Clergy Spouse Handbook - Wisconsin Conference United Methodist ...

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HANDBOOK 2010 submitted.docPage 12 of 51 Pages5. SchoolsPlan to contact the school(s) in your new community and visit with your children whenappropriate. Before you move to the new community, you may want to check on registration forthe fall, particularly if your children are in middle or senior high school. You can also check intoextracurricular opportunities that might be of interest to your children.6. Life in the Clergy FamilyEnjoy the blessings of being part of a clergy family, part of the local congregation, and part ofthe greater community. Frustrating times are part of the experience as well. Keep the lines ofcommunication open as you and our spouse share with each other and with your children. Laugh,live and love together as you share in this part of your life journey.Credit to the “Thrival Kit” from the Virginia Annual Conference,The United Methodist ChurchChapter 5CAREGIVING AND SUPPORT FOR THE CAREGIVERTaking care of you and the ones you love is a big job! As a part of being good stewards of God'screation, you and the ones you love, there are numerous ways to be advocates and to obtainresources to assist you and your loved ones. In addition to caring for yourself, caring for yourchildren, your elderly parents, or for an extended family member may be a part of your job as acaregiver. Please note that in being a good caregiver, taking care of yourself as a part of theequation is every bit as important as caring for others, for without you, the caregiver, the oneswho need you cannot receive the care they need. Following are suggestions for obtainingresources to help support you in the role of caregiver.First, you must take care of you! "The Caregiver Helpbook: Powerful Tools forCaregiving" written by Schmall, Cleland, and Sturdevant, was written specifically for caregiversof the elderly. Its advice though, is universally true for all caregivers: "...if you don't take care ofyourself first, you may not be able to help those who need your help. It's the same thing withcaregiving. When you take care of yourself, everyone benefits. Ignoring your own needs is notonly potentially detrimental to you, but it can also be harmful to the person who depends onyou." This book further suggests that you must adhere to the following guidelines: "Takeresponsibility, have realistic expectations, focus on what we can do, communicate effectivelywith others, learn from our emotions, get help when needed, and set goals and work toward them(pg.1-3)." This is sound advice for all who are caregivers.Another excellent resource is The Caregiver's Book, Caring for Another, Caring for Yourself byJames Miller, clergyman and writer. This resource offers a compassionate exploration of thecaregiver's role, feelings, and experiences as well as practical suggestions and inspiration. Millerstates that it is not easy being a caregiver, there are demands and difficulties, yet being acaregiver may be one of the most meaningful things you'll ever do. This book also reminds usthat the healthiest way to care for another is to care for ourselves by setting boundaries, finding
HANDBOOK 2010 submitted.docPage 13 of 51 Pagesstrength through flexibility, accepting support from others and finding "the sacred" in your actsof care.10 TIPS FOR FAMILY CAREGIVERS1. Choose to take charge of your life, and don't let your loved one's illness or disability alwaystake center stage.2. Remember to be good to yourself. Love, honor, and value yourself. You're doing a very hardjob and you deserve some quality time, just for you.3. Watch out for signs of depression, and don't delay in getting professional help if you need it.4. When people offer to help, accept the offer and suggest specific things that they can do.5. Educate yourself about your loved one's condition. Information is empowering.6. There's a difference between caring and doing. Be open to technologies and ideas that promoteyour loved one's independence.7. Trust your instincts. Most of the time they'll lead you in the right direction.8. Grieve for your losses, and then allow yourself to dream new dreams.9. Stand up for your rights as a caregiver and a citizen.10. Seek support from other caregivers. There is great strength in knowing you are not alone.(By Paraclete Press)Serious Illness or Injury: When we care for a family member of any age with a serious orpotentially life threatening illness or injury, the American Cancer Society advises, "One Day at aTime." Thinking ahead about the many treatments that may be needed or possible outcomes canbe overwhelming. The American Cancer Society and the US Department of Health and HumanServices have numerous resources available for both children and adults. Respect andconsideration must be extended to all family members during times of high stress. Children andother family members are children of God and as such, should be nurtured and supported.Honesty and correct but simple information is essential for children who are ill or are concernedabout a seriously ill family member. The Candlelighter's Foundation is an excellent nationalorganization providing resources and support to families who have experienced a diagnosis ofchildhood cancer.Elderly Parents: There is a plethora of information and resources available to those who musttake care of their elderly parents.First, check with your spouse on resources available within the United Methodist Church. Onesuch resource is a comprehensive list of pamphlets available through Abbey Press called "CareNotes" (Abbey Press, One Caring Place, St. Meinrad, IN 47577 or at 1-800-325-2511)
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