Seeking Peace - Notes and Conversations along the Way - Plough

SEEkINg PEACEreally understood this at the time, but I told myself I wouldbe watchful.Little by little, however, I slipped back into old ways, andslowly the little devils of pride and envy and jealousy reenteredmy life. The experience of baptism certainly changedme, I won’t deny that. Yet I did not conquer self. I remainedall too much the center of my inner experiences. I was livinga wonderful life in my own strength, with my own capabilities.I did not “watch and pray” that temptations would notenter my heart…Eventually the first love that had drawn meto Christ was shattered.Later my hypocrisy was revealed, and I experienced thepain of judgment. I was asked to lay down my service as aminister and teacher. I moved away from my community forfour months, during which time I was able to face my sinssquarely and repent. Coming back and receiving the forgivenessof the same brothers and sisters I had separated myselffrom, I found new freedom, love, and peace.Struggles still come every day, but over the years I amslowly learning something of what 1 Corinthians 13 means:after all else is said and done, there is only faith, hope, andlove; and love is the greatest. I cannot judge or look downon another, no matter what his condition. The rich man createda chasm between himself and Lazarus, and in the hereaftertheir positions were reversed. There are two mightyforces at work in each of us, evil and good, and in the battlebetween them we are judged and forgiven over and over. It isin this – in the ongoing fight – that we experience true peace.Glenn’s observation is crucial to understanding the paradoxabove, “I came not to bring peace, but a sword,” for ittouches on its deepest meaning. Christ’s sword is his truth,and we must allow it to cut us deeply and repeatedly wheneversin crops up in our lives. To harden ourselves or protectourselves from it is to close ourselves to God’s mercyand love.32