Stress book draft.pdf

Frank McDonald “Stress Management – Awareness and Coping Strategies”FeelingsThe way bad feelings contribute to our stress levels starts with the fact that ourculture does not like people to feel bad (hurt, anxious, tearful, angry, depressedetc.)Unfortunately there is a myth in our society that says you should never feel bad- you should always be able to control bad feelings - and that there will beterrible, unpleasant consequences of feeling bad and of letting people knowhow you feel.But all normal people feel bad some of the time. If you lose someone close youshould not be pressured out of feeling sad. If you miss out on something youreally wanted it is O.K. to feel disappointed. If someone betrays a trust you areallowed to feel resentful.If you allow yourself to feel bad and don't try to push it out of sight, a funnything happens. When you face it, admit it, accept it as natural it tends to goaway in time. At worst you just stay feeling bad for a while with no direconsequences occurring. Where's the problem in that?However if you accept the myth that you should never feel bad you may takeany of any of three self-defeating paths:How Not To Handle Bad Feelings1. Denial/bottling them up. They often explode or implode later.Displacement on to the wrong person.2. Short-term relief (but in the long-term expensive) techniques.Includes smoking, over-drinking, overeating, irrationalavoidance of situations.3. Exaggerate the effects of bad feelings. Many people feel badabout feeling bad. One example is the way some people feelabout being anxious or uptight. Because they accept the myththat you shouldn't feel bad and they recognise that theirfeelings are irrational then they criticise themselves for beingirrational and feel bad about that as well.44