The Good Life - Nov-Dec 2013

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WHAT NOT TO BUY FOR YOUR SWEETHEART hether this is your first year of buying a Christmas present for your honey buns or your 40th, you may find shopping for her a seemingly indomitable task. In order to make life a little less stressful, I’ve whittled the wearying list of gift options down for you, gentlemen. Here is a list of things you Wshould never buy a woman, unless she has earnestly asked for them. Any candle or fragrance that remotely resembles the “Sweet Pea” or “Moonlit Path” scents at Bath & Body Works or Wal-Mart. Even if she likes those fragrances, don’t buy them. You’ll regret it if you do. <strong>The</strong>y smell like the essence of an overly serious teenage girl of the ‘90s (I don’t have a source for this). Anything camouflage or neon orange. One of my best friends informed me that Menard’s now carries camouflage lingerie. This isn’t a good thing. It would actually be better for you to sew together an outfit of leaves, if you’re that obsessed with the idea of making her difficult to find. A version of something she hinted for, but isn’t exactly the same. If she’s specifically hinting for “Pocahontas” and “Star Wars,” don’t buy her “Avatar.” However, if she’s asking for a gold bracelet with cubic zirconium, go ahead and buy her a 24K gold bracelet with diamonds. 14 By: MEGhan Feir
Presents that mean work for someone else (i.e., her). No matter how cool that mop at Wal-Mart looks, resist the urge to fit it in an enlarged stocking by the fireplace. A lock of your hair placed in a gold locket. This may have been acceptable and idolized in the hearts of 18th-century, doe-eyed girls, but time traveling doesn’t exist – yet. Save this idea for later when these inventions are easily accessible (and safe). I was recently reminded by a Mary Kay saleswoman that my good looks won’t last forever. Although this is true, please, don’t buy your woman anti-aging products. That saleswoman has been trained to sell, but don’t allow her to sell you just anything. As an ex-beauty consultant, I am happy to say that my retail days of helping men in need find presents for their ladies never resulted in a woman finding wrinkle cream under her tree. Self-help books are also a no-no. “Honey, sugar pie, you have problems. Read this.” You should also forgo buying her workout programs, weights, exercise gear and dieting books. You might as well tell her she’s getting a little too big for her britches. You might as well tell her she doesn’t look like she did when you first met. You might as well tell her to stop growing so quickly. <strong>Good</strong> luck with that. To package many of my points in one nice, neat, department store-wrapped Christmas package (bow included), don’t buy a woman anything that insinuates she has mental, physical or emotional problems that need to be “fixed,” preferably sometime in the approaching new year. Do not, I repeat, do not buy her gifts that make her more self-conscious than she already may be, and don’t purchase things that ultimately result in more work for her. If she’s one of those oh-I’measy-I-like-everything types, dare to dig a little deeper. Ask her, relentlessly, if need be, what she would love. Ask her friends, her family, even your pets, if you get to that point of frustration. Now, if only someone would tell me what to buy for men. 15
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The Good Life - Nov-Dec 2013

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