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BusinessDay 08 Apr 2018

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BDSUNDAY<br />

Ten wives for Mandela<br />

(Celebrating Winnie Mandela, 1936-<strong>2018</strong>. Reprinted from Sunday<br />

Times, 20 May 1990)<br />

Winsome Winnie, South Africa’s Warrior Queen, as<br />

fearsome as she was alluring! Scorched earth was her<br />

formidablesymbol too. No wonder why, after three<br />

decades of white terror and mass murder, Mandela’s<br />

sweet reasonableness and compromise was, to her and<br />

to so many others, anathema!)<br />

*****<br />

Last Sunday I was at the stadium to welcome<br />

Nelson and Winnie Mandela, the<br />

world’s best known freedom fighters;<br />

and with me was my good friend Burning-Bright<br />

(BB), who I’m quite sure you<br />

don’t remember (it’s been an age). Well, he is the<br />

ex-Catholic priest turned pan-African nationalist<br />

who is a non-believer in half measures, sweetreasonableness<br />

or compromise. With him it’s<br />

all or nothing. The scorched earth is his formidable<br />

symbol. “Drive the bloody Boers into the sea,” he<br />

yells whenever the matter of South Africa comes<br />

up. And that’s his final solution.<br />

“Yeah,” he sneered as we waited for this amazing<br />

couple to arrive. “So, Mandela is free. But he<br />

won’t last.”<br />

“What?” I fairly screamed. “What do you mean<br />

by that?”<br />

“Mandela and his ANC want a multi-racial<br />

South Africa.”<br />

“Non-racial,” I corrected.<br />

“Same ten and ten pence. But they should<br />

never be allowed to have that.”<br />

“You mean the racists should stick to their<br />

guns?”<br />

“One man one goal,” he said with a mischievous<br />

smile.<br />

“You think South Africa is your Nigeria? Football<br />

is not their national obsession.”<br />

He pointed at the goal posts. “We’re in the<br />

National Stadium, aren’t we?”<br />

“The racists already accept one man one vote,”<br />

I said.<br />

“Yes, but with a lot of ands, ifs and buts.”<br />

“The goal is majority rule, isn’t it?”<br />

“A black South Africa is the goal,” he said with<br />

finality.<br />

I chewed this for a while. “So what’s to become<br />

of the whites?” I asked.<br />

“Let them go back to the Netherlands where<br />

they came from. KLM still flies, doesn’t it?”<br />

The loudspeakers were getting agitated. The<br />

most celebrated couple of the decade were soon<br />

to appear. Burning-Bright went on with his oddball<br />

notions.<br />

“You see, it’s like this,” he said. “These whites<br />

think they’re in South Africa to stay. . . .”<br />

NEW YOU CAN TRUST I SUNDAY <strong>08</strong> APRIL <strong>2018</strong><br />

“Verwoerd said Over my dead body,” I interrupted.<br />

“Vorster said Not in my lifetime,” he chimed in.<br />

“And they were right, weren’t they?”<br />

“When the Arabs invaded Spain and settled<br />

there, they said the same.”<br />

“And they were right- for seven centuries!”<br />

“Yes. For seven centuries they made it stick.”<br />

“Then came the day of reckoning . . .”<br />

“And the Spaniards-in-arms drove the stinking<br />

Arabs into the sea. It’s all down there in the history<br />

books . . . .”<br />

At that point the entire stadium came down<br />

in a tumultuous and prolonged ovation. The Tall<br />

Comrade had arrived, his Comely Consort at his<br />

side. Freedom Fighter Numbers 1 and 2 in all the<br />

world! They are the Lords of Azania! This land<br />

is ours. Papa’s Land! Seek ye first the political<br />

kingdom! The Clenched Fist! And they circled the<br />

arena in their chariot of light, their juggernaut of<br />

triumph. Mandela! Black Power! Mandela! Mandela!<br />

Free Mandela! Free Mandela! Mandela is<br />

free! Amandla! Mandela is free! O God bless our<br />

native Africa . . . ! Arise Oh compatriots . . . Freedom,<br />

Peace and Unity!!<br />

The crowed settled. The ceremonies began.<br />

Speeches. Speeches. Speeches. Song and dance.<br />

Song and dance. Need I make a Roll Call? Nigerian<br />

musicians of that Day, you know yourselves:<br />

Stand and take a bow! Yes sir! See you in the<br />

kingdom! But Oh come on, let’s have some fun.<br />

I saw that brother hug Onyeka Onwenu tightly,<br />

hungrily! Uuuu-weee! Gorgeous woman. Can’t<br />

really say I blame him. And his wife smiled- she<br />

has a lot to smile about, that’s for sure- after 27<br />

years. Burning-Bright simply lost his head and<br />

started ranting:<br />

“The brother didn’t touch a woman for 27<br />

years. 27 godforsaken years, man! Can you dig it?”<br />

BB had slipped into Americanese- as he sometime<br />

did whenever he got the spirit, when the<br />

excitement reaches deep and grazes his bone<br />

marrows and he loses control. He’s swimming in<br />

the void now. Totally spaced out.<br />

“The man should have ten wives and twenty<br />

girlfriends!” he screamed. “Fragrant! Succulent!<br />

Delicious! Psychdelic! O my God! A zoomanoid<br />

of feline femininity! Tall, short, fat, thin, buxom,<br />

flat, black, white! Let the brother taste them all!<br />

Every country he visits should bestow upon him<br />

a beautiful woman, a winsome Winnie! Yes. It’s<br />

in the African tradition! The man needs a (fourletter<br />

unprintable) jamboree! Body no be wood,<br />

after all! Nwokem, madugaemeghariaru! Kai! Do you<br />

know what it means to be without a woman for<br />

I saw war!<br />

What are<br />

you talking<br />

about?<br />

I saw hell<br />

right here at<br />

home! You<br />

fight for principles.<br />

Live<br />

or die, na de<br />

same ten and<br />

ten pence<br />

ONWUCHEKWA JEMIE<br />

ojemie@businessdayonline.com<br />

07039460162<br />

27 years? Greater love hath no man than this, that<br />

he gave 27 years of his (four-letter unprintable)<br />

life for his country! . . . .”<br />

BB’s strident baritone was mercifully drowned<br />

in the wild cheering of the vast sing-along crowd,<br />

thereby saving him from deserved censure for his<br />

irreverent not to speak of unclean thoughts. (You<br />

will applaud me, won’t you, dear reader, for not<br />

daring the nation’s leading Sunday paper to reproduce<br />

the stained vocabulary of this wild man!)<br />

Meanwhile, on the podium, Mandela was<br />

speaking of peace.<br />

“Isn’t he just ripe for the Nobel Peace Prize?”<br />

I said. “Just wait three years. You’ll see. Those<br />

Swedes can spot a winner from ten miles off. They<br />

just love South Africa!”<br />

“The Swedes are idiots; their grandparents<br />

were idiots before them. South Africans have<br />

nothing to be peaceful about!” BB was quite fired<br />

up. At least, he was back down on earth. “I hope to<br />

God the PAC stays awake to its responsibilities.<br />

Then we shall see war!”<br />

Now I was getting angry myself. “It’s easy to<br />

talk of war as long as it’s in someone else’s land.”<br />

“Rubbish!” replied BB. “I saw war! What are<br />

you talking about? I saw hell right here at home!<br />

You fight for principles. Live or die, na de same ten<br />

and ten pence.”<br />

“But come on, BB, Rome wasn’t built in a day.<br />

And don’t you think Mandela knows it? Even in<br />

freedom there are degrees.” I flipped the pages<br />

of the magazine on my lap. “And I quote: Dearly<br />

beloved, herein set forth is the wheel of your progress<br />

from hell on earth to paradise on earth and back again.<br />

First, the bourgeois nationalist revolution. Then socialism<br />

if you can manage it. Then finally, after numerous trials<br />

and backslidings, the celestial state of communism. There<br />

shall be no short-cuts, by-passes or frog-jumps. You can’t<br />

have it all in two weeks. It takes three. Amen. Epistle of<br />

St. Marx to the Dieticians, Chapter 5 Verses 7 to<br />

11. And so it is.”<br />

Burning-Bright shrugged. “You know what you<br />

are, O.J.? A thorough neanderthal.”<br />

“Thanks for the compliment. At any rate, Mandela<br />

is free. We are right to celebrate. And what’s<br />

more, now the Pope can go to South Africa, since<br />

he vowed never to go there until Mandela is free.”<br />

All’s fair in love and war.” People in<br />

love and soldiers in wartime are not<br />

bound by the rules of fair play. The<br />

expression is frequently used when two<br />

people are contending for the love of a<br />

third.<br />

The All Progressives Congress (PDP)<br />

in contention for the love of the Nigerian<br />

electorate appears to have employed this<br />

principle to undermine their opponents in<br />

order to achieve electoral victory.<br />

The looters’ lists recently rolled out by<br />

the APC-led Federal Government belong<br />

to this category.<br />

Obviously haunted by the spirit of<br />

non-performance, and fearful of the likely<br />

consequence of what critics have severally<br />

described as its colossal failure, government<br />

decided on an ambush against the<br />

major opposition in the country.<br />

Since coming to power, the APC government<br />

and Buhari administration have made<br />

“<br />

Off the Cuff<br />

Looters’ lists as political ambush<br />

fight against corruption their major thrust.<br />

But the manner the war is being fought has<br />

since raised some moral questions and has<br />

also become a moral burden on government.<br />

Although it blows hot openly, reports<br />

have shown that the current administration<br />

is itself a cesspool of corruption.<br />

While it persecutes members of the opposition<br />

on allegations of corruption, its<br />

members are sitting comfy on their own<br />

looted funds.<br />

It is a known fact that some corruption<br />

charges against certain people have been<br />

dropped simply because such individuals<br />

decided to cross carpet and now members<br />

of the APC.<br />

Within the inner caucus of the Buhari cabinet<br />

are people who should by now be guests<br />

of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission<br />

(EFCC), explaining how they came<br />

about their stupendous wealth. Government<br />

has also not bothered to investigate those<br />

who sponsored the President in the<br />

2015 election.<br />

Rolling out names of those who<br />

have been in and out of the courts<br />

and dramatising it three years after<br />

it took over power smacks of incompetence<br />

and insincerity. Brandishing<br />

some lists of prominent opposition<br />

Nigerians and branding them corrupt<br />

when such persons have not been<br />

found guilty by any competent law<br />

court amounted to putting the horse<br />

before the cart.<br />

Bringing out such lists a few<br />

months to another round of elections<br />

is a sign of cowardice and paranoia,<br />

and to say the least, defeatist.<br />

What it means is that the ruling<br />

party is afraid of facing a heated<br />

campaign and an exhibition of lack of<br />

confidence that it would garner winning<br />

votes this time around.<br />

Quick Takes<br />

$811bn<br />

This is the amount of money<br />

Nigeria and other countries<br />

across the world are<br />

expected to spend on 615<br />

upcoming oil and gas fields<br />

in the next eight years.<br />

S-e-a-l-e-d!<br />

It appears that the fate<br />

of John Odigie-Oyegun,<br />

national chairman of the<br />

All Progressives Congress<br />

(APC), may have<br />

been sealed. The oneyear<br />

tenure extension<br />

given to him recently by<br />

the National Executive<br />

Committee (NEC) may<br />

have been permanently<br />

quashed by President<br />

Muhammadu Buhari<br />

to please the Jagaban.<br />

And all the governors on<br />

the APC platform have<br />

already chorused, Amen.<br />

Published by BusinessDAY Media Ltd., The Brook, 6 Point Road, GRA, Apapa, Lagos. Ghana Office: Zion House, Shiashie, OIC-Galaxy Road, East Legon, Accra.<br />

Tel:+ 233 243226596, +233244856806: email: bdsundayletter@businessdayonline.com Advert Hotline: <strong>08</strong>116759801, <strong>08</strong><strong>08</strong>2496194. Subscriptions 01-2950687, 07045792677. Newsroom: <strong>08</strong>054691823<br />

Editor: Zebulon Agomuo, All correspondence to BusinessDAY Media Ltd., Box 1002, Festac Lagos. ISSN 1595 - 8590.

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