CCChat_2

This flawed thinking is both extremely
damaging and extremely difficult to
overcome, until you see it for what it
really is. And it’s intentional: he
skillfully deploys tactics to get you to
think like this for many months. In my
case, until I realised the implications
of and the way it actually works, I was
still ‘under his spell’, subject to
emotional ups and downs; hopes
raised and hopes dashed about our
relationship, and total confusion about
what was going on, who I am now and
what I actually want.
Needless to say the games and tactics
did not grind to a halt there and there
is an emotional undercurrent to our
meetings.
If you haven’t been in a relationship
with a narcissist, you might see this
two-timing at face value and think that
it will make it easier to overcome the
‘loss’ of a former lover – ‘he’s been
unfaithful; I deserve better…’
But the combination of being
lovebombed then discarded carries a
heavy toll: you still idealise (if not
idolise) him AND you blame yourself...
‘
If only I could change, we could go
back to those early days when all was
well’.
Despite recognizing that my lover was
a narcissist fairly early on in our
relationship, it is only now – several
months ‘post-discard’ – that I
understand the enormous
implications.
If you’re divorced or separated, it’s not
uncommon to hear allegations of
narcissism being bandied about. which
is why I think it is important to learn
as much as possible ESPECIALLY in
litigating against a narcissist, because
for them, a courtroom is a theatre or
playground, and an opportunity to lure
people into their web.
Educating myself has been a hugely
important step in recovering from this
relationship and the wide emotional
debris field it created.
I am sceptical about ‘Dr Google’, but I
have found the internet to be an
excellent source of information.
Ironically some of the most useful
websites are those written by
narcissists themselves, where they
explain their motives, reasoning and
tactics.
Narcissus by Caravaggio