The Schoolmaster and other stories - Penn State University

Anton Tchekhovalms. Devoted to good works and his official duty, hegave up the joys of this life and even renounced the happinessof domestic existence; as you are aware, to theend of his days he was a bachelor. And who will replacehim as a comrade? I can see now the kindly, shaven faceturned to us with a gentle smile, I can hear now his softfriendly voice. Peace to thine ashes, Prokofy Osipitch!Rest, honest, noble toiler!”Zapoikin continued while his listeners began whisperingtogether. His speech pleased everyone and drew sometears, but a good many things in it seemed strange. Inthe first place they could not make out why the oratorcalled the deceased Prokofy Osipitch when his name wasKirill Ivanovitch. In the second, everyone knew that thedeceased had spent his whole life quarelling with his lawfulwife, and so consequently could not be called a bachelor;in the third, he had a thick red beard and had neverbeen known to shave, and so no one could understandwhy the orator spoke of his shaven face. The listenerswere perplexed; they glanced at each other and shruggedtheir shoulders.“Prokofy Osipitch,” continued the orator, looking withan air of inspiration into the grave, “your face was plain,even hideous, you were morose and austere, but we allknow that under that outer husk there beat an honest,friendly heart!”Soon the listeners began to observe something strangein the orator himself. He gazed at one point, shiftedabout uneasily and began to shrug his shoulders too.All at once he ceased speaking, and gaping with astonishment,turned to Poplavsky.“I say! he’s alive,” he said, staring with horror.“Who’s alive?”“Why, Prokofy Osipitch, there he stands, by thattombstone!”“He never died! It’s Kirill Ivanovitch who’s dead.”“But you told me yourself your secretary was dead.”“Kirill Ivanovitch was our secretary. You’ve muddledit, you queer fish. Prokofy Osipitch was our secretarybefore, that’s true, but two years ago he was transferredto the second division as head clerk.”“How the devil is one to tell?”149