<strong>Rita</strong><strong>Rudner</strong>The Right Placeat the Right Time“Las Vegas is the perfect place for a working mother in show business becauseinstead of traveling around the country, everybody in the world comes to Las Vegas.It’s great, `cause I stay in one place while the audience gets jet lag.”by David LefkowitzDainty, tranquil, petite, polite, soft-spoken. These are not words we associate with stand-up comics, be it today’s crop or especially from the post-Carlin/Pryor era, when any topic, style or approach became fair game. Nevertheless, diving into that world of 2 a.m. open mics, bad burgers and drunkenyahoos was a diminutive ballet dancer with the voice of an airline hostess and six Broadway musicals on her resume. Her name was <strong>Rita</strong> <strong>Rudner</strong>, andbesides being Jewish and used to performing, little else qualified her to stand in front of a crowd and tell jokes – except sheer determination, that is.During our interview, the 58-year-old comedienne looked back on her years of dance, her Broadway appearances, her decision to live and work in Las Vegas,and her early stand-up. She interrupts our chat only once – to bundle Molly, her nine-year-old adopted daughter, off to a cooking class. We begin, therefore, with<strong>Rudner</strong>’s choice to raise a child later in life.
RITA RUDNER: Having a baby just never happened. I have a joke about itin my act: “I spend a lot of time in jacuzzis, and I accidentally hard-boiled myeggs.” And I never wanted to take the in vitro route. I know too many peoplewho had done it, and it hadn’t worked out; it wasn’t for me.LONG ISLAND WOMAN: So when did the adoption idea take hold?It wasn’t a long-standing thing. I was on a plane, and we’d been consideringit – my husband and I. I started talking to a friend who had adopted a child, Icame home and I said, “Martin, I’ve found out a way to do it.” We adopted ourlittle girl through an adoption lawyer in Los Angeles. Everything just clicked. Itwas the best decision we ever made; she’s fantastic in every way.But as far as the process, you just get in there, and whatever happens,happens. You have no expectations. I know some people who it worked outfantastically for. I know some people who were disappointed the first coupleof times, and then it worked out. You just always hope for the best. I just said,“Whoever’s coming into the world, let’s say hello.”And how has it changed your home and working life?I haven’t done any real touring for ten years. After we adopted a baby, wearranged it beforehand so I wouldn’t have to travel anymore. Las Vegas isthe perfect place for a working mother in show business because instead oftraveling around the country, everybody in the world comes to Las Vegas. It’sgreat, `cause I stay in one place while the audience gets jet lag.Were you a funny child or a quiet, well-behaved one?I was quiet. All I wanted to be was a dancer. I never had any inkling [comedy]would happen. That’s why I always have to tell myself to relax. I mean, I alwayswanted to be in show business, and I never considered any other option. WhenI was four, I started ballet, and I loved it. So I decided to be a dancer by the timeI was four and a half (chuckles). I remember I had a vaccination – at that point,you got vaccinations on your legs for childhood diseases – and it left a scar. Istill remember saying to my mother, “I’m going to be a dancer; I can’t have ascar on my leg!” I was four and a half!And ballet was your goal?I studied every type of dance but mostly ballet. I was in ballet companieswhen I was 9, 10, 11, 12. Local companies. I did Swan Lake and La Sylphide andCoppelia and Nutcracker and everything. It was a very wonderful experience.We recently interviewed Bebe Neuwirth who mentioned there was a momentwhen she realized she was just not cut out for classical ballet. It was a toughbut inevitable decision.That happened to me, too. I was very limber, I had very good jumps, I hadgood turns, and I had very good extension. But I didn’t have the arches in myfeet. And there’s nothing you can do about that. I remember specifically askingmy mother and father to get me a four-poster bed that had a bar at the end soI could sleep with my toes under the bar, so I could have arches. I used to hopeevery morning when I woke up that my arches would be better, but they neverwere. So that was it. You have to deal with what is. I wasn’t gonna be a balletdancer because my feet weren’t good enough. So I started doing tap and jazzand acrobatics, and I then I got on Broadway and I loved it. I was so happy.Sometimes you think, “Oh, those things I want most I can’t have,” and it turnsout that you get something better.That’s not just rose-colored glasses. You were a dancer in the original Follies,A Chorus Line, Annie…I know! I went to New York when I was 16 and did ten years of six Broadwayshows. I worked with people like Jerry Herman and Gower Champion andMichael Bennett and Hal Prince. I knew I would never be “plucked out” forstardom. I always knew I had to work. But I started in the chorus, then gotsome solos, and then, in The Magic Show, I was the stand-by for the lead.In Annie, I was Lily St. Regis, the part Bernadette Peters did in the movie. InFollies, I was the first replacement after Graciela Daniele, who became a reallywell-known choreographer.And I just loved Follies. Well, I loved all the shows I did. But when you do itfor ten years, and you realize the competition is enormous, I thought I wouldtry and do something else. I decided, “there aren’t many female comedians,so why don’t I just try it? Because there are so many dancers and singersand actresses – it’s overwhelming. But there are only two female stand-upcomedians: Joan Rivers and Phyllis Diller. Only two! I’ll try that.” So then I triedthat and really liked it. It was a great decision.You have a pretty amazing capacity for making a decision on instinct andthen following through. Did losing your mother when you were 13 force thatmaturity and determination on you?I think that’s what made me so single minded. So much was going wrongin my life. I just focused on dance. It’s very interesting that song that goes,“everything was beautiful at the ballet” from A Chorus Line. This girl – herparents are fighting, and everything is terrible at home, so she focuses on theballet. That’s what dance did for me. I was so focused on something else, Icouldn’t really experience the full disaster. It’s terrible, but it kind of definesyour personality.There are so many different options to deal with disaster. Some people canmake something of it. Others, things happen in their lives that are terrible sothey go and shoot other people, coworkers, for no reason – what is that?My daughter is on the tennis team. She’s very good at tennis and has wonfor the past six matches. But all of a sudden this last match, she met a little girlwho was more determined than she was. They’re both the same age and thesame size. Molly was beating children who were older, but this little girl – youcould see the determination on her face. And she beat her, and Molly was soupset. And I said, “You learn so much more when you lose than when you win.When you were winning all the time, you didn’t know what to work on. Nowyou know your weaknesses, and you have goals.” It’s not anything new, butturn a negative into a positive is the way I try to live.That attitude must have helped when you went through the usual trial by firefacing stand-ups – late nights, bad crowds, drunks. Were you ever heckled?The first person who ever heckled me was at my audition for the Improv. Youknow, you sit on the street and get on stage at two in the morning and try outmaterial you don’t really know how to do. You have to be bad before you can begood. So somebody yelled out, “Go back to your regular job.” And I remembersaying, “This is my first time on stage, and I’ve never been heckled before, socould you please come back and heckle me when I’m more experienced?” Thatgot everybody on my side.People felt I might cry if they heckled me because I didn’t really attackanybody or would ever attack anybody. I decided never to do that thing ofsaying, (gruff voice) “I’m not gonna go where you work and say, `hey, do youwant fries with that?’” I just decided to deal with everything honestly. So ifanyone else heckled me, I said, “Stop it. No one else wants to hear you talking.Everyone else is listening. Behave.”And, of course, the other aspect of your comedy that sets you apart is thatyou’ve always worked clean.It never occurred to me not to be. The icon I was following was Woody Allen,because there weren’t many female stand-ups. Joan Rivers is a great woman,“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – <strong>Rita</strong> <strong>Rudner</strong>
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