Women in Business Fall 2017

22 | WOMEN IN BUSINESS—FALL 2017 PUBLISHED BY BUSINESS IN VANCOUVER
Caught in the middle
‘I had to accept that I needed
to ask for help sometimes,’
says Jen Murtagh, pictured
here with her kids | JENN
DI SPIRITO PHOTOGRAPHY
‘I just do what I can,’ says Joanne
Sherwood pictured with her
family | MARK SHERWOOD
I have found strength through my family,” says Tilley.
“When I need it, I ask for help from my family, siblings
and friends.”
At times, Tilley is so busy juggling overseeing both
stores, her kids’ needs and her parents’ needs that there
isn’t a whole lot left for anything else. “I used to volunteer
for the Special Olympics but I just can’t do it,” she says.
“I have had to learn to say no to certain things.”
Tilley sees herself as one of the lucky ones though. “I
have the luxury to be able to take time off of work because
my amazing staff can look after things when I just can’t
be there.”
PULLING TRIPLE DUTY Tilley is part of a growing
segment of the population dubbed the sandwich
generation.
According to Statistics Canada, those in the sandwich
generation are typically middle-aged women between 35
and 44 years old, who have a living parent over 65 and are
still raising kids under the age of 18. The sandwich generation
is now mostly composed of those from generation X
(those born between the early 1960s and the early 1980s).
That translates to more than two million Canadians
making up part of this growing phenomenon – 28 per cent
of all caregivers in Canada. That number is expected to
rise as Canada’s population ages and the older generation
is no longer capable of caring for themselves.
Jen Murtagh, CEO of the Minerva Foundation, understands
all too well what Tilley is going through.
Besides her busy career, the single mother of two (Ronan
is four and Kaylee is seven) has been looking after her
81-year-old father, Peter Murtagh, since he became a
paraplegic in December 2016.
“He came back from Bali with excruciating pain in his
back and we learned he had Stage 4 prostate cancer and a
spine fracture,” says the 38-year-old. “Since my brother
lived in New Zealand, I became his primary caregiver.”
She admits the first three months after her father’s
diagnosis were a blur. “During the beginning, I was
just trying to stay afloat.… I had to quickly learn how to
navigate the health-care system to get my father in the
best assisted-care facility I could.”
ASK FOR HELP, FIND BALANCEMurtagh’s days start
at 5:30 a.m. in order to get her children to school by 7:30
a.m. Then, it’s a full day at the office. At 5 p.m., her next
job starts. There is dinner, homework, shuttling kids to
activities and tending to an elderly parent who needs
special care – all requiring her precious time and energy.
“I had to accept that I needed to ask for help sometimes.
I also discovered to lean on my support system to help me
cope with all of the demands placed on me,” she says. “In
addition, I decided to make sleep a priority, so for now, I
have forgone my exercise regimen.”
Besides asking for help, Murtagh says her faith has kept
her strong. “When Dad first got diagnosed, I couldn’t
take time off work. So, I had to pack up his apartment in
the evenings and weekends,” she says. “I couldn’t have
done it without my faith.”
Today, Murtagh visits her father three times a week,
while ensuring he is comfortable and cared for at his
assisted-care facility. “I also manage his bills and take
him to his doctor appointments,” she says.
For Murtagh, finding balance in her life means carving
out time for herself at least once a week. “It can be
the luxury of a bath, a glass of wine with a good book or
girlfriend time,” she says.
Joanne Sherwood’s story is similar. The 44-year-old
full-time registered nurse couldn’t have imagined how
her life would change when her mother was diagnosed
with dementia. After a brief hospitalization, her 78-yearold
mother and 78-year-old father moved into the home
she shares with husband Marc and two young daughters.
For four months earlier this year, the Filipina-born
registered nurse was a caregiver to her mother while
splitting her time ferrying around her daughters and
working. “I do have two siblings who would, if asked,
take Mom so we could have a family weekend getaway
now and then,” she says.
Now that her parents have recently moved back into
their Richmond apartment, Sherwood says she has a
little more free time. Today, she takes her parents grocery
shopping and to doctor’s appointments, and spends time
with them to make sure they eat properly. “My alone time
is when I go grocery shopping,” she says.
DON’T TRY TO BE SUPERWOMANAlthough trying
at times, all three women agree they have relinquished
trying to be superwomen. “I can’t be at all of my children’s
events and I’ve made peace with that.… I’ve released the
guilt,” notes Murtagh. “I’m just doing the best job I can.”
For Tilley, it means relegating work. “For sure, my work
has been affected somewhat,” Tilley says. “When I’m
not on my game or if I feel less efficient some days, I ask
for more help from my employees. For me, time with my
family is more precious than ever and it’s really important
to be with my mom.”
Sherwood agrees. “Initially, I took a lot of unpaid time
off from my job as program co-ordinator at [BC] Women’s
Hospital and they were wonderful about it. My girls have
also been understanding when I haven’t been able to be
there for certain activities. I just do what I can.”