The Good Life - Nov-Dec 2013
The areas premier men’s magazine featuring inspirational men in our community. Covering a variety of topics including local heroes, fathers, sports and advice for men.
The areas premier men’s magazine featuring inspirational men in our community. Covering a variety of topics including local heroes, fathers, sports and advice for men.
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3
FOOD FOR THE<br />
FOOTBALL FANATICS<br />
Stock the Man Cave with Snacks for Kick-off<br />
By: MEGAN HAVIG | PHOTOS: MEGAN HAVIG<br />
W<br />
hether you’re hosting a football party with the guys or you want to watch ESPN’s Monday Night<br />
football in total silence, you still need to treat the games with respect. Basically, you need to have<br />
the proper grub.<br />
Types of game-day dishes run as vast as the football teams themselves. And no matter what<br />
type of food consumer you are (master chef or takeout titan), there is something juicy, spicy or<br />
a downright touchdown to the taste buds out there, specifically for you.<br />
Master Chef Makes the Grub<br />
If you find yourself always bringing the sustenance for tailgating, hanging out over the grill for the playoffs<br />
party or perfecting the family chili recipe for Super Bowl Sunday, then consider making these savory snacks<br />
for your game day.<br />
Bacon Wrapped Smokies<br />
(courtesy of www.allrecipes.com)<br />
Gear up for the first half of the game with these “pop-in-the mouth” treats. <strong>The</strong> best part about Bacon<br />
Wrapped Smokies is that they are easy to make, yielding the perfect salty and sweet taste. Expect 20 minutes<br />
of prep time, 40 minutes of cook time and finished off by half-time!<br />
INGREDIENTS<br />
• 1 pound sliced bacon, cut into thirds<br />
• 1 (14 ounce) package beef cocktail wieners<br />
• 3/4 cup brown sugar, or to taste<br />
2<br />
Bacon Wrapped<br />
Smokies<br />
INSTRUCTIONS<br />
1 Preheat oven to 325<br />
degrees Fahrenheit.<br />
2 Refrigerate bacon until<br />
chilled. Wrap individual<br />
smokies with one strip<br />
of bacon and secure<br />
with a toothpick. Spread<br />
across a baking sheet.<br />
3 Sprinkle brown sugar on<br />
each smokie.<br />
4 Cook in the oven for 40<br />
minutes or until brown<br />
sugar is bubbling.
FRANKS® REDHOT®<br />
Buffalo Chicken Dip<br />
FRANK’S® REDHOT®<br />
Buffalo Chicken Dip<br />
(courtesy of www.franksredhot.com)<br />
Kick spice into the game with a dish that has<br />
bite. Served spicy hot, this dip pairs well with bread,<br />
crackers or celery. A neutral dipping side will allow the<br />
cheesy goodness to score with a kick on the palate.<br />
INGREDIENTS<br />
• 8 oz. pkg. cream cheese, softened<br />
• 1/2 cup blue cheese or ranch salad dressing<br />
• 1/2 cup FRANK’S® REDHOT® Original<br />
Cayenne Pepper Sauce or FRANK’S®<br />
REDHOT® Buffalo Wing Sauce<br />
• 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese or shredded<br />
mozzarella cheese<br />
• 2 thawed chicken breasts<br />
INSTRUCTIONS<br />
1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.<br />
2 Cook and shred chicken. Set aside.<br />
3 Set cream cheese into small crockpot and<br />
heat until soft and smooth.<br />
4 Stir in salad dressing, FRANK’S® REDHOT®<br />
Sauce, cheese and cooked, shredded<br />
chicken.<br />
5 Cook in crockpot until the dip is hot all the<br />
way through.<br />
6 Set crockpot on low to serve.<br />
Skaff<br />
Family Chili<br />
Skaff Family Chili<br />
(courtesy of Laneil Skaff)<br />
<strong>The</strong> leaves are turning, the air is brisk and with all<br />
the football that fall has to offer, it’s only right to finish<br />
off the game with a steaming bowl of homemade<br />
chili.<br />
INGREDIENTS<br />
• 3 cloves garlic - minced<br />
• 1 large onion - diced<br />
• 2 lbs. ground beef<br />
• 2 15 oz. cans diced tomatoes<br />
• 1 15 oz. can tomato sauce<br />
• 1 8 oz. can tomato paste<br />
• 2 bay leaves<br />
• 1 tablespoon chili powder<br />
• 1 teaspoon Cumin<br />
• Salt and pepper to taste<br />
• 1 15 oz. can chili beans<br />
• 1 15 oz. can kidney beans, rinsed<br />
INSTRUCTIONS<br />
1 Brown beef in pot.<br />
2 Add minced garlic and diced onion.<br />
3 Add tomato sauce, tomato paste and diced<br />
tomatoes.<br />
4 Add chili beans and rinsed kidney beans.<br />
5 Add chili powder, cumin and bay leaves.<br />
6 Add salt and pepper as well as the other<br />
powdered spices to taste.<br />
7 Let simmer on low for at least 2 hours.<br />
8 Remove bay leaves and serve.<br />
With good food and drinks, your party can soar to the end zone. Make sure to keep all your goods in slow<br />
cookers on low throughout the game. This will keep their heat and taste until the final score. 3
IN EVERY ISSUE<br />
LOCAL HEROES<br />
32<br />
MILITARY KIDS<br />
Sometimes the Smallest People<br />
Have the Largest Hearts<br />
16<br />
ON THE COVER<br />
CASS COUNTY<br />
16<br />
SHERIFF<br />
PAUL LANEY<br />
32<br />
ARTICLES<br />
FOOD FOR<br />
2<br />
THE FOOTBALL<br />
FANATICS<br />
Stock the Man Cave with<br />
Snacks for Kick-off<br />
6<br />
THANKSGIVING<br />
TIPS FOR DADS:<br />
Lessons From Football<br />
12<br />
NOVEMBER-DECEMBER <strong>2013</strong><br />
4<br />
CREATIVE DIRECTOR<br />
Dawn Siewert<br />
dawn@urbantoadmedia.com<br />
PHOTOGRAPHY<br />
Darren Losee<br />
darren@urbantoadmedia.com<br />
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS<br />
Soo Asheim<br />
Meghan Feir<br />
Paul Hankel<br />
Megan Havig<br />
Alicia Underlee Nelson<br />
Jenessa McAllister
ARTICLES CONTINUED<br />
FARGO PHOTOGRAPHER<br />
8<br />
CREATES NEW IMAGES OF HISTORY<br />
Dan Francis Uses Photos and Editing to Give Downtown<br />
Fargo a New Look<br />
12<br />
14<br />
HOLIDAY COCKTAILS<br />
WHAT NOT TO BUY FOR<br />
YOUR SWEETHEART<br />
HOW TO COPE<br />
24<br />
WITH THE<br />
DREADED IN-LAWS<br />
OVER THE HOLIDAYS<br />
26<br />
DEFENDING<br />
THE NET<br />
An Interview With Fargo Force<br />
Goalie Cam Johnson<br />
24 26<br />
PUBLISHED BY | Urban Toad Media LLP | www.urbantoadmedia.com |<br />
/urbantoadmedia<br />
ADVERTISING SUBMISSIONS<br />
Urban Toad Media LLP | 118 Broadway North, Suite 412 | Fargo, ND 58102 | 701.388.4506<br />
<strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong> <strong>Life</strong> magazine is distributed six times a year by Urban Toad Media LLP. Material may not be reproduced without<br />
permission. <strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong> <strong>Life</strong> magazine accepts no liability for reader dissatisfaction arising from content in this publication. <strong>The</strong><br />
opinions expressed, or advice given, are the views of individual writers or advertisers and do not necessarily represent the views<br />
or policies of <strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong> <strong>Life</strong>.<br />
5
Thanksgiving Tips for Dads:<br />
LESSONS FROM FOOTBALL<br />
By: CAREY CASEY | WWW.FATHERS.COM<br />
ihave a prediction: I bet you’re going to watch<br />
a football game or two on Thursday ...<br />
It’s a great tradition — at least one that<br />
I enjoy each Thanksgiving.<br />
And here’s one thing I really like about<br />
watching football with the family. Football, as<br />
with all sports, comes ripe with teachable moments.<br />
Think about the messages you are sending to<br />
your kids while watching a football game. When your<br />
team is too far behind to catch up, do you roll your<br />
eyes and say, “<strong>The</strong>y might as well go home?”<br />
Or do you cheer for them, shouting for them to<br />
play their hearts out anyway?<br />
And when a referee makes a bad call that favors<br />
your team, do you call for fairness anyway?<br />
So with that in mind, here are some tips for dads …<br />
6<br />
Action Points for Watching Football on Thanksgiving:<br />
1. Hold your team to high standards.<br />
If one of your favorite team’s players is<br />
misbehaving, don’t defend him. Defending people<br />
who behave inappropriately could teach your kids<br />
that it’s okay for them to disregard authority figures<br />
in their lives (even you) if it serves their own purposes.<br />
It also tells children that some adults don’t have to<br />
behave. This is the wrong message to send children.<br />
Yes, children should respect adults. But they should<br />
also be aware that adults shouldn’t get away with<br />
inappropriate behavior simply because they are<br />
adults.<br />
So when you see a player or coach misbehave, or<br />
when a referee makes an unfair call that benefits your
team, calmly explain to your child that you disagree.<br />
You can say things like:<br />
• “Oh, it’s too bad the referee made that call. I like<br />
to see my team win fair and square.”<br />
• “I wish that player wouldn’t behave that way. I’m<br />
always a little embarrassed to watch a grownup who<br />
doesn’t know how to control himself.”<br />
2. Manage your anger appropriately.<br />
I really don’t like it when the Chiefs are losing. In<br />
fact, when I’m watching a game alone, I’ve been known<br />
to blow off a little steam. But when your children are<br />
watching a game with you, it is important that you<br />
manage your anger and disappointment.<br />
If your team plays its heart out and still loses, you<br />
have an opportunity to teach your children that you<br />
will love them even if they make mistakes or fail.<br />
Sure, it’s okay to be disappointed, but being angry<br />
or mocking a team’s performance just because they<br />
lose sends your kid a negative message: I’ll stop loving<br />
you if you fail. If you haven’t done it in a while, maybe<br />
this weekend would be a good time to come right out<br />
and tell your child: “I will always love you no matter<br />
what — even when you fail, mess up or make bad<br />
decisions.”<br />
3. Encourage goal-setting.<br />
This is a good opportunity to talk to your children<br />
about hard work and goal setting. Be sure your<br />
children know how much you admire athletes for<br />
their hard work and discipline. You can say things<br />
like:<br />
• “Can you imagine how much work it took for<br />
Aaron Rodgers to get to this place? Look at that arm!<br />
How many times do you think he’s thrown a football?”<br />
• “I really admire the discipline required to be<br />
a professional athlete. While the rest of the world<br />
was slacking off in front of the TV, these guys were<br />
practicing for hours on end.”<br />
And on a related note, it won’t hurt to show that<br />
you admire strength wherever it is displayed. Show<br />
appreciation for the other team’s hard work, even<br />
when they are beating your team.<br />
4. Remember the bigger picture.<br />
Sports have always been a great analogy for life.<br />
You can tell a lot about a player, a coach, or a fan by<br />
the way they celebrate victories, by the way they treat<br />
their teammates and opponents, and by the way they<br />
recover from setbacks.<br />
You see, football is about a lot more than football.<br />
And remember ... Thanksgiving is about a lot more<br />
than football, too. Thanksgiving is about shifting your<br />
perspective, remembering to count your blessings,<br />
and focusing on your family and all of the love they<br />
bring into your life.<br />
So go around the table and voice your appreciation<br />
for all things, little and small. Be sure that you are<br />
engaged with your family and focused on what truly<br />
matters. If the game is distracting, by all means ...<br />
turn it off!<br />
7
Dan Francis Photography | Taylor Made Photography<br />
FARGO PHOTOGRAPHER<br />
CREATES NEW IMAGES<br />
OF HISTORY<br />
Dan Francis Uses Photos and Editing<br />
to Give Downtown Fargo a New Look<br />
8<br />
By: Alicia Underlee Nelson<br />
Photographer Dan Francis of Dan Francis Photography uses his<br />
original photos, an appreciation of history and masterful editing<br />
to play with time.<br />
Take a photo from his Fargo: Old to New Series, for example; it<br />
will appear simple enough at first glance, expertly composed and featuring<br />
downtown Fargo’s familiar landmarks. But a second glance revels that there’s<br />
something beautifully unsettling going on just under the surface.
Dan Francis Photography | THE HODO, WALDORF, reflected heroes<br />
Modern SUVs share the streets<br />
with Model Ts. <strong>The</strong> shadows of<br />
forgotten hotels float over today’s<br />
bustling streets and the smoldering<br />
embers of yesteryear’s fires flicker<br />
at the edge of the frame, reminding<br />
viewers that history is fluid and even<br />
the most cherished cityscapes are<br />
always changing.<br />
“History is a fun learning<br />
experience when you give the viewer<br />
a snapshot of what was, placed on<br />
top of what is,” said Francis. “By<br />
blending the historical photographs<br />
with modern images, I compare<br />
and contrast the past to the present,<br />
showing not only what has changed,<br />
but what has stayed the same.”<br />
Francis, a certified professional<br />
photographer, has roots in Fargo-<br />
Moorhead and found his muse, his<br />
workspace and much of his clientele<br />
in downtown Fargo. He works from<br />
a studio at 10 8th Street North, where<br />
he captures and edits wedding images,<br />
portraits and commercial work.<br />
Many of his clients, such as Bell<br />
State Bank, <strong>The</strong> Fargo <strong>The</strong>atre, <strong>The</strong><br />
Kilbourne Group and Mezzaluna,<br />
are downtown institutions as well<br />
as paying customers, and they often<br />
find their facades featured in his<br />
photographs.<br />
“Fargo is home to most of<br />
my clients, and Fargo’s history is<br />
important to those that have lived<br />
here for a period of time,” said Francis.<br />
9
“My family has been living in Fargo for more than 70 years<br />
so it was fun…to ask about their memories of what Fargo-<br />
Moorhead was like back in the 40s through 70s.”<br />
<strong>The</strong> inspiration for this project came to him in 2009,<br />
when he discovered an old postcard featuring Fargo’s<br />
Carnegie Library and the old Waldorf<br />
Hotel.<br />
“I couldn’t imagine these buildings<br />
once stood in Fargo,” he said. “I found<br />
out the Carnegie was now a parking lot<br />
and the Waldorf had burned down in<br />
1951.”<br />
Unable to shake the ghosts of these<br />
buildings, he trained his camera on<br />
the ground where they once stood. His<br />
studio became part editing suite and<br />
part historical archive, as Francis used<br />
his impeccable eye for detail to create<br />
multilayered images.<br />
“I layer the 2009 photograph on the<br />
bottom and the older photograph on<br />
top,” he explained. “I then slowly make any corrections I<br />
need to make, such as making sure the windows match up,<br />
the sidewalks match perfectly by using perspective. I then<br />
10<br />
Dan Francis Photography | HOMETOWN HERO<br />
“By blending the<br />
historical photographs<br />
with modern images,<br />
I compare and<br />
contrast the past to<br />
the present, showing<br />
not only what has<br />
changed, but what has<br />
stayed the same.”<br />
— Dan Francis<br />
take the erase tool, lightly erase parts of the older picture,<br />
slowly revealing the 2009 photograph. I place the older<br />
photograph on top because I’ll most likely keep more of the<br />
older photograph in the picture then the newer buildings.<br />
Since individuals see the modern buildings everyday, I<br />
want to capture more of the past.”<br />
<strong>The</strong> process uses Francis’ original<br />
photographs and his expertise with<br />
Photoshop, which were honed by<br />
the practical, hands-on experience he<br />
received during six years of work in a<br />
photography studio as much as – if not<br />
more than – his classroom education.<br />
“Most new photographers now<br />
don’t get this chance to work at a<br />
photography studio, because there’s<br />
only a couple studios that actually<br />
hire employees. <strong>The</strong>y get a camera<br />
and just start photographing clients,<br />
not really understanding the basics of<br />
photography and business first. Being<br />
on the job at a photography studio first really helped me<br />
take it slow and learn what I needed to before I went out<br />
and set up my studio downtown.”
SEE THIS IMAGE AT “THE UPTOWN GALLERY”<br />
Francis considers practical education and business<br />
sense — as well as daily studies of light and composition<br />
and “emotion and impact to help separate themselves<br />
from other photographers” – to be essential for a<br />
photographer. And he’s sharing what he knows with new<br />
photographers. He teaches photography and Photoshop<br />
classes at M|State and is eligible for his Master of<br />
Photography degree in January, after a four-year process<br />
of submitting photographs to a panel of judges and<br />
speaking and attending photography events nationwide.<br />
Francis is also a member of the Professional<br />
Photographers of North Dakota, <strong>The</strong> Professional<br />
Photographers of America, <strong>The</strong> National Association of<br />
Photoshop Professionals and a local group of professional<br />
photographers called the Dead Pixel Group.<br />
Earlier this year, Francis’ image “<strong>The</strong> Traveler” was<br />
named one of the Professional Photographers of America’s<br />
Top 10 Portraits of the Year, beating out over 5,000 images<br />
from photographers from seven different countries. His<br />
image of the reflected Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall<br />
was featured on the cover of Black & White Magazine, a<br />
periodical for collectors of fine photography worldwide.<br />
Photography is integral to Francis’ definition of the<br />
good life. And he has this advice for anyone interested in<br />
pursuing the art form.<br />
Dan Francis Photography | THE TRAVELER<br />
“<strong>The</strong> good life to me is to make time for what you’re<br />
passionate about – to keep doing what drives you to pick<br />
up the camera every day and create photographs,” he said.<br />
“Keep pursuing the good life in everything you do and<br />
keep your motivation high. I know I’m doing what I’m<br />
supposed to be doing because I can’t go a day without<br />
doing something photography related. <strong>The</strong>re will be no<br />
retirement from this career. <strong>The</strong>re will be no hanging up<br />
my camera when I’m 65.”<br />
Dan Francis Photography | HERE’S THE PROBLEM<br />
11
Holiday Cocktails<br />
Spread some holiday cheer with these adult beverages!<br />
Candy Cane Martini<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 1 1/2 oz vodka<br />
• 1/2 - 1 tsp peppermint schnapps<br />
• 1 oz club soda<br />
• 4-5 ice cubes<br />
• crushed candy canes<br />
Directions<br />
Placed crushed candy canes on a small plate. Wet the<br />
outside rim of a chilled martini glass with water. Holding<br />
the glass by the stem, rotate the rim to coat with candy.<br />
In a cocktail shaker, add some ice cubes. Over the cubes,<br />
pour the vodka, peppermint schnapps, and club soda.<br />
Shake until well combined. Strain and pour the blended<br />
drink into the prepared glass.<br />
Grinch Martini<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 1/2 oz freshly squeezed lemon juice<br />
• 1 tsp sugar syrup<br />
• 2 oz Midori<br />
• 4-5 ice cubes<br />
• maraschino cherry<br />
for garnish<br />
Directions<br />
In a cocktail shaker, add some ice cubes. Over the cubes, pour<br />
the lemon juice, sugar syrup, and Midori. Shake until well<br />
combined. Strain and pour the blended drink into a chilled<br />
martini glass. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.<br />
12
Apple Toddy<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 1/2 orange, halved<br />
• 4 cloves<br />
• 3 cups apple cider<br />
• 2 cinnamon sticks<br />
• brandy to taste<br />
• apple slice<br />
Directions<br />
Stud the orange halves with cloves. In a medium<br />
saucepan, bring the cider, cinnamon and oranges<br />
to a simmer. To serve, add a shot of brandy to<br />
a cup. Ladle in the hot cider and garnish with an<br />
apple slice.<br />
Irish Coffee<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 1 oz Kahlua coffee cream<br />
• 1 oz Irish whiskey<br />
• freshly brewed coffee<br />
• whipped cream<br />
Directions<br />
Add liquors and coffee in<br />
an Irish coffee glass. Stir.<br />
Top with whipped cream.<br />
Bourban Manhattan<br />
Ingredients<br />
• 3/4 oz sweet vermouth<br />
• 2 1/2 oz bourbon whiskey<br />
• 1 dash angostura bitters<br />
• 1 maraschino cherry<br />
• 1 orange peel twist<br />
Directions<br />
Combine vermouth, whiskey, and a dash of bitters with<br />
2 to 3 ice cubes in a mixing glass. Stir gently. Place the<br />
cherry in a chilled cocktail glass and strain the mixture<br />
over the cherry. Rub the cut edge of the orange peel<br />
over the rim of the glass and twist it over the drink to<br />
release the oils, but don’t drop it in.<br />
13
WHAT NOT TO BUY<br />
FOR YOUR SWEETHEART<br />
hether this is your first year of buying a Christmas present for your honey buns or your 40th, you<br />
may find shopping for her a seemingly indomitable task. In order to make life a little less stressful,<br />
I’ve whittled the wearying list of gift options down for you, gentlemen. Here is a list of things you<br />
Wshould never buy a woman, unless she has earnestly asked for them.<br />
Any candle or fragrance that<br />
remotely resembles the “Sweet Pea”<br />
or “Moonlit Path” scents at Bath &<br />
Body Works or Wal-Mart. Even if<br />
she likes those fragrances, don’t buy<br />
them. You’ll regret it if you do. <strong>The</strong>y<br />
smell like the essence of an overly<br />
serious teenage girl of the ‘90s (I<br />
don’t have a source for this).<br />
Anything camouflage or neon<br />
orange. One of my best friends<br />
informed me that Menard’s now<br />
carries camouflage lingerie. This<br />
isn’t a good thing. It would actually<br />
be better for you to sew together<br />
an outfit of leaves, if you’re that<br />
obsessed with the idea of making<br />
her difficult to find.<br />
A version of something she<br />
hinted for, but isn’t exactly the<br />
same. If she’s specifically hinting for<br />
“Pocahontas” and “Star Wars,” don’t<br />
buy her “Avatar.” However, if she’s<br />
asking for a gold bracelet with cubic<br />
zirconium, go ahead and buy her a<br />
24K gold bracelet with diamonds.<br />
14<br />
By: MEGhan Feir
Presents that mean work for someone else (i.e., her). No matter how cool that mop at Wal-Mart looks, resist the<br />
urge to fit it in an enlarged stocking by the fireplace.<br />
A lock of your hair placed in a gold locket. This may have been acceptable<br />
and idolized in the hearts of 18th-century, doe-eyed girls, but time<br />
traveling doesn’t exist – yet. Save this idea for later when these<br />
inventions are easily accessible (and safe).<br />
I was recently reminded by a Mary Kay saleswoman that<br />
my good looks won’t last forever. Although this is true, please,<br />
don’t buy your woman anti-aging products. That saleswoman<br />
has been trained to sell, but don’t allow her to sell you just<br />
anything. As an ex-beauty consultant, I am happy to say that<br />
my retail days of helping men in need find presents for their<br />
ladies never resulted in a woman finding wrinkle cream<br />
under her tree.<br />
Self-help books are also a no-no. “Honey, sugar pie, you<br />
have problems. Read this.”<br />
You should also forgo buying her workout programs, weights,<br />
exercise gear and dieting books. You might as well tell her she’s<br />
getting a little too big for her britches. You might as well tell her she<br />
doesn’t look like she did when you first met. You might as well tell<br />
her to stop growing so quickly. <strong>Good</strong> luck with that.<br />
To package many of my points in one nice, neat, department<br />
store-wrapped Christmas package (bow included), don’t<br />
buy a woman anything that insinuates she has mental,<br />
physical or emotional problems that need to be “fixed,”<br />
preferably sometime in the approaching new year. Do<br />
not, I repeat, do not buy her gifts<br />
that make her more self-conscious<br />
than she already may be, and don’t<br />
purchase things that ultimately result<br />
in more work for her.<br />
If she’s one of those oh-I’measy-I-like-everything<br />
types,<br />
dare to dig a little deeper. Ask<br />
her, relentlessly, if need be,<br />
what she would love. Ask her<br />
friends, her family, even your<br />
pets, if you get to that point<br />
of frustration.<br />
Now, if only someone<br />
would tell me what to buy for<br />
men.<br />
15
16
17
By: Wsoo asheim | photos: urban toad media<br />
hen you are the Paul<br />
first sheriff-elect<br />
to replace a wellliked<br />
sheriff of 28<br />
years, the platform<br />
on which you based<br />
your election win has<br />
to be far more than<br />
empty promises and<br />
platitudes. <strong>The</strong> passion<br />
to convince the citizens that you will serve and protect<br />
them cannot waver, nor can the commitments you make.<br />
18<br />
Laney entered the election in 2006 to win the Cass<br />
County Sheriff’s position, knowing full well that everything<br />
he said would be documented and brought back up if he<br />
failed to fulfill the promises he made while campaigning.<br />
And he knew that when the ballots were counted, his fate<br />
was sealed and the semi-anonymous life he had led was<br />
coming to a screeching halt.<br />
Someone with less conviction about what the job<br />
means — “to protect and serve” — might have felt his<br />
election was a mandate to completely overhaul the entire<br />
sheriff’s department. But Laney didn’t feel that would be<br />
fair to those who had worked there for years and were
Marines. After graduating from West Fargo High School<br />
in 1984, Laney enlisted in the Marine Corps and served<br />
within a Communication Detachment as part of the 13th<br />
Marine Expeditionary Unit. As his four-year commitment<br />
to the Marines was ending, he needed to decide whether<br />
to re-enlist or to walk away with everything the Marines<br />
had taught him — a tough decision, because according to<br />
Laney, he is everything he has become in large part due to<br />
his years in the US Marine Corps. However, Laney also felt<br />
a beckoning to go back where he began.<br />
United States Marine Paul Laney was honorably<br />
discharged in October of 1988 and decided to visit his<br />
father, then living in the Minneapolis area. (Paul’s mom<br />
still lived in Fargo.) <strong>The</strong> 9 month reunion Paul spent with<br />
his dad were great, and gave Paul time to contemplate the<br />
future. His years in the Marines had given him a purpose<br />
he believed in – serving his country – and he knew that his<br />
goal going forward would need to be within a structured<br />
environment that fulfilled his need to serve.<br />
apprehensive about changes on the horizon, which might<br />
suddenly turn their world upside-down. While some were<br />
ready and anxious for new methods and a management<br />
style with strong leadership, Laney felt his first call was to<br />
put to rest the rumors within the department, and let the<br />
people he now depended on to create a modernized and<br />
first-rate sheriff’s department know that he appreciated<br />
them and their hard work, and that he wanted their input<br />
going forward.<br />
When I asked when he knew that law enforcement<br />
was what he wanted as a lifetime career, Laney will say he<br />
believes it “came together” for him while serving in the<br />
19<br />
photo submitted by Paul Laney
Paul returned to Fargo, and in August of 1989 he<br />
was hired by the Fargo Police Department. During his<br />
seventeen and a half years as a police officer, Paul gained<br />
invaluable experience both as a person and as a leader,<br />
learning the ropes in many different areas of police work.<br />
He also joined the ranks of investigator with the gang<br />
and narcotics division. Laney’s determination to be not<br />
just a “good” cop, but among the very best, led him to<br />
qualify as a field training officer so that those coming into<br />
the department could become what the citizens of Fargo<br />
deserved — law enforcement officers who were the best<br />
on the street, with the best training they could get. <strong>The</strong><br />
parts of town that most of us rarely see are where most of<br />
the incidents that patrol officers experience every day tend<br />
to occur. Unfortunately, much of an officer’s job is seeing<br />
people in times of crisis, perhaps when death’s door<br />
has opened due to accidents, suicides, physical assaults,<br />
violent sexual assaults and even murders. Without<br />
proper technical training combined with the appropriate<br />
perspective that enables our officers not only to do their<br />
best but to handle it psychologically, day in and day out,<br />
the burnout rate would be extremely high. This takes<br />
dedication to the job and to the force, and above all, a<br />
strong commitment to “protect and serve.”<br />
Paul also served as a tactical team member, and<br />
when he retired from the police force in 2006 he was a<br />
lieutenant and commander of the Red River Valley SWAT<br />
team.<br />
20<br />
Corporal Tommy Ray and Sheriff Paul Laney<br />
THE NEXT STEP<br />
In 2006 Lieutenant Laney decided to run for Cass<br />
County Sheriff for a number of reasons. However, the<br />
primary reason was his persistent self-imposed goal to serve<br />
the people where he grew up. Laney also believes leadership<br />
has different levels.<br />
One of his more notable schemes came the same<br />
year he was elected sheriff, when he and his team held a<br />
“warrant party” to lure in skally-wags and scoundrels<br />
who were ignoring outstanding warrants on any number<br />
of illegal activities as well as several dead-beat dads who<br />
were choosing to ignore their child support obligations.<br />
<strong>The</strong> “lure” was for attendees who might be planning on<br />
attending or wanting to attend the Ozzy Osbourne and Rob<br />
Zombie concert. Sheriff Laney’s office sent out 500 letters to<br />
individuals insinuating they could get “back stage passes”<br />
for a personal “meet and greet” at a local bar with one or<br />
more of the band members, possibly meet the two rock<br />
stars themselves, or just to have the “winners” win a photo<br />
taken with Ozzy Osbourne or Rob Zombie. But the only<br />
“meet and greet” these particular wanted individuals got<br />
was from Cass County deputies, slinging handcuffs around<br />
their wrists. No one can remember a “sting” such as this, nor<br />
one as successful — certainly not in North Dakota! While<br />
some grumbles were heard from the public, the majority felt<br />
that the operation not only sent a much-needed message to<br />
anyone thinking that ignoring a warrant for any reason in<br />
Cass County would eventually be forgotten. It also showed<br />
that Sheriff Laney and his deputies had a good sense of<br />
humor, a commodity not always obvious when they’re<br />
chasing crooks.<br />
It was Cass County’s good fortune to have Sheriff<br />
Laney as the top decision-maker during the county-wide<br />
flooding crisis a mere two years after taking office. In 2009,<br />
Cass County faced the hellish and historic flooding of the<br />
century. If anyone ever had any doubts about Paul Laney’s<br />
ability as a take-charge leader, they had none by the time the<br />
Red River ebbed. Sheriff Laney supervised the rescue of 168<br />
residents from their flooded homes. He also managed the
sergeant Amanda Henrickson, Sheriff Paul Laney, sergeant Jon Morse, sergeant Katie Jacobson<br />
coordination of a multi-agency flood response for the Red<br />
River Valley area, as well as forming the Tactical Operations<br />
Center (aka TOC), where several agencies worked together<br />
in rescue operations and flood responses. This was seen<br />
as such an invaluable advantage in managing large-scale<br />
emergency operations that FEMA has adopted the TOC<br />
concept and is implementing it<br />
nationally as a “best practice” method<br />
of handling major emergencies. While<br />
Laney speaks proudly of his team<br />
making it work, it goes without saying<br />
that given the leadership needed to<br />
handle such awesome responsibilities,<br />
while managing several agencies at<br />
once, Laney scrubbed all doubts of his<br />
abilities. During the Minot flooding<br />
debacle, Sheriff Laney lent his expertise<br />
in TOC protocol, manpower and the<br />
Airboats he got through grant funding<br />
the year before.<br />
In the two terms Sheriff Laney has served, he has<br />
developed several time-saving measures to be used during a<br />
variety of emergencies. One that all parents will appreciate<br />
is called the Cass/Clay Unified School Response Plan, which<br />
puts all schools within both Cass and Clay (Minnesota)<br />
Counties on the same emergency response plan for critical<br />
incidents. Sheriff Laney and then Fargo School District<br />
Assistant Superintendent Lowell Wolff coordinated this<br />
emergency response plan together.<br />
Understanding that having more heads and hands<br />
to help during emergencies is a nobrainer,<br />
Laney created a plan called<br />
the Field Readiness Training Program<br />
for licensed officers. Budget-conscious<br />
taxpayers’ especially like this idea, as<br />
it allows for more volunteer staffing<br />
and doesn’t require the hiring of<br />
permanent additional staff. At the<br />
same time, it prepares licensed officers<br />
who can always use more training.<br />
How does a jail handling as<br />
many as Cass County houses handle<br />
disturbances involving disruptive<br />
inmates? With the Corrections<br />
Emergency Response Team, that’s how. <strong>The</strong>re is also an<br />
Office of Professional Standards today which investigates<br />
any internal and external complaints against the Cass<br />
County Sheriff’s Office personnel.<br />
21
<strong>The</strong>se and the several other programs that Sheriff Laney<br />
and his team have developed are what make an organization<br />
with over 140 employees (many of whom carry guns with<br />
real live ammo) tick like a finely tuned clock. <strong>The</strong> key is<br />
mentoring the people in charge of their departments – to<br />
motivate them to want to lead, as well.<br />
LANEY’S “DRIVE THE ROAD”<br />
PHILOSOPHY<br />
Sheriff Laney and I had a two-hour<br />
interview, and during those two hours<br />
there were three major points Laney<br />
kept reiterating. One is the Paul Laney<br />
“drive the road” philosophy. Number<br />
two is the love he feels for his wife Patty<br />
and two daughters, Danielle and Katy,<br />
and number three is the near-obsessive<br />
dedication Laney has for the position<br />
of protecting and serving the public he has been elected to<br />
serve, along with his “family in brown.”<br />
Sheriff Laney makes no bones about the expectations<br />
he has of himself and everyone else who works for the Cass<br />
County Sheriff’s Office. His standards are very high. And<br />
22<br />
Sergeant Jon Morse, Deputy Cynthia Briard, Sheriff Paul Laney,<br />
Deputy Vincent Smith, Sergeant Amanda Henrickson<br />
“Each and every day<br />
as I back out of our<br />
driveway, I thank God<br />
for being able to go to<br />
a job I absolutely<br />
love doing,”<br />
— Sheriff Paul Laney<br />
that does include everyone who works for the Cass County<br />
Sheriff’s Office — regardless of their actual job. From the<br />
person who hands out shower towels to the sheriff himself,<br />
Laney’s position is “if they wear a brown patch on their<br />
uniform, they are part of the family in brown: the Cass<br />
County Sheriff’s Office,” and they work under his guidance.<br />
I asked about a couple of his “no can<br />
do” rules; for instance, no one within<br />
the sheriff’s office is allowed to work in<br />
a saloon serving drinks. Laney’s reason:<br />
how does one rationalize serving<br />
booze to someone one night, then<br />
perhaps having to arrest them the next<br />
for a DWI or DUI? Sheriff Laney has<br />
a point, as it seems that would create<br />
a conflict. He also has a steadfast rule<br />
about moonlighting for private security<br />
firms. Other than that, contrary to<br />
several rumors I’ve heard, Sheriff Laney has no issue with<br />
anyone wanting to work another job during their off hours<br />
from the sheriff’s office.<br />
Sheriff Laney’s “drive the road” philosophy is actually<br />
pretty common-sense and uncomplicated: do nothing
in your professional or personal life that will hurt the<br />
reputation of all the others who work with you each and<br />
every day. Laney is the “last stop” during any hiring process,<br />
and when he offers up his “Drive the Road” speech, he<br />
makes sure that every applicant understands that “the job<br />
is not about you or me; it is about serving and protecting<br />
the people of Cass County.” And from Sheriff Laney’s point<br />
of view, those people deserve to have only the best keeping<br />
them safe from whatever harm may befall them. Laney also<br />
knows that no one is perfect; we all make mistakes, and<br />
sometimes we “drive in the ditch.” When that happens, he<br />
expects total transparency. If someone intentionally “drives<br />
in the ditch” it will be dealt with. However, if someone<br />
mistakenly “drives in the ditch,” he believes in carrying<br />
them for as long as it takes until they’re back “driving the<br />
road.” But don’t tell a fish tale about why you went into the<br />
ditch in the first place. Dishonesty leads to a lack of trust,<br />
and a lack of trust is simply not tolerated. Given Sheriff<br />
Laney’s position and that of his deputies, transparency and<br />
honesty should be expected by all — co-workers and the<br />
public alike.<br />
Sheriff Paul Laney talks about Patty and their daughters,<br />
Katie and Danielle. Patty is an attorney and is also the Director<br />
of the Criminal Justice Program at Fargo’s Rasmussen<br />
College. Laney says she is his “absolute rock, who keeps me<br />
balanced. She gets the ‘drive the road’ philosophy.” Katy<br />
and Danielle are in their teens and active in athletics.<br />
When I asked Sheriff Laney about winning the National<br />
Sheriffs’ Association award in 2012, the Ferris E. Lucas<br />
Award for Sheriff of the Year, Laney beamed and repeated<br />
much of what he said the night he was given the award: “It’s<br />
not just me. WE did it.” <strong>The</strong> Ferris E. Lucas award recognizes<br />
an outstanding sheriff of the year for the contributions and<br />
improvements made to the office of sheriff on any local, state<br />
and national level, as well as for their overall involvement in<br />
their communities beyond their responsibilities as sheriff.<br />
Given the task forces Laney has been an integral part of,<br />
his leadership during crisis situations in Cass County as<br />
well as other counties in North and South Dakota, the<br />
expansion of mentorships and programs within the Cass<br />
County Corrections facility (Laney states, “I refuse to<br />
warehouse people. <strong>The</strong> majority of our inmates are not<br />
horrible sinful people. <strong>The</strong>y simply ‘drove in the ditch’ and<br />
it’s their behavior that needs changing mostly. As long as we<br />
can help even one person realize the mistakes they made<br />
and prevent more recidivism, I’m willing to help promote<br />
programs.”), and the overall change of attitude throughout<br />
the entire Sheriff’s Office, one would have to be blind not to<br />
see how much Laney’s attitude and dedication have made<br />
for a much more positive environment.<br />
As for Sheriff Paul Laney, he says, “Each and every day as<br />
I back out of our driveway, I thank God for being able to go<br />
to a job I absolutely love doing,” and that’s what living the<br />
good life is all about.<br />
23
How to Cope With the<br />
Dreaded In-Laws Over the Holidays<br />
By: MEGhan Feir<br />
W<br />
ith the holidays swiftly approaching,<br />
some are dreading the inevitable visits<br />
with the in-laws. Movies have been<br />
made about these encounters, and<br />
rehashing personal experiences have<br />
probably replaced ghost stories at campfires<br />
across the world.<br />
As a single 20-something, one could<br />
doubt my street cred on the subject<br />
of being married into a strange<br />
family, but where I lack personal<br />
experience, my imagination and<br />
observations make up for it.<br />
Here are some semi-creative<br />
ways of how you can deal with<br />
your “other” (or your own)<br />
family.<br />
1<br />
Sit in a La-Z-Boy recliner<br />
and read the newspaper<br />
all day, like so many men<br />
before you. <strong>The</strong> result: Your<br />
in-laws and spouse will find<br />
you incredibly dull, and you<br />
won’t win any brownie, cake<br />
or krumkake points with<br />
anyone, including yourself.<br />
You’ll also gain more weight<br />
and appear to be a freeloader<br />
as you eat your fair share of<br />
pumpkin pie, turkey and<br />
the infamous green bean<br />
casserole.<br />
2<br />
Hide yourself in<br />
the bedroom closet<br />
beneath a pile of<br />
dirty clothes, ne’er to be<br />
found until after this yuletide<br />
season is finished. Bring a few<br />
quarts of eggnog to tide you over.<br />
24
3<br />
Expose<br />
yourself to a multitude of illnesses a few<br />
weeks ahead of time. You “don’t want to get the<br />
family sick,” so you’ll “just have to stay home.”<br />
4<br />
Ask your best friend or best frenemy to<br />
slightly run you over with their vehicle<br />
immediately preceding your departure<br />
for the in-laws’ homestead. A lighter car is<br />
best (less recovery time to worry about). You’ll<br />
get to spend your holiday at the hospital<br />
eating 5-year-old chocolate pudding, dwelling<br />
in a juxtaposed atmosphere of sickness and<br />
sterility. This is what you dreamed about.<br />
5<br />
Be the better person. Force yourself to act cheerful<br />
and charismatic, interested and kind. Not only<br />
will your in-laws probably like you a lot more,<br />
your other half will find it attractive, weird or not even<br />
notice. I can’t guarantee which result you’ll receive from<br />
your spouse, but your in-laws will appreciate it, unless<br />
they really are crazy.<br />
Option No. 5 was clearly, I hope, the best route to<br />
take. As the old or new (the quote on Pinterest didn’t<br />
have a date of origin) saying goes, you can’t control<br />
how other people act, but you can control your own<br />
attitude and actions. That was paraphrased.<br />
So, how can you accomplish No. 5 flawlessly? Peel<br />
the potatoes, give spontaneous back rubs (this could<br />
also be taken as creepy), be sociable, and above all, be<br />
grateful and kind, even if they are rude, annoying or just<br />
awkward. Oftentimes, people can come off as strange<br />
because they don’t know how to act themselves. Go<br />
out of your way and break the ice for them, figuratively<br />
speaking. Not only will you feel better knowing you<br />
tried to be nice for your significant others’ sake, but<br />
you’ll also be building your familial resume, in a<br />
sense. Every action adds up, and the better you present<br />
yourself, the more likely they’ll be to welcome you into<br />
their family.<br />
25
26
27<br />
By: Paul hankel | PHotos: urban toad media
While the Fargo Force may be the newest<br />
sports team to make Fargo its home, it<br />
didn’t take the team long to secure a<br />
spot as one of the must-see attractions<br />
in the area. A beautiful arena, coupled<br />
with five straight appearances in the USHL Clark Cup<br />
playoffs, has lead to a strong fan following and a steady<br />
increase in support within our community.<br />
Junior hockey provides fans the chance to see up and<br />
coming talent from all over the country<br />
and the world. One such player is Cam<br />
Johnson, a native of Troy, Michigan<br />
and in his second season with the<br />
Fargo Force.<br />
<strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong> <strong>Life</strong> Magazine was lucky<br />
enough to catch up with Johnson as<br />
he entered the final week of practice<br />
before the start of the season. We sat<br />
down with Johnson and asked him<br />
about his time in Fargo, his love of<br />
hockey and what we can expect to see<br />
from the Fargo Force this season.<br />
<strong>The</strong> <strong>Good</strong> <strong>Life</strong>: Tell us a little bit about yourself.<br />
“I don’t think<br />
we realize how<br />
lucky we are<br />
to get to play<br />
hockey here.”<br />
– Cam Johnson<br />
CJ: I started playing hockey when I was three years old<br />
and playing goalie when I was in Squirts. Second grade<br />
was when I settled on being a goalie. I just fell in love with<br />
playing the position. I also like how you get to design<br />
your own gear and are the flashiest player on the ice.<br />
GL: So you’ll be sporting a new helmet design this season?<br />
CJ: (laughs) It’s actually kind of a funny story. We (Fargo<br />
Force) don’t really have a logo. So I<br />
went on Google and typed in ‘force,’<br />
just to see what would pop up and a<br />
picture of Darth Vader popped up! It<br />
sparked my interest and I thought it<br />
would look pretty cool on my helmet.<br />
GL: How is playing goalie different<br />
from playing any other position on the<br />
ice?<br />
CJ: It’s definitely a pressure position.<br />
You’re the last line of defense and you<br />
have to come in ready, game in and game out, and can’t<br />
have an off night.<br />
Cam Johnson: I was born and raised in Troy, Michigan. I<br />
grew up there my entire life. Actually, coming to Fargo is<br />
the first time I’ve ever been away from home.<br />
GL: When did you start playing hockey and how did you<br />
settle on goalie as a position?<br />
28<br />
GL: Which situation is more stressful for a goalie: A<br />
breakaway or a shootout?<br />
CJ: That’s a tough question. I’d have to say that, in a game<br />
situation, a breakaway is more stressful. It’s kind of like<br />
a heat of the moment thing. In my head, I’m saying,
29
‘Ok, it’s me and him. I gotta stop this guy.’ Whereas with<br />
shootouts, you have some time between the shots, and<br />
you know it’s coming, so you’re prepared.<br />
GL: How do you handle the pressure?<br />
CJ: (chuckles) Well, if I make a mistake it shows up on the<br />
scoreboard! I just stay focused and trust my teammates.<br />
GL: What’s going through your head right before a game?<br />
CJ: I like to think about the game but I don’t like to think<br />
about it too much. If I start to think about it too much, I<br />
get nervous. So, before the game I just like to relax and let<br />
the game come to me.<br />
This season, Johnson will lace up as one of only six<br />
returning players from last year’s playoff team. A team<br />
that, last season set a record for wins in a season.<br />
GL: How does your team build chemistry with so many<br />
new players on the roster?<br />
CJ: We’ve got a good core of veteran guys. We really try<br />
to take charge and show all the younger guys the ropes.<br />
We’ve got a lot of guys who’ve never played Junior hockey<br />
before. It’s a completely different speed and pace at this<br />
30<br />
level. Our veterans have done a really good job of helping<br />
the new guys adjust.<br />
GL: What are the team’s goals this season?<br />
CJ: Our team’s goal is to win the Clark Cup. We’re a great<br />
team and have always been in the playoffs. Now we just<br />
need to finish.<br />
GL: And you personally?<br />
CJ: A personal goal of mine is to win Goalie of the Year<br />
for our league. I’m going to work really hard and try to<br />
win that award. I’d also like to make the USA Junior-A<br />
Challenge roster. That team goes overseas and plays teams<br />
from other countries.<br />
Off the ice, Johnson enjoys other sports like golf<br />
and bowling, and hanging out with his teammates and<br />
friends.<br />
GL: So, you’re a pretty good bowler?<br />
CJ: I am, actually. Last week I bowled a 218, which is one<br />
of my best scores ever! I was pretty pumped about that.<br />
GL: Any favorite TV shows?
CJ: I’m an America’s Got Talent guy.<br />
I also like <strong>The</strong> Voice. Duck Dynasty<br />
has to be my favorite show right<br />
now. I wish I could spend a day with<br />
those guys, they’re hysterical!<br />
GL: Who’s your favorite NHL player?<br />
CJ: I would have to go with Pavel<br />
Datsyuk. He’s a Detroit Red Wing<br />
and they’re also my favorite team.<br />
I just think that he’s the best<br />
player in the NHL, defensively and<br />
offensively.<br />
GL: Do you have a favorite NHL<br />
goalie?<br />
CJ: I do. I’d say its Ryan Miller from<br />
the Buffalo Sabres. He’s a hometown<br />
guy, being from Michigan. I grew<br />
up watching him and really enjoyed<br />
watching him during the last Winter<br />
Olympics.<br />
When asked what he likes about<br />
playing in Fargo, Johnson said he<br />
loves the team, the facilities and the<br />
supportive fans who consistently<br />
pack Scheels Arena for home games.<br />
“I don’t think we (the players)<br />
realize how lucky we are to get to<br />
play hockey here. “<br />
In his second season with the<br />
Force, Johnson hopes to raise his<br />
level of play, become a bigger leader<br />
on the team, and, of course, win the<br />
Clark Cup. Next year, Johnson is<br />
headed north to play hockey for the<br />
University of North Dakota. After<br />
college, he has hopes of making an<br />
NHL roster.<br />
When asked what the good life<br />
means to him, Johnson’s answer was<br />
simple: “Playing hockey with my<br />
friends and being here in Fargo. To<br />
me, that’s the good life.”<br />
“If I make a mistake,<br />
it shows up on the<br />
scoreboard!”<br />
– Cam Johnson<br />
31
By: Jenessa McAllister<br />
Sometimes the Smallest People<br />
Have the Largest Hearts<br />
T<br />
eary-eyed goodbyes,<br />
emotional letters from<br />
home, and daddy’s<br />
eventful surprise homecoming<br />
are often the first things<br />
people think of when considering<br />
military deployment. But what’s<br />
behind all of this emotion? How<br />
does the deployment of parent affect<br />
a family, and specifically, his or her<br />
children? Strong parental structure<br />
is the backbone of every successful<br />
family. When one of the household’s<br />
leaders is removed, things can get a<br />
bit uneven.<br />
<strong>The</strong> majority of active service<br />
members in the United States are<br />
men, but a growing number are<br />
women. <strong>The</strong>re are approximately<br />
8,300 kids in North Dakota with<br />
at least one parent serving in the<br />
military. Whether service members<br />
are away from home for weeks, years,<br />
or anywhere in between, there’s no<br />
doubt that the effect on children is<br />
monumental, and can change their<br />
lives for years to come.<br />
It is estimated that more than<br />
2 million U.S. children have<br />
experienced the deployment of a<br />
parent since 9/11. But what’s below<br />
the surface of that number? How<br />
does that hit home for the kids? After<br />
32<br />
hearing many first-hand stories and<br />
circumstances of fathers being called<br />
to war, a better understanding can be<br />
gained for these heroes.<br />
Coping with Change<br />
<strong>The</strong>re are many circumstances<br />
that lead to different reactions among<br />
family members when it comes to<br />
their dad’s deployment. Length of<br />
the deployment, location of the<br />
assignment and age of the child are<br />
the most prominent factors in these<br />
reactions.<br />
Rachel*, age 15, has experienced<br />
her father’s deployment twice, with<br />
six years between them, with the age<br />
difference playing a role in the ways<br />
she reacted each time. “My dad has<br />
been deployed twice,” Rachel said.<br />
“Once when I was in kindergarten<br />
and the other when I was going into<br />
6th grade. For the first deployment<br />
I didn’t really understand what a<br />
deployment was. I remember we<br />
were sitting in our living room and<br />
my parents told me that dad was<br />
going to be gone for a while. <strong>The</strong><br />
second deployment was harder on<br />
me because I was old enough to<br />
understand that my dad was going<br />
into a place of danger.”<br />
Rachel’s words echo those of<br />
Diane Hahn from NDSU Extension,<br />
the program coordinator for<br />
Operation: Military Kids (OMK) in<br />
North Dakota. <strong>The</strong> OMK team works<br />
with local communities to support
“<strong>The</strong>se families sacrifice so much to serve our country, and we just need to<br />
do something to give back and to honor them to support their families.”<br />
— Diane Hahn, Operation: Military Kids<br />
military youth through all stages of<br />
deployment.“ A child’s reaction to<br />
the deployment of a parent or loved<br />
one depends on the child’s age and<br />
developmental stage, and other<br />
individual, family and community<br />
factors” she said. “Toddlers may be<br />
clingy and crying, and a teenager<br />
could experience a range of different<br />
emotions.”<br />
Holly is a 25-year-old who was<br />
17 when her dad was deployed. For<br />
her, the experience was much deeper<br />
than her dad just being gone for<br />
a few months. “My dad is not my<br />
biological father — he became my<br />
dad when he married my mom in<br />
2002,” Holly said. “He had already<br />
missed out on so much of my life. It<br />
just seemed so unfair that he would<br />
miss another year, my senior year of<br />
high school.”<br />
Holly says she experienced some<br />
of the same feelings Rachel did, in<br />
the age difference of her siblings and<br />
they way they each reacted. “I felt the<br />
worry of my dad being gone much<br />
more urgently than my three younger<br />
siblings seemed to,” she said.<br />
Confusion and rebellion are<br />
other common reactions, as well as<br />
fear and worrying about the safety<br />
of the deployed. Kelly Painter, the<br />
school liaison officer at the Grand<br />
Forks Air Force Base and an OMK state<br />
team member, has seen<br />
a range of reactions among children<br />
in these situations. “I remember one<br />
specific story of the stress and strain<br />
that one little boy went through,”<br />
she said. “He was 8 years old, and<br />
he came to my office very upset and<br />
angry. He was angry about having<br />
to do extra work, and his reaction<br />
to this didn’t really sound like him.<br />
He was emotional and crying, and<br />
after talking with him, I realized<br />
that he had just found out his dad<br />
would be deployed again. <strong>The</strong> crux<br />
of everything was happening, and he<br />
just didn’t think it was fair.”<br />
Painter also recalled a story of a<br />
6-year-old who was demonstrating<br />
weapon play out on the playground,<br />
which was not allowed. When<br />
approached and asked why he was<br />
playing so violently, he explained<br />
that he was going to teach his dad<br />
some tips when he goes to war. In this<br />
case, misinformation and confusion<br />
led to this child thinking he had to<br />
protect his dad from a war zone.<br />
“He just really wanted to keep his<br />
dad safe, which is understandable,”<br />
Painter said. “But I explained to him<br />
that his military background and<br />
training would protect him just fine.”<br />
An Upset in Family Dynamic<br />
When one half of a two-parent<br />
team leaves for a period of time,<br />
household duties and responsibilities<br />
often fall onto the shoulders<br />
of the children in the family.<br />
When 17-year-old Meghan’s<br />
step-dad was away from home,<br />
she definitely felt the pressure<br />
of stepping up. “I was worried<br />
that we weren’t going to be<br />
able to get things done like<br />
we were used to,” she said.<br />
“With getting my two little<br />
brothers and me to school<br />
and activities was already hard<br />
enough, and only having one parent<br />
to do it was going to be extremely<br />
stressful. Being the oldest of the<br />
children I felt like everything was<br />
my responsibility to either take care<br />
of or fix. It was very hard for me to<br />
watch my mom struggle when there<br />
was only so much I could do about<br />
it. We eventually got into a routine of<br />
things and it became a lot easier.”<br />
Eleven-year-old David’s dad was<br />
deployed to Cuba three years ago,<br />
and while David says he doesn’t<br />
remember much of the day-to-day<br />
struggles without his dad, he does<br />
remember missing the little things.<br />
“Every now and then we would have<br />
a movie night, and it was sad when<br />
he wasn’t with us,” he said. “And<br />
every morning he used to make<br />
breakfast for us. I really missed him<br />
during those family times.”<br />
In Rachel’s case, it was her<br />
mother who stepped up to the plate,<br />
and became a role model for Rachel.<br />
“My mom had to be strong for me<br />
and my brother,” she said. “She is<br />
one of the bravest people I know. I<br />
don’t know how she does what she<br />
does, and then she had to do it all<br />
without the love and support of her<br />
husband there.”<br />
For Holly and her mother, it<br />
was the kindness of a neighbor<br />
that helped them through. “It was<br />
really emotional to watch my mom<br />
struggle to take care of things my dad<br />
usually did,” Holly said. “<strong>The</strong> first<br />
time it snowed in 2005, she woke<br />
up at 4:30 a.m. like my dad used to,<br />
to clear out our massive driveway<br />
with the big, push-snowblower. A<br />
neighbor who was a local farmer<br />
just showed up in our yard with his<br />
tractor plow, knowing that my dad<br />
was in Iraq. And he continued to<br />
show up unannounced after every<br />
snowstorm that year.”<br />
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“I have so much pride<br />
in telling people that<br />
my dad has served our<br />
country and I am so<br />
proud of him.”<br />
— Rachel, 15<br />
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Surrounding Support<br />
Another touching story Holly shared<br />
was that of her dad’s return home: “When<br />
we went to go get him from the airport in<br />
October, 2006, we painted him a big sign<br />
that said ‘Welcome home, Dad.’ When he<br />
walked out of security in his uniform, I<br />
think I dropped my corner first, so anxious<br />
to go hug him. Seconds later all six of us<br />
were in a tight group hug and when we let<br />
go, we turned to see that strangers from the<br />
airport were holding our discarded sign.”<br />
Another, different kind of support<br />
comes from organizations like OMK. OMK<br />
offers a variety of resources and connections<br />
for families, intentional programming for<br />
military kids using curricula created by<br />
4-H, and different ways to raise community<br />
awareness. “We want to put a smile on a<br />
kid’s face,” Hahn said. “That’s the ultimate<br />
goal, along with teaching life skills to help<br />
them become more resilient individuals<br />
and better citizens. <strong>The</strong>se families sacrifice<br />
so much to serve our country, and we just<br />
need to do something to give back, honor<br />
them, and support their families.”<br />
Both Rachel and Meghan have become<br />
involved in OMK in different capacities.<br />
Rachel says she volunteers with the youth<br />
council in her hometown, and has babysat<br />
for Air Guard families for free. She has<br />
shared her story of her dad’s deployment
with different people at OMK events, and has attended<br />
several youth leadership summits with other military<br />
kids.<br />
Meghan is now a part of OMK in Fargo, and says<br />
it’s been nice to meet other kids that understand what<br />
it’s like to be living with just one parent. She has also<br />
attended a youth leadership event with a community of<br />
other military kids.<br />
Being Proud<br />
Sometimes, one of the biggest emotions involved<br />
with military families is overlooked. Pride is a feeling<br />
that accompanies a family member’s association and<br />
dedication to our military, and rightly so.<br />
“I have so much pride in telling people that my<br />
dad has served our country and I am so proud of him,”<br />
Rachel said. “He is so brave and I just hope that I can<br />
be as brave as him when I am older.”<br />
“I am marked by it in ways that people can’t<br />
understand,” Holly added. “<strong>The</strong> concept of ‘war’<br />
means something very different to me than the average<br />
person. It affected me in ways I don’t even understand.”<br />
First-Hand Advice<br />
Lastly, each of the children interviewed were asked<br />
what advice they would give to other kids who might<br />
have just found out that their parent will be deployed.<br />
<strong>The</strong>ir answers are inspiring and truthful.<br />
Meghan: “Be sure to think about good memories of<br />
them while they’re gone. Maybe write them letters even<br />
if you can’t send them; you could give them the letters<br />
when they return and would really appreciate them.<br />
And if you’re sad, spending time with family can really<br />
help, maybe even talking about stories of that person.”<br />
David: “Maybe pretend he’s not really gone.<br />
Sometimes I used to tell myself he was just at work<br />
really early in the morning and had to stay really late.”<br />
Rachel: “Think about why they are over there. <strong>The</strong>y<br />
are serving our country and helping people who need<br />
it. You should be proud of your parents and love every<br />
minute you have with them. It helps to get involved with<br />
activities with other kids whose parents are deployed.<br />
Just to talk to someone you can relate to.”<br />
Holly: “It’s ok to be sad and angry. People will shock<br />
you with their grace and compassion, and that will<br />
make it easier.”<br />
No matter what coping route is taken, children who<br />
deal with this kind of adversity often speak highly of<br />
their experiences and end up being a stronger person<br />
because of it. It’s fairly common for citizens to thank<br />
military members for their service, but the children are<br />
sometimes forgotten in this respect. Next time you see a<br />
service member, be sure to thank their children as well;<br />
after all, they play a huge part in the quiet sacrifices<br />
families make in order for our country to be safer.<br />
*Select names have been changed to protect privacy.<br />
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