BeatRoute Magazine B.C. print e-edition - July 2016

It’s that time of year! The time for
parades, men dressed as Trojan
soldiers handing out free condoms
and the celebration of loving who
you want! It’s time to celebrate
Pride. Ever since my first Pride
celebration over 10 years ago I’ve
watched it grow and grow. I’ve
celebrated Pride in Edmonton, Calgary,
Toronto, Vancouver and West
Hollywood. Ok West Hollywood was
Halloween but it was pretty much a
more elaborate Pride event. I’m not
a lesbian, although I’ve considered
it. And of course I’ve experimented,
but it’s not how I’m wired. There’s
no way to change how you feel.
That’s why Pride exists. I celebrate
Pride because I grew up a drama
nerd. I had friends who I knew were
gay but in the late ’90s it was still
not something you talked about. The
first Pride parade I attended I think I
was 24. I saw a group of high school
kids marching and I cried like a
proud mom. I can’t say exactly what
Pride means to someone that is gay
but to me it’s about acceptance and
the celebration that every year more
and more people see it as love and
that’s it.
You will need essentials if you
want to celebrate Pride right. First
off, you need to stay hydrated.
The older I get the more important
I realize this is. You can’t blow
your whole weekend on one lame
hangover. Hydrating can also mean
having two gulps of your water and
then dumping the rest on your head.
Being sprayed with Supersoakers by
men wearing angel wings and white
booty shorts also counts.
You need glitter! Boys and girls,
glitter is essential because it has the
power to make you feel magical and
you’ll have reminders of how much
fun you had for months when you’re
still finding bits of it in your clothing
and around your house in November.
I’m 35 and I try to wear glitter every
day. It makes me smile and it’s an
excellent repellent for married men.
Be ready to hug. Every Pride I’ve
ever been to has been filled with lots
of hugs and laughs. Another bonus
of hugging men at Pride is that, as a
woman, you know they’re hugging
you because they want a hug, not
because they want to press up
against your boobs. This is not the
place to not embrace the hug.
Something that’s always fun to
bring is unwanted and uninvited dick
pics. I can’t think of a better place to
show off your collection and laugh
about it than with a group of your
favourite gay best friends. I’ve done
this and it’s very entertaining. A
small message for the dick pic senders
out there: don’t send them. We
show them to everyone and laugh at
them. Send them only if we’ve asked
because we use those ones for the
purpose they’re intended for. Women
are perverts too.
The main thing we all need to
remember about Pride is that it’s
a celebration of love and a time to
embrace your friends and family
who can finally, now more than ever,
be the person they were born to be.
The recent terrifying and cowardly
events in our world only accentuate
the importance of loving everyone
for who they are. We are all humans
and we all deserve to love who we
want, enjoy a parade and get drunk
in public then cry when our sixmonth
crush lets us down easy. It
happens every Pride.
Kathleen McGee has a podcast called
Kathleen McGee is a Hot Mess and you
should listen to it! Visit kathleenmcgee.
ca for more.
July 2016 COMEDY
27