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LUCKY DIp
29
LUCKY DIP is CANTA’s brand new, totally not stolen blind date feature.
This is a chance for UC students to find love, lust, and more importantly free Italian food.
HOW IT WORKS: Two strangers, free dinner and drinks at Spags, and a written summary
from each person that we broadcast to the world.
ONE SIDE
The evening began with a few cheeky wines out on the
front deck with the gals, I knew it was a bit of a stitch up but
sometimes you’ve just got to put yourself out there.
Being the only single member of the family mum was thrilled
that her eldest daughter was finally now on the quest for love,
but if she had seen the drunken mess I was tripping out of
the car and arriving fifteen minutes late to the restaurant she
would not have been a happy lady.
My date screamed ‘lad’ from the get go, ordering the spiciest
food on the menu like he had a point to prove whilst spinning
some ridiculous yarn about how he only likes red wine, he was
oh so cultured. His effort at playing catch up was incredibly
subpar on the alcohol front and on hearing that
he was part of the intimate College House circle,
this did not surprise me at all. He managed
to slip in the conversation that he was 6 ft. 2
which not going to lie is a big point scorer for
me, however because words such as lit, fam,
breather and the phrase “stay scarfie” were
tossed around so much it almost wiped half a
foot off of his height.
There wasn’t a quiet moment as it seemed we were both
gifted with the ability to talk a ridiculous amount of shit,
and I was extremely impressed as it’s not often I come across
someone who talks more than I do. But then again, fuckboiz are
generally blessed with the gift of the gab. All in all was a laugh,
even though there are some patches I struggle to remember.
Just some sneaky parting words to the man of the evening.
Stay Humble x Cheers Canta!
THE OTHER SIDE
After a long hard day of getting swoll in the gym and tanning
my rig to perfection, I chucked on my best pair of stubbies to
see what this lovely broad had in store for me. After deleting a
significant amount of piss pre-date, I was sufficiently lubricated
and ready to give this a go.
Like the gentleman I am, I delivered myself to the restaurant
15 minutes early, just to make sure she wouldn’t have to wait
on her own (boyfriend material). The lass turned up around
10 minutes later, moist and ready for a night of activities. We
ordered a great feed, and I was thoroughly impressed by the
sheer amount of food she could consume, I was really starting
to get into this girl. However she wouldn’t budge. I used all my
best one liners including “you don’t look too shit tonight” and
“you can fit a lot in that mouth can’t you”, but
none of them helped me get to the next base.
In a moment of desperateness, I went to the
bathroom,
quickly got on tinder, swiped right to every
man and his dog, and effectively chatted some
fresher-to-be to pick me up. In a swift attempt
to avoid being seen, I popped out the back door,
left her the bill and continued to top the night off how every
lad dreams off - vomiting in the car and being told to piss off
you pervert. They say chivalry is dead, but I just think girls
need to lower their standards.
Submit yourself,
your sad flatmate
or some other
obsessive Tinderer
to The Gentlemen’s
Club
www.facebook.com/thegc.canterbury
CANTA CUPID SAYS:
Yeah, something isn’t adding up here. We
know for a fact the date was paid for, and
the guy was pushing 5’8 on a good day...
Maybe we’ll leave these two on their own
path to love, pre-loading and Italian food.
Keep swiping right, I guess!
Spagalimi’s UC special:
Eight sliced pizza for $8 for
takeaway or dine in.
374 Riccarton Rd, Upper Riccarton
Phone: 0800 113 113
AM