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What’s It All For, Bob?A DEAN’S PARTING WORDS TO THE CLASS OF 2006By Robert Gross ’62As you leave Swarthmore, it’s a good time toreflect more broadly on the meaning of life.One of the best expressions of these concerns—atleast since Monty Python—camefrom Greg, a high school junior I taught atFriends Select School some years ago. It wasspring, and the juniors had just gotten thecollege application pep talk. Greg stoppedme the next day and said he wanted to askme a question. “What’s it all for, Bob? Youwork hard in high school to get into a goodcollege. You work hard in college to get agood job. You work hard at your job to supportyour family. And then you’re dead.What’s it all for?”I don’t recall what I answered. Yet, afterbrooding about it for 2 decades, I am verysorry to report that I’m still not entirely surewhat it’s all for. But I do have some ideasabout how to “do life” well. I think theanswer lies in locating oneself in terms offour questions relating to time, interpersonalspace, risk, and attitude.The question about time is this: Howmuch energy and attention should youspend on planning and acting for futuregoals and how much on living in the present?There’s no right answer, but I worrythat many kids today seem to sacrifice theirchildhood and adolescence to polish aresume that will get them into the right college.And then they sacrifice their goodtimes and health to get into a top medicalschool, and then the right residency, and soon. Sooner or later, they find themselves inGreg’s trap, asking what it’s all for.Conversely, I also worry about those studentswho spend all their time writing poetryand hanging out with friends or playingvideo games and Beirut. Will they end uphomeless or—even worse—living with theirparents?As a dean, I’ve worked both ends of thisstreet. To those who lived too much in themoment and consistently forgot they had apaper due, I have emphasized time managementand planning. As for those who havelived in McCabe or Cornell libraries for4 years, I have encouraged them to slowdown and find more a more Zen-like approachto their work.There are two ways out of the either-ortrap. The first is simply to pay attention. Beintentional about what you want to do, butbe present in the activity of the moment.Paying attention is useful in accomplishinganything, but it is particularly important inthings like appreciating art or falling in love.The second is to look at what motivatesus. Sometimes, we are instrumentally motivated;that is, we act in order to achievesome further goal. And at other times, weare intrinsically motivated; we act because12 : swarthmore college bulletin
The following is adapted from thebaccalaureate address delivered by Deanof the College Robert Gross on May 27.Gross retires this month after serving in theDean’s Office from 1991 to 2006 and as amember of the faculty in the Program inEducation from 1977 to 1983. From 1984to 1990, Gross served as head of the upperschool at Friends Select School in Philadelphia.The complete text of Dean Gross’ talk is atwww.swarthmore.edu/news/commencement2006/.what we are doing is intrinsically pleasurableor meaningful. What I wish for you is anopportunity to merge the two.Regarding interpersonal space, the questionis about what we owe to ourselves, whatwe owe to others, and how to bridge thegap. If we do not nurture ourselves—physically,emotionally, spiritually—we risk burningout and being of no use to others. Yet, ifall we are concerned with is ourselves, thenof what use are we to others? And if all wecare about are others, how do we maintainenough energy and commitment to actuallybe helpful to them?The third question is how to balancesecurity and risk. People are used to thinkingof these in terms of crafting an investmentpolicy, but sometimes it’s worth takingother sorts of risks in your career and relationships.The Quakers say that if you waiton the Light, the way will open. What thisELEFTHERIOS KOSTANSmeans to me is being open to opportunity,willing to give up the comfort of the familiar.It may be too late now, but it might havemeant sitting down in Sharples Dining Hallwith some people you didn’t know.Finally, there is the question of attitude:how to balance belief and doubt, or idealismand what one might call postmodern deconstructionism.To use a term more familiar atSwarthmore, how does ethical intelligencework? Beliefs and ideals are essential, andsocieties advance through the ethical commitmentsof their members. But ideals thatare not subject to reality testing can lead, atbest, to self-righteousness and, at worst, todisaster. Herman Kahn, who wrote On ThermonuclearWar in the 1960s, once said, “Inorder to make a revolution, you need a certainamount of ignorance, for knowledgedebilitates.” Perhaps so, but who wants arevolution based on ignorance?Intelligent analysis is essential, butmaybe Kahn was right: Knowledge candebilitate. You have been trained to findholes in the arguments of others, but if allarguments prove defective, what’s left? Weall celebrate healthy skepticism, but there’ssuch a thing as unhealthy skepticism. It’simportant that we respect the beliefs andideals of others and nourish our own—evenas we subject them to rigorous analysis. Thealternative is a corrosive cynicism that feedsoff the ideals of others.A half-century ago, the psychoanalystErik Erikson wrote that acquiring a sense ofidentity is the primary task of adolescence.And by a sense of identity, he meant not justthe objective description of one’s roles butrather the capacity to maintain a strongsense of self through the changes and challengesthat life presents. This, in turn,requires enduring confidence and selfesteem.I am mindful of what I told you4 years ago at orientation—that Swarthmore’senvironment and your own highstandards will place a lot of pressure onyour self-esteem. You have received a lot ofevaluation—from your professors, yourpeers, yourselves—and, sometimes, thesejudgments begin to define you.During the past week, a lot of judgmentshave been flying around: honors, Phi BetaKappa, and others. These distinctions feelslightly unsettling in this community andremind us that what makes the intensity ofSwarthmore tolerable is the College’s relativelack of competitiveness. But the judgmentsare there and, sadly, so is our tendencyto internalize the negative and reject thepositive.It is very distressing to me that someleave Swarthmore feeling less able thanwhen they entered—feeling “not goodenough.” One antidote to this is what I callGross’ Law of Personal Assessment: “Wheneverthere is a discrepancy between the wayyou value yourself and the way others valueyou, always go with the higher.”When I first spoke to you 4 years ago, Ifelt confident that Swarthmore would offeryou plenty of challenges, and I saw my jobthen as offering what support I could. Iremain confident today that the world outthere will continue to offer more thanenough challenges: careers, dissertations,relationships, children, public service. Soplease stand, and recite the mantra I taughtyou at orientation: “No matter what you sayor do to me, I am still a worthwhile person.”“No matter what you say or do to me, I amstill a worthwhile person.”Now, let me tell you some things you aregoing to hear during the next few years.Please respond with the mantra.“We were going to hire you, but then, welooked at your Facebook site.”“No matter what you say or do to me,I am still a worthwhile person.”“Do you really have to move all the wayto Seattle?”“No matter what you say or do to me,I am still a worthwhile person.”“I see your friends are getting married.And you?”“No matter what you say or do to me,I am still a worthwhile person.”“You have how many credit cards?”“No matter what you say or do to me,I am still a worthwhile person.”“Wow, a documentary film about transgenderedadolescents in Indonesia—howinteresting! Now, could I have two doublelattes to go?”“No matter what you say or do to me,I am still a worthwhile person.”“Swarthmore—isn’t that a girl’s schoolin upstate New York?”Applause. Tjune 2006 : 13
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