Seeking Peace - Notes and Conversations along the Way - Plough

dECISIVENESScompromising there, we often lack the backbone to standby our own decisions. Because of this we remain in a continualstate of angst. At times we hold a planless, day-todayattitude toward whatever comes our way. At others weare fatalistic, defeatist. One day we exhibit spinelessnessand have no clearly defined opinion at all; the next we clingso strongly and stubbornly to an idea we become fanatical.Ultimately, Frankl says, all these symptoms can be tracedback to our fear of responsibility, and the indecision whichis its fruit.Naturally some choices we face are easy to make, whileothers can be made only with the most agonized soulsearching.Even then, God can guide us to make the rightmove if we are open to his leading. I am not speaking hereof thunderbolts or flashes (most of us, it seems, receivevery few answers without praying for them), but of “hoursof grace” – times when God comes close to us, softens ourhearts, and opens our inner ear to him.Such “hours” may come to us once, twice, or even severaltimes. If we are open to them, God’s voice may speakso clearly that the right path forward will become obvious;we only have to follow it. Alfred Delp writes:There are times in each of our lives when we are filled withself-disgust, when consciousness of our failure tears the maskfrom our self-assurance and self-justification, and realitystands revealed – even if only for an instant. Such momentsof truth can produce a permanent change. Yet our naturaltendency is to avoid them. This is because our pride andcowardice (and our realization that the only way out of thesituation is to humble ourselves and submit to God) tempt usto declare the moment unreal and counterfeit.The awakening shock may only come when our sin hasgone so far that it finally saps our self-confidence and forcesus to take a closer look at ourselves. Everything depends139