October 18 - Westmount Independent

Patience and le pacifiqueParenthoodUncensoredSophie TarnowskaThere are things I knew I would excel atas a parent, and others I suspected I wouldneed to work on. I knew that I would easilyteach my child to love words and readingas much as I do – and she does. I knewalso that I would pass my sense of humouronto my daughter, and I have. “Mama, myfriends voted me the funniest kid of all!”she announced this weekend (she’s funny,not humble).On the other hand, I knew I wouldneed to work on being patient, and I am.Yet, I was surprisingly patient when, as ababy, she would unwittingly vomit on meor scream so loudly that my nervous systemwould literally exit my body to hideunder the sofa. She was too little to understandwhat she was doing. Those daysare long gone, and I often feel as thoughmy patience is too.Basically I’d rather be coated in bodilyfluids than deal with my child rolling hereyes at me or answering back, because thelatter are deliberate acts of defiance. Andgiven that she’s only 7, and that my friendsgleefully point out, “My, she’s cheeky. Iwonder where she got that from?” with acackle, it seems that I am partially toblame. Sometimes we teach our kidsthings by mistake.Damaged for life?Occasionally we clash so much in thattwo-hour period before she leaves forschool, I spend the rest of the day convincedthat I’m damaging her for life, andthat if only I could find the patience tolearn the equivalent of Vulcan mind tricksto get her to do my bidding willingly, shewould miraculously cooperate. Enter guilt,along with the suspicion that I am ruiningmy daughter for life – and this is all beforeLab runs into truckA dog suffered a bleeding lip when itran into the path of a truck on ChurchHill September 30, Public Security officialssaid. The Labrador had just beentaken off the leash in front of its home atabout 11 am when it ran into the street.The driver stopped and exchanged informationwith the dog owner.8:30 amThen I remember how well my brotherturned out – in spite of my mother havingstuck a cigarette up his nose (by mistake)when he was 6 – and I feel better. I nowbelieve that my child was assigned to meby the Head Stork to teach me patienceand new methods of discipline that do notinvolve shouting or threats of punishment.And she has.A few weeks ago I was ranting and ravingalong the lines of: “How-many-timesdo-I-have-to-ask-you-to-make-your-bedwhy-are-your-clothes-all-over-the-floordon’t-you-dare-roll-your-eyes-at-me-oryou’ll-lose-privileges-that-I-can’t-think-ofright-now-but...ARGH!”My daughter just watched and waitedfor me to finish with the kind of patiencethat doctors employ when waiting for theirpatients’ sedatives to kick in. Then shesaid, in French, “Mama, can you listen tome please? I want to tell you what Ilearned at school – it’s called ‘le pacifique’ –being peaceful. Instead of shouting, youhave to use the words ‘I feel,’ ‘because’ and‘I would like it if,’ to explain how you feelto the other person.Say what?‘Mama, can you please try to use le pacifiquewith me?’Pacific parentUm, ok. Let me just pick my jaw up offthe floor first. “I feel annoyed, because Ihave asked you to do these things over andover again, and yet you don’t do them unlessI shout. I would like it if you would dowhat I’ve asked without being told to, andwithout me having to shout.”“Okay, Mama. I apologize. I will do mybest.”Her best didn’t last long, but she’s justa kid after all. I think many grown-ups Iknow, myself included, could use a lessonin le pacifique, so I’m trying to rememberto use it more often – and if not, she remindsme to. Guess I haven’t ruinedcheeky child yet.Luck runs out after 5warningsA contractor who was warned five timesabout working before 7 am was finally issueda ticket for $267 on October 6, PublicSecurity officials said. Banging and othernoise from the work could be heard whenofficers answered a noise complaint froma resident on Winchester at 6:32 am.Among recent reading and audio-visualmaterial at the Westmount Public Librarysingled out by staff are:Magazines“Our money, ourselves: A Time specialreport on where we spend, how we saveand whether money can really buy happiness,”by Rana Foroohar, in Time, October10, 2011, p. 26.“Social power and the coming corporaterevolution: Why employees and customerswill be calling the shots,” by DavidKirkpatrick, in Forbes, September 26, 2011,p. 72.“Emplois 2012: L’embarras du choix!Une conjonction de facteurs fait que lesemplois prometteurs sont plus nombreuxque jamais,” by Dominique Forget, in L’Actualité,October 2011, p. 26.Adult fiction: Murder most foul…The Borgia Betrayal: A Novel by SaraPoole – A year after helping Rodrigo Borgiato become Pope Alexander VI, courtpoisoner Francesca is charged with safeguardinghis position, an agenda that exposesher to a violent plot to destroy theBorgia family and seize control of theCatholic church.Long Gone: A Novel of Suspense byAlafair Burke – When her dream job turnsinto a living nightmare, causing her to becomethe prime suspect in a murder investigation,art gallery manager AliceHumphrey must prove that she has beenset up – a deadly mission that plunges herinto a high-tech criminal conspiracy thatis shockingly linked to her own family.Adult French – Goncourt nomineesRetour à Killybegs by Sorj Chalandon –This novel’s main character is Tyrone Meehan,an ex-IRA chief. Considered a hero bymany, he turned out to be a double-agent.Every villager knows about this when, atWESTMOUNT INDEPENDENT – October 18-19, 2011 – 23On the shelves•Multi-discipline team•Maintenance jobs•Small & medium-sized renovations•Home or business(514) 567-1396Robert Bowden, MBA, BSME81, he returns to the place of his birth. Inspite of that, he refuses to be labeled a traitor.Les souvenirs by David Foenkinos – Thenarrator’s grandfather dies and he realizeshow he missed out on their relationship.He then becomes very close to his distraughtgrandmother and successfullybrightens her life. However, on learningthat her apartment has been sold, she runsaway. 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