The Good Life - Nov-Dec 2013

“These families sacrifice so much to serve our country, and we just need to
do something to give back and to honor them to support their families.”
— Diane Hahn, Operation: Military Kids
military youth through all stages of
deployment.“ A child’s reaction to
the deployment of a parent or loved
one depends on the child’s age and
developmental stage, and other
individual, family and community
factors” she said. “Toddlers may be
clingy and crying, and a teenager
could experience a range of different
emotions.”
Holly is a 25-year-old who was
17 when her dad was deployed. For
her, the experience was much deeper
than her dad just being gone for
a few months. “My dad is not my
biological father — he became my
dad when he married my mom in
2002,” Holly said. “He had already
missed out on so much of my life. It
just seemed so unfair that he would
miss another year, my senior year of
high school.”
Holly says she experienced some
of the same feelings Rachel did, in
the age difference of her siblings and
they way they each reacted. “I felt the
worry of my dad being gone much
more urgently than my three younger
siblings seemed to,” she said.
Confusion and rebellion are
other common reactions, as well as
fear and worrying about the safety
of the deployed. Kelly Painter, the
school liaison officer at the Grand
Forks Air Force Base and an OMK state
team member, has seen
a range of reactions among children
in these situations. “I remember one
specific story of the stress and strain
that one little boy went through,”
she said. “He was 8 years old, and
he came to my office very upset and
angry. He was angry about having
to do extra work, and his reaction
to this didn’t really sound like him.
He was emotional and crying, and
after talking with him, I realized
that he had just found out his dad
would be deployed again. The crux
of everything was happening, and he
just didn’t think it was fair.”
Painter also recalled a story of a
6-year-old who was demonstrating
weapon play out on the playground,
which was not allowed. When
approached and asked why he was
playing so violently, he explained
that he was going to teach his dad
some tips when he goes to war. In this
case, misinformation and confusion
led to this child thinking he had to
protect his dad from a war zone.
“He just really wanted to keep his
dad safe, which is understandable,”
Painter said. “But I explained to him
that his military background and
training would protect him just fine.”
An Upset in Family Dynamic
When one half of a two-parent
team leaves for a period of time,
household duties and responsibilities
often fall onto the shoulders
of the children in the family.
When 17-year-old Meghan’s
step-dad was away from home,
she definitely felt the pressure
of stepping up. “I was worried
that we weren’t going to be
able to get things done like
we were used to,” she said.
“With getting my two little
brothers and me to school
and activities was already hard
enough, and only having one parent
to do it was going to be extremely
stressful. Being the oldest of the
children I felt like everything was
my responsibility to either take care
of or fix. It was very hard for me to
watch my mom struggle when there
was only so much I could do about
it. We eventually got into a routine of
things and it became a lot easier.”
Eleven-year-old David’s dad was
deployed to Cuba three years ago,
and while David says he doesn’t
remember much of the day-to-day
struggles without his dad, he does
remember missing the little things.
“Every now and then we would have
a movie night, and it was sad when
he wasn’t with us,” he said. “And
every morning he used to make
breakfast for us. I really missed him
during those family times.”
In Rachel’s case, it was her
mother who stepped up to the plate,
and became a role model for Rachel.
“My mom had to be strong for me
and my brother,” she said. “She is
one of the bravest people I know. I
don’t know how she does what she
does, and then she had to do it all
without the love and support of her
husband there.”
For Holly and her mother, it
was the kindness of a neighbor
that helped them through. “It was
really emotional to watch my mom
struggle to take care of things my dad
usually did,” Holly said. “The first
time it snowed in 2005, she woke
up at 4:30 a.m. like my dad used to,
to clear out our massive driveway
with the big, push-snowblower. A
neighbor who was a local farmer
just showed up in our yard with his
tractor plow, knowing that my dad
was in Iraq. And he continued to
show up unannounced after every
snowstorm that year.”
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