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IF / WERE A N EGGED<br />
BUSDRIVER, / WOULD...<br />
yell and be rude.<br />
aim at pedestrians.<br />
take many drugs.<br />
zip off on my bus to Amman.<br />
drive like a human being.<br />
wear a uniform like they do in civilized America,<br />
have a heart attack,<br />
be pretty bored every day.<br />
help the poor Hebrew Univ. students who don’t know any Hebrew<br />
keep the door open when people are getting on.<br />
quit!<br />
drive a bus.<br />
slam the door in someone’s face,<br />
steal the bus and use it as a car.<br />
paint a white line for people to stand behind,<br />
pass out Elite candy,<br />
play with my stick shift,<br />
be crazy,<br />
move to L.A.<br />
smile all day long,<br />
give the wrong directions.<br />
make Americans feel like guests in my country and<br />
exemplify the laid-back, tolerant, positive<br />
Israeli attitude found everywhere,<br />
learn how to drive,<br />
ask for radio requests.<br />
stop selling youth cartisim to all OYP students.<br />
Memories<br />
YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ISRAEL WHEN..<br />
The toilet paper feels like sandpaper<br />
You wait two hours for a bus that comes every 10 minutes<br />
There’s no hot water for a week<br />
It’s 30 degrees and pouring rain in the middle of January and the heat goes on for 2 hours during<br />
the night<br />
You have shmira from 2:00-6:00 am<br />
You wait in line at the bank for hours and when it’s finally your<br />
turn, they close for their 4 hour lunch break<br />
You hear 3 beeps followed by the news for the hour<br />
You can’t get to sleep because someone’s car alarm keeps going off<br />
You’re standing in line at the moadon and Shimon Peres gets in line behind yoq<br />
You try to swim in a body of water and all you do is float<br />
You see sheep grazing outside your window<br />
You can buy a kilo of popcorn in the shuk for 1 NIS<br />
Shil-shul lasts more than a week<br />
An Arab in the shuk offers to buy you for 3 camels<br />
Every car parked in the street has funny pieces of cardboard in the windshield<br />
You can’t use American Express in most stores<br />
The license plates are color-coded blue or yellow<br />
The radio stations sign off with Hatikvah<br />
The doctor in the University Health Services is reading a romance novel when you walk in<br />
Milk comes in plastic bags
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