TAXI

40 TAXI |22 SEPTEMBER 2015 www.ltda.co.uk | @TheLTDA
PUZZLER
Crossword competition!
To complete our prize
crossword and be in with a
chance to win £50 send your
completed entry to Crossword
352, Taxi, Taxi House, 11
Woodfield Road, W9 2BA before
October 6. First name out of the
hat gets the cash.
ACROSS
1 Smart Alec (4, 3)
5 Barb firing weapon (5)
8 Allude (9)
9 Trim (3)
10 Sufficient (5)
12 Infatuated with (7)
13 Reckless (13)
15 Pick-up point (3, 4)
17 South American rodent (5)
19 Utilise (3)
20 A scarce metallic element group (4, 5)
22 Club (5)
23 Stopover (7)
DOWN
1 Destiny (5)
2 Klutz (3)
3 Vacuum (6)
4 Military rank (5, 8)
5 Eighth Greek letter (5)
6 Male pupil (9)
7 Regret (7)
11 Naughty children (9)
13 Towards the city, say (7)
14 Community (7)
16 Human body section (5)
18 Guide (5)
21 Engine rpm (3)
Theatre Review by Brad Ashton
In my travels this week I’ve heard
some very strange things:
The drunkard who said “I used to
drink to excess. Now I drink to
anything. Last week I signed up
with Alcoholics Anonymous, which
means I can now drink under an
assumed name.”
The man at the travel agent who said “I’d
like to get away from everything, except
my money.”
The police sergeant at the missing
person’s desk who told the spinster
“Sorry lady, we can’t help you find a
missing husband unless you’ve lost
one first.”
The speed cop who said to the lady driver
“OK lady, where’s the sale?”
The naval captain said to the sailor
who came aboard in a tutu, “no, you
idiot. I said get a tattoo.”
The airport customs officer who said to
the lady passenger “it’s just routine
madam, we have to inspect all hand
luggage that barks.”
The computer operator proposing to
his girlfriend who said “I’d like to
programme you into my future.”
The prospective bride’s father said to the
bank manager “I have everything ready
for my daughter’s wedding except the
‘something borrowed’. Like the money to
pay for it.”
The pregnant young lady said to
the chemist “are any of the pills
retroactive?”
The tearful restaurant diner said to the
waiter “my compliments to the chef.
Tell him the onion soup’s perfect.”
The wife visiting her sick
husband in hospital who said,
“sorry I’m late. I was out pricing
caskets.”
The boss who said to his new
employee, “yes, we do have a sick
leave policy. If you get sick, you
leave.”
The girl whose date tried to make
love to her in the back of his mini
said “I hope you realise you’re
placing me in an awkward
position.”
The instructor said to the new sky
diver “If at first you don’t succeed,
who we shall notify?"
The doctor said to the sick patient
with his tongue out “I wouldn’t
put that back if I were you.”
The tax inspector said to the cheating
client “the good news is you’re in the
running for our inventor of the month
award.”
Robin Hood said to his Merry
Men “we just rob the rich to give
to the poor. We don’t deal with
the middle classes.”
CROSSWORD NO. 352
SOLUTION TO CROSSWORD 350
Across: 7 Mix-ups, 8 Canapé, 9 Gain, 10 Outdoors, 11 Dryness,
13 Orate, 15 Coach, 16 Own goal, 18 Umbrella, 19 Mute, 21 Italic,
22 Benumb
Down: 1 Viva, 2 Turning circle, 3 Espouse, 4 Acute, 5 Encouragement,
6 Operetta, 12 Roommate, 14 Swear by, 17 Pluck, 20 Time
Congratulations
Issue 350 winner
A Fletcher, Watford
Just for fun
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Have a go at
this medium
level Sudoku
puzzle. Fill
the grid so
that every
row, every
column and
every 3x3 box
contains the
numbers 1-9.