Culture & Identity

When I was institutionalized
Jessica Barrera
I left with a new understanding of mental care, and myself.
HYPERLINK TRIGGER WARNING: sexual abuse, violence, physical and verbal
abuse
Image By Clark McRorie
Minds Matter Magazine Volume III Issue I Culture & Identity
I step out of a hot shower and into warm,
comfortable clothes. I quietly walk down the
hallway, into a room where the news plays
on TV. I walk to the bookshelf and choose A
Million Little Pieces by James Frey from rows
of novels. I take the book to my room and
quietly read. I am about four pages in when
I hear a knock on my door. My nurse has arrived
to bring me my medication.
Years of controversial treatments, mystery
induced fear, and media misrepresentations
have created a cultural perception in
Western society that psychiatric institutions
are full of padded cells, arm restraints and
forced medication injections. There is also a
widely held perception of psychiatric inpatients
being dangerous and violent.
My experience being institutionalized
was vastly different. In late April 2017, I was
admitted to the Centre for Addiction and
Mental Health (CAMH), in downtown Toronto
to be treated for a bipolar manic episode.
What was a scary situation at first became a
positive experience.
In Western media and popular cultural
perception, psychiatric institutions have been
portrayed as frightening, confining buildings
only for those who are severely ill or dangerous.
The location where I stayed first opened
as a provincially-run mental health facility in
1850. It was called the Provincial Lunatic Asylum.
In 1998, CAMH first formed as part of
rovince-wide efforts to redesign healthcare.
One of their four key challenges to address
was stigma.
Jennifer Bazar, a curator at Humber
College’s Lakeshore Grounds Interpretive
Centre, says the average Canadian today still
“assumes the worst” when they think about
psychiatric institutions. She says that psychiatric
institutions evoke fear of the unknown
and that, similar to people fascinated with
exploring abandoned buildings, there is a
sense of mystery behind the closed doors of
institutions.
“A lack of understanding perpetuates
assumptions,” Bazar says. “Often our minds
go to the most radical assumptions.” Ideas
of institutionalization have also been widely
popularized by classic films like Silence of the
Lambs and One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
Recent adaptations include those in American
Horror Story and Pretty Little Liars.
Clark McRorie, a film student at Ryerson
University, says these shows and movies
traditionally portray psychiatric wards in a
negative light. He argues they often include
“some form of torture.”
“They use this setting for a horror story
vibe, where you see people getting electric
shock therapy or drowned in ice water, or
being forced to take medication,” he says.
This narrative can lead people to fear
psychiatric institutions. But the week I spent
at CAMH was one of the most transformative,
challenging and positive experiences I
have ever had.
CAMH is one of the leading teaching
and research institutes for mental health in
the world. The morning after I was admitted,
a physician gave me a physical examination
- an important reminder that healing is both
mental and physical. There were scheduled
17