CCChat_2

So many blind eyes…
Rebecca's (not real name) story.
M
ost
rapes do not occur down a dark alley, just as most
sexual assaults are not carried out by strangers
seizing an opportunity. I am not going to back this
with statistics because statistics belong to academic
journals.
For a victim, it is much more than a sexual crime…it is an attack on her whole
personality, her mind and her body. A crippler of the will and an enemy of self
esteem. But if I were a person of statistics I would likely be ‘proving’ that Mr
Average rapes and sexually assaults Ms. Average. The harmful assumption
that both rapist and victim are somehow different to most members of society
is the kind that feeds the popular view “that if a rapist can’t be labelled a
‘monster’ or a ‘fiend’, then he probably isn’t a rapist at all” (Toner, 1977.)
Many, if asked would probably remember a time when told of a crime,
whether it be a man assaulting his wife, sexually abusing his partner, accused
of raping an acquaintance…that their initial thought was, ‘but he seemed so
quiet, so lovely, so kind.’ The idea that such a person could intentionally harm
another can be shocking. But ask yourself when you hear of a robbery, an
assault on the street, do the same thoughts cross your mind? And the other
aspect to look at is power and control. Which I will come back to further on.
My ex partner when I met him was known as the ‘fixer’ for many, he had many
women friends and confidantes. He attended to a friend who had been
assaulted by her partner and gave updates on her recovery. He had been
outraged on her behalf, this was in the early days and I remember being quite
moved by his sensitivity and support. He cried at sad films, and felt injustices
small and large. He taught lectures on feminism and inequality. He didn’t
raise his voice, and rarely argued. My brother asked me when I first pressed
charges, ‘did I know what happens if he gets ‘done’, do I know the seriousness
of what I am doing?’ He later explained that his initial thoughts were based on
his assumptions that he saw my ex partner as ‘weak and immature and in
love’. How could he have done what I said in this case?
* A pseudonym