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Elvis: Yes.<br />
Gloria: What do you want to do when you<br />
leave school?<br />
Elvis: Go to university.<br />
Gloria: I see. And what is your hobby, Elvis?<br />
Elvis: My hobby?<br />
Gloria: Yes. What do you like doing in your<br />
free time?<br />
Elvis: Oh well, I like meeting people. Hello,<br />
Gloria.<br />
Gloria: Hello, Elvis,<br />
Elvis: And I like fishing Gloria<br />
Elvis: And swimming.<br />
Gloria: Thank you, Elvis.<br />
Elvis: And collecting stamps, and playing<br />
football, and dancing -<br />
Gloria: Thank you, Elvis.<br />
Elvis: And climbing mountains, and waterskiing,<br />
and boxing -<br />
Gloria: Thank you, Elvis! Ladies and gentlemen,<br />
Elvis Smith!<br />
(Elvis leaves.)<br />
Gloria: Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was<br />
Elvis Smith. Now let's meet the last<br />
contestant.<br />
From Liverpool:<br />
Ernest Bottom!<br />
(Ernest Bottom enters.<br />
He is not very friendly.)<br />
Gloria: Well, Ernest, it's wonderful to have<br />
you here -<br />
Ernest: All right, get on with it!<br />
Gloria: Oh. Well...Ernest, would you like to<br />
answer a few questions?<br />
Ernest: No.<br />
Gloria: Oh, come on, Ernest!<br />
Ernest: All right - just a few.<br />
Gloria: Thank you. Tell me - what do you<br />
do?<br />
Ernest: What do I do?<br />
Gloria: Yes.<br />
Ernest: Nothing. I'm unemployed.<br />
Gloria: Oh.<br />
Ernest: I used to be a bus driver.<br />
Gloria: Did you?<br />
Ernest: Yes. But I lost my job.<br />
Gloria: Why?<br />
Ernest: I can't drive.<br />
Gloria: Oh, I see. What do you like doing in<br />
your free time?<br />
Ernest: Nothing.<br />
Gloria: Oh, come on, Ernest! Haven't you<br />
got any hobbies?<br />
Ernest: Well... I've got one. I like gardening.<br />
Shall I tell you about my garden?<br />
Gloria: Yes!<br />
Ernest: Well...it's...<br />
Gloria: Yes<br />
Ernest: It's...<br />
Gloria: Yes?<br />
Ernest: It's green!<br />
(Gloria sighs.)<br />
Gloria: Well, thank you, Ernest. That was<br />
fascinating. Ladies and gentlemen,<br />
Ernest Bottom. Ernest leaves.<br />
Gloria: Well, now we've met the three contestants,<br />
and our judges are ready<br />
with their votes. For Arnold Higgins:<br />
one vote. For Elvis Smith: one vote.<br />
And for Ernest Bottom: one vote.<br />
Well, this is sensational, ladies and<br />
gentlemen! This year, we have three<br />
Mr. Universes! So, congratulations to<br />
our three contestants, and thank<br />
you to our judges: Mrs. Doris<br />
Higgins, Mrs. Brenda Smith and Mrs.<br />
Margaret Bottom. From all of us<br />
here, good night!<br />
•<br />
SKETCHES<br />
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