Rita Rudner

and I admire her in every way, but her comedy was totally different; herpersonality was totally different. I’m much more laid back, and I went into acerebral area rather than an aggressive area.And I started writing my own material out of necessity. I went to the Improvone night, and I remember asking a comedian, “How much is comedy material?”And he said, “Five minutes is about $3,000, and there’s no guarantee it’llwork.” And I went, “I know how to talk. I have a pencil. I’ll try to do it.” I startedlistening to comedy albums – you could get them free out of the Lincoln CenterLibrary – and I learned how to do it ––and do it so well that at one point, you were writing jokes for the Oscars.That was really exciting. Steve Martin is one of my idols. Absolutely a brilliantwriter, performer, guy – it was quite an honor. There were four of us whowould all go to Steve’s house once a week. Someone would think of a set-up,someone would think of a punch line, someone would think of an area. Stevewould sit there with his computer and make sense of it all. He was a very hardworker. I remember he started about six months before he called us all to startworking on it. Four monthslater, we’d start meetingevery week. Then twice aweek. You’d also fax himthings and leave things onhis answering machine, andhe’d call you back and you’dtalk about it and figure outwhere it would go. It’s aprocess.I loved the experience. Onetime I said to Steve, “I’ve neverwritten for anyone before.”And he said, “It’s very easy,Rita. You just make believeyou’re writing for yourself,and then you give the joke tome.” He was just the greatestguy to work with and for.Speaking of great guys, you’ve been married to producer/director MartinBergman since 1988, which contradicts your joke that, “in Hollywood amarriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” How did you meet, and how do youavoid spoilage?I was performing at Catch a Rising Star in the mid-80s. He was looking to seeif they were going to buy [Broadway’s] La Cage aux Folles for Australia. It waslate, and he couldn’t go to sleep, and he loved comedy – he was president ofthe Footlights at Cambridge and wrote for “Not the Nine O’Clock News.” So hewent to a comedy club, and he said, “Oh, she’s funny,” and he hired me. He hada girlfriend, and I had a boyfriend. But we worked together several times, andby 1986, his girlfriend hadn’t moved with him from England, and I had brokenup with my boyfriend, and that was that.I always thought I would never marry anybody in show business because it’ssuch a crazy business, and maybe I should be with someone stable. But I realizehow great it is to have somebody you can have so much in common with.Are you worried about turning 60 in a year or so? Have you seen changes?Well, the menopausal ten pounds is here. I had to go up a size, so I would liketo lose five this year. I do feel different in that way. As far as exercise, I try to dosomething every day. We have a beach house, so today my husband and I aregonna walk on the beach. I walk the dog if it’s not too sunny. And yesterday,my daughter beat me at tennis. I’m not very good, but she certainly did beatme. Just something.What about eating habits?I try not to eat any dessert except what my daughter leaves over on herdessert plate. If she doesn’t leave anything over, I don’t have any dessert.That’s my diet (laughs).In your act, you’ve joked that you have no intention of growing old gracefullyand that you plan “to have face lifts until [your] ears meet.” Would you really?Have you already?Not yet, but I have notified the best plastic surgeon in Orange County that Imight be there at some point. This is a very ageist society, and I’m in a placewhere people have to look at me. Vanity is very important. You’re in the publiceye, and all anyone thinks of is, “Oh, she looks good. Oh, she doesn’t lookgood.” It’s not just about aging, it’s about being able to make a living.Are you really as unflappable as you appear on stage – and in this interview?(laughs) Everybody thinks becauseI come on with a gown and I’m ratherRita’s thoughts on....IPODSDon’t have one, don’t want one. I never listen to a lot of music because Iwant to have my mind clear so I can think of jokes.FOODI can eat ice cream all day.BEST BIRTHDAY GIFTA Chanel jacket that I take out every year. It’s about 12 years old now, andevery time I wear it, people go, “where did you get that?”READING LISTI like Barbara Pym. She’s kind of like Jane Austin. Her style of writing justmakes me laugh all the time.CURRENT COMEDIANSI don’t watch any, I’m sorry.FAVORITE MOVIESFor comedy, The Castle. It’s an Australian comedy that’s fantastic. Fordrama, Sunset Boulevard. I could watch that one over and over. Otherwise,I’m not really a drama person. If it’s not funny, I’m not really interested.mild mannered that I’ve somehowskated through this thing we calllife. It’s not true! Nevertheless, everydecade that’s gone on, I’m muchmore content. My life was completeturmoil up until 30. Ever since then,every decade has gotten better. David Lefkowitz co-publishesPerforming Arts Insider(TotalTheater.com) and hostsDave’s Gone By (davesgoneby.com) on UNC Radio. He is theco-author and director of thestage show, “Shalom Dammit! AnEvening with Rabbi Sol Solomon”(shalomdammit.com). Read moreat: http://davelefkowitzwriting.wordpress.com/about/18 April 2012 To advertise: 516-505-0555 x1 or ads@liwomanonline.com