EXHILARATING’’

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The Ramifications of my Divorce.
BY TERESA DAHLQUIST
Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not
worth living.” And in examining my life, I
realize that I made lots of poor choices.
Mistakes could be my middle name.
Falling in love/lust has been the most
wonderful times in my life. The men saw the
best in me, and I saw the best in them. The
anticipation of seeing each other again was
sexually exhilarating. Woo hoo! Each time
concluding, I found my soul mate. HA!
I got married when I was 20. We honeymooned
in New York City. We saw My Fair Lady, had lunch
at Rockefeller Center and rushed back to the hotel
to make love. We were hot to trot and so in love.
Little by little the fantasy of “he’s perfect”
was gone and the love was fading. I began
fantasizing about other men. I concluded, we
never really loved each other.
I’m here to share with you, that I believe, in my
case, the love might have been revisited with
the proper counseling. That wisdom was realized,
only in recent years. This is my truth and only
my truth.
I found out, too late, that our goals and
interests were NOT in harmony. He was
American, I was first generation Italian. He didn’t
like Italian food, I loved it. He was conservative, I
was liberal. He was Catholic, I was protestant. He
was clean, I was messy. He thought farting was
funny, I did NOT! etc. etc.
I thought it was totally my husband’s
responsibility to make me happy. What???
My former husband wasn’t abusive, mentally
ill or a drug addict. In those extreme cases,
separating would have been for MY safety and
for the safety and protection of my children.
My ex DID commit adultery. He was handsome,
and women chased him. He apologized and I
could have forgiven him. He probably shouldn’t
have confessed.
Years ago, Dr. Joyce brothers, on a talk show,
looked at the camera and said, “If your husband
catches you in bed with another man, deny it.” The
audience laughed. Humor is exaggerated truth. In
the movie Frida, Diego Rivera describes fornication
as a cough, or a sneeze. Me? I felt betrayed.
“My daughter felt safe with
her daddy in the home and
all of sudden he was gone.
She felt abandoned.”
My ex also slapped me once when I called
him a nasty name. He apologized and it never
happened again. But boy did I embellish those
stories to make myself look good and be right. I
built a solid case against him. I would have made
a really good lawyer.
I thought my ex and I had nothing in common. We
had two beautiful children, plus the responsibility
of developing their intellectual and emotional
personalities in common. They were both part of
US. NOTHING IN COMMON??? DUH!!!
So after 7 years, I filed for divorce. The
ramifications that followed from my divorce were
an enormous surprise to me. I didn’t realize all
the people that would be hurt when I decided to
end my marriage.
The grandparents, the aunt’s and uncles,
and best friends from both sides, were forced
to decide who was right and who was wrong.
Most of my former in-laws, that I loved, wouldn’t
acknowledge me anymore.
I couldn’t share my children’s greatest moments
with anyone like I could have shared them with
their Dad. Single parenting, at times, can be lonely.
GOLDEN SISTER Teresa Dahlquist is an entrepreneur,
published author, and an actress who is constantly
re-inventing herself. She just began a new career in
stand-up. Her philosophy “It’s never to late to fail.
My daughter loved her Daddy. She felt safe with
her father in the house and all of a sudden he
was gone. My daughter felt abandoned. I made
the mistake of thinking my children didn’t need
their daddy. They had ME, a wonderful, loving,
self-sacrificing perfect mom with no faults. How
arrogant and self-righteous I was at that time.
I know now that my children would feel hurt
when I would complain about their Dad. I was
blind to the fact that my behavior was hurting the
two people I loved the most.
I told my son when he was 10, “Now you’re the
man of the house.” It was NOT his job to take
care of me, that was his father’s job.
A ten year old said to his single Mom, “How do
you think it makes me feel when I see Dad being
kind to another woman and mean to you.”
A little girl said to her Mom, “Daddy used to
hold my hand and now he only holds his new
wife’s hand. I don’t like her.
There were so many uncomfortable gatherings
for my children and family members.
Who gets invited to birthday parties and school
performances? Whose house does Santa visit? Who
gets invited to graduations and weddings? etc. etc.
“How do you think it makes
me feel when I see Dad
being kind to another
woman and mean to you?”
I was devastated when my daughter, at 16,
decided to live with her dad. Normal teenage
disagreements between mothers and daughters
make it easy for fathers to convince their
daughters to live with them.
The separation from my daughter was, by far,
the worst heartache I felt in my entire life. I was
scared to death for my daughter’s safety. I lost
complete control and knew no one could or
would love and care for her like I did and would
have. I couldn’t sleep, and I cried for months.
Even now, when I think of that time in my life, I
get a lump in my throat.
So, my dear children, relatives and friends,
please forgive me. My behavior was not illintentioned.
I just didn’t know any better. Today,
I’m so proud of my two children. I have to thank
my extended family and their teachers for that. I
did not do it alone.
I do not regret divorcing. I would not have a
justified opinion had I not experienced divorce
first hand. Neither would I have been able to
share my journey and regrets with you.
I do regret marrying so young. I regret not
finishing my college education. I regret the times
I responded in anger and fear instead of love
and compassion. I regret not hugging, kissing,
dancing or playing with my children more often.
My intentions for writing my story are:
1. So couples would feel proud of themselves,
that with all the ups and downs of married life,
they managed to save a family.
2. To perhaps cause couples that were
contemplating divorce, decide to work it out and
return to the feelings of love and acceptance
they felt for each other years ago.
3. So that divorced parents become aware of
their children’s feelings, and be kinder to one
another. The best lesson a parent could teach a
child is how to expect to be loved. And they learn
that by watching how their parents treat each other.
Teresa Dahlquist was a Golden Sister on
the OWN channel, a Senior Correspondent
on Queen Latifah, and a guest on other
talk shows. SEE JUST TERESA ON YOUTUBE
AND FACEBOOK for the complete article
and more senior wisdom. Contact Teresa
at teresa13dahlquist@gmail.com.
The best lesson a parent could teach a child is how to expect to be loved. And they learn that by watching how their parents treat each other.