TAXI

More readers than the rest put together! 22 SEPTEMBER 2015 | TAXI 19
Taxi Talk
PEOPLE ARE
STRANGE
ALF TOWNSEND
Sometimes it feels like you are just wasting your breath, rising crime and boring education
The linkman called me into
that posh hotel in High
Holborn that’s changed its
name to the Rosewood to pick up
two, very smart middle-aged
American ladies.
They had some seriously heavy
luggage and when they asked for
Paddington, I thought I’d try my
luck and talk them into going to
Heathrow. I explained that the
single fare on the Heathrow
Express was £22.50 per person
and that it would be around £20 to
Paddington by cab. I said that the
grand total would be around £65
and I would take them all the way
to Heathrow for the same price.
But there came not a whisper from
the back in reply; no “yes please,”
and no “thanks, but no,” so I just
continued on to Paddington.
When we arrived in Paddington
I got out to help with their
luggage and the lady generously
gave me almost a five pound tip.
In a very friendly manner, I then
asked the lady why they didn’t
give me a yes or a no to my offer.
She laughed and said, “I’m sorry
honey, we didn’t know what the hell
you were talking about!”
‘Living With the
Luvvies!’
As one of the ever-diminishing
band of “peasants” who has been
living among the elite Hampstead
“luvvies” for the past four
decades, I’ve got no problems
with having famous neighbours.
I’ve ferried all the international
stars back to their hotels from the
BBC Television Centre in the 60s
and 70s, including household
names like Danny Kaye, Frank
Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy
Davis Jnr. It has never bother
me in the slightest, and if
I’m standing in a queue
at my local bank behind
Ricky Gervais – so
what! Apparently, some of the A-
Listers on my patch nowadays
include the actor Benedict
Cumberbatch, Harry Styles, a
member of the boy band One
Direction until their recent split,
and not forgetting dear old 80s
pop star, Boy George, who has
had a place in East Heath Road
since the 70s. There is also Thierry
Henry, to my mind probably
Arsenal’s best ever player, but
unquestionably he’s a far better
footballer than he is a pundit! The
quiet little cul-de-sac where I live
boasts some mega names in the
world. On my right is the mansion
of the Malaysian High
Commissioner and to the left lives
the brother of the fabulously rich
Sultan of Brunei!
But it appears that the peace has
been shattered around the Frognal
and Redington Road area by a
group of vicious yobs on scooters
who are threatening to use
hammers on their victims to
extract valuable watches and
jewellery. In one shocking incident
I have heard of, a nanny was just
pushing her child to the front
door when a man wielding a
crowbar approached her from
behind, demanded she hand over
her expensive watch. This is not
the first case in that manor either:
in July two masked men snatched
a woman’s rucksack in Redington
Road after threatening her with a
gun! It’s got to such a point that
the wealthy residents are paying
for security guards to patrol the
area 24 hours a day. I think I’ll
move to the East End – it’s safer!
The re-education
of Mr Townsend
Further to my article
in the last edition of
TAXI, where I
gave my
personal
opinion of a
driver retraining
course I had elected
to go on, instead of getting
three penalty points on my
licence. The course I went on was
incredibly boring and childlike,
but feedback I have got from
many other drivers who have
attended one is that that some are
quite interesting.
Obviously, there are many
different offences which carry
penalty points, such as speeding,
red light charges, and using
mobile phones while at the
wheel. Consequently, the content
of the courses varies with each
offence. Maybe I was unlucky or
simply have a short attention
span I don’t know.
I got an ear bashing on the
subject from one reader who
accused me of “being hard to
please.” Although, he softened a
bit by the end when I gave him
the full facts!
But more importantly perhaps,
some of the feedback I got from
the same article was from the
many cabbies who, like me, had
been nicked by the camera
operating at the junction of
Finchley Road and Hillgrove Road
heading north.
Now, I don’t believe any
professional driver would dream of
blatantly jumping a red light –
especially me, the old plodder! But
with a camera it’s all about split
seconds – literally. You go over on
amber, but if the rear wheels of
your vehicle haven’t cleared the
stop line when the red light comes
on, you’re well and truly nicked.
You could argue that stopping
suddenly at speed could cause an
accident, but I suspect that would
fall on deaf ears. The simple
answer is: approach all traffic lights
at a reasonable speed – that’s what
I learnt on my boring course. n