January 2011 - Blackherbals.com

African Traditional Herbal Research ClinicVolume 6, Issue 1 NEWSLETTER January 2011FEATURED ARTICLESAbuseIncluding child abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuseDefinitionAbuse is defined in the dictionary as "an evil or corruptpractice; deceit, betrayal, molestation, violation" andcomes in many forms, eg sexual abuse, physical abuse,child abuse, abuse of power, bullying, harassment,stalking, rape, torture, etc. All abuse is violent, be itphysical, emotional, psychological, or a combination. Idefine seven types of abuse below. The commondenominator of all abuse is the collection of behavioursI call bullying.AnxietyThe abuser is an individual who lives in a state ofunusually high anxiety and who has not learnt to dealwith that anxiety in the way normal people have. Theabuser is insecure, immature, and inadequate,especially in the areas of interpersonal and behaviouralskills. If the abuse is of a sexual nature, the abuser isusually sexually inadequate.The high anxiety seems to be the result of an inabilityto relate to other people combined with the fear ofexposure of that person's inadequacy, immaturity andinsecurity. This leads the abuser to want to control anddominate others, having never learnt how to interactwith others in normal ways. Often, the abuser ispsychopathic (physically violent) or sociopathic(psychologically violent) and despite being fearful ofexposure, doesn't show the normal activation of thefight or flight mechanism.UpbringingAbusers are usually brought up in a dysfunctionalfamily. The more abusive the adult, the moredysfunctional the family. Often, the father, if present, isviolent and abusive. Perhaps the mother is codependent,a successful survival strategy when livingwith a violent partner; however, co-dependency alsoperpetuates the violence as it avoids dealing with theissue. Usually one or both parents are sociopathic orpsychopathic. Occasionally, the child is over-protected,usually by the mother, and thus never allowed todevelop as an individual human being. Sometimes, thechild is ignored in favour of a sibling.Before blaming the parents, the reason parents aredysfunctional is because they were brought up indysfunctional families. The more dysfunctional theparent, the more dysfunctional were their parents ... andso on. Most people are never taught parenting skills. Thesole teachers of parenting skills are thus ... our parents.It's not that we actively teach our kids to parent - kidslearn by example. We grow up and repeat what they didto us. If all you have ever known is abuse, that is theonly way you know how to behave. Human beings donot automatically know what is right and what is wrong;we have to learn it.The child lives in a dysfunctional environment whereabuse, violence or neglect are the norm; as the subject ofabuse, the child cannot predict the behaviour of theresponsible adults, and therefore has no control. Thechild learns, usually from an early age, that usingbullying behaviours brings relief from anxiety. With sofew people able to recognise bullying for what it is, andwith strategies of denial, distraction and feigningvictimhood perfected by about the age of five, the childhas found a successful strategy for reducing anxiety, andthus surviving. Controlling other children throughviolent behaviour means brings a sense of power(control) to the child; he can't predict or control hisparents but he can control other (smaller or lessphysically strong) children. His targets also becomeuseful objects onto which he can freely displace his ownaggression.AbuseI identify seven types of abuse:-6- Traditional African Clinic – January 20111. Physical abuse, including assault and any deliberateact resulting in physical injuries, including beatings inthe guise of corporal punishment but which aredelivered with fists or to the child's head. The work ofLewis and Pincus in the States is relevant here - in manyviolent criminals, especially serial killers, they've foundevidence of brain damage during childhood fromparental beatings and accidents which have resulted in aContinued on page 7