. I will continue tolisten to them with my heart.• I used to have an inferiority complex, which had beenaffecting my life in many ways. Now I am more aware ofmy mental formations and try not to water my negativeseeds. Life is more pleasant and I feel more confident andengaged.• I’ve become less judgmental of others and have built newrelationships!• I drive more mindfully. I think I’m a safer driver now.• I’ve witnessed some improvement in my meditation andbreathing practices.• Even though negative emotions still visit me frequently,I’ve learned to be patient and try my best to take care ofthem.I was so inspired that I attended a Day of Mindfulness at DeerPark Monastery for the first time and finally met Thay! It was ablessing.Angelina Chin, Wonderful Fragrance of the Heart, lives inSouthern California. She was born and grew up in Hong Kong.She teaches East Asian history at Pomona College.• I practice walking meditation every day.the Mindfulness Bell 17