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The Chrome-Plated Man<br />
by Richard King Perkins II<br />
You have read all the stories about Captain Dagger<br />
and his trusty sidekick, Switchblade.<br />
Except for the sharpened carapace<br />
he is more like you than most would believe.<br />
When the sinister Mr. Machete<br />
gets the drop on our heroes with his flying guillotine,<br />
you know two pages in advance<br />
that the only thing needed is a temporary<br />
reversal of gravity to save the day.<br />
A localized distortion of common physics causes<br />
your water clock to be off by exactly twenty-four hours.<br />
In the early stories, The Captain is a roguish sort,<br />
who gets all the girls you want him to get<br />
while many subtle references<br />
regarding his ample endowment are made.<br />
You’ve done the math, and sadly admit you could never<br />
come close to measuring up to that degree of manliness.<br />
To become a true hero in his own right,<br />
the later stories send Switchblade off to Mongolia<br />
to train with The Desert Ghost Warriors and become<br />
an initiate of a mysterious fighting style<br />
that has no defense in the western world.<br />
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