9 months ago

Closing Remarks

How to Stay young

How to Stay young (Twearlies) There are a number of indicators of aging apart from the obvious physical ones. Tonight I am going to advise on resisting a key characteristic of many old people, which is arriving far too early for some event, or ‘How not to become a Twearly’. Do you know the term Twearly? A Twearly is a term used by young people to identify old folk. ‘Aye the Twearlies (Too Earlies> are already at the bus stop’ OK it should be here in about 20 minutes then’. You may remember the Seinfeld episode when he goes to visit the parents in Florida and they take him to the early bird restaurant where they have their dinner around 4.30PM (half price for retirees) and they are waiting at the door for the restaurant to open. This is a double twearly moment (too early at the restaurant and too early for dinner). I am sure none of us are Twearlies so this advice is in the spirit of avoiding becoming one. The key way to avoid becoming a Twearly is to give yourself a task to do before leaving for the event at an appropriate time. Do some internet shopping or mow the lawn, whatever. The key thing is to avoid excessive contingency. It takes about 6.5 minutes from Dunblane to Bridge of Allan by car. However you can be tempted to add 15 minutes contingency to cope with the Park of Keir roundabout. 99% of the time you will be a Twearly. However there are some situations where exhibiting near Twearly behaviour is the right answer. Jan has a habit of waiting for the final call at the airport gate and a warning that her luggage will be removed from the plane then deciding to go to the loo. Not the best time. Also ‘just too late’ when re-stocking my Marmite. When I am struggling to get the last scrape out of the jar, it is aging. Never risk running out of Marmite but try to do it without becoming a Twearly. Final Toast – Marmite, Rotary International and Rotarians worldwide.

Olympian dreamers A few topics got my attention this week, the Edinburgh festival, household re-cycling and the Olympics. Given Andy Murray got his gold last Sunday and kept me up into the small hours of Monday morning I shall advise on becoming an Olympian. Has anyone been watching the Olympics? Haven’t we done well! Apart from winning medals I have ben captivated by the sight of good-looking 14 stone British women hurling themselves at Australians and bringing them down onto the turf, fast furious stuff in the Rugby 7s. What about the women’s hockey team last night, hurling themselves in front of 100 mph pucks at head height to keep out the New Zealanders. Thanks to lottery money, we have now got the facilities and coaches to take individuals with natural talent and train them for several years to prepare them for Olympic glory. Tonight’s advice is to how to become an Olympian yourself. Some of the toughest events involve hept- pent.. or dec.. in the title followed by Athlon. Innis Hill and Johnson Thomson did very well, but we are all excluded from heptathlons because you need a double barrelled name to compete. Anyway Athlons of up to ten events are pretty tricky so here is my advice for Olympic dreamers who find the regime necessary to get into one of the regular Athlons too taxing: take up the indoor quadrathlon ; the four separate disciplines that all need to be performed in the same event are sitting, watching, eating and drinking. It can keep you up well into the night and you can be slightly jet-lagged when the other events are half way across the world in Rio. Final Toast – Quadrathlons, Rotary International and Rotarians worldwide.

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