Huckleberry Press 063016

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Page 14 Huckleberry Press June 30, 2016 FRESH CHUCKLEBERRIES! Warning! Not to be taken internally, literally, or seriously! “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.” -- Anonymous “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” ~ Victor Borge DOES IT ONLY COME IN BLACK? My five-year-old son is crazy about cars, so I took him to his first car show. He loved seeing all the different models and brands and gushed over the big engines, the colors, and even the wheels. But the car he was most impressed with was a hearse. “Mom!” he shouted. “Look at all this storage!” CHICKEN JOKE Q: Why did the chicken go to the séance? A: To get to the other side. CLUCK LIFE Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors? A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan. SO… WHAT IS IT? Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A: a receding hareline. WHAT DO YOU- CALL… Q: What do you call an old snowman? A: Water! WHAT THE HECK Q: What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? A: The best of thymes, the worst of thymes. CATS AND COMMAS Q: What’s the different between a cat and a comma? A: A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause. ABOUT ARTISTS Q: Why do artists constantly feel cold? A: Because they’re surrounded by drafts. JURASSIC Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words? A: The thesaurus. KIDS Dr. J. Sloetjes, Fort McMurray, CN After cleaning my five-year-old patient’s teeth, I accompanied him to the reception area, only to see him struggle with the oak door. “It’s heavy, isn’t it?” I asked. “Yes,” he said. “Is that so children can’t escape?” NEW INVENTION! I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.” MATURE FUN As I was treating my daughter and her family to the buffet at a casino, all the bells and whistles for a winning slot machine began to go off. My seven-yearold grandson was awed. “Wow!” yelled Casey. “This is like Chuck E. Cheese for old people.” BEING TESTED When my eight-yearold asked how I knew I was pregnant, I told her I had taken a pregnancy test. “Oh,” she said. “What questions were on the test?” HOPING FOR THE BEST My second graders were assigned the task of writing thank-you cards to soldiers serving in the Middle East. One of them wrote, “Thank you for protecting us! I hope we win!” REASON FOR RETURN I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. “Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked. “Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.” MYSTERY SOLVED! My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes one whose intended purpose was always a mystery. It looks like a cross between a metal slotted spoon and a spatula, so I use it as both. When not in use, it is prominently displayed in a decorative ceramic utensil caddy in my kitchen. The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently solved when I found one in its original packaging at a rummage sale. It’s a pooper-scooper. COFFEE SHOP When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark. HE CAN FLY, BUT… A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!” PIZZA PERILS A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino’s Pizza: Customer: Soooo I ordered a Pizza & it came with no Toppings on it or anything, It’s Just Bread! Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this! Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/ TALKING SHEEPDOG After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.” CAT THUG LIFE My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.” BESTED BY A BIRD Wandering inside a pet store, I stopped in front of a birdcage to admire a parakeet. We watched each other for a few minutes before it asked, “Can’t you talk?” TOUGH QUESTION By George Carlin What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? MAKE IT TWO A zookeeper is ordering new animals. As he fills out the forms, he types “two mongeese.” That doesn’t look right, so he tries “two mongoose,” then “two mongooses.” Giving up, he types, “One mongoose, and while you’re at it, send another one.” IT’S A ZOO OUT THERE! When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor to don a costume and act like an ape until the zoo can get another one. In the cage, the actor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across a partition and atop the lion’s cage, infuriating the animal. But the actor stays in character—until he loses his grip and falls into the lion’s cage. Terrified, the actor shouts, “Help! Help me!” Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers, “Shut up! Do you want to get us both fi r e d?!” Mental Health and Chemical Dependency Treatment Chemical Dependency (CD) Chewelah (CD/MH) 935-4808 Colville (CD/MH) 684-4597 or 1-866-708-4597 Davenport (CD/MH) 725-3001 or 1-888-725-3001 Nine Mile Falls (MH by appt only) 262-0396 Republic (CD/MH) 775-3341 or 1-866-807-7131 *Mental Health After Hours Emergencies* 1-888-380-6823 Mental Health (MH) RIVERS EDGE 1 STOP The Best of the Huckleberry’s Chuckleberries Volume 1 - 2nd Edition with Bonus Chuckleberries! Bonus Edition In Print! $ 9 95 The Best of the HUCKLEBERRY’S CHUCKLEBERRIES VOL. 1 - Second Edition with BONUS Chuckleberries! All-in-1-Convenience Store-Gas Station-Liquor Store! Open 7am-10pm • 7 Days a week • 24-HR Fueling at the Pump “Fish stories told here... some true.” “Watch for our new makeover to Chevron... coming soon!” Shipped FREE from Compiled and Edited by Victoria “Tori” Cook Caudle WARNING: Not to be taken internally, literally, or seriously! (509) 732-4495 208 Center • Northport, WA OR call Victoria at 228-596-1516
June 30, 2016 Huckleberry Press Page 15 HUCKLEBERRY WORD POWER: ANTHEM Y B X R U Y F J N I V G T P H C F L X U B E A M T J L H I F W O T Z W Y O O S G X O H B L L P R R A P U G I H W C I E U A L W M R E O N I L O Q I E I V M G N Z E S L W S L D E A A Y T H F H O U Q N J R H M K I T T F C U T B R E V L S B G U M O H N S T W S F E T T N T S T T I L E T T A J P S N D A T Q V Y K A C N I G H Z G N G S N E P H Q N I D B A E L C B P X O U G K N K G R X A P L D O B D O R R I O K B C N S I A I Y P K E D L S Y E C Y N U N S R R X X I H L I M V E Q Z P G L I N L Z R Z Z O O Y Y I S D I N A L A A S I O U A Y Z G Q O S L A M D R E N W E E R C E H H D S H G B Q N F W H G O I N O A T E R L E A E N Z D E V I S P A L V S V U V A T Z J T J W C Y M W C D S P C T K P H I S Z X I S C D S E P R O E P P R E V V D L F S S Y G D I G G I U F I V Q P D V P A L R F S F Z Z Z S C H J A S V U L U Z A F O H B G R W O I H A U G H T Y T L A E O T S I M R W E Y L W T T B P X N E R A L G F Q J P D O V Y F B L F K A F S E Z X R N S M S K J S T K I J B Y R I G S I U N E L G V Y X B B K H Z I M N G R X C C T N L L P M O S L A E C N O C I U V D D M Q T I V S N L J O J I I V P B K L N I N F D I S C L O S E S Y U H T A Q N T N E M E E R F G P E R I L O U S H A V O C S H H E A V E N R R Z B A X U N A C I R E M A F C R A T S W N S K N Y X B AMERICAN BANNER BATTLE BEAM BLOOD BRAVE CONCEALS CONFUSION COUNTRY DAWN DISCLOSES FIGHT FITFULLY FLAG FOOTSTEPS FREEMEN GALLANTLY GLARE GLEAM GRAVE HAUGHTY HAVOC HEAVEN HOME LIGHT NATIONAL PEACE PERILOUS POLLUTION RAMPARTS REPOSES ROCKETS SILENCE SPANGLED STAND STAR HUCKLEBERRY COUNTRY SUDOKU! 9 4 7 5 3 6 9 1 8 5 5 4 2 6 7 1 3 9 8 3 6 1 5 2 5 6 8 1 Daily Sudoku: Sun 26-Jun-2016 Sudoku Puzzle Instructions: Each Sudoku has a unique solution that can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits from 1 to 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit -- so must every column, as must every 3x3 square. Puzzle difficulty level is “Easy to Medium.” Good luck! (c) Daily Sudoku Ltd 2016. All rights reserved. td 2016. All rights reserved. http://www.dailysudoku.com/ (c) Daily Sudoku Ltd 2016. All rights reserved. (c) Daily Sudoku Ltd 2016. All rights reserved. SUDOKU SOLUTION: Below is the Solution to medium STARS STREAMING STRIPES TOWERING TRIUMPH TWILIGHT VAUNTINGLY VICTORY This Week’s Puzzle 8 3 6 5 4 Daily Sudoku: Sun 26-Jun-2016 5 3 4 2 7 6 9 8 1 6 1 8 9 5 3 7 4 2 2 7 9 8 1 4 5 3 6 8 6 3 1 4 9 2 5 7 4 2 5 6 3 7 8 1 9 7 9 1 5 2 8 4 6 3 1 8 2 3 9 5 6 7 4 3 5 7 4 6 2 1 9 8 9 4 6 7 8 1 3 2 5 HUCKLEBERRY PRESS HOME DELIVERY Daily Sudoku: Sun 26-Jun-2016 5 6 8 1 $8 per month or get our Best Deal: (save 35%) $62 per year! 9 Name 4 6 7 8 1 3 2 5 Phone Mailing Address 3 City 5 or 7Town 4 6 2 1 9 8 State Zip Email Address 1 8 2 3 9 5 6 7 4 Mail this completed form with your payment to: 7 9 1 5 2 8 4 Huckleberry 6 3 Press PO Box 141 4 2 5 6 3 7 Davenport, 8 1 9 WA 99122 or phone in your subscription order: 844-344-8344 8 6 3 1 4 9 2 5 7 2 7 9 8 1 4 5 3 6 1 5 2 3 9 2 6 7 1 1 8 5 3 6 9 9 4 7 5 Join Us For MOVIES in the PARK Friday Nights at Dark-thirty! Hunters Park • Hunters, WA bring a chair or blanket! Concrete Foundations Slabs • Sidewalks Building Pole Barns • Shops Decks • Garages HUNTERS INN Welcome Hunters & Fishermen! Good Food • Cold Drinks Great Friends • Good Times Special! M-F, 12-4pm: Plain Burger & Fountain Soda for $5!!! Open at Noon; Seven Days a Week! Best Propane Value in the Inland Northwest! CUSTOMER TANKS CCB# ALBEEGC848C3 Licensed • Bonded • Insured Trucking - Excavating Site Prep • Roads • Utilities Landscaping - Erosion Control Retaining Walls • Irrigation Logging - Fire Prevention Thinning • Land Brush Clearing ARROW PROPANE TANKS 500 1000 gal*.........$1.55 Gal......$1.14 99 1000 500 Gal......$1.14 gal*.........$1.59 9 300 500 gal*..........$1.65 Gal........$1.24 9 9 500 300 Gal........$1.24 gal*..........$1.69 9 150 250 gal*..........$1.85 Gal........$1.34 9 9 250 150 Gal........$1.34 gal*..........$1.99 9 120 Gal........$1.55 9 120 Gal........$1.55 9 *Prices subject to change without notice Special Pricing for Commercial Customers Neighborhood-Group Deliveries Guaranteed Price Plans 509-919-4178 www.arrowpropane.com *Prices subject to change without notice Call us for a quote! Locally Owned & Operated!
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