The Good Life - Nov-Dec 2013

Presents that mean work for someone else (i.e., her). No matter how cool that mop at Wal-Mart looks, resist the
urge to fit it in an enlarged stocking by the fireplace.
A lock of your hair placed in a gold locket. This may have been acceptable
and idolized in the hearts of 18th-century, doe-eyed girls, but time
traveling doesn’t exist – yet. Save this idea for later when these
inventions are easily accessible (and safe).
I was recently reminded by a Mary Kay saleswoman that
my good looks won’t last forever. Although this is true, please,
don’t buy your woman anti-aging products. That saleswoman
has been trained to sell, but don’t allow her to sell you just
anything. As an ex-beauty consultant, I am happy to say that
my retail days of helping men in need find presents for their
ladies never resulted in a woman finding wrinkle cream
under her tree.
Self-help books are also a no-no. “Honey, sugar pie, you
have problems. Read this.”
You should also forgo buying her workout programs, weights,
exercise gear and dieting books. You might as well tell her she’s
getting a little too big for her britches. You might as well tell her she
doesn’t look like she did when you first met. You might as well tell
her to stop growing so quickly. Good luck with that.
To package many of my points in one nice, neat, department
store-wrapped Christmas package (bow included), don’t
buy a woman anything that insinuates she has mental,
physical or emotional problems that need to be “fixed,”
preferably sometime in the approaching new year. Do
not, I repeat, do not buy her gifts
that make her more self-conscious
than she already may be, and don’t
purchase things that ultimately result
in more work for her.
If she’s one of those oh-I’measy-I-like-everything
types,
dare to dig a little deeper. Ask
her, relentlessly, if need be,
what she would love. Ask her
friends, her family, even your
pets, if you get to that point
of frustration.
Now, if only someone
would tell me what to buy for
men.
15